Scott Nichols TO NAZARETH BY DONKEY a poem in three parts 1."the oldest pub in mesopotamia" I found Jesus, sitting in the darkest corner of the pub, sipping on a drink. "I'll have what He's having," I said. The bartender passed me my drink and I sat down next to Jesus. "You're Jesus of Nazareth, aren't you?" I asked. "You mustn't tell anyone you saw me here. I'm in trouble with the Samaritans," He replied. "The Samaritans? What'd You do?" He sniffed. "I might have danced with some lepers." He brushed His Hair back wistfully. "I guess they just didn't want my help." I had to feel bad for Him, being the Messiah and all, but what could I say but "Shit, Jesus! This is a strange brew!" 2. "the african-galilee hitchhiker" Jesus introduced me to Peter and We set out for Nazareth on a tiny donkey. Peter was Black and lived on Crenshaw, near 42nd, where he owned a liquor store. "You ever clip a donkey's toenails?" he asked me, after we had traipsed back to the pub to fetch Jesus' sunglasses. "Donkeys don't have toenails," I told him. He wore a stocking on his head to cover his bald spot. He wasn't such a bad guy or anything, but his questions were a pain in the Ass. "Shut up, man," Jesus said. "Everybody's a jigaboo in the eye of the Lord." 3. "reckoning in the holy city" We had just about given up the Ghost when a fabulous Jewish princess offered herself for two gold pieces. Jesus stepped back a bit, arms across His chest. "I've known many women like you." She spat on the ground and left Jesus smirking quietly before Us. After a time, He asked Us if We thought she was cute. Peter didn't think so, but I was horny as Hell. "Shit, Jesus, she's all right," I said. Jesus gave me a sly grin and said, "We should have taken her up the ass." Boy, was Peter pissed! He cursed Jesus several filthy times until Jesus finally rebuked him with a swift bolt of lightning to the crotch. Peter howled in pain and lit off on Our donkey. He must have been hurting something bad, so Jesus told him to turn the other cheek. He loved helping people, that was the truth.