by Anita Sands Hernandez, 6-24-02

My feeling about the Bush Cheney War on oil rich lands is that it could precipitate the end. Other soothsayers warn of an earthquake period coming and punching out our lights, literally. And still others predict nuclear bombs set off everywhere by Palestinians, and the Internet Left Wingers warn that death will come with two things, First, the SMART MONEY card, which that means only if you have a job can you get food, and the second hand clapping would be world wide depression, no jobs. Spielberg predicts there could be comet, U.S. Gov would have us believe Arab terrorists will hit the nuclear power generators, there will be no electricity. If any of them are right, some morning we'll wake up and there will be no clocks, no banks, no T.V., no stock market, no SSI checks or entitlements, no jobs, and no food being trucked in to our city. ALL AT THE SAME TIME! THE TWILIGHT ZONE!

And in the place of that peaceful little vista outside your window,  there'd be cars tooting, curfews, massive unemployment, no food in stores, everybody hoarding cans and water, all that craziness!

If that happens, it will be dangerous as Hell to be in a big city. And as everybody who's ever jumped out of a plane with a folded chute and a prayer knows….WHAT FUN! Easy times made us fat. GIVE US HARD TIMES!, what say you?

In Tempus Disastrus, we can be certain that 1/3 of America would immediately not receive its monthly DOLE checks nor would employees who worked for big government' or the huge corporations that had governm't contracts. The resulting starvation, homelessness, chaos and fear could make panicky populations do ANYTHING. That's why you want a fence around you and why I prefer renting old houses with TALL fences, moats and dragons. "Oh give me a HOOOOOME, where a Rottweiler can roam and the kids and the servants can PLAAAAAAY." .

I don't have a rott but I'd sure put a picture of one on my gate  And I'd sit behind the gate doing a gutteral growl., and there'd be a sign saying "Beware of SLUGGER. He eats throats first, butts second, and if your butt ain't big enough, eyeballs THIRD." See, my feeling is that I know how to survive on sheer bravado.

But a more reliable answer related to surviving a huge depression is to WORK hard and buy as few trinkets and crap in the marketplace as is humanly possible, feed on as little overpriced silly entertainment, both in the period leading up to this disaster and DURING. As George Carlin has said, we're too hung up on our STUFF.

I know I am. It took me 14 full full size U-haul truckloads to move here. Two trips a day for seven daysI can't move this show out into the countryside and camp on a rock. I need a rented home with closets, a garage for my boxes, walls for art, two yards for fruit trees. My orchard is small but it will bear just as this disaster period hits. The psychics say 2012 is definitely end time. My trees are already producing enough food to give me a few meals two seasons out of every year.

I also grow vegies four seasons as I'm in California. No snow.  Could grow them more efficiently if I quit growing FLOWERS. True, my rent in a RENTED HOME is a bit more than what an apartment is, but when my kid gets out of the loony bin, I will  HAVE ANOTHER PERSON PAYING HALF.  So it's going to be much less money than an apartment. Pro-rated for two.

I'd say, apartment dwellers? Got sane children? Earning real cash? START NOW. Earn greenbacks full time. Do as little spending on fashion, decor or entertainment as possible. Seek a rented home with a huge yard, an acre is optimum, a nice landlord who won't raise the rent on you. I asked mine, did you raise rents on the tenants in your other 21 houses? he hadn't on anybody and many have been in those homes since the 50's. That was good news. He also thought this house had three bedrooms. It had FOUR! And he was glad that I was going to fill it with fruit trees. Brave man! So concentrate on making the money to move your butt to an old tear down cottage like mine. Built in the fifties, nothing leaks but shabby as Hell so the yuppies wouldn't live here.

And you know what? If you want to earn some serious money starting now, do as little internet surfing as possible for a while. Surfing takes up time. Just cut down to three hours a day and you could use that time to do something new to earn moonlighting/ extra cash. Something you can do thru the Iraq War stagflation period where hourly salaries are really pretty high.  Anything from cleaning chimneys and attics (very lucrative, ask me for the file) or Landscaping. I know a house painter who makes 24$ an hour. He says he can do 25 gallons of paint in a 7 hour day.

If you can't do the usual big money things: painting houses, cleaning attics, or cleaning houses for 45$ a day, try massaging people as massage gets you l00$ an HOUR. Don't like foreign skins? Well then, type for students under the table, don't tell IRS. Always for cash. Keep the money hidden under the carpet, under the bed. Cut a slice in carpet, slide it under. When the fit hits the shan, the only thing any of us will need is GREENBACKS. Gold, Silver are hard to translate into a pound of protein, you know what I mean? DOLLAR bills will work!

I'd advise you to get some pals and rent an old house with a big yard. One that has fruit trees. Where you can grow soybeans, other proteins like aduki or mung beans, cowbeans called blackeyed peas (ask me for seed) Many of these foods are sproutable and store in winter months so you can have live proteins in January! They are also delicious cooked with non-nutritional but tasty foods like rice. And grow plain bean red or pinto or black beans and collard and salad greens which are a protein. You say not? Hey, look at the cow! He doesn't need to eat MEAT. Neither do we!

THREE tenants in a house like that will provide a super low rent. Survival in the mountains isn't for us. We're city folks who will "make it" even if the city is running red, (I mean starving hoardes cutting necks and blood running red in the gutter.) We'll stay in the house with a butcher knife, go out Sunday morning for some basics like OIL, coffee and sugar....but with any luck, we'll have some chickens and won't need oil. (keeping some poultry in the shed gives us a certain fat. Now me, I couldn't kill one as I had Puck Puck and felt she was my daughter, but you might be luckier than I in that area) and slice thru throats blithely.

Other things are harder.We'll just have to go and pay hard cash for coffee beans. Though in Zone l0 you could grow them! We can bake our own whole grain bread and maybe forget about food addictions like white bread, Bisquick....Sara Lee, Hagan Das. What a waste of greenbacks these things were! Actually, maybe I should make a personal sacrifice and add Columbian COFFEE beans to that list! NOT!

But any effort to give up our vices and we're gonna do fine in the city. Just ask yourself are there any totally poor welfare dependents in your area?? When welfare stops, they do tend to cut affluent throats a little more easily than  starving yuppies will. (But only slightly more). And maybe having all those clucking chickens in your yard isn't a good idea. Even parakeets and canaries might look like a snack to a disaster time maurader.

So think it out. I started already. Put in my orchard. At HOME DEPOT 9$ each bareroot tree, bon marche prices, I got a plum, nectarine, guava, apricot, cocktail grapefruit, sweet lemon, avocado, orange, lime, pomegranate and Eureka sour lemon tree. Apricots grow true to parents so they can be grown out of super market PITS! Or found at pals' homes, six inches high, surrounding the apricot tree.  My daughter bought me a Persian black mulberry. I had seedlings from my purple mulberries, planted a lot of those. I have a mutt avocado. They are not true to species unless grafted. So it won't be a HASS but it'll be edible. My squirrels, Carlitos and Captain Cody Clarke actually planted two almond trees for me. I need a persimmon tree as I'm nuts about them with lime juice but haven't done that yet. I have several figs. They grow from whips you cut from other people's trees in January, sink half way in soil.

I bought six raspberry plants. They turned into 500 over a five year period! I have three muscat grape vines, not bearing yet. Because I haven't got the guy to build the arbor. I always plant chayote vines. Every  year I go wild and grew something totally inedible: gourds, but they are warty, rainbow gourds, great decor at Turkey time. Next Xmas we'll string the gourds onto old Xmas tree lights so you have light up weird fruits and sell them. GREENBACKS is all I want for Xmas. Greenbacks to survive the depression.

Now, if you're a yuppie, fer Gawdsake, at first sign of Apocalpyse, get out of the Stock market, mutuals and all; stash that cash in banks without spending. Pull cash out and midnight garden because in a cataclysm, banks will have a RUN. A RUN? You don't remember l929? Germany in 33? OK. My parents lived thru both. Dad in Germany where it cost several hundred dollars in paper for a loaf of bread, my Mom in San Luis Obispo California where they turned their house into a boarding house!. They both had bank runs galore.

A RUN is like a Macy's sale only everybody's weeping and they shove you to the ground, not just push past you. You see, they are RUNNING into the bank to get their money and when they can't, running out screaming  which is why it's called a RUN.

Then, as the big depression hits, you and your tenants will have tons of bucks under a rose bush and can buy forecloseure properties like gumdrops. SOMEONE will be employed out there, and you can rent to HIM. We have all sensed that something is coming. Something big. The weather has changed, more people are going nuts and killing their own kids than in history or since BAAL was the official religion. Then, all those sexual crimes, disappeared little children, School shootings and now, children are murdering each other lately. We seem to be approaching the end of the world, and time is running out, I thought I should start to prepare for the inevitable... But I'm not sure just which cataclysmI should be prepared for. You want to help me decide?

  • Armageddon/Judgement Day/Rapture  2012??
  • 2. Nostradamus -Rivers of fire, -  ??
  • Solar Maximum FLARES .. We finally had one, recently. So don't laugh.
  • World War 3 - date and protagonists unknown ?? but Iraq is lookin' real good. China and Taiwan and the other brothers, Palestine and Israel
  • Kashmir war between India and Pakistan. LOTTA HOT SPOTS!
  • Earth Changes poles tilt, Antarctica melts, El Nino, RED TIDE, ozone evaporates, sun burns us all to chicharron, various calamities... dates unknown
  • Spielberg ain't dumb. he says an Intergalactic meteor bypass will pull the air away, or if it lands, cause a cloud so thick nothin' will grow for 50 years except mushrooms. Our dinosaurs will die, so will we unless we learn to eat mushroom linguini day and night.....say goodnite Gracie.

  • 7. Pleiadean destructor fleet...?? Nahh, I've met them. They aren't killers. Now, the GRAYS, the Draconians, the Reptiles, that's a horse of a different color. But they are shy.
  • Cayce says earthquakes and tidal waves are due any day
  • Mayans said 2012 was end of it all. Vegetarians believe this. Don't know why them. Maybe something in tortillas and guacamole.

  • 10. 143 Suitcase ATOMIC bombs are missing from Russia. Their Mafia sold them to terrorist nations. I expect a bomb to turn up soon on Wilshire Blvd which would be major overkill for those geriatrics worshipping at Sinai Temple In Bev Hills.

    11. World Recession, banks, IRS, SSA and stock market will FREEZE. Western economy will collapse. Dollar collapsing right now. This one is practically a GIVEN.

      I'm not sure whether I need to backup my tax records, do midnight gardening starting now, start praying, buy a pair of Ray Bans, or dig a big hole...?? Me? I'm planning on sticking it out right here, selling all my chatzkes and collectibles at a huge garage sale while the economy's still good.

    My DREAM, of course is selling a movie script in which case I'm buying a 20 acre farm in the far west end of the valley and growing a diversity of foods like trees, fruits, chickens for eggs,(not meat) goats for milk and cheese, a reasonable diet. Putting in a forest for fire wood, a generator, and some fiiiine, café arabica trees.

     If a comet makes a big cloud enshroud the planet and the sun goes out, one can survive and eat by SPROUTing seeds, beans and eat a healthy diet. You can survive looters if it's a comet because it'll be too dark for them to find you without a flash light. And the drug store will be totally out of batteries and only YOU can find your way around your own house in the dark. There's a pony here somewhere.

     So be chipper. If it's something minor like no food supply in a total recession and bank meltdown, remember, you always thought you had a little extra blubber on you. You'll sail through a month or two of dieting.

      And you can even survive a close hit with a neutron bomb if it's a Russian suitcase bomb put in a Temple on Wilshire by Saddam Hussein. Do it like me.... by moving to Reseda,  a burough of L.A., 18 miles from the radioactive cloud.

     You can survive a quake if you live on bedrock. You can survive ozone with Raybans, you can survive a tidal wave if you have a rubber boat tied in the yard with a few hundred feet of cord so it won't be tied to the bottom of the sea (!) and always leave the back door open and have some raisins, canned bait, a straw hat and fishing line in the raft.

    You can live without electricity if you have a windmill, you can live without a PC if you have a battery radio and a morse code set and you can live without a body or a planet if you have a soul.

    This last one appeals to me as the supreme last ditch method as I was regressed to a prior lifetime, saw repeated lives in cinerama and technicolor so I have faith that the soul outlives the body but I'll allow not everybody would imagine there's a survival method THERE. As what if there's no EARTH? Would my soul know how to sail to another solar universe?

    So, let's stop laughing. On a serious note, here are John Williams' Tips for Wrenching Times found on the net, at Consumertronics (Not the film composer.) These guys are  found at

    1. Store up one year's supply of food. Don't rely upon frozen or canned food but primarily upon grains, soybeans, sprouting seed, beans, wheat and dehydrated & freeze dried foods. Get into gardening if you have the space and keep an ample supply of seed to meet any upcoming crunch. Easist way is to grow a crop in your yard, harvest part, dry seed for next year. Keep on hand large containers for storing water to be filled in a hurry when the collapse occurs.

     2. If your home cannot be defended against riotous mobs by you and your family alone, pick a retreat in a nearby wilderness quickly accessible to you along some direct route that does NOT go through a populated area. Obtain maps of your retreat area, studies of its flora and fauna (Forest Service and game wardens), and camp on a regular basis in your area all year around to become accustomed to its feel and defensibility. Best is to buy an acre there, install septic tank, tent there while you compost it with all GREEN trashcans collected in your neighborhood, and nearby farmers' manure. Compost for a year if possible, Every autumn, turn compost into ground. Plant GREEN crop in spring, Alfalfa and legumes mixed. DISC that in 2 mos later. THEN plant your nut/avocado/fruit trees and vegie garden.

    NOTE: If you live in a large city your best bet, as poor as it is, is to establish your retreat in your city neighborhood. When the collapse occurs, if you panic and try to make a wild dash to the country, you will end up doing it mostly on foot (all roads will become blocked beyond resolution) and you will likely die in the process. But you will need gun and ammunition to protect your orchard and vegie garden. Also, the many homeless will be trying to SQUAT in your home, burying YOU and family in your own yard so they can eat your poodle.

    3. Carefully choose a survival arsenal. For every person in your group age 10 and over you should have one semi-automatic rifle (.223 or .308). In addition each person over 10 should have a reliable auto-pistol (9mm or .45), and the group should have a collection of .22 rimfire rifles, high powered revolvers, and shotguns. Finally, the group must have at least one highly-accurate (scope mounted) bolt- action rifle of high caliber (.308, .30-06, 7mm Magnum, etc.) Adequate ammunition stores must be provided for EACH gun in the arsenal, as well as all the things that go with guns (repair parts, reloading equipment, ammo components, extra magazines, bandoliers, holsters, cleaning equipment, ammo boxes, carrying cases, etc.).

    4.Store up other survival components such as many hand tools, heavy-duty "work" clothes, medicines & medical supplies, communications equipment, energy supplies, hygienic supplies, camping equipment & supplies, ropes, bags, boxes, fishing equipment, fire starters, etc., etc.

    5. Rough it! Cut your standard of living - particularly pleasure vacations. Do NOT get a second job or make any outstanding efforts to pay off consumer debts costing 2% or more below your inflationary rate. Right now, you need more than anything else the time to properly prepare you and your loved ones' survival when the collapse occurs. Having all the gear on hand is only 50% of the survival effort - you must be practiced and knowledgeable with their uses. When the crunch hits, if you don't start high on the survival learning curve, chances are you won't live beyond the first month.

  • Do NOT invest in one bag of silver coins per family member as Howard Ruff suggests! Believe me, they'll be few active coin collectors around after the shit hits the fan! Silver MAY be worth something, then again you coins may be as valuable as Confederate dollars were after the Civil War. But ammo will certainly become extremely valuable. Your best bet is .22 LR and shotgun ammo (12 gauge only) - these items translate directly into physical survival. So, after you have satisfied all of your other survival needs, invest ALL of your extra money into guns and ammo -particularly ammo!

  • Get into excellent physical condition. Play some racket ball sport to build speed, coordination, and maneuverability; lift weights to build substantial upper body strength; and run (I didn't say jog) on steep inclines and rough terrain to build endurance and leg power. But start gradually and work steadily (you don't want to injure yourself in your enthusiasm) and get yourself checked out by a physician because THAT would kill you faster and more surely than all the above cataclysms put together.