A Fellow wrote me, "I was with this girl for four years.  I always tried to get
away from her but she never really let me. She's a good girl and she loved me to death but I really hurt her feeling so many times. But now she's gone and I miss her but the problem is that I'm not sure if I'm really in love with her. I know I love her but I don't want to go and try to get her back and then realize that I was just lonely or that I don't really want to be with her and hurt her feelings again? How can I know for sure? please let me know. "

I wrote him back. "Sir, Your problem is not in the love that you two had,
nor is it whether love is in your future or was in your destiny or wasn't or if you get her or don't get her. NONE of these are the real NUB of the matter. The matter is that you don't know your own heart, or in the past you didn't. And your heart needed this pain to be awakened. YOU were not IN FEELING. You were OUT OF FEELING. You may be damaged from childhood experiences, you may be focused on money. There are many potential CAUSES of being OUT OF the heart. NON FEELING. THE CURE, very easy. Shouldn't take you more than one or two lifetimes. And the point is you have time to work on it. all the lifetimes you want. Cures that we know are reliable, GETTING CONSCIOUSNESS, becoming reverent of sacred things, religion, yoga, healthfoods, meditation, slowing down, quitting stimulants like cokes, coffee. becoming lighter thru vegan diet.....all these change our essence.

If the pain of loss of love sends you down this road, it'll pay off. Within a few lifetimes (MAYBE THIS ONE if you're very good) you can attract and hold love. That is....be loveable and be constant enough to KEEP someone ELSE loving and trusting you.

You mention that you varied in your affection. If a father said "honey, jump into my arms" and the infant or toddler jumped and dad took away his arms a few times, and the kid splatted on the ground........that child would soon wander off and find another love and it sure wouldn't be DAD!

So you splatted the girl who loved you a bit. What's the problem? Four years were lost by the girl? She'll recover. Some gals lose THIRTY years. As I tell women, and mostly I advise WOMEN... "you can lose a lot of GOOD years on a BAD man" She learned from it. The second she sees an uncommited man, she'll bolt. She won't put in more good years on a bad man. There is a danger for someone whos' been hurt. They become gunshy, shy about the thing that hurt them. As Mark Twain said, A cat that leapt up on a hot stove won't leap up on a hot stove twice. The problem is, he won't leap up on a cold one either." meaning he won't be able to eat as easily.

You learned something. You learned to be polite to loving, giving women.
So who says things don't happen for the best? One man's disaster is
another man's transformative odyssey."

I sent that off in the email. There was a resounding silence. He didn't write me back! Hmmmmmmm. Unfeeling chaps are frequently unredeemable! Oh well, at least they don't get into the gene pool, do they! Look on the bright side! They marry some stripper who produces a Charlie Manson son who usually doesn't breed for reasons of being in state institutions!