by Anita Sands or astrology at earthlink dot net
Poor us. We gals have always got it backwards. The thing that attracts men to us is that we are alive, powerful, successful, out on our own, and not hanging on their elbows, cow-eyed, hungry for attention, whimpering like a cocker-spaniel, hungry to be loved by them and whining when left alone. Adorable, active, loveable independence, plus tremendous, brilliant talents that we pass on to others in classes, that we develop by continuing education ourselves, talents that we tend and USE, then the resulting popularity, cash flow, renown and busy-ness...the very things we love in THEM, we forget to do ourselves when we fall into love and this creates problems!
As a practicing, California astrologer, I meet thousands of women a year and hear their stories. What I see my lamenting clients doing, in every case, is trading IN all hope of a separate and successful existence, for a very unattractive in-activity. Their function in life has become to admire THEIR MAN, to mirror his 'greatness' back to him. Women fan their man's egos and lest it be said that we are totally selfless, what we actually are doing is buying ourselves a little bit more of THEIR fascination, interest and time with this mirroring act. Not a LOT of time --- for this tilted love affair never lasts very long. 'Yes Men' (or women) always are found out.
How does the love affair of the devotee and the great one die? Maybe one day, l0 years from now, the devotee (you) simply wakes on the wrong side of the bed and doesn't see the great one's greatness, (maybe she woke on the RIGHT side, huh?) but this morning she only sees the great one's colossal ego, unkindness, self-absorption, pettiness, a complete dark side the devotee claims not to have had a CLUE was there. Huh? She wakes from her sleep with this immense start. "I am being seriously mistreated!" she says. NO DUHHHHH!
This person we were praying to on bent knees suddenly seems self-involved, cheap, mean and a real jerk. The jerk, of course, catches the briefest sight of a gaze of alarmed, turned-off acrid distaste in our shocked eyes and boom! He knows the jig is up. He's been revealed as an imposter and like Dracula at the first crack of dawn, he unfolds his wings and flies away.
That lover is history. He has departed the affair without a glance backward at his former awe-struck devotee. Dracula suddenly finds that his royal persona, the self-image which formerly burned brightest with our pounding palms as wind, our blood, sweat and tears for fuel --- burns a little brighter with a new admirer and off he flies to once again recapture his own sense of greatness with a new blood source.
How many years did we waste being a false being's blood source this time? Last time? Next time? All the times strung together? Did we lose just our youth? Our middle Age? The prime of our energy? The sparkle of our mind? How much did we weep? How many children did we bear during the course of this charade? How many books did we not read? how many schools or seminars did we not attend while we walked around in a foggy haze of admiration, feigned or real, or walking around stoned on love? How many friends were we too depressed to join on outings? How many exciting careers did we miss? How many of our own talents went unused while we applauded another's?
The GREAT SELF that WE were has disappeared. It suffocated while we were addicted to a stupid, petty drug---the hope of getting a little of the loved one's love, time, touch, recreational hours, company, etc. Like a demented pussycat, we waited at a mouse-hole where no mouse appeared, hour after hour, day after day, year after year. We withered as we stared at that blank hole. Our talents atrophied. Our brains shriveled. We got old and crazy. We self-immolated.
BUT NOT TO WORRY! The day and hour he leaves and you look in a mirror is the day and hour you start your super great wonderful creative LIFE!It is the day that you STUDY AT THESUCCESS IN LOVE SEMINARwhich is free, online, 105 classrooms or chapters!
SUCCESS IN LOVE means waking up to this sloppy, self-destructive, wasteful, foolish habit, say before the age of 30. 25 would be nice of course, but 30 would be o.k. There'd still be some time to be successful in love if one awoke to the sick dynamics in most love affairs by 40. But this obsessive romanticism persists in women well into their fifties. They all come to me looking for a man on the horizon. Jupiter on their seventh cusp. Another great man to buy with their admiration. Which is buying a guy with lies.
This obsessive romanticism is infantile. It is nothing more than the play of the neurons on the mind (and maybe the ovaries). The human is trapped in the grasp of his or her hormones and reproductive tissue. And even when the hormones abate, the mind clings to the prior hormonal insanity like an aging co-ed weeping into a dead corsage while going through her high school yearbook.
If you had a choice, would you sign up for a club where you had to remain in such a state of enthrallment and addiction? Where you had to --with each breath,---look at life through the eyes of a yin-yang, automatic meat puppet? The male scurries to find lucrative money making games a fine car and a persona that attracts beautiful women into having sex with him; the female scurries to make herself intoxicating looking in order to trap a successful male into legal baby-making. Neither develop their minds, their social responsibility. Neither works for the planet. Neither looks outward at the world in which he or she lives. Neither had really audacious ideas for businesses that would inform, awake, teach, heal or employ others. Not even hardly.
To be in the grasp of the romance obsession, the false pink cloud, no matter how cushy and pink it may be at some brief, fleeting moments, is to be in the grasp of a FEVER that can and will distract us from real life and from our own talents, dreams, vision --- the most important things. If Mother Teresa had had pretty legs or men chasing her at age l8, or if she had been susceptible to men, about 50,000 people MORE would be dead or starving in Calcutta. This one life prevented a great deal of suffering. So, there is no addiction more distracting, stultifying or harmful than over emphasizing love of the opposite sex, and putting it at the top of your life agenda.
The Jungians would argue with this, saying that opposites must attract, that polarities attract most firmly and that the yin or most usually---female partner by NATURE will want to stay home and do nothing but procreate and nurture babies and fan the ego of the yang, active accomplishing partner, and not to worry, that at age 40 the duo will suddenly trade places when the man runs out of testosterone and his ego is ready, willing and able to let the wife move into gear as the breadwinner while he stays home and putters about the garden and tries new quiche recipes and this newly liberated woman can move out and get a career and this is the natural tide of life. The Jungians never knew the 90's job market or the 90's man.
Today men don't run out of testosterone until way later than 40. A successful businessman holds on to the male power charade until 65 if he's to be considered successful. And Kurchen Kuchen und Kinder (Hitler told Germany this CHURCH COOKING AND KIDS bit was required of WIVES!) type women are eroding their brains and popping Prozac just to be able to sit knitting with junior on the slides and swings and they're chomping at the marital bit, and doing so throughout the marriage, in spite of any amount of PTA and by age 40 the job market doesn't want them so they add to the mood swings of menopause by doing some serious drinking.
What is interesting is that if both the teen male and female would awake from the automatic hunger for romance in a finger snap and were suddenly to become primarily interested in working on themselves, then bettering the planet, and doing audacious, ambitious work that they loved and were interested in, doing it well, ---love, romance the opposite sex and the pink cloud would go chasing them down the street non-stop.
Beingness attracts havingness, always did, and never the other way around. Woman's liberation means waking up before that "opposite sex loves me" needle gets in our arm, because once it does, there will be no end to the addiction.Romanta-holics run like greyhounds chasing a stuffed rabbit. They wait for years outside mouse-holes where no mouse exists. A cat would have more sense.
There should be classes in grade school to prepare us for puberty. But there aren't. Education has progressed to the point where young people can be taught theorems that will launch machines that can fly 90 million miles to Jupiter but there is a serious chink in their education regarding the two feet of meat between their gonads and their brains on their OWN machine.
The fact that there are a lot of things more important than pursuing ideal romance while in a deep hypnotic trance is finally dawning on a lot of middle-aged people who will squint sadly at the fact, recognize truth in it, but not know what in the hell to do with the fact.
What is needed is a few dozen 'Success in Love' Seminars, one in each city, with block captains, textbooks, tests and aversion therapy like in the movie “Clockwork Orange” because we no longer have guru lineages, grandmothers who bounce grandchildren on their knees and warn them with instructive parables. Due to a dearth of illuminated, tribal storytellers, fired by the spirit of "I am my granddaughter's keeper," we need seminars. Due to a lack of poets who can write accurate mythologies about foolish mermaids who were goddesses at the get-go but who---drugged by an evil fairy, fell prey to the sight of a man on the shore and were moved to trade their magical, fleet tails and sea kingdoms to walk on stony earth with clumsy, painful bleeding feet. We need GURUS.
In American literature, fiction and film today, the useful, instructive fairy tales that might get written lie at the bottom of the pile in a toybox full of gag-me-with-a-spoon Barbie doll Cinderella movies. Did all wisdom die? Have concrete, freeways, streetcar tracks, parking lots and smog covered all traces of the ancient ancestral true knowledge? Will the truth ever be taught again?
It will if you teach it. Go forth and start Loveaholics Anonymous Groups in your living room. Develop its curriculum (ask me for the file). Carry the Glad Word. The religion of Otherism was a false religion. The religion of Self is the True one. Write me, at firstname.lastname@example.org and ask for file on 'How to start this group in your town' and make a pile of money doing it.(clickable URL so CLICK ON IT!)
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GO TO THE LUCK IN LOVE WEBSITE and take the FREE SUCCESS IN LOVE TRAINING!