Just
the Nuts Baby!!!!!
In his most candid interview since the Barack Obama nut hoarding comments. Jesse Jackson
spoke openly about why he wants to separate Barack from his nuts. Jesse wants everyone to know that this was not some selfish
whim of his. That in fact there were many many reasons for such an action. Some of the reasons were scientific, some political,
there was even a financial upside to all of this. But the most important reason was of a sociological nature.
There are so many mysteries surrounding the nature of Barack's nuts. What are they made of?
How large are the nuts? Is there a correlation between ear size and nut size? Of course the one that most people are interested
in is. Does Barack's nuts have the swaying power of Angelina Jolie's lips? In other words, can they make gay women straight?
Can they make heterosexual men gay? Or do they just make a woman more womanly and a man more manly. Which would explain why
Barack's political rallies are the new meeting place for singles. Jesse's goal was very simple, acquire the nuts and submit
them for scientific study.
If his nuts were as big as rumored, a company that will go unnamed made Jesse an offer. They
would encase them in hard plastic and make a commemorative set of clackers, called 'The Banging Balls of Barack'. If
by chance his nuts were of normal size, the company was ready to make a commemorative election year set of marbles. The set
would consist of smaller ovary inspired feminine looking marbles surrounding his aggie sized nuts, dubbed the 'Dominate Pair'.
Either way the situation played out they were sure they could get a great price for his nuts at a private auction. The Antebellum
nature of it all was not lost on Jesse, he was very forth coming with the other demands for the nuts of Barack Obama
He stated that he had received an email from a formerly very powerful man who wanted an Asian
apothecary to grind the nuts into a powder, in order to make a very powerful male enhancing aphrodisiac. Apparently the women
of Harlem were not being properly serviced by him. In contrast, a Southwestern governor wanted to hang them from the rear
view mirror of his campaign bus. He was going to use them the way the ancient Israelite's used the Ark of the Covenant. Apparently
his new campaign slogan was going to be “Si yo lo hice, Si yo lo hice”. Jesse went so far as to tell us that he
had entered into negotiations with a woman. Who cited that she had no more use for her ovaries and wanted to replace them
with something more powerful, so she could become the President some day. He shrugged his shoulders and said, “Sometimes
you feel like nut, sometimes you don't.”
Jesse was intrigued by all of the lucrative offers and varied uses for the very prized nuts.
However there was one offer he refused to entertain. That offer came from none other than the devil himself, Karl Rove. Karl
offered substantial compensation for the prized nuts, because he was eager to make them the center piece in his collection
of Democratic leader's balls. However Jesse being a life long Democrat and minister could not stoop that low, no matter how
many silver coins were tossed his way, though the temptation was great.
The temptation was so great because Jesse truly believes that Obama's preaching to Black
men about being responsible when it comes to having children and caring for them, will weaken the Black community. Since Barack
refuses to be the typical Black man or the typical hypocritical politician on this matter, and will not get out there and
father a few illegitimate babies to strengthen the Black community. Jesse felt it was his duty to seize Obama's nuts, and
drain the essence from them. So he could spread that essence throughout the black community, in order to create an army of
extraordinary irresponsible baby making Black men.
The ADD Version
The top ten reasons Jesse Jackson wants Barack's nuts.
10. Clackers Baby.....
09. To hang them from his rear view mirror and ride around the barrio shouting Si
yo lo hice, Si yo lo hice
08. To have them assayed for their brass content.
07. Wanted to disprove the ear size / testicle size correlation myth.
06. Big marble game on the horizon, he needed a new favorite aggie.
05. The Asian's are always looking for some powerful nuts to grind into an aphrodisiac
powder.
04. He views himself as an Almond Joy type person while Barack is clearly a Mounds
kind of guy.
03. He wanted to protect them from Karl Rove and the rest of the Republican party.
02. So Hillary can have them surgically implanted and become President.
And the number one reason Jesse Jackson wants Barack's nuts is.........
01. He was going to use them to create an army of extraordinary Black men.
By B. Bell
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