Adrienne Malloway

I Disagree Strongly With the Second of God’s 10 New Commandments

 

Dear Editor,

            I am outraged by the story you published regarding God’s 10 new commandments (January 30, 2006).  The commandment says, “Thou shalt not make thee a graven image upon toast or other comestibles and declare it holy.”  Last month I prepared lasagna for dinner, and when I removed it from the oven I was amazed to see the face of Jesus represented perfectly in the melted cheese on top.  I have received many blessings since then: I lost ten pounds; I reconnected with my estranged daughter; and even won $37 playing the lottery.

            I felt sure I should share the wonderful Jesus lasagna with others so they too could receive blessings, so I tried to sell the lasagna on Craigslist and eBay.  Each time, the lasagna mysteriously made its way back to me.  I have become convinced God wants me to keep the lasagna because He’s got even more blessings in store for me.  Although the lasagna has grown some mold and is beginning to smell a little, I’m going to keep it until God tells me to pass it along to the next person.

            The Weekly World News has previously been quite informative and thought-inducing, and I am saddened a magazine with a respectable reputation such as yours would publish such rubbish.  I’m going to cancel my subscription immediately, and go sit in front of my Jesus lasagna while I wait for more blessings to come my way.