ON BEING LOVEABLE
new astrology client wrote me that his wife had walked out on him. He
wrote me, "I was with her for four years. I always tried to get
away from her, I wasn't sure sometimes that I loved her. I came home
late, went out drinking with the guys, worked weeks on end in other
cities, you name it, I did it. She's a good girl and she loved me to
death but I really hurt her feelings so many times that finally she'd
had enough and boom, she divorced me. There was no talking her out of
it. Now she's gone and I miss her but the problem is that I'm not sure
if I'm really in love with her. I know I love her. But see, I do NOT
want to go and try to get her back. Why? I asked. “Because then I
realize that I was just lonely or that I don't really want to be with
her and hurt her feelings again! How can I know for sure? Please do my
horoscope, let me know. "
I wrote him that I didn't need to do any horoscope
and told him by e-mail your problem is not in the amount of love that
you two had, nor if it was real or not nor is it whether love is
in your future or was in your destiny or wasn't --or if you get her or
don't get her. NONE of these are the real NUB of the matter. The matter
is that you don't know your own heart. Your heart is hard, your manners
rude and no matter HOW much you love a girl or have a great courtship
with her, your heart is born to betray and sir, you needed this pain to
The difference between little boys and men, is
that grown up men know you have to earn a woman's love. Little boys
think that love is like air ----- free, everywhere, stand up tall
breathe deep and you get all you want, forever. HA!
I know what makes men think the love, adoration
things is natural in girls. Courtship is full of delicious highs, loving
moments, ecstasies of the heart and fun events that make a girl fall
hard for a guy. They take gorgeous walks in nature, swim at the beach,
picnic, see movies holding hands, eat dinners out in fabulous cafes. So a
guy expects that high voltage girl thing forever. They marry the girl,
then marriage settles down to life mates, Room mates and very little of
that plugged in gratuitous electricity. A good marriage depends on a man
replacing the ecstasies of courtship with some impeccable, good
manners! And a woman replacing that awestruck goofy smile with a memopad
on her forehead.
I wrote him "YOU were not IN FEELING. You were OUT
OF FEELING. You may be damaged from childhood experiences, you may be
too focused on ego, that huge car you drive and gotta pay for, on the 80
hour job instead of a 40 hour week, and too focused on money and career
to the point that when you get home you're too tired and worn out to
even see how cute she is, how good her dinner was, or experience any fun
together watching movies at home, or you're too blah mentally to enjoy
dynamic conversations with her so that anything she says is a bore to
you, and on weekends, you're snoring all day not going on nature walks,
and hey, in general, you are too blitzed to feel loving. SHE STUCK with
you for four years of that? She deserves sainthood!"
"There are many potential CAUSES of being OUT OF
the heart or NON FEELING and over absorbed in life's junk instead of the
real thing but there's only one CURE and it's very easy. It shouldn't
take you more than one or two lifetimes. The cure is being balanced,
utterly kind, pouring love onto other people lavishly, pouring fun,
gifts, attention, kind words, good manners and stage managing thrilling
events you can do in free time and making the free time and keeping your
word about free time."
"The point about falling in love at first sight is
that you have to work on it from that point onward. Now, it appears you
have time to work on it. All the lifetimes you want. The cures for
stony hearts that we know are reliable do not involve sweet talking a
lady, buying her stuff so that she forgives you. No, the ultimate real
cure is waking up, GETTING CONSCIOUS.
"You want to transform into a man who's
instinctively and naturally reverent of sacred things, a loving girl,
your sweetheart, wife, your vows to her to not play around, not drink or
dope, your promise to come home at 5 pm for dinner. On time. And not
leave her eating alone wondering who you're eating with.
"Smaller ways to become kind might entail having
some religion, or doing some yoga, eating healthfoods so that you're
lighter, more sensitive and don't need to club the brain with stimulants
and coffee and cokes as all stimulants put you up in your brain, just
make you pacy, greedy, thinky, paranoid, untrusting and mean. I refer to
cokes, coffee but it could be interpreted as diet pills or harder
"In California folks achieve transformation
focusing the brain on a quiet meditation, a few minutes to train the
brain to stop jiving us, whipping us all the time, slowing down and not
running around like a trumpeting bull elephant all the time.
And becoming lighter thru a vegan diet.....all these little adjustments to the machine will change our essence.
If this pain of loss of love sends you down any of
these roads, it'll pay off. Within a few lifetimes (MAYBE THIS ONE if
you're very good) you can attract and hold love. That is .... be
loveable and be constant enough to KEEP someone ELSE loving and trusting
You mention that you varied in your affection many
times but never once mention how that maybe was like a painful slap in
her face every time. If a father said "honey, jump into my arms" and the
infant or toddler jumped and dad took away his arms a few times, and
the kid splatted on the ground........that child would soon wander off
and find another love and it sure wouldn't be DAD!
So you splatted the wife who loved you and finally
didn't love you enough to get hurt all the time. She moved on. What's
the problem? Four years were lost by the girl? She'll recover.
What I see most of the time is some gals are
loving enough, forgiving enough to lose THIRTY years. As I tell women,
and mostly I advise the female sex ... you can lose a lot of GOOD years
on a BAD man. That girl ought to pay you for what she learned from those
few years. Now, the second she sees an uncommitted man running around
like a bull elephant absorbed in money making, or indulging his body in
food, drink, drugs, travel without her, or cheesy affairs, she'll run
the other way. Most younger women don't have that 'getaway' instinct built into them.
She won't put in more good years on a bad man. Of
course, there is a danger for someone who has been hurt. They become gun
- shy, wary of the thing that hurt them. As Mark Twain said, A cat that
leapt up on a hot stove won't leap up on a hot stove twice. The problem
is, he won't leap up on a cold one either." meaning he won't be able to
find a nice raw chop as easily. So I hope she doesn't shy away from
love all together.
You both learned something. You learned to be
polite to be loving, giving to women, stay pure for your woman and to
pour sugar on her every minute. She learned to avoid twerps. So who says
things don't happen for the best? What 'don't kill ya makes ya
stronger! One man's disaster is another man's transformative
I sent that off in the email. There was a
resounding silence. He didn't write me back! What a rude putz! Unfeeling
chaps are frequently unmannerly and this kind is always real
un-redeemable! Oh well, at least they don't get into the gene pool, do
they! Look on the bright side! Nice girls leave them and they always
marry some stripper who produces a Charlie Manson son who usually
doesn't breed for reasons of being in state institutions! And the family
lineage stops right there. So by the laws of DARWIN, we should have
LESS crumb-bums walking around each century, no? So how come there are
so many rude men on this planet today?
Is it because women are breeding with worthless worms before they find out who and what he is?
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