The Bush administration's Twilight spin zone!

(If they had only been there??)

Scott McClellan on Cherry trees

I know I said he did not chop down the cherry tree. Because we truly thought you could not handle the truth, so we sheltered you from it. But now that you know. What you must realize is that he did not know that repeatedly hitting a tree with an ax would cause it to fall. Of course he knew it would cause a tree to fall. Just not this particular tree, that he was hitting repeatedly with an ax.

Now that it is done we must look at the positives. First the cherries are easier to pick. Less work for everyone and more cherries for everyone. I think we can all agree, less work and more cherries for everyone is a good thing. Second we can plant more cherry trees with all those easy to retrieve cherry pits. Cherry trees as far as the eye can see, in the future that is. If the soil is right the winters not to harsh and we show the trees lots of love.

But the best thing about him chopping down that cherry tree was. That it fell on two mean nasty red Indians that were hiding behind bushes with knives and arrows. Not ordinary arrows, but arrows that were dipped in poison, and some were even capable of being lit on fire. Enough said!

Scott McClellan on Night lights and cows.

First of all it was not a lantern it was a night light. O'kay! technically it was a kerosene lantern. But the cow was afraid of the dark so it really was a night light. You do see that, don't you? Let me explain it to you. The cow was afraid of the dark, the kerosene lantern provided light in the darkness so the cow would not be frighten. Therefore it was a night light. A night light against fright.

There was noway anyone could have known the cow would knock over her kerosene night light. And start a little fire, okay, a big fire. The cow is dead and a quarter of the city burned down. The cow and all the people who died in the fire, did not die in vain. They sacrificed their lives for the greater good of the city. You see, we will set up a free enterprise zone, give tax breaks and low cost loans to the wealthy. They will rebuild the houses lost in the fire and sell them for six to ten times what they were selling for before the fire.

Gentrification? We do not recognize this as a legitimate concern. The wealthy drive our economy. Enough said!

Scott McClellan on Icebergs

Sure, sure. he told them to go really really fast, at night, in waters filled with icebergs. But he was not on the bridge when they hit the iceberg. He was not the one who was suppose to be looking out for the icebergs. He was in his cabin sleeping. Just because he was the captain, you can not hold him responsible for hitting the iceberg. After all, god put the iceberg there. I don't know if you know this, but most of an iceberg is under water, hiding, and they are hard to see at night. It is hard work looking for icebergs at night, especially when you are steaming full speed ahead. Hard work I tell you.

Now look, he would have went down with his ship, but he was not responsible for its sinking. Remember, he was in his cabin sleeping when they struck the iceberg. But he is a leader. There were people in life boats, some make shift. In freezing cold water in the middle of nowhere. People like that need leadership— strong leadership. He is a leader—a strong leader. Enough said!

Scott McClellan on Human Experiments?

We absolutely did not spray children with cancer causing DDT. No we did not. This thing you speak of did not happen. OH!! You have film footage. You guys are looking at this the wrong way. They were children, orphans no less. We all know children have lice, especially orphaned children. We were killing the lice, you see. Sure some of the kids came down with cancer and died, sure some of them were sick for years. But we killed lots of lice, I tell you, lots of lice. When you count the number of lice killed to make us all safe from mean infiltrating dirty lice. Versus the number of unfortunate human collateral deaths. We got a bargain. Enough said!

Okay, they had syphilis. We told them they had bad blood. Look, the ignorant and poor must take the health care they can get. It was free people. Sure, Nazi Germany did things like this, but they were not in a democratic state. Here, we live in a democracy. If you would have asked those guys. Would you like to keep your syphilis, spread it to others you love, and just have a miserable life for the next 40 years or so. Just so you could make our democracy stronger. They would have said yes. Every last one of them.

Because that is what you do in a democracy for democracy. You sacrifice your life, liberty and pursuit of happiness—unknowingly—if necessary. For democracy's sake. Enough said!

By B Bell

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