After suffering many successful attacks from our rebel group known as the TLL (Terrorist Loving Left). The Presidential Emperor has decided to call upon the greatest of his Sith warriors, to oppose us. The Righteous Republicans.

To better prepare our members for the upcoming battles. We have prepared a short dossier on each known member of the Righteous Republicans.

Darth Druggieman

Darth Femme

Darth Mocans

TLL's Sith dossier #1

Darth Druggieman

The Presidential Emperor refers to this dark lord of evil as The Emperors Mouth. He is known among the Sith order as Righteous Republican Darth Druggieman or R2D2 to his closes of cohorts. Darth Druggieman possesses various skills which the Presidential Emperor makes great use of. His ability to brand members of the TLL with demeaning names, that under cut their legitimacy within the republic, is legendary. Names like FemiNazi's to demean pro-choice women and Nikita Dean to demean a prominent TLL leader. Makes him a Sith branding master.

Also known for his ability to speak racist without being a racist. Is a skill that is coveted by many in the Sith, but few outside of the ranks of the Righteous Republicans, have mastered it. This makes Darth Druggieman, unsurpassed in Sith rhetorical delivery. However, Darth Druggieman's greatest skill lies in his obfuscatory hypocrisy. Deftly demonstrated in the great Oxycontin shortage of 1999.

With shades of the great Naboo blockade. Darth Druggieman championed the local law enforcement agencies in his region. Pulling over minorities for minor traffic violations. Then through various means of subterfuge, championed by Darth Druggieman of course. The authorities would find a reason to search the minorities vehicles. If large sums of cash were found, the authorities would confiscate the money. Requiring the minority motorists to come down to their station after 15 days, if they had the nerves, to reclaim their money. With a 10% handling penalty of course.

Members of the republic thought that Darth Druggieman's championing of this issue was purely out of his hate of drug dealers. After deeper investigation, TLL discovered that he was using these actions to benefit himself. Darth Druggieman was using the situation to insure that he would be able secure large quantities of his favorite drug Oxycontin, at a very low price. Through careful manipulation of his domestic worker and other persons. Darth Druggieman managed to procure large quantities Oxycontin. For personal use only, of course, because Darth Druggieman's hate of drug dealers knows no bounds.

In a strange bit of irony that only a Sith master such as Darth Druggieman could bring about. One of the TLL's strongest supporters, and a constant target of Darth Druggieman's rhetorical branding, the ACLU. Has become very prominent in helping Darth Druggieman hide how he was able to horde so much Oxycontin. Sighting privacy issues and other constitutional reasons the ACLU has allowed Darth Druggieman to continue the Presidential Emperor's Sith agenda, unfettered. Which ironically seeks to destroy the very things the TLL and the ACLU fight for.

Darth Druggieman's rabid Oxycontin using followers. Once known as 'Ditto Heads' now known as the 'Hard of Hearing Horde'. Have been known to regurgitate everything Darth Druggieman says, verbatim, to ad nauseam. Their ability to shout down everyone they meet was thought to be a talent. But, under further investigation, it is known to be just another symptom of Oxycontin addiction. Still Darth Druggieman and his Hard of Hearing Horde will make worthy opponents for the TLL.

To sum things up. 'The Emperor's Mouth', aka 'Righteous Republican Darth Druggieman', aka 'R2D2'. Is obfuscatory, hypocritical, a rhetorical demeaning master, drug addict and Sith. Threat level: Dangerous.

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TLL's Sith dossier #2

Darth Femme

It is rumored that this Sith warrior was immaculately conceived, born heartless and cold. By all accounts, she was born Sith. The Presidential Emperor refers to her as the Emperor's foot. Among the Sith she is known as Righteous Republican Darth Femme. Darth Femme is one of the most feared of the Presidential Emperor's Sith warriors, because not only has she mastered all of the skills of Darth Druggieman—.

Darth Femme has been trained in the villainous art of lawyering. Which makes one on one verbal battles with her extremely dangerous. She has kicked the butt of more TLL members in public, than we care to count. If we are to be honest with ourselves. She has more accurately, broken her foot off—up in the ass of many of our best people. Her villainous lawyering training, her verbal dexterity, and her 1^st class mind, could be effectively neutralized by our training methods. If it was not for her other considerable Sith gifts.

Darth Femme is seeded with amazing beauty, a Siren's tonal quality to her voice, and possess command of a veil of pseudo-chasteness. This enables her to beguile the best of our fighters. Darth Femme's affects on our male fighters has become the stuff of legend. The batting of her eyes with a sensual flip of her lovely mane of blonde hair, has spelled death for many of our male members short on fortitude. Males are often torn between wanting to procreate like wild animals with her or totally wiping her presence from the face of the earth. Unfortunately they often end up falling down on the side of wanting to procreate with her like a wild animal. Thus their lesser brains takes the lead in their confrontation with Darth Femme. The results being all to obvious.

One our greatest problems with Darth Femme is that everything she touches and does seems to radiate deep into the TLL movement. For instance, once while recovering from an eye injury that only a Sith could recover from, she sported an eye patch. She wore it well, and the look permeated the ranks of the TLL. 1^st she released a doll of her image that captured the minds and imagination of our youth. An insidious Sith ploy if we ever saw one. Then the look struck deep into the heart, of one our greatest bastions of TLL membership. Hollywood. Yes, members of our ranks, like Angelina Jolie and Daryl Hannah chose to sport this look in mainstream Hollywood movies. Thus spreading the influence of the Sith warrior Darth Femme deep into the minds of our republic. Darth Femme alone, is tough enough, but when she so deftly seduces the public and enlists the help of her pseudo-chaste acolytes. The force of her evil nature becomes undeniable.

Darth Femme's pseudo-chaste acolytes are some of the most rabid and influential followers of any Sith warrior. Using the mantra created by the evil mind of Darth Femme, to destroy the reign of the last true President. Her pseudo-chaste acolytes are armed with a Bene Gesserit type litany. The litany against TLL truths. Aka The Clinton Litany:

“In a reign of many stains,

In the house most main.

A blue dress did proclaim,

That a liberal leader came.

So that nothing remains,

Of what he stained.

I cast a claim, that defames.”

The litany is powerful. It allows Darth Femme's pseudo-chaste acolytes to reduce the strongest of TLL truths, to mere inconsequential facts on the scrap heap of history. Darth Femme's deft touch with the written and spoken word has allowed her to mitigate or destroy many of our arguments. No matter the subject. Darth Femme is there with a counter argument. Rarely is it legitimate, but none the less, it is always effective. Because she is—Sith.

After engaging Darth Femme in battle. Many have said with great conviction, “That she cannot possibly possess the beliefs she professes to.”

It must be made abundantly clear. The one known as the Emperor's Foot, aka Righteous Republican Darth Femme. Is a villainous lawyer. Beautiful, cold, heartless. In other words, thoroughly—Sith. Threat level: Exceedingly Dangerous (Do not engage alone)

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TLL's Sith dossier #3

Darth Mocans

Beside the considerable deceptive gifts of the Presidential Emperor. No one entity is more responsible for the rise to power and the continued destruction of our sacred way of life. Than the one that the Presidential Emperor refers to as the Emperor's mind. Known throughout the Sith order as Righteous Republican Darth Mocans.

It must be noted that Righteous Republican Darth Mocans was known as Darth Defamer upon entering the Sith order. For many years he lived up to his name. Smearing the leaders of the TLL and other opponents of the Presidential Emperor with the most vile of lies. While mastering many of the Sith arts which allows one to reach the dark rank of Righteous Republican. He found and mastered his true dark Sith gift. So great was this Sith gift that the Presidential Emperor keeps him close, very close.

Apparently Righteous Republican Darth Mocans has found a way to communicate with long dead very evil Sith warriors. In doing so he has gained the knowledge and skills of past Sith warriors. Which makes him invaluable to the Presidential Emperor. So valuable in fact he is second to only one other in the Sith hierarchy. Upon reaching the Rank of Righteous Republican, the Presidential Emperor bestowed upon him a new Sith title. This is a rare thing in the Sith order and a sign of great respect from the Presidential Emperor. In fact Mocans is an acronym.

Mocans stands for Master Of Character Assassination Nazi Style. Yes! Calling on the knowledge and skills of some of the most hated and feared Sith warriors of the past. Darth Mocans has grown great with power. And is using his power to aid the Presidential Emperor's continued march to the dark times once enjoyed by the Sith order of the Nazi's. Many TLL members and their allies were lost in the dark times of the Nazi's, the conflict was in doubt up to the very end. But the TLL and it's noble allies prevailed. We can only hope this holds true for these times. For so great is Darth Mocans character assassination power, that once he takes aim at you. You are for all intended purposes, dead to the republic.

We have been reviewing all documents from the dark Nazi era. In order to find a way to counter Darth Mocans considerable dark Sith skills. We have had very limited success. His slanders are so strong. That members of the TLL have been known to question the their own history and members of their own families have been known to disown them after a vicious attack by Darth Mocans and his acolytes. This is how skilled Darth Mocans is. With such reactions from TLL members and their families. You can only imagine how the people of the republic view one of our ranks, after a Darth Mocans attack.

All attempts to bring down Darth Mocans have failed. Because Darth Mocans usually operates under the direct auspices of the Presidential Emperor. Directing his attacks via his acolytes and fellow Sith warriors such as Darth Druggieman and Darth Femme from the Presidential Emperor's palace. This makes Darth Mcocans nearly untouchable. He has had no problem serving up both his acolytes and his fellow Sith warriors to the slaughter of his opponents. To help keep himself safe in the service of the Presidential Emperor and their evil cause. Darth Mocans has truly raised internecine, to an art form. A dark Sith art form, worthy of the Sith Nazi's he so worships.

Because the Presidential Emperor chooses to keep Darth Mocans so close. We can only hope that the old adage of, keep your friends close and your enemies closer, comes in to play. However we can not rely on this. So make no mistake. The one called the Emperor's Mind formerly known as Darth Defamer, now know as Righteous Republican Darth Mocans. Sits to the left of the Presidential Emperor and has mastered character assassination on an unsurpassed level. Thus his destructive potential to the TLL is very high. Threat level: Exceedingly Dangerous (engaging is not an option for most members of the TLL)

By B. Bell

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