Obama as you all know is like the foot prints in the sands guy. He helps those who help themselves!!!!!!!!

Q: I thought Obama would teach everyone the difference between "its" and "it's."

A: Well after 8 years of Bush butchering the English language and America loving it. He believes it would be easier to solve the current financial crisis.

Q: I thought Obama would buy me an iPhone.

A: He knows that his constant mentioning of his Blackberry. Will cause people to flock to Blackberry. Thus causing iPhone sells to drop, in turn that will cause a surplus of iPhones. Forcing them to drop the price. So your cheap ass can buy one.

Q: I thought Obama would save my job.

A: Given the amount thinking you do. Obama has a new job for you. Try to figure out how in the hell this nation elected Bush twice. When you figure it out, write a book. It will probably be worth at least a buck. Payment for a job done.

Q: I thought Obama would get my mom off my case.

A: Buy her an Obama t-shirt and a bus ride to the inauguration. While she is there move out of her basement. Mama will be happy and off your case.

Q: I thought Obama would bring my dog back.

A: He is aware that the poor thinkers among us, thinks he is Christ redux. He is not, but leads by example. Go to the pound and get a free dog. Get a dumb one because you always want to be the smart one in the house.

Q: I thought Obama would bring back "Arrested Development."

A: He wants to help you with this one. But after working a good two years to get Arrested Development out of the White House. Enough Said!!!

Q: I thought Obama would take me to that cool bar he was always talking about.

A: You presume that you are cool enough to be seen in his company. Flawed thinking at its(note correct usage) highest.

Q: I thought Obama would back me up on Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'".

A: If Hillary & Bill had won. She could have ordered him to back you up with their 1992 campaign song. As it stands he will send over a group nerds so you can sing harmony on "I kissed a Girl." If only in your dreams.

Q: I thought Obama was offering happy hour all night.

A: You confuse him with the current alcoholic in the White House.

Q: I thought Obama would put the baby to bed.

A: He tucks his children into bed on a regular basis. Doing anyone else's would be just creepy. You perve.

Q: I thought Obama would lend me season 3 of "The Wire."

A: Living in mom's basement, no job, wanting to drink all day long. He would not lend you, well, anything.

Q: I thought Obama would make me smell like cookies.

A: Because you can not figure it out on your own. Grab a tube of raw cookie dough and use it as deodorant. Chicks dig raw cookie dough. So do ants.

Q: I thought Obama would overhaul my wardrobe.

A: Garanimals are self help clothes. Must your mama and Obama do everything for you.

Q: I thought Obama would make life fair.

A: Obama has to much compassion for the stupid. To actually allow life to be fair.

Q: I thought Obama would have cured diabetes by now.

A: Your doctor told you to get up off your fat ass and exercise. He is telling you to do the same. Help him help you.

Q: I thought Obama would let me smoke inside.

A: Get your own place and smoke inside all you want. Of course it will probably make it harder for your fat ass to exercise.

Q: I thought Obama was giving Christmas bonuses.

A: On his birthday, You are suppose to give him gifts. You ingrate.

Q: I thought Obama would restore my 401K.

A: You are not fooling him. You don't a have job. He doubts you even know what a 401k is.

Q: I thought Obama would pimp my ride.

A: Him helping you. A clothes pin, some old baseball cards. Attach said items to the fork and spokes of your bicycle.

Q: I thought Obama would nominate a Secretary of Cute Bunnies and Kitties.

A: He will, he is just waiting for Cheney to vacate the premises. The man wields a mean shotgun.

Q: I thought Obama would flatten my abs.

A: I think we covered this already. Put down the cigs, get off your ass and work out, get out of the basement. You wuss.

Q: I thought Obama would pay for this round.

A: He will send you a map. With detailed instructions on how to get to Crawford Texas. Your intellectual peers a wait you.

Q: I thought Obama would give me straight A's.

A: That would not be "fair" you moron.

Q: I thought Obama would clear up my acne.

A: He will give you a hint, Clearasil.

Q: I thought Obama would get me laid. 

A: If you are not cool enough to be seen with him at a bar. You certainly are not cool enough for him to be your wingman. Once again, you wuss.