The
Great Rushmore PTA Brawl
Last
Monday night the police were called to the Rushmore learning Academy. During a pre-school year PTA meeting an altercation
broke out between the members of the association. The members of the association split into a couple of factions while discussing
the proper art project for the first graders to engage in for the annual art show festival and auction. The art show festival,
where the winning projects are auctioned off at the end of the day, is used as a fund raiser for each grade of students. The
proceeds are used for field trip support and other school related events such as the year ending carnival.
The
altercation is believed to have begun when the members of the association split into two distinct camps. The decoupage faction
and the tie dye t-shirt faction. The decoupage faction began to question the practicality of making tie-dye shirts and they
also questioned the validity of some of the assertions made by the tie dye faction.
Apparently
the tie dye faction claimed that the dye presented no danger to the children. That the protective gear they had on hand was
good enough for the tie dyeing, and that nothing more was needed. They also pointed out that not all the children had to participate
in the tie dyeing. Some could just act as production supervisors or hype masters for the t-shirts. They believed once everyone
sees the beauty of the t-shirts, the money would roll in at auction time. Therefore, production costs should not be a factor,
they could simply borrow from the current funds in the class coffers to fund their art show strategy.
It
appears that the decoupage faction tried to make a reasoned response to the claims of the tie dye faction. They first pointed
out that if they took funds or borrowed funds from the class for such an adventure. And the adventure did not produce a very
positive result they would be jeopardizing the children's future happiness. It was also pointed out to the tie dye faction
that 1st graders are messy and unfocused, that even in a supervisor's role, the children were likely to get dye
on things that should not have dye on them. Especially if the protective gear was inadequate. But it was not until the decoupage
faction pointed out. That while the t-shirts would have a decorative pattern on them. That it could not really be considered
art. At least not any type of contemplative art which required skill. That's when things got ugly.
The
leader of tie dye faction quickly responded with. “Cutting out pictures from old magazines and pasting them on cardboard
is not very contemplative either. Or would it likely produce anything that anyone would buy. Except maybe for the parents
of a bunch of cut and pasters. We should just get the children and their parents who are brave enough to do tie dyeing, and
produce what we can. We will go to the art show festival with the children and the shirts they produce because sometimes you
just have to go with what you have. Unless you are an unfocused weak minded, cut and paster, by nature.”
At
first it seemed as if the decoupage faction would be left speechless and impotent. But after taking a moment to collect themselves
from what was clearly a personal attack on their character. The leader of the decoupage faction responded with. “Unlike
you people, we care about the happiness and the safety of our kids, even yours. So we will not hold back, first it is against
the rules to remove funds from the current coffers to fund, fund raising events. You would be in violation of our policy and
doing nothing less than stealing. Yes we are calling you petty thieves. Not only are you petty thieves, you do not care about
your children or our children, because tie dyeing is dangerous. The bottle of dye clearly states, 'keep away from children'.
Not to mention that the water temperature for dyeing must be 130 degrees or better. In short you are liars. In fact you are
lying about the dyeing. You are a bunch of petty thieves and uncaring liars. You are lying about the dyeing. Everyone here
knows it. You are lying about the dyeing.”
Shortly
after the decoupage leader finished his speech. A punch was thrown somewhere in the room. Which spawn a brawl to rival anything
that ever occurred at the SouthFork ranch. After peace was restored, those who were not arrested or in the emergency room,
reached a compromise. Papier mache would carry the day.
By
B. Bell
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