A Life With Regret
Maintaining a stable and long lasting relationship with
your lover can prove to be extremely difficult. There are so many
characteristics a person must possess and so many issues that one must face
in order to sustain a successful relationship. Respect, communication,
trust, are just a few of the many attributes which factor in to two
people’s desire to stay together. At times one may question why the hell
they are even in a particular relationship but the times aside from that
are the times that remind a person exactly why they are in that
relationship. I had the pleasure of being in a relationship that I really
had nothing to complain about. Compared to past relationships and with what
I have now this past relationship seems something more than perfect. Once
two people figure out how to manage a relationship for a substantial amount
of time there still lies ahead a big test with temptation. One knows how
special that person in their lives is but it is almost like there is a part
of the brain that makes you forget that for just a fraction of a second.
However, that is all it took for me, a fraction of a second, in order to
completely destroy what could have easily been a path to a wonderful life
which now is only considered a regret.
I have a very special friend who I put a lot of trust in
and admire greatly. I care about her so much and there is nothing I would
not do for her. We did everything together and told each other everything.
Life just seemed so natural when we were in each other’s presence. She was
a first hand witness to this past relationship which I decided to throw
away. I would always tell this friend how meaningful I thought this
relationship was that I had. I basically had everything I wanted.
We were high school sweethearts and we were together for
nearly 4 years. We were at the tail end of our undergraduate education and
we were both soon going to begin promising careers that would allow us both
to think about a life together. There was times when it was really
difficult but those times deteriorated as we grew older and more mature. We
were headed in the same direction with the same aspirations in life. Plans
to start saving money in order to move in together were a major part of our
discussions Marriage plans and
eventually beginning a family was also in our near future. We were both 21
years old but our methods of thinking and foreseeing life made us feel much
wiser, helped us understand one another and brought us closer together.
What was important to me at this time was my sense of security and feeling
like I had someone I could potentially spend the rest of my life with. I
wanted commitment, to some this might be a scary thing but I knew exactly
what I wanted and I had it. I never felt like I could ever desire anything
else as long as I was with her. Absolutely nothing was missing.
Until one
day the temptation to see what else was out there proved to be too much. I
had been tested before, I understood what I had and I told myself plenty of
times that cheating on my girlfriend was not worth losing everything I had.
However, this time I could not control myself. This decision haunts me to
this day. It has easily become my greatest regret in life. Sure I can do
things on my own and live life happily without her. I can manage somehow
but the point is that I felt like this was a decision that made my route to
happiness more difficult to find. I desperately needed someone to talk to
about my life changing mistake. So I told my friend about what I had done.
When I told
my friend that I had done this she understood my situation but what she
could not understand was why I did it to someone who I supposedly loved
with everything I had. She started crying. Why would someone react like
this. It almost felt like if I had cheated on her. Well, that was just it
this friend that I had so much love and respect for, the person that I
considered to be someone who I could depend on for guidance and to always
be there for me as a friend also happened to be the girlfriend who I
idiotically decided to deceive. From that moment I did not just lose my
girlfriend of many years but I also lost someone that I grew to know,
understand, and confide in whenever I had to deal with one of life’s
obstacles. It is amazing how one silly, seemingly honest mistake can ruin
your life or at least change it dramatically.
I knew I had made a person feel real bad. I knew that I
had broken a heart, many dreams, and any hope for things to continue the
way that we both wanted. I spent so much time with her and had so many
things in the future planned together that it very hard to take. To this
day there is a constant reminder in the back of my head that tells me I did
probably the stupidest thing possible. I have come to find out that since
all of this has happened she has become engaged and will be graduating with
a baccalaureates degree in psychology in May. As if I did not already know
how badly I screwed up that was another blow to the stomach that left me
gasping for air. Life comes with hard lessons and I know this is one of
them for me. I could have taken what seemed like the best and most correct
route to love and happiness but as much as I still regret what I did I can
no longer sit and pout about it like a child. I have to move on and look at
this experience as something that happened for a reason. This reason has
still not been figured out but soon enough I think it will all get
situated.
|