Talking heads Hall of Fame.

Since Seinfeld has entered the Smithsonian, I have been thinking. With the rise of Cable TV news, has come a plethora of experts. Or more accurately, talking heads. The songwriter Don Henley was way ahead of his time with songs like “Dirty Laundry”. If you were to take in account the sheer number of these talking heads and the fluff that they provide on a daily basis. Dire Straits “Money for Nothing”, -- social commentary could easily be applied to these talking heads. Money for nothin’ and the notoriety for free? Soon the television Hall of Fame will have to dedicate a whole wing to these talking heads. I am sure at some time the Smithsonian will have at least a display dedicated to these people. I just wonder what the name of such a display will be called.

I was having trouble coming up with a name for this new wing of the television Hall of Fame. That was until I saw The O.I.G.-- also known as Ann Coulter. Before I come down on Ann, much to hard, if only in my dreams. Just let me say. The O.I.G. stands for The Original Intellectual Goddess. When I view Ann Coulter, it is as if god set out to make the perfect woman, and the result was the lovely drop dead gorgeous Ann Coulter. He endowed her with great height, outstanding hair, the face of a pure unadulterated angel and a body---a body that could tempt the greatest of angels into sin. Then he wrapped all that physical beauty around a first class mind.

He was happy with his work until he realized he could not allow such a perfect being to walk among mere mortals. So he reached in and remove her humanity and a great deal of her heart. Unfortunately for us mere male mortals, that made her perfect. A walking Barbie with attitude, and a great disdain for the insignificant mortals she must tolerate. I state for the record once again, Ann Coulter is The Original Intellectual Goddess, hands down.

Now having sung her praises so to speak, let me speak the truth. I first saw Ann discussing the death of Princess Diana. She was bad mouthing the dead Princess something fierce. I would have been totally upset with her, if I wasn’t so taken back by her beauty, the tone of her voice, and that beautiful speech pattern. I was mesmerized for at least a day or so. Then she started showing up everywhere, speaking on every subject imaginable. But her true glory days came during the Clinton impeachment ordeal. Never did the phrase “The president was having oral sex in the oval office”, come so often from one person’s mouth. I swear during those days she began and ended every television appearance with that phrase. If I was Freud I might have read something into her preoccupation with that little piece of knowledge. But sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Just ask Monica. The woman has written more books on more subjects and been on TV so much since those Clinton days. She has become the inaugural inductee into the talking head’s wing, of the television Hall of Fame.

It was during the WMD’s discussions on cable news, when once again Ann was everywhere. That the name of my new television wing came to me. There I was watching Ann be Ann when it hit me. Let the discussion of WMD meet the DMW. What does DMW mean? Some of you have already figured it out, but for those of you who have not, it stands for Dedicated Media Whore. Oh yeah! And you know the title fits. There was Ann Coulter looking and talking like a red state conservative male’s wet dream. The camera moved in for a close up, and I swear, written on her forehead was “I will perform acts of sodomy for seven minutes of air time.” Not that this is a bad thing, a little action is a little action. Now, I do not want people to think, that being a Dedicated Media Whore is a bad thing. After all if you are good enough to be the first one they call when they need a talking head.---Celebrate, don’t hate!

So don’t hate me when I give you some of my other sure fire locks for this hall of fame. Ann Coulter holds the inaugural spot on the sheer strength of her O.I.G. status. It does not matter how you get the honor of being inducted. Whether its from beauty, intelligence, heroics or family tragedy, when you are in, you are in. So two other sure fire inductees are John Walsh, and Polly Klaas’s father. I would call Polly Klaas’s father by his first name, but they always introduce him as Polly Klaas’s father. I told you earlier--celebrate, don’t hate! I just call them, as I see them. You can be pretty sure that Alan Dershowitz, Dennis Prager and Gloria Allred will be there also. See,-- I can pick on a liberal, a man of God, and the red lipped super mouth from la la land--just as easy. I am sure there will be plenty more inductees, these were just some of my favorites. Feel free to induct a few of your own, and don’t forget our slogan, here at DMW wing of the television hall of fame. Celebrate, don’t hate!

By B. Bell

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