Departure
Leaving my wife after
fifty - eight years of marriage and a great life together causes me an
indescribable pain and strength that keeps me fighting against my cancer.
She doesn’t want me to
leave and says, “When you leave, please come back for me soon. All of our children have their
spouse to live on with but I wouldn’t be able to live without you!” Her pain causes my heart to ache. Not being able to take her with me
but God works in mysterious ways and has a purpose for doing so. Once I depart from the physical
world and onto the next I can confidently say that my children have
something and someone else to live for.
I hate to be causing
this pain on my loved ones and if I could go back in time…I would have
never picked up my first cigarette.
After having nine children and numerous grandchildren and their
children, I am tired and ready to rest. Breathing with an oxygen tank, with every breath, hoping
for my lungs not to collapse, I enjoy every moment spent with my
family. My lungs and ribs are
covered with different types of cancer and it’s spreading.
The morphine given to me
is slower process for my death.
It takes away my hunger and keeps me asleep. At times, I feel that I am missing
out on my last family gatherings.
Never before have I gone to bed early, before a party ending,
nevertheless on my own birthday.
Laying on my bed still listening to the sweet melody being sung to …
Cumpleanos feliz, cumpleanos feliz, cumpleanos feliz Memo, cumpleanos
feliz!(Happy Birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday dear
Guillermo, Happy birthday to you!. As I doze off, I can still hear them
talk, their laughs brings warmth to my heart. I know that this disease has changed my family
completely. They all seem to
be more attentive toward my wife and myself. It had been years since I’ve since all my family
together. Ninety two family
members, all under the same rough for Christmas Eve was the greatest
feeling that my children could have given me.
My daughter Martha, my
baby, treats me no different and doesn’t let my situation stop her from
planning her new future. It
seems as though she’s avoiding the situation but she treats me the best and
I am glad that she continues with her life, as they all should. As a child she did give me a rough
time but she has turned out to be the most unselfish daughter, whom is
always willing to give. I
wonder what she’s feeling….
Martha now lives in
Arizona while her father lives in California.
I remember thinking my father
was this great big giant. He
would get home from work and my sisters and I would run toward him, he
would extend his arms out straight, while we hanged from his arms and he
walked around the yard ‘til we were too tired to keep holding on to
him. I would look up at my
father and see this six foot four inches of man; he had big beautiful ears,
great big hands, amazing green gray eyes and the greatest loving heart in
the world.
To see the man who my
father was, to whom he is now is unbelievable. He weighs one hundred pounds; he has shrunk to five feet
six inches. He can’t stand up
for too long but still makes us laugh with his dancing moves. He still tells jokes and
compliments my sister – in – laws of being beautiful. Till this day my father remains a
gentleman, one of a kind and hard to find.
He has always blessed me
with his moral support and strength to help me build a future of my
own. When my daughter was ill
with cancer, my father was one of the few persons who dedicated a lot of
attention and helped me to be optimistic. When my son was in jail, my father accompanied me to
visit him. Above all things,
my father has always been an exceptional man. He has been a father not only to those whom he
procreated but to my nephews whose fathers walked out of their lives. My Daddy thought of and makes his
family priority. Being an
immigrant from Mexico, he has successfully educated nine children, without
being able to read or write and having lost partial ability to hear from
his left ear.
I never thought that I
would be taking care of my Daddy as he one day took care of me. Months have passed by and his
health is deteriorating. He
hasn’t gotten out of bed, eaten or drank anything in three days. He has no strength to chew his
food; I give him drops of water and wet his lips. The morphine is given to him every two hours, he is in
and out of consciousness, and he moans but still recognizes me. My poor Daddy is still is a
gentleman, ‘til his last days, he refuses for any of his daughters to
change him.
As days go by, I know my
Daddy’s life is slipping through all of our fingers and there is nothing we
can but make it as “comfortable “ and “pleasant” for him as he starts his
journey to God.
It’s such a beautiful
morning! A bright sun,
chirping birds at my dad’s window and warmth in the room hard to
describe. Today my Daddy isn’t
opening his eyes….. His breathing is irregular, he has the “death gargle”
the nurse had explained to me.
He opens his eyes and
whispers,”I Love you…..take care of your mom”…….. His breathing became slower, he closed his beautiful
green gray eyes and had a grin on his face. I am happy to see that my Daddy isn’t suffering any more
pain and that he is going to a place where pain and suffering don’t exist,
where he will be at peace and looking over his entire family.
|