You know as well as we do that right, as the world goes, is only in question between equals in power, while the strong do what they can and the weak suffer what they must.- The Melian Dialog -Thucydides

Note: Still just opinions. Don't get so angry already.

7/24
I'm currently in the process of reducing all my shit into boxes. I'm really not that freaked out about it; it's just work that doesn't seem to have much payoff until it's all done. But when I reduce my life into boxes, I'll admit, it doesn't seem like much.

See:

Minus a dresser, a bed, two small shelving units, and the TV/PS2/Stereo, that's pretty much it. Hell, even in the picture I've circled, it's not all my stuff.

Plus, there's all the stress that comes into it. You need help to move. People must be recruited or hired to help. Schedules must be arranged. Communication must be made. Just a general fuckton of things that aren't all that thrilling to have to set up must be set up.

Internet. Phone. Mail. TV. All this stuff that we don't think about unless it either goes wrong or suddenly we are about to find ourselves in a space where we don't have it anymore.

What a motherfucking drag. However, I'm trying to approach this as though it's just swapping energy around. An older place for a newer one. A tweak of energy here to place it there. Sure, there might be hiccups in the process, but so much has gone so well, why get all freaked out about things? Even if stuff does go a bit awry, it can be fixed, or changed, or started all over. Don't get me wrong. I'm not hoping things get all fucked up.

But I want to move into this with as much good humor as possible. I've got a friend who just found out she has cancer. Moving is going to be a snap in comparison.

6/7
Real men don't care about soap, but I did to prove a point

So, I had to get some soap. I mean, it's not like men don't want soap to be there, but really, it just needs to be a basic soap for us. However, I was out of soap, and so I walked to the local Safeway to get me some.

What do I find, but Dial for Men. Good christ. The vanity clause kicks in, and I cannot believe what I am seeing. It's so rediculous that I have to buy it. Just for the pure suck.

So here's what we have:
OK, so here you have the first part. It's called Full Force. With the block letters and italics and everything. They want you to know it is manly, goddamnit. And you know how you know it's manly?

Well, let's move on to the next photo, shall we?








Now, what we have here is a pic of the container of the individual soap. It's in a thin, but tough, cardboard pack. It's boxy! And with hard, right angles, this packaging. You won't mistake it for the usual girly wrapping, oh no!! Plus, each bar is individually wrapped in cardboard, because manly men don't want their soap coming in soft contact with another soap!

Whatever. This is just the superficial stuff, though,right? What we want to know is: what the fuck's in the box!!?

Now, as we can see, this soap is a very boy blue.It has to be blue. If it was any other color, it would not be masculine enough. It would be for pussies. And that Dial logo?
Engraved, bitches. Not just carved in there, but stamped, as though by the fist of an angry Zod.With the extra Full Force tag, just so you know. It's not just soap, it's FULL FORCE soap.

And, you know, there ought to be a manly smell there. To go with the soap, of course. Manly smells!
What the fuck is a manly smell?
Well it isn't Full Force. Which, I'm sorry, but should totally be the name of the next gay porn movie.
And I don't want soap to smell like semen. Maybe that's just me, but I don't, OK?

No, that shit smells like Irish fucking Spring. You know who buys that? Women.
And grandpas.
Really. My grandpa loved that shit. I have no idea why. And yeah, my gramps was a hell of a guy, but he had shitty taste in soap.

So there you have it. A whole bunch of lies, wrapped up in soap. You too can avoid that trap of faux manhood that Dial is attempting to sell you.

6/3
I feel like there should be something here. Some kind of grrr that I can project out there.

It's not like it's hard to find reasons to go: fuck, people are dumb.

Mostly, though, people are people. What I've learned most, probably from this space is that the basic questions don't change. All I can figure from this is that they don't change because they don't get answered.

What is bothersome to me is that in addition to those questions not getting answered, so many people think it's OK to get mean, just because they aren't good at answering their own questions. Anyone who doesn't have their obvious sense of worth is fucked up somehow, and probably someone who can be fucked with.

To which I say: the hell with that. My path may not lead me to utter enlightenement, but who wants that anyway? I prefer the ability to occasionally tell someone to eat shit and die.

However, the obvious cyclical nature of...well, life, is one of the big things that push us to keep going. It seems like I leave the old places (school, social scenes, work, whatever) because I start seeing the same people doing the same things, and nobody really tries to do something different.

I'm especially guilty of this when it comes to work. I'm about 95% certain that I will become obsolete at my job within 6 months. Why have someone to update the web site, if people can do it themselves?

Makes sense. The technology moves on. I have to keep up. But my usefullness there is ending, and all the stuff I've learned over the past 4 years I haven't used...so I've forgotten. Not utterly, but the rust is keeping the gears from turning.

The real bitch is; I don't like work much. Or I haven't found much of a way I prefer to spend my hours for The Man. So I sit there, and I don't make decisions. This is fine for now, right? The specter over my shoulder asking me what the fuck I'm doing, that isn't growing larger, right?
Right?

And I don't write as much as I want. The only thing I really do enjoy doing, I don't do as much as I wish I could. I don't mind that too often; not many artists get paid enough to live on it, but it would be nice to have a backup plan that I actually enjoyed.

4/29
So...recently, I got my tax return back, and as per usual, I asked what I should do with the money. One suggestion was: buy art.

I'm not sure that Lost Girls exactly counts, but I figure it's close enough. Considering that Playboy and Penthouse are now considered 'adult sophisiticate' magazines, I ought to consider myself in good company. I agree with the morality of a major corporation! All is well.
/no, wait...

I suppose none of this would matter if we weren't so tense about sex in America. Considering that, according to what I'm reading, sex gets women to feel sexier--and thus more likely to have sex, you'd think there'd be a whole encouragement of sex.

Not quite so much. Still, I'm just going to keep on being nice, if it's all the same to you, in the hopes that more and more fellows will follow my lead. If people are getting laid more-bonus! It beats something that is genuinely unsexy, I figure.

Moving on.

I had an amusing 'discussion' with the usual suspects about whether or not 'natural rights' exist. It is my opinion that they do not. Nature does not care about your rights, and never will. You can claim otherwise all you wish, but the fact of the matter is; our society agreed that there was a fundamental set of rights that all people should have. They then established laws and a framework, for those rights to be identified and protected. Those rights have even evolved over time, so can they really be said to exist regardless of our identification and protection of them?

But the idea that those rights exist without that identification, protection, and agreement is highly dangerous, and here's why I think so: If you presume that your rights exist in a void, then there's 1) no reason to protect them, because they'll always be there, 2) the ability to blame those who cannot access their rights for any reason as the fault of those people (as opposed to the idea that some people are denied their rights due to forces that are stronger than them) 3) an attempt to ignore the history of the world, and how power works, and finally 4) no way to evolve those rights, because if they are natural rights they are immutable. (In America, this would mean that women would never have gotten the right to vote, for example, because if they'd had natural right to begin with, then they would've already had the right, see? But no: this right was given.)

Now, this doesn't mean that I don't think that we all have those rights. I think that we do. But I think that we have them because we've agreed that if we want a better world, this is the best way to aquire it. I also think that when the shit hits the fan, or when someone stronger comes along, those natural rights are the first thing to go, unless you have a valiant group of people willing to stand up for them and insist that they remain. Those rights cannot exist without the support of...well, everyone.

And I think that worse of all, the idea that your rights are granted due to 'nature' leads people to the thought that we don't have to protect those rights. Since there are a group of people, some even in this country, who would take those rights away, I don't think that keeping the idea of natural rights static is a good one.

3/30 (Some links here NSFW)
I'm aware that I still have a ways to go to become a good person.
Better said: Hell awaits.
Of course, it could be said that Hell awaits for those who think they deserve Hell...so who knows?

However, let's take today. I've got my headphones on, and this guy on the street is trying to get my attention. I don't know him. He's not hurt. Or even in any manner distressed. I ignore him and keep walking. Why? Because I could. It goes against my central tenents to treat people like that, but at the same time, I don't like dealing with strangers. Sigh. Basically, I let my fear and desire to be left the fuck alone (which has been high, lately) override my sense of common courtesy.

So yes. I was being an asshole. I'll admit it.

Then again, I've been seeing that go about lately. Today, some gnarly dude with a shitty goatee and a banknote-green wifebeater tried to shoulder his way in front of the line to get on the bus. He was in such a hurry, he almost clocked himself on the rear view mirror of the bus. When a woman in a rayon blue jacket ignored his attempts to shoulder in front, and just cut him off, he took great offense. After fumbling to get on the bus (in addition to not having enough change, and the driver just letting him on anyway) he decided he needed to find the woman and tell her off.

Imagine how amused I was interally when he discovered she didn't speak english. So he makes an obscene gesture (tongue between two fingers) and slunks off, growling 'I bet ya understood that'.

What a fucking dick.

Then we just have a wave of idiocy as of late. People just being mean, because they can be..and there isn't much constructiveness to it.

Worse: someone complaining about people bitching about Bush. Paraphrase: "Yes, he's evil-do you have anything else to add?"

Hey, fucktards. People didn't care that he was evil for 6 years; do you expect us to stop saying it just because you think people are listening? Humans are frequently idiots, and if we didn't remind them to wipe their ass every day, they'd walk around with turds falling from their bungholes.

So fuck it. Bush is an evil fuck. I'll keep saying it until he's dead.


3/7
As a note to JV.
Dude, when you get sick with pneumonia and have to spend a week in the hospital in a fucking plastic bubble...YOU FUCKING CALL ME AND TELL ME YOU'RE SICK.

Jesus dude. You're my friend and you needed a visitor. You should tell me when this shit is going on.

(I emailed him this too, so nobody thinks I'm talking behind his back)

2/15
To the coworker who doesn't like to walk: Quit being so passive aggressive. Your bullshit sticks out like a sore thumb. And get over your anti-walking thing. Your ass will be huge, because you don't like doing something that human beings have been doing for thousands of years.
Get. Over. It.

To coworker number 2: When I say I don't know something, quit asking me about it. I. Don't. Know. And when you get in my dish, I get hostile because I don't like you. And you don't like me. I respect you because you're a human being.

To the scatmuncher who called me a pedophile in an attempt to brand me: You fuck pigs. You only have to be a pigfucker once, and when everbody sees that? Then you're a pigfucker forever. You will spend an entire lifetime trying to pull the splinters out of other people's eyes, while the plank up your ass keeps you from ever being successful in any relationship involving human beings.

You're not even an excuse for a human being, and I don't mind wishing horrible fiery death on you.

And, of course, what would a call out on weak excuses for human beings be without a mention of Mr. Bush. It's not like anyone couldn't have seen the clusterfuck in Afghanistan coming, except, apparently, for the Prez. Who seems to regard the whole thing as this massive surprise.

It's hard not to be heartbroken by the leadership in our government. And heartbrokenpeople rarely feel like acting out.

Of course, when they do...it's usually a terrible strike. I can only hope when that strike comes, it's with a great good to follow.

12/13
I've been thinking about getting a cell phone. It's not been a pleasing thought. Certainly, I've had much more interesting (slightly NSFW) ones.
Yet, technology marches forward. There are really only 2 reasons I can think of to get a cell phone, and they are:

First, when I'm away from Portland, I can get ahold of friends much easier. Everyone's moving about, and I don't always know where I am, (hello Seattle!) so a cell would be easier on everyone, for purposes of actually meeting people. Which is the whole point.

Second, the technology is moving that way. I could just ignore it, or I could start to learn something about it.

Really, I don't have a cell phone because I don't want to be one of those dumbfucks who uses it at improper moments (driving, on the bus talking about Ms. Cleo's sex life,[NSFW or eyes] etc) and because I don't feel like having an RFID chip on me all the damned time.

In addition, it's just another cost, in a life that's got plenty of costs. I don't like paying for things that aren't required, and don't give me some kind of wonderous benefit. I have a phone at home. I check my email like a heroin fiend. Do I really need to pay for another way for people to check up on the latest 3am stats?

If it wasn't for the fact that 95% of the people I see with cell phones are using them in places that I feel they should be cattle-prodded in the genitals with, I might not have such reservations. Even my parents! Who HATE it when people drive and use their cell phones at the same time-have been busted, by me, doing this.

I really don't want to become what I hate. It gives me less to hate outwardly, and more internal suffering. I am tired of my internal suffering.

Moving on.
I recently read this abstract on rape and porn, that said that the rise in pornography may have been part of the decrease in rape. I don't know how valid this paper is, but it's a hell of an idea, isn't it?
And it makes an odd sort of sense: if you can get off to the not-so wierd shit at home, then, my experience is, you're less likely to go bugfuck nuts and start getting into stranger, weirder, and more violent stuff in real life.

How true it is, however...well, I don't know. Still, if it holds up, then good. I know too many dark things.

Oh. Yes. The Dems took Congress in the last election.
That's all fucking great. No, really.

Now: Congress, will you PLEASE fucking do some of the work you should have been doing, like oversight, for the past 6 years!! And have a plan, will you? I'm tired of being depressed by my government.

10/7
Ah food.

9/24
Here goes.
First: It is not ok to clip your fingernails in public, and by extension, on a city bus.Take your human waste products and clean up after yourself, you idiot treestump fucking needledick. I don't know who taught you that it was OK to leave your mess around for someone else to clean up, but we should take a baseball bat to their balls, too. But don't worry: I'll save some swings for your testicles.

Apparently, there are people out there who think it's OK to have unsafe sex. Please: don't fuck. Just die. You're taking something wonderful for the rest of the human race and turning it into a nuclear waste site.(NSFW) Stop that, and die.

Speaking of shit I wish did not exist and isn't safe for work. I hate Transformer porn. I just do.

I'm also tired of The Pope being a dick, people defending the Pope being a dick, and more people thinking that greed will somehow save us.

I've had a dumb week.

8/28
Holy fuck.[OK, that link is not only not safe for work, I'd personally consider a trip through Dr Mindbender's eraser machine to take back the fact that I saw it]

Shit like that, I'm not saying it shouldn't ever be done. I'm not someone who wants to repress freedom of thought or expression.

However. I will say this much. 1) It's why humanity must be destroyed. 2) Is coming from someone so repressed, they must be a gay, republican southerner. Who's living in a suburbian household with a wife and 2 kids.

Because that. shit. ain't. right.

8/20
To the young woman I met at The Nest last night.
I know you're young, and you're in desperate need of attention. I get that you're mixed up, and are trying to work through your relationship issues, and your life issues, and you're doing the best that you can.
But don't fucking hit people, even playfully, that you don't know. Or are trying to impress. We're not in goddamn grade school.

Actually, let's just make that a blanket statement: Don't hit people. Ever. Most of my readers, I'm sure, know this, but sometimes I get off stating the obvious. I'm actually hard right now. You should see it. My wang is huge, because I just said something so blatant. Ginormous. But back to the lass-

Scale it back. I am a fan of drinking. You, however, are using the attention you get in bars, plus alcohol, to deal with your life, and that's unhealthy. You're cute, and I'd bet, when not so unhappy and a touch more sober, a lot of fun. As it stands, interrupting two guys who are playing cribbage to see if you can join them, and then complaining most of the way through learning the game and calling us jackasses is not as endearing as you think it is.

Finally; start understanding why you're hitting on married men. I'm not saying it's wrong, I'm just saying you'd better know what's going on with you that compells you to do that.

7/30
(some links may be NSFW-but I don't think there's any outright porn there)
Ah, damnit. The site I used to get my free porn?
Took the free porn I wanted down. Oh sure, there's other free porn. But not what I want.
Oh, St Waccus, I petition thee-let there be another site whereupon I shall download adult features!

And that's all. Yes, yes, politics, war, death, disease, 4 Horsemen, blah, blah blah.

"Focusing your life solely on making a buck shows a poverty of ambition. It asks too little of yourself. And it will leave you unfulfilled."-Sen Barack Obama

There.

Ah well. I guess the plus side is: I'll have more time to work. On things I like. (Cause things I don't like? Fuck that.)

7/7
I'm not sure why children under the age of 5 have the ability to produce the exact sounds that pierce my eardrums so...but they fucking can. In the past month, I've encountered no less than 5 small children on the bus, and when they shriek in an enclosed space, I pretty much want to brain them.
To the credit of the parents; most of the time, they did their best to keep the kid quiet. But sometimes, there's just nothing to do but endure the city bus rattling, coma-awakening, needle shriek of a child.

Speaking of children, in a round about way, of course, we have the article that says that people get a similar overall boost to their happiness by getting regular sex, as they would a $50,000 a year raise. At the end of the article, you have the unscientific poll that says: people would rather have the money.

Which goes to show that people are fucking dumb. They're so dumb, I actually need a conglomeration of german words with the synonym of dumb strung together to accruately describe it. You cannot take the goddamn money with you. But the year of regular, good sex? Those memories will last forever! Even if you don't believe in an afterlife, the experience of getting sex is going to be a hell of a lot better than the experience of getting $50,000 over a year's worth of work.

Meh. It's summer. The women seem happier. The sun does not improve my disposition; it merely reveals a great many fine lassies to gaze upon, and think: I'd like to be put into a broom closet with you.

I think this thought too often, and if I don't get regular doses of alcohol? I pretty much need to murder the world.(that last link might be risky to worky-click)

And my ass hurts. I'm grouchy. Eat it.

5/25
People who know me probably also know that I like pornography. This rant is going to involve pornography, so clicky the links with caution. As in: I don't care if some of it is not worksafe. it is also partly inspired by The Goat, and will have links sent by other good humans. Thanks to them.

So. As I was saying, I enjoy porn. Yes, I am a voyeur. Whatever. People fucking. This is porn. It is not porn, if people are not fucking. "At the end of it, someone is gooey," as the Master has said.

Now. I have ways, as many of my generation do, of getting my porn for free. It takes time, yes, but it's free, and we can watch whatever suits our fancy. I know some of it is really dumb. That's not why I watch porn. I'm there to see people doing something that I, personally, am for one reason or another, unable to engage in.

So you can imagine my surprise when I see this embedded in the video of a recent porno I downloaded:


Right. So. One might ask: what the fuck was I watching that required sexual professionals? Could involve the legendary Donkey Punch? Something that involved squirrels? Heavy machinery!?

I was watching cocksucking. That's right. Plain ol' that chick takes a hard schong in her mouth, cocksucking. She sucks hard until he comes, and that's the end. It's a blowjob, and I won't pretend that I invented the idea, just that I'm fond of them.

So I'm currently left with two questions.
First: Do you become an instant professional once you put a dick in your mouth? I mean, isn't anyone who puts a dick in their mouth a cocksucker? It's pretty much and either/or deal. How, exactly, is this a new skill that only trained professionals should do?

Conversely: if you do need to be a professional to be a cocksucker, then I'm here to tell you-there's a whole lot of women running around without proper licenses. Maybe that's been my problem. Maybe I need to start asking women if they've been licensed and bonded to perform oral sex. Because, really, who wants to put their genitals into the mouth of someone who hasn't been certified by a board to perform such acts? You could be risking your dick!

Of course, we all know who I think should be on the board to make sure those women get their licenses.

But how about this instead: How about you quit interrupting my valuable time watching people fucking with stupid goddamn messages. I'm a busy fellow. I don't have time to seek out professionals when it comes time to oral pleasure. (Or, uh, the money either.)

5/11
Oh God. Oh God. OOOOOOH GOD!!

Let me tell you a joke. Stop me if you've heard it before.
Guy has offer for sex from girl. Decides to take her up on it. Guy can't get boner required to have sex. 
Therefore:
It's the woman's fault for asking him to have sex!

No, really, that's fucking funny! Because after all those years and years of me not getting as much pussy as I absolutely deserve, I can now blame it on the women who want to have sex with me! Except I can't! Because they want it!

WHO FUCKING MAKES THIS SHIT UP??!! I hope they die in a fire being crushed by falling buildings. Slowly falling buildings. With a tsunami hitting it all afterword, and shamen coming in to consecrate the ground that these anal hairs have been destroyed on, thus purifing the land so that it can be used for something productive like the storage of human waste.

I'm SO glad that women can afford to have sex because they want to. In no small part because that takes the burden off of me to 'man up' and go out and get laid. I'm a bit shy, and that women might actually just ask me to sleep with them is a bonus. It's awesome. I love you women for it, and every time I hear a good story about how a one night stand or basic hookup, or NSA/Friends with Bennies worked out just fine, I'm filled with hope that maybe things aren't so bad.

And that I'll get laid again. It's no fun to live like you're never going to get laid again.

In the meantime, you inverted merconium retards of men: quit doing things like smoking (shrinks your dick) taking too many drugs (makes your dick less likely to respond to the wonders of a wet mouth) and QUIT BEING SO FUCKING AFRAID OF WOMEN'S SEXUALITY. 

Good christ. I don't even have to be responsible for the gal's orgasm anymore. The only way it could be easier for me to have sex is if I actually...well, you know. Had self confidence.

But that's another issue entirely.
Salon made me aware of this story.

4/23
Author Note: This was meant to go with 4/17's pic, but...meh.

It's just you, man. Nobody else is having the life in stuck drama, nobody else wants to flip the switch to off. It's just fucking you. Everyone else is doing fine; they've got their jobs and their lives and their art. You're the one who's stuck under the bedsheets, feeling like they're the weight of failure on you. (Tequila, or Failure?)

Can't get up in the morning? Trouble sleeping? Whine, whine whine. By the holy ones, just drink some wine, smoke something unhealthy, get laid and fucking do something. [Insert: Into the Lungs of Hell riff here]

That coward in the corner? The one with the table to himself, who keeps looking like an old dog who wishes someone would pet him but nobody does? That's your problem. You just sit there, and hope.

Everyone else is squared away. They've got lives they want and things they love. Your sunglasses? They're a mite dark, and you're wearing them at night too. By Osiris, what. is. your. problem? You quit at 15, and now you don't know what else to do? Boo-boo-hoo.

Dumbass. This is your life; it's ending, and what are you doing with it? {bonus points for Fight Club reference-see if you can work in soap} You don't get to complain about the shitty job you have; what else are you doing with your time? You don't get to bitch about being lonely; you know you're the lead around the neck of the shipwreck survivors. *very nice metaphor blend here; really drives home that sense of drowning, don'tyahthink?*

You don't kill pain, you just wade in. There's a shore on the other side-why are you not going over there? +Hey! Continuation of metaphors beyond one
paragraph! You have gone to school!+

Nevermind. Nevermind. Mevernind. You're getting what you deserve. You don't have the cajones to end it, and you don't have the 'luxury' of stopping. So
float, right? Whatever.

4/17

2/27
There are days when I think I've got some kind of sexual tourette's.
I was in Powell's Technical Bookstore today, trying to buy some stuff I need for a CSS class I'm taking. The lass at the counter was a very pretty woman, slightly less than average proportionally, with breasts that seemed to levitate (yes, I know there's a bra there) and a cute face; nice eyes, the whole thing. I checked her ass as I left: a nice curve on it.
And as soon as I get out of the door, I'm exclaiming, "Dear god, I gotta just sink my teeth into that ass, ugh! Fucking ravage that chick's mouth with my cock, good lord bang her like the gong at a buddhist temple during prayer hour."
And then I'm fine.
I probably could keep these thoughts internal, but they would plague me for far longer. Oh yes. The plaguing.
Now, when I'm around guys, this isn't such a big deal. This event can be laughed off, and agreed or disagreed with, as someone invariable wants the helpful clerk, or the barista, or whomever.
But sometimes, I'm just by myself, and at that point, I just look like a freak.
This wouldn’t be so bad if I had a thing, you know. Like a hard on for red-headed asian girls or something. But I don’t. I just like women. All kinds of women. So this happens all the damn time.
This doesn't mean I’m not discerning; just slutty.
Sigh. It's revelations like this that keep me off of every woman's 'to do' list.

2/13
(Some links go to video and or bad language)
Ah it must be Valentine's Day soon, otherwise I wouldn't have to get worked up over people being so fucking stupid.
Ya know, if women (or men) really want their signifigant other to behave like a pet, then why can't they just get a fucking dog and let it slide? Is it their fear of beastiality? It's not like there aren't alternatives to fucking a dog, you know.
'Cause everyone keeps telling me how great masturbation is, so if you can do that, and get your emotional needs met by a goddamn dog, then please die. You have no idea what your actual emotional needs are, nor how to get them met, and have decided sex is wholly overrated, so why continue to annoy the rest of humanity? You've given up already.
And that's what it comes down to; you've given up.
Worse, there's a whole group of idiots out there who think poorly of men or women as a whole, because you're too fucking scared to actually claim a life. Now, I can't do anything about those idiots who want to make the sterotypes stick around (not that they shouldn't get some kind re-Neducation) but dear lord why encourage their thinking?

If you don't like people-that's fine; I know lots of people (somehow) who don't like people. My problem is with morons wishing that the person they fall in love with to not be people.

It should of course be mentioned that some people will go to greather lengths than others to get blowjobs.


I'll stay high.
Do I want email from you?
Probably not