THE RUTHLESS RULES OF LIFE THAT WILL MAKE OUR CHILDREN GREAT
As parents, turning out competent kids, it behooves us to learn the Ruthless Rules of REALITY. Our children will grow up to be miracles if we get conversant with the time-honored modes of thought and action that lead to our young having sane and successful lives and minds. To instill the Rules in kids, we have to learn them well and be models of this behavior.
These rules show up in Buddhism, Judaism, Christianity, Post-Freudian psychiatry as well as in our legal codes. They show up in the writings of New age Philosophers like Deepak Chopra, Byron Katie and Neal Walsch who the Master Jules loved. I got them from him all the time and today I wrote the ones I remembered down. Now, they will show up on your lips and those of your friends so that your kids (once having learned the basic rule,) instinctively remember to use the rules and thusly become wise, great and kind, not automatic, turbulent and thusly venal.
When a child in his actions or candid conversational confidences, shows where his habitual thinking diverges from 'the rules,' aren't you glad that you were there, to spot it?Mom or Pop lay in wait, handy with a reference point that puts the child back on the road map to living gracefully.
So when Junior blurts out that his opinion is X and hearing it, you get the feeling someone hit you between the eyes with a hammer, you will know the exact rule that kid is breaking and be handy with a pointer. Generally, the rules for good living are these:
1.) NEGATIVE OPINIONS ARE A BAD ADDICTION! Opinions are the poor man's way of feeling High and Mighty. Opinions are real cheap. Anyone can have them. Having one doesn't make you better than the offender, even though for a minute our judgment makes us feel like Gods on Olympus. Unfortunately, that need to look down on others and do it in a group at times, in order to feel sanctimonious in our opinions and good about ourselves is a real addictive, negative and quite common tendency. Teach Junior to catch himself alone and in the group, and do a real quick 180 when he's mouthing off mentally or aloud and his opinion is judgmental or negative. Help the child listen to himself when he's ranting on about his opinions, perceptions on things or people, what's wrong with someone, their acts, words, making him have rage which he's sharing with a confidante and see such sharing as a kind of savage group hate ritual. Help the kid to see the original rage-causing event from the offender's viewpoint, so that the child learns to reverse his rigid perceptions and subjective judgments and see it from another's point of view. The offender's point of view. In other words, to be so acrobatic that at first sign of inner explosion, he becomes aware and can with mental agility do a total180. As a corollary, cut others some slack. Most folks haven't learned the rules and are asleep. So it shouldn't be a surprise they commit a faux pas.
2). Avoid Black and White thinking. Life is many shades of color. Black and white Spectrum thinking with a magnetic charge over on the ends of spectrum designated as "pure white 'I LIKE IT' and total black 'I HATE it" is juvenile, automatic, and highly habitual and will lead the kid down a wrong path. Often, things we LOVE are quite bad for us and things we don't like are quite good for us. And qualities we dislike in people aren't our business. Unless your mind is stuck on having opinions.
3.) GOD GAVE US SHORT NOSES. Don't stick the ole nose into other people's stuff. Judgments about how others look, act, behave, run their lives is simply sticking our nose into other people's business. Point out to your child (not when he's doing it, as that is a slap, criticism,) but that as a rule, we shouldn't indulge in thinking about other people's business and opining on it. It's wasted calories. Useless. Won't improve the offender one bit. Judging gets to be a bad habit and makes for a career as a talking head or lawyer.
4.) FEET IN THE NOW. Stay square in the Here and Now. Remembering the past and worrying about the future are two real bad habits. When the child does it, remind him that only in the present can he be, do, choose, create, decide or fix anything. Thinking about past mistakes won't help or change a thing. So, why go there?
If we're inattentively stuck in the past that dumb past mistake is likely to repeat. If we're focused to try to get the lesson out of it, unlikely the same set of circumstances will repeat, so though we think we're protected and primed, we are not! Every set of events is unique. So there's no extracting anything useful from ruminating on the past.
Likewise, attempts to visit and know the future are futile as the future will be unique. And it tends to be created by what's in the now. You can't plan for the future if you were never in the now. Futures are built here and only in the now. So now is all there is. Be adept, acrobatic, charming, here and now. Be focused here and now. One great thing that happens when you learn to do that is, --- you will never walk into a room or a conversation and talk about things nobody else was talking about, volunteer facts nobody needed to hear, embarrassing yourself, nervously dither on with non sequiteurs, conversational dead ends, go down back roads that nobody wanted or go off on tangents, showing us you have a disorganized, subjective maybe even lunatic mind.
5.) WHAT IS -- IS PERFECT. Cherish what IS. The drudgery, chores and work you have to do now, today, or choose to do if you're lucky, is perfect. You might call it fated. That horrid chore or classroom was intended for you. It is part of the Curriculum you signed up for. Do it to perfection now, as that habit of enterprise, attacking the job will 'hold you in good stead' and gain you much more than shirking work, dreaming of a fantasy future or complaining about the now, or fighting the status quo involved with work. ALSO in the now is the smell the roses syndrome. If you weren't here, enjoying the delights of the now, when will you ever enjoy them?
6.) HEAR ONLY WHAT WAS SAID. Never put a spin on it, don't assume. Practice "literal listening" when others speak. Don't infer, deduce, and attribute or impute, translate, colorize or worst, waste time refuting. Just listen and see what you get from what was said. Most people are pretty direct and fairly able to get their ideas across. If you don't get a clear picture, you can ask for more on the subject, questioning the speaker so that the words are delivered more clearly or extensively. Putting a spin on the truth is what made history books so untrustworthy.
7. ) SWALLOW BITTER MEDICINE. Honor your critics by doing your best listening without talking back. The universe is paying attention to YOU for a few seconds. How often does that happen? Someone has chosen to show you or tell you 'how you are showing up'... When they finish, nod thoughtfully and say thank you. Now, if you sting with pain, you obviously believe some of that was true. GREAT! Now you can set about fixing those things. That's a much better spot to be in than if they hadn't spoken to you at all.
If what they said is bogus, you don't agree with it, they shot bullets right at you; the bullets passed thru a cloud of smoke without cutting flesh or bone, and it doesn't matter that you wasted a few minutes listening to some opinions. You thank them kindly. They stay your friend. Maybe one day they'll have something better to give you, so keep these candid people around because you are grooming yourself to be a major creator, leader and that takes a team. You don't want all polished 'yes' men around you, nor the taste for them. Keep this critical person handy remembering that if everybody says 'yes' to the boss you get Rumania. And you don't want Rumania! If your critic is just wrong time after time, you have now learned they're a dunce. No need to convince him otherwise, because at this point, he didn't make your team
There is one more thing to do when you hear harsh criticism or, let us add one more condition, when negative events strike, that cop, that ticket, that jail, that fine, that divorce, that fight, ask yourself, 'what did I do to pull this in? i.e. Take responsibility. Bad Events are the red pill, the MATURITY PILL! Not the blue one, the happy but hopelessly rare day that we have an epiphany and learn all about our triggers just as a cloud crosses the sun.
8.) Shoot from the hip. Speak clearly and truthfully. That doesn't mean be outrageous. It means you can say the truth, tactfully kindly and live to tell it again. Always do four things. Tell the truth about yourself to yourself. Tell the truth about yourself to others. Tell OTHERS the truth about themselves. Tell the truth about others to yourself. Don't get in the habit, however of telling OTHERS the truth about OTHERS. That one flies back in your teeth like a boomerang every time.
9). Be a star not a fan. No need to just be a fan and love qualities in others as if you were bereft of these qualities. If you can spot a gift, love it in another, you already have it yourself. Gifts, talents can be honed once you know they're there. Passive audience members waste a lot of time they could be using for lessons! And they forgo a shitload of money they could be earning if they ventured out into the marketplace with their yo-yo.
10) The attitude of Gratitude. Remind the child to practice being grateful for the little things in their life that are lovely or which go right. That will create a cloud of happy molecules around them and make them happy. Happy people are well nourished as happiness and satisfaction are hormonal food forms. Happy kids can pursue the future they want while people bummed out about what they don't have, become ravaged, unmotivated, bitter, dreary, unfocused. Unhappiness is junk food and a steady diet of it makes you look like Godzilla. Godzilla just doesn't get lucky.
11). Practice Random acts of Goodness- Praise, acknowledgement and affirm, doing so to anyone and everyone who does something well. The bus driver. The teacher for his explanation of the Isosceles Triangle, your grandmother for making you read that book, your mother for a meal well cooked, a friend for being loyal. This isn't nuts. You are forwarding the action when you do that. You are calling attention to greatness. You pointed out the driver's alertness. Now, that bus driver realizes that he can take the test to become a fireman or study law. That performer whose act you praised, saying 'you're headed for Hollywood,' now will work harder. People who say good things, create good things. When you continually enhance life by affirming, acknowledging, you are advancing the action. You earn good karma. You are getting your hands on the levers that control outcome. When good things happen because you suggested or promised that they would or said that they would, you are a creator.
12.) Ask for what you want from teachers, friends, parents and bosses, from God. Nobody knows what you want. You think they're psychic? If you hold your silence for years and that person didn't give it to you, and you thought they understood what it was you needed and wanted, dreamed of and they didn't ever do anything for you, you're going to be the horrified, angry, wounded, scarred one. Not they. Why would you damage yourself that much? SPEAK UP! Be your own best friend. But be careful. What you wish for, you may get. The day I wished for a life that would allow for frequent trips to Mexico, I heard that my favorite child had been caught by the police for 'stealing' an Army motorboat, been imprisioned there in Ojos Negros prison in Baja California with a 2k mordida or greased palm req'd to get him out, or he'd get three yrs time. Frame your wishes real cautiously cuz you just may get them.
PROPHECIES, a book which outsold Gone With the WInd and the Bible,
offers us the NINE INSIGHTS:
1 We are discovering again that we live in a deeply mysterious world, full of sudden coincidences and synchronistic encounters that seem destined.
2 As more of us awaken to this mystery, we will create a completely new worldview - redefining the universe as energetic and sacred.
3 We will discover that everything around us, all matter, consists of and stems from a divine energy that we are beginning to see and understand.
4 From this perspective, we can see that humans have always felt insecure and disconnected from this sacred source, and have tried to take energy by dominating each other. This struggle is responsible for all human conflict.
5 The only solution is to cultivate a personal reconnection with the divine, a mystical transformation that fills us with unlimited energy and love, extends our perception of beauty, and lifts us into a Higher-Self Awareness.
6 In this awareness, we can release our own pattern of controlling, and discover a specific truth, a mission, we are here to share that helps evolve humanity toward this new level of reality.
7 In pursuit of this mission, we can discover an inner intuition that shows us where to go and what to do, and if we make only positive interpretations, brings a flow of coincidences that opens the doors for our mission to unfold.
8 When enough of us enter this evolutionary flow, always giving energy to the higher-self of everyone we meet, we will build a new culture where our bodies evolve to ever higher levels of energy and perception.
9 In this way, we participate in the long journey of evolution from the Big Bang to life's ultimate goal: to energize our bodies, generation by generation, until we walk into a heaven we can finally see.