The quest for the smell good.
Everybody likes a good scent. I really believe this to be a universal truth.
But it would appear from the number of commercials dedicated to selling us stuff that makes inanimate objects smell good,
we are becoming a nation obsess with fresheners. I don't care what you are obsessing over, an obsession is never a good thing.
Now I like fresh scents as much as the next human, it just so happens that
I have mismatched sex chromosomes, one just happens to be a 'Y' chromosome. So that means I can appreciate something that
smells good, but I do not let the pursuit of it rule my life. The same can not be said about those among us who harbor two
'X' chromosomes. Their relentless pursuit of the ultimate smell good fragrance borders on a pathological imperative. So much
so I am force to believe it is hardwired into their XX make up. I know for a fact that at least one company which I will not
name because I don't have Oprah like money to defend my self in court, is taking full advantage of this genetic imperative.
Can you remember back in the day? If you polluted the air you grabbed a can
of aerosol that smelled slightly better than your manly odor and let it fly. There were times when you held off on the aerosol
and invited your significant other over for a whiff, those were the days. But those aerosols were bad for the ozone layer.
So out pops the plastic egg like container with some waxy disintegrating substance. You know the ones I am talking about.
You opened them a little for a little smell and wide open for a lot of smell. I will not dignify them with the term of fragrance.
These things only lasted a couple months, but for some reason came in more colors and smells than any normal human would give
a rats ass about. In fact the 'Y' in me always wondered what happened to that disintegrating substance. My theory is, it broke
down and entered our blood streams, affecting our brains, thus causing us to seek divorces. Thus the higher divorce rates
since the 70's. Thats my theory and it's the one I am going to present to St. Peter. I am still working on that adultery excuse.
For some unknown reason, or perhaps my theory, these puppies went by the
waste side a few years back. And ushered in the era of electronic fragrant devices with pouches of once again some disintegrating
substance. Some of these devices come equipped with lights and fans to blow their little smells everywhere. I am not going
to mention my theory about power companies, high energy usage rates and even higher gas prices. But I am going to bring up
the fact that they are now offering these things with dual slots for the disintegrating substances. So those of us with two
X's can further customize their smells. I am going to be totally sexist here. Only a woman would care this much about an air
freshener.
Because women are so into fragrances, the major companies are marketing their
smelly products these days, like beer companies market beer to men. It does not matter if the product prevents odor, masks
odor, or eliminates odor. If you apply these products to your toilets, towels, shoes, car seats, couches or use them in any
number of rooms which may become smelly. It will make you a better woman and as a bonus it will make you as sexy as hell
to the significant other of your choice. Being sexist once again, a little hint for the dual X'ers. Stand before me naked
with a great set of abs, smelling of 30 days of wilderness and for some reason I will find you sexy as hell. It's just the
'Y' in me and I will not apologize for it.
In my defense, as far as I know, women and men have lived for eons with various
natural and body borne odors. Breath odors, underarm odors and the obsession du jour, feminine vaginal odors. Which grosses
me out every time I hear or see an advertising for it. Yet we still managed to populate the earth pretty darn well. I'll be
honest, most guys approach odors like this. Clean it up, ignore it, throw it out or move away from it. Most guys would prefer
to ignore the smells, however when presented with the proper incentive, we will clean them up. On occasion when the smells
become to clingy or talkative we have been known to throw them out or move away from them. Now you have the beginnings of
my adultery theory.
After all of this I must admit one thing. Nothing smells quite as good as
a freshly showered woman with clean hair, except maybe a baking apple pie made with lots of butter and cinnamon, but I digress.
A freshly showered woman is a good thing, but all that requires is regular soap. There really is no need for some boysenberry
lavender showering gel at 20 dollars a bottle. Now I will admit that boysenberry lavender does smell good on you dual X'ers,
but remember my earlier statement, a good set of abs and naked works also.
I will even admit. That I do not know one guy who is living with a woman
who has not gotten into the shower and realized that there is no bar soap. The only thing in there is the boysenberry lavender
gel and that balled up fishing net which passes for a sponge, I think. But that is a topic for another rant. So you shower
with the gel. Yes, it smells good and you even feel its invigorating powers. But you spend the rest of the day wanting to
watch the Lifetime movie channel, hoping no other guy realizes you showered with boysenberry lavender gel and thinking to
yourself there might be something to this metro sexual man thing. In my humble opinion, a price to high to pay, just to smell
like a couple of flowers.
By B. Bell
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