Since when did we start measuring popularity by how many cyber friends we have? The other day I had a certain young lady, young being a relative term here, going through my desk. When she came across my little black book. She thought she was going to find a list of rivals, instead she found a little black book loaded with websites, user names and passwords. She gave me a look, I reminded her. If I had a photographic memory, she would not have had to tell me her name was Jennifer Chang this morning. I then quickly let her know, that I have more friends in my computer than she has in real life. I just happen to have 10 Face Book friends and 3 people who follow me on Twitter. “Take that little miss head cheerleader, 25 years ago.”

I can remember when you could go to a site and just start enjoying the information. Now, to fully enjoy a site you must register. Why must I register? Why must I register? I've ask myself that question a gazillion times. Well at least fifty times any way. If only people had to register in order to send me emails.

Tell me, where did the days go where one actually enjoyed getting email? Do you remember when “You Got Mail”, sent a shiver of excitement down your spine. Now opening my email is like, well, I am not sure what it is like. The other day I got an email from an on line magazine threating me. The phrase “You better update your credit card information, so we can renew your subscription.”, was actually in the email. WTF! If it is not my employer requiring me to have a “functioning email address” or all the official documents which use to come by snail mail. It is some anonymous guy or girl who knows that not only I am impotent, but when it did work, it was rather small. Damn psychic bastards!

Yeah, I remember when you could surf the Internet for your favorite kind of freak in private. But these days nothing is private, everybody is watching, and I do not just mean Big Brother. Private companies are watching you too. How else can you explain why every time I go to a website, I see ads for beautiful young Asian women in my hometown, just waiting for me to call them. Along with ads for surplus hotel ice buckets. You know they do not have to be that coy. The ads could just say “There are beautiful young Asian women in your hometown, who like to urinate while naked, into hotel ice buckets filled with ice. And they are just waiting for me to call.” Honestly! I got to that fetish site by accident. Honestly! I was surfing for hotel ice buckets with Asian themes. Honestly!!

Oh! you are judging me now! I would like you to know that I know the difference between perverted and kinky. Kinky is using a chicken feather, perverted is using the whole damn chicken. I have never used an animal live or dead in a sexual way. Okay! There was this incident in 1989 during a camping trip. Whoa!!!! that memory is on a slow float down that infamous river in Egypt aboard the SS Guy Code. Because as we all know, if there are no pictures, it did not happen! I can thank god cellphone cameras and You Tube were not around then.

Yeah I can remember when the Internet was stress free, private, and fun. How about you?

By B. Bell

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