Van Gogh Syndrome
The
Surgeon General and the CDC have just finished hosting a month long conference for the developed world. To discuss what they
believe to be the next man made or man induced pandemic that will strike at the heart of all the world's developed societies.
The pandemic will take the name of the disease, which doctors have named, Van Gogh Syndrome. VGS is expected to strike the
human populations of all developed nations within the foreseeable future.
VGS
is characterize by a dis colorization of the ear, odd or unusual growth of the ear and last but not least ear cancer. Any
signs of cancer of the ear will lead to the immediate removal of the appendage. The risk of having the cancer spread to the
brain is to great. It is unfortunate that the same technology that help spawn a spate of brain cancers in the late 1980's
and early 1990's will also be responsible for VGS. That technology being the cellphone and all of its accruements. The accruement
responsible for the VGS is the wireless headset most commonly know as Bluetooth.
Ever
since the Mad Hatters Syndrome of the 1800's the Europeans have been aware of how simple fashion trends can devastate a society.
So we can thank the Swiss for their early detection of this soon to be epidemic. Late last year a group of young Japanese
tourist were visiting Switzerland. When one of the tourist went to a doctor for what was described as a constant soreness
of his ear.
After
taking a history and doing an examination, most doctors would have said, “Stop wearing the damn device.” But the
Swiss doctor being an old hand at electromagnetic radiation, looked a little deeper. He found most of the heavy users of the
Bluetooth devices in the group were experiencing the same unusual symptoms. He quickly set them up as a research group.
His findings were astounding.
The
Swiss doctor and his fellow scientists have concluded that any person wearing a wireless headset for more than eight hours
a day, everyday. Is in serious danger of coming down with VGS. Their conclusions are that having an appendage that is in a
constant state of growth. Subjected to low levels of radiation from the power source, subjected to low levels of electromagnetic
radiation from the transmitting array and subjected to the micro ultra low vibratory frequencies created by the microphone
and the speaker. For endless hours, day after day, will bring about in most users of these devices, VGS.
People
who feel the need to constantly wear a communication device. Are suffering from the newly coined Borg's Syndrome or B.S..
Not named for the famed Swedish tennis player, but for the cyborg type creatures from the Star Trek series. The members of
the conference have decided that they will push for warning labels to be put on these devices, and for the industry to provide
for a worldwide 12 step program to help people addicted to wireless head sets. So they can free themselves from this insidious
addiction.
Both
the CDC and the Surgeon General realize that some scientist have concluded that heavy use of early cellphones did not cause
brain cancer in some humans. In light of these facts, they simple point out the fact that cigarettes did not cause cancer
in humans for over 3 decades. In fact there were studies after studies which showed many benefits from smoking. Simply put,
if any corporation has a multi billion dollar business bordering on a trillion dollar business. They could produce a scientific
study touting the health benefits of eating ones own sh*t. After all, the anti-aging industry has already gotten women to
drink there own urine, in order to stay young.
By
B. Bell
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