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We
Have Mustaches So We are the Villains
My
neighborhood was known in the city for mustache. Every grown man in the
neighborhood had mustache either like Charlie Chaplin or like Joseph
Stalin. Women in my neighborhood thought that men without mustaches weren’t
complete men. I couldn’t figure out what they meant by that but I was very
happy that they were attracted to men with mustaches. Every morning after I
woke up, I used to see my mustache in the mirror and feel proud. My
mustache was very thin but long and every day when I saw it, I felt proud
of myself.
Last
week we had a mustache contest in our neighborhood. The prettiest woman in
the neighborhood got to pick the winner. She picked Mr. Hat. We called him
Mr. Hat because he always wore hats and his mustache was very long and
thick. He took very good care of it too.
Two
days ago, I woke up and saw my mustache in the mirror as usual. Then I
heard loud men voices outside. I went outside and saw all the men in the
neighborhood gathered in front of Mr. Hat’s house and the women were
running around in the neighborhood cazily. They all had newspaper in their
hands. I asked Sam, my friend and neighbor, “What’s going on?” “Didn’t you
read the newspaper?” Sam was very surprised and handed me his newspaper. I
read the front page. The headline was “Study Reveals…..MUSTACHES CAN MAKE
YOU EVIL!” I was very surprised. Then I read in the news that all the men
in the history who were identified as dictators or villains had mustaches.
Also, the FBI had its eyes on my neighborhood because we all had mustaches.
“This
is not fair. The government can’t do this to us. Maybe Saddam, Stalin, Genghis
Khan, Hitler had mustaches. That doesn’t mean we are one of them.” Mr. Hat
was very angry. The moment he stopped talking we saw FBI cars rushing in
our neighborhood with their loud siren on. Then they came out of their cars
with their guns pointing at us. I couldn’t figure out why they needed to be
armed because we weren’t armed.
Now
two days later here I am in front of my mirror. I am looking at a face with
no mustache. My pride and honor have been taken away because I was
suspected as a villain by our government because of some studies. Those
G-Men weren’t lucky enough to find any evidence against us so we were
released after they cut all our mustaches. All the men in the neighborhood are quietly getting
ready for revenge against this dictatorship. The women aren’t sitting in
the kitchen either. They lost their complete men, and so they want us back.
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