THE POORHOUSE GOURMET & WELFARE COOKERY. 

The welfare lady is still doing my
paperwork. My Dad's check hasn't
arrived. I've got four kids who are
hungry. What do I DO?

I. ENTREES

When you're poor, often there's nothing in the house but some limp veggies. Your kids are hungry. What do you do? Well first, never tell a child the quandry. You smile and serve up a pound of food per person, even if it's odd combinations! The kid won't know it's not a real meal. Ferinstance, If there's BREAD in the house, go outside, pick all the citrus fruit you can find that's fallen off trees in your area, peel off the outer rind, add sugar, lemon or orange juice, boil into jam. Toast that bread. No butter? Try mashed cottage cheese or peanut butter. If there's Tofu in the house you can make bogus Hollandaise, recipe below, drip the stuff all over the vegies and they'll eat them and feel full. If there are a few eggs, you beat them into a puffy meringue batter and make vegie rellenos, with tomato sauce on top, if you're lucky and are saving cheese in a bag, melt it on top. Broccoli is great this way, ditto Puebla peppers (Anaheims,) and the Mex fill them with cheese and meat, but as we're poorer than Mexicans now, we may not have meat. A can of refried beans or make beans from scratch, Refry them. It is very meatlike.

If there's a bag of brown or basmati rice, you can make a festive curry. Again, if there are beans, dry or canned, you can make a savory soup. Getting that basic pantry up and running is the secret to living off your back yard. You pick the few string beans and broccoli bunches that are outside, and combine with something deluxe like cans of tomato soup, tomato sauce, beans, discounted by half at the supermarket for the dents.. Those three work for me.

So, buy beans, tomato sauce, tomato soup, eggs, rice, and a few packages of Ramen. That's those magic oriental noodles with the divine flavoring that makes your brain explode. They're always in the .10 to .25c range so for pennies you'll turn those limp vegies into something delicious and fill those empty bellies and the kids won't even know that they're poor. The secret to making the soup healthy is always keeping some tofu in the freezer or fridge and adding it in small, unnoticeable chips.

Better yet, keep brown rice in the house, which does take 40 minutes but cook a little longer, and you get a lot more nutrition. Also, brown rice is not mucus forming in the body, which white flour like that ramen, IS.

RECIPE FOR GOURMET RAMEN: I ordinarily do not believe in eating any form of FLOUR. Pasta, none of it! But kids will eat vegies served w. ramen, so??? NOW for making ramen well. I had to see the MOVIE "TAMPOPO" to get this recipe right. First, get shrimp flavored Ramen in round foam cups. Your finished soup will have three elegant, little shrimp corpses floating in it, lamentable if you remember what the Dalai Lama said on his last visit: "A spiritual person might eat a steak. One cow dies but 400 people eat, however a shrimp cocktail is a holocaust." According to the Lama, this soup has 3 dead people in it. Anyway, here's the recipe:

Simmer purified water with dried shitake mushroom or plain mushrooms, broccoli, carrots, onions, seaweed, a few slices of ginger (which you don't eat). Simmer 3-4 minutes then pour liquid onto your noodles and add whatever's around. Here's where ingenuity comes in. I like to add (but not all at once) leftover fish or meat, cubed tofu, an egg, spinach leaves, cilantro, chile-sesame oil, soy, bonito fish powder, jalapenos.

I let this all sit 3 min., until the noodles soften. Garnish with toasted sesame seeds, some lemon juice, a few dashes chile sesame oil and perhaps lime juice for a Thai flavor.

JAPANESE VEGE-SOUP- You must have WAKAME seaweeds, on hand, dashi-ni-moto bonito powder, and it helps to have a few dried, shitake mushrooms. Soak shitakes 1/2 hour before you start. Simmer soup vegies in pure water, and the amt of bonito powdered recommended on package. Vegies that are good in soup: Okra, mushroom, celery, carrot, broccoli, corn, bell pepper, the soaked shitake and peas. Five minutes later, add the soaked wakame and its soaking water, soy sauce to taste, or miso, squares of tofu. Serve.

POAHBOY- Sometimes, even in a big chain market, the butcher will give you certain meats for free, pork fat, for instance, in which to fry your beans. Or parts of the chicken might be free. Necks, livers, kidneys and backs. My butcher has a cafe in his shop,which is also a  super market. so I can't get anything from him as he's making SOPA! But it never hurts to ask. I draw the line at gizzards, however. Those no one would eat except maybe a pit bull  and then only occasionally!.

INGREDIENTS: A passle of skinned chicken necks, backs, livers, kidneys, ok, maybe a couple of gizzards. Cut that last one in fine strips. Zucchini, onion and potato, homemade seasoned salt.

METHOD: Heat oil. Peel, dredge, season & fry necks, onion, potato slices til very slightly cooked and golden. Grate zucchini over it, cook l minute. LOOKS LIKE HELL, YOu have to pick the backs and necks up and eat it like corn on the cob, so this is not a COMPANY NIGHT DISH!

HOME MADE SEASONED SALT: All my my gainfully employed friends give me any spices they feel are old, which they were going to throw out. This is a necessary part of this recipe! Throw all of them, usually red pepper pieces or paprika, tumeric, garlic powder, black pepper, thyme, oregano, celery seed into plain salt, using own discretion. Fill a single lg. shaker at a time. Shake well. Freeze the original gift cans of paprika, garlic powder, pepper til needed again.

REFRIED BEANS- Soak beans overnight, salt, boil until soft. Take some of that free pig fat the butcher gives you, fry; chop as it cooks. Pour off grease, add a little vegetable oil, onions, chopped jalapenos, garlic, eggplant, sausage, Saute lightly, then add beans, frying and mashing. Add chopped cilantro and strips of jack or cheddar cheese at the end.

VEGETARIAN MEAT LOAF- ON HAND- 1 cup of your CHOICE OF GRAIN* (soaked 2 hrs. at l00 degrees*) or it can be sprouted grain bread, toasted and turned into crumbs; garlic, chopped onion, oil, thyme, oregano, chopped celery, celery seed, mushrooms, 1/4 cup soaked, almost sprouted nuts: may be mixed sunflower seeds, almonds, walnuts; bell pepper, onion, mushrooms, a lb of tofu, 1 can creamed corn, water chestnuts, cooked lentils or garbanzos, tahini, Salt/pepper & vegie broth. Use a good grain from healthfood store like millet, brown rice, quinoa, (COOK GRAIN, if bulgur wheat, soak in hot water 30 min then cook.). Grind or chop nuts. (Almonds must be soaked overnight in water, then skinned. Skins are not good for you, very astringent.)

METHOD-saute vegies in garlic, onion, MIX in pre-soaked then cooked GRAIN, nuts, cooked oats or breadcrumbs, spices, all the other ingredients until you have a burger. Saute onion, garlic, red or green peppers, stir in the other ingredients on top. Then, you can then shape a meatloaf, bake, last five minutes bake w. a little cheese and tomato sauce on top. U also can bake in patty shape. Freeze 3/4 of slices.

NOTE: Reason we pre-soak grains, sprout nuts/seeds is to inactivate PHYTIC acid which prevents our fully assimilating minerals in these items.PHYTASE is the Catch 22 of all vegetarian healthfooders. The foods that are best for us (beans, seeds, nuts and whole grains) have phytic acid which inhibits assimilation of minerals. Soaking or fermenting renders it inactive. HEALTHFOODERS who are using vegie products to take the place of animal proteins should a.) soak grains, pulse overnight before cooking, then throw away water, cook low heat.) b.) use only fermented soy products like tofu, miso, tempeh, no soy isolate or concentrate and c.) take mineral supplements. For strong bones use 'sea minerals', 'alfalfa tablets' and a calcium supplement ( either bone meal or Calcium citrate and make sure formula contains boron, magnesium, selenium, and trace minerals to restore minerals excreted by body.) Remember, Whole wheat products can cause rickets from phytic acid causing calcium lacks if grain isn't sprouted first. Phytic acid is destroyed if GRAINS or seeds are sprouted (then the bread is made). AT HOME: leave dough to rise in yeast stage for 2 hours. That will do the job. All bread should be made of sprouted grains only. Any healthfood store has it, often called FLOURLESS bread. It's tastier than ordinary bread. Soy beans should be eaten, but only as tofu, tempeh, miso or tahini, as fermented forms have no phytic acid. Unfermented soy beans tend to line the digestive track like plastic, impeding vitamin absorption. Sodas, pasteurized citrus products, coffee, and worst of all TEA---the major diuretics we drink ---also wash away minerals wholesale. NO DOCTOR would give diuretics without mineral replacement therapy. Say goodbye to osteoporosis by thinking the above out, cooking carefully, amending and supplementing diet accordingly. We can get around the phytase problem so do go vegie. Meat stresses the kidneys much more than vegie proteins. The uric acids end up making our faces look like puffy meat pies when we're young. The protein ends up making our skeletons shrink, porous and brittle as protein in meat causes excretion of calcium. Meat creates gout, osteoporosis, cancer, arthritis to boot, so you gotta quit eating bodies or at very least, combine only with greens so you don't go into acidosis after eating it. Best protein is tofu. If you can't find tofu in your area, make your own.

RECIPE FOR TOFU: Soak beans 36 to 48 hours changing water every 12 hours. Rinse, blend in a food processor or blender with a little purified water, until pureed. Strain once through fine mesh strainer, then drop the lump into a pot of boiling purified water and boil for a few minutes. Cool. Add a little lemon juice to clot it, then lift out the curd, set in cheese cloth to drain, discard whey. Place in 1 lb size molds to cake up. Store in fridge bathed in purified water. Change water daily. NOTE: The whey is high mineral and useful for soups, petfood, pig slop and probably to bathe in and pour on plants in the garden. Experiment and let us know of other uses you find. To set hair? Starch clothing? Gesso frames? Wax furniture. Waterproof fabrics? Get inventive!

CARROT/EGG NUT LOAF- 1/3 CUP butter, or olive oil 1 CUP chopped 'shrooms 2 LG onions, 1/4 CUP chopped green pepper, 3 CUPS steamed, mashed carrots, 1-1/2 CUPS chopped celery 1/2 CUPS sunflower seeds, 3/4 CUPS COARSELY CHOPPED WALNUTS. BEATEN EGGS, (pre-sprout nuts overnight,) 3 cups sprouted grain bread crumbs, dried basil, oregano, salt pepper. HOW: Saute 'shrooms, onions, pepper, combine w. carrots, celery, nuts, eggs, crumbs, season, line greased loaf pan w. wax paper, turn mix into pan. Bake 325 l hr.

FAKE ROAST MEAT: SEITAN: (Wheat gluten) This tastes like roast beef. You serve it in stews INGREDIENTS: l Cup whole wheat flour. 1/2 cup water. Tamari to taste, 2 slices fresh ginger, l pc kombu. (oriental grocery). I don't eat flour but in a recession, depression, post-comet dark out, I MIGHT.

METHOD: Add Water to flour to make dough. Knead well. Let dough rest l0 min with a little water dashed on its surface. Cook other ingred in 2 cups water l5 min, then cool. Put dough in warm water, knead until water is milky, which removes starch. Toss water; repeat 6 times until water is clear. TO COOK: Place in that seasoned stock, heat up until it simmers. Cook low heat 1 hr. Now it's ready for stews.

DEMIAN'S LEMON MERENGUE FISH or SHEPHERD'S PIE -
From time immemorial, poor people have been able to eat all the fish they wanted. Just walk to water and drop in a hook. Row out beyond the surf. Not true today. Piers are shoulder to shoulder. Driving to Malibu where the good rocks are is a lot of gas and Sports fishing boats are damn costly. But don't let that stop you. Try to make your way to the ocean or get on a day-fishing boat.  Angling is fun and it produces a freezer full of tasty, valuable, nutritious protein.

Piers and rock jetties are filled with people and fish tricks are the shoptalk which is part of the fun. You may not catch anything but if you're fishing off the SPORTS FISHING pier with the bait tanks, wait until the real rich guys come in with their haul and beg the extras. ONE BOAT is generally half day & comes at lunch time, the other is FULL DAY. Ask at office when these tours arrive. You wait for the sportsfishermen to come in and schnor what they leave in the bait tank when they hit their personal, legal limits. "Got any extras?" you can ask the fishermen as they exit. Then, when they've all gone, either the captain or the deck boys will point out how and where you will find some fish. Generally it involves a trek up to top deck to reach into the bait tank for floaters and maybe there's a bag of something. Captain doesn't want them, he's sick of fish. I make it a point never to bring live fish home in the car as they're suffering. Makes a bad meal. INSTANTLY, on the pier, run a knife thru back of brain killing each one! NO SUFFERING. Critters that suffer used as meat hurts you. IT IS FULL of "I AM DROWNING" feelings. Now RUN HOME. Clean and degut your booty immediately, Wash and scale the fish, wash again. Now PUT THE fish in plastic, rub down w. lemon, put each fish alone, in freezer. DO not fillet. Cook whole. More minerals.  Take all the trash, guts, bones, tails, fins and BURY in a hole. MAKES your cornfield give double yield. Bury a foot deep so cats don't unearth it.

(THE FABULOUS RECIPE I'm giving you here  is basically a shepherd's pie, (mashed Potato crust) w. Ling Cod, or firm fish like snapper, red cod, BASS, halibut, swordfish but I wouldn't sneer at perch.

INGREDIENTS: 2 lemons, ling filets, onions, mushrooms, l l/2 tsp corn starch, black raisins, honey, curry powder, parsley or coriander. 7 Large potatoes for mashing. Parsley. Dash flour.

METHOD: FIRST MAKE MASHED POTATOES. Simmer, season and mash potatoes. Add butter, some cream, salt, pepper. Set aside.

Then, Put fish fillets in foil, and bake; (no lemon yet. No lemon EVER next to foil unless you want alzheimer's) bake at 325 for l0-l5 min. In a few minutes, you will use fish's juices retrieved from foil to make a creamy sauce. Get all other ingredients assembled and ready so that when fish is finished, the sauce can be made in l minute and dish assembled.

Melt the butter in a pan, adding mushrooms, onion, and brown lightly. Then add chopped parsley, l tbsp flour and brown slightly. Add half and half or real cream until you have a thick pudding. To thicken more, wet down 2 tsp cornstarch w. water or milk, stir well, and then add to frying butter / cream mixture, stir until thick and custardy. Add juices from fish to thin it a little.

NOW COOL this custard SLIGHTLY, add lemon juice and lemon rind, so it's sour and tangy, then honey so it's mildly sweet, and curry powder so it's aromatic. (Add to taste. EVERYONE will like a very mild curry flavor and not know what it is. I prefer stronger but...). REAL IMPORTANT: SOAK the black raisins before you add them to this sauce. Softens them. ADD them now. Stir custard until the sauce is thick and yellow wi. little raisin, onion, mushroom lumps in it.

Take a greased serving cassarole, line with the mashed potatoes, as if for Shepherd's Pie. Set fish fillets inside, pour plenty of yellow sauce over them, then cover with more potatoes. Rub top of potatoes with more golden lemon sauce, then flame under a broiler, or in oven. Decorate with drained capers or cilantro or Heck, why not both? Cut a slice for each diner as if it were a real pie! Or thin sliced lemon, very special.

HISTORICAL NOTE: My son Demian, always extraordinarily lucky, at age 7, caught the only ling cod fish on the Sta Barbara sports fishing boat which was sold out with 4 dozen experienced fishermen. And then, I can't believe it, Demian caught a second one! Each Ling was as tall as he was. The whole family fished, caught 4 dozen other less pedigreed fish, and cleaned the passle at a kindly, local fish processing 'factory' as we were living in a tent at a trailer camp. We froze our entire catch at the factory, and next day went and got it. They turned down palm readings as they were born agains! Anyway, we returned to LA with it on ice, and ate fish like kings, for months. I am grateful to my father for getting me addicted to fishing at the same early age of 7, when I caught a prize barracuda that almost won the day's lottery. My father said "the other guy probably filled his with lead weights." So I learned cynicism and mistrust in the same breath that I learned to love fishing for my dinner and love seafood itself.

Mexican Grocery stores: You can get purslane there, in season. Or out of our yard as it's one of the common weeds. IT IS DELICIOUS! The Mex call it 'berdolagas'. It's a rare and unusually delicious green leafy vegetable which you cook for a minute, serve with tomato sauce. You can also get cactus nopales at a 'marketa.' You can buy a wonderful corn dough called masa to make tamales and tortillas, in dollar bags. Last, you can buy large dried chile pods for enchilada sauce, tamales and sauces. My valley 'marketa' has the best butcher in town, has his own poultry! Beats CHAIN MARKET supers by a Spanish mile.

HOMEMADE ENCHILADAS -Ingredients: tortillas, oil, red or black wrinkley chile pods, (l lg. bag) cumin seeds, chicken, almonds, cilantro, olives, onions, sour cream, cheddar cheese.

This will be much easier than it reads. Roast red, dried chiles on a pan until aroma develops. Boil the seeded, de-stemmed chiles 2 min. in water. Put in blender, strain thru medium mesh strainer, rubbing against wire to get every bit of pulp to come out the bottom. AVOID the skin as it's bitter. Discard it. Fry oil, garlic clove, cumin seeds, black pepper for a few seconds, until onion starts to turn transparent, then throw in the red sauce. Add salt to taste. Heat tortilla over flame until soft, l0 seconds, then dip in sauce, fill with chicken that has been sprinkled with chopped almonds, and a little cilantro. Roll closed. Line up all your enchiladas in a pan, good and wet, then throw remainder of sauce over them, also much grated cheese and olives. Bake until lightly brown. Garnish with sour cream and cilantro. (Note, we have not fried the tortillas first, as they do in Mexico. We soften with flame. This gives a healthful enchilada and does not notably undermine flavor.) Alternatives: Lightly pat oil on tortilla, heat to soften, either on flame or in pan, then fill. Bake in oven for l0 minutes, until cheese melts.

JUDY GARLAND'S CHILE RELLENOS.Ingredients: Puebla or Anaheim chiles, large, fresh tomatos, eggs, garlic, onions. NOTE: YOu will use 1 egg for each chile. (FILLING: any cheese, but best is jack, or an alternate meat filling is beef, almonds, raisins, onion.) (third possibility is to make some of that vegie meatloaf with nuts, grains, cheese, cilantro) (4th possibility is one of the many VEGETARIAN BURGER PATTIES avail in freezer section of store.

METHOD: Hold chiles over stove/flame til blackened slightly on all sides, then pop into paper bag and SHUT BAG, to steam. In 3 min, remove, l by one, peel, slit and pluck out seeds, pulp. Open bag and pluck out one at a time. With fingernail, rip hole in side, tear out seeds, strings. When all chiles are clean, fill with cheese, nut or meat mixture. Roll lightly in flour. Line up on plate. Beat all egg whites until peaky, for this you must have beaters as hand beating tires one. Add yolks, salt to taste. Dip the floured, stuffed chile in egg mixture, then place in large frying pan, preferably cast iron and thick, that has very hot oil in bottom. Turn deftly as they brown. You can watch 2-3 at the most, at l time. Remove and put into pan where tomato mixture sits hot, on low simmer.

TOMATO SAUCE TO TOP: Heat oil, add garlic, black pepper. Blend up l lb of tomatos, drop into frying oil & onions, stir til cooked. To be refined, use coarse, large strainer to catch the seeds and skins of tomatoes, before they go into the hot oil.

SERVE: Hot tortillas are always served with this dish, sometimes white rice. These can be adorned with sour cream, cilantro and dotted with pomegranate seeds, as if they were chiles en nogada, a green (unripe) walnut nougat sauce, (which was white) served in Puebla Mexico on top of a chile relleno decorated with cilantro and pomegranate seeds, made famous by the nuns of Puebla in summertime. But mine are just plain chile rellenos, which you can NEVER get right in any Mexican restaurant. TRICK: The chile must be fresh not canned, firm, large, hot and not overcooked, nor can they sit around on a steam table after they're made.

Chiles should always be dipped/fried just before being eaten which caused me a problem once at my own huge dinner party.  I was the only one who knew how to do all this so I had to make fresh chiles all night. The problem was, when Judy Garland live and in the flesh appeared at my front door, accompanied by her live in boyfriend, (before her last marriage,) my pal Andre Philippe, I was busy dipping and couldn't even shake her hand. She held forth in my bedroom all night, talking to the guests about show biz, I was in the kitchen sweating damn F'n chiles. I didn't even get to see her eat a stack of them so busy was I. Wilt Chamberlin was there too, but I didn't want to listen to him talk about anything.

SOPES :(prounounced SO-pay) Ingredients: MASA, onion, chile, butter, cheese. Open bag of Masa, take out a fistfull, form balls then, pat into pancakes, put on hot, greased skillet. Rub a little butter into surface, turn like flapjacks. Cook slowly with some sliced onions in the pan, maybe a large green Anaheim or Puebla chile. As the pancake becomes kind of toasty and stiff, drop jack cheese on it. Give it another few minutes for the cheese to melt. Incredible.

MILTON WILLIAMS WHITE CHILI- This great Beverly Hills caterer opened a restaurant on Rodeo Drive in the Persian Palace, that wild architectural three story conch shell affair, shortly before his death. It was a triumph for a black man. This recipe stole the show as far as I'm concerned.

1 lb pckg small white beans, chicken stock, 2 lg onions, 3 cloves diced garlic, dash ground cloves, l tbsp ground cumin, 3/4 tbsp dried oregano, 1 8-oz can diced chiles, 1 or 2 jalapeno chiles, minced, l0 boneless chicken breast halves, shredded Monterey Jack cheese, Guacamole. Soak beans overnight. Discard water. Combine beans, enough stock to cover two inches, add spices, cook until beans are tender. Grill chicken, cool, dice, Add to chili mixture. Garnish with cheese and guacamole.

BONITA BALLS. Several freshly caught bonita fish. (Note, these are rarely sold commercially but they are quite easy to catch in Los Angeles. It is a tuna variety, known for its delicate meat which won't fillet. Even fresh, the meat falls apart like velvety, white hamburger. Strip the red meat right out of the filet, give it to the cat. It's too pungent. Use white meat only. Because of all these problems, the Bonita is considered a garbage fish. Make no mistake. It is not. If you remove dark meat, the rest tastes like chicken.

METHOD: Fry mushrooms, cilantro, celery, onions, black pepper litely. Set aside. Take l package of CORN bread mix for every lg. fish. Make as directed on package. Add fresh bonito to batter, stir, add sauteed, mushroom/onion, take cookie size balls of dough, dust with flour. (it's soggy and flattens easily but give it a shot). Fry balls in oil til litely brown. Finish in oven for 5 min. Cool, freeze in foil twists. Serve some fresh made with dijon/honey/mayo. Tastes like chicken. Thanks Bob, from the late, great Toluca Market for this recipe.

TAMALES: Soak dried corn leaves in water. If you have bananas growing in garden, strip l0 large leaves. Get thread handy. Soften l cube butter in a beating bowl.

TAMALE COLORING/RED CHILE MIXTURE. Clean seeds out of a pile of 6-12 red, dried New Mexico or California chiles. Destem wash and for 2 min simmer the pods in water.

DOUGH (MASA): Buy real masa. It comes in a bag, a wet lump of dough. Second best, get Quaker's Corn masa harina. If you have canned creamed corn on hand, it's good to add to dough. Also, 10-25% coarse, yellow American corn meal can be added. To make masa dough, use some of the red, hot chile liquid along with melted butter, beating in, lightly to two cups masa harina or mixed flours to which you've also added some salt and aluminum free baking powder. Add in small amts, blending very slightly, adding more liquid, more masa, the way you do a cake, so as not to pack flour down. You want a very light mixture. When dough is soft, whipped, fluffy, set aside.

RED TAMALE SAUCE: TAKE the slightly cooled, red chile liquid and the chiles themselves and put into blender. Puree, strain. Skin will not be used. Just meat of chile. Fry oil, garlic, cuminseeds, black pepper, onion lightly, then add pureed red chile sauce. Saute l more min. Set aside.

ALTERNATIVE: SALSA VERDE made with GREEN TOMATILLOS. Take a lot of these tomatillos, which grow in abundance if you plant just three seeds, boil them for a minute then toss most of the water, mash. Put tomatillos into pan of sauteeing onions, garlic, jalepeno. Mash some more, add cilantro, salt. Use with meat inside tamales.

METHOD:Fry l lb chopped red pork meat with some onions and l jalapeno. At end of 5 min, add salt, pepper, cilantro, sautee l more minute. Wet down wi. red sauce. Set aside.

TAMALE STUFFING/MEAT ALTERNATIVE:TOFU, ALMONDS, CELERY/ONION, CHEESE BLEND made like vegie meatloaf. Now, go back to soaked corn husks. Shake dry, put on plate. Hold large leaf in left hand, w. right, flatten corn mixture on it. Then put in 2 heaping tbsps of red, meat mixture. Roll so dough goes over top. Take thread, wrap around many times, then cut. Put into steamer. Can be done loosely, but if 1 end is left open turn it up. Put the rolled, sealed end down. Makes l dozen. Steam 45 min low fire. If you have red sauce left in pan where cooked meat was, roll your finished tamales in it before serving. Cool the rest,freeze for next week. A great lunch box totable. Microwave friendly.

My most vivid tamale memory is at a huge party where we were steaming chiles all night, and my stupidly asking my good galfriend Judith, (a lifelong pot head and grand niece of Fanny Brice, so a genetic space case, ) to fill and tie tamales. She agreed but what she was supposed to do with the tamales went in one ear, out the other. She either zonked out or spaced out, but she forgot to fill them. Early in the evening, when queried, some guests said my tamales weren't much. I investigated, the shrieks rang out, the actress retired to a closet in a snit to smoke a joint. The rest of the night all we had were plain corn tamales with the stuffing added on top.

COOKED GARDEN WEEDS (BERDOLAGAS. (Verdolagas. Purslane. ) This weed, the most delicious of all the vegetables, grows in every garden. Give it a chance. It also grows in the cracks along the curb. My children would blanch when they'd see me pick it, saying "dogs peed there. How poor are we?" I shook the seeds into an envelope, washed the green plant well and cooked it anyway. The seed easily grew in yard and I never lacked again. When purslane has spread its octupus branches, pluck as many as you can, leaving root so more will form. Try to get at least a colander full as it cooks down. Wash carefully. Fry oil, garlic, black pepper, blend up several tomatos, throw in hot oil, stir til cooked. In a pan, boil berdolagas 2 min then drain, put in hot tomato sauce. In Mexico, they drop in a beaten egg at this point.

CUERNEVACA MAID ZUCCHINI Fry bacon. Drain. Set aside, Using just a little of this bacon fat, fry onions, zucchini. Then add blended tomatoes, cook in this liquid. Adorn with crisp bacon. I guarantee you back in the 60's, the maids knew nothing about cholesterol. Today I'd throw away the bacon fat, pat the pan dry, leaving just a little bacon crud on pan, add 1 tsp vegetable oil, fry the onion/tomato mixture only, then pre steam the zukes, add at the end and crunch only the dark meat of the bacon on top, give the fatty part to the dog.

INDIAN VEGETABLE/TOFU CURRY.
Curry was the perfect dish for a poor man. A lot of belly warming vegies in a hot sauce that makes you think you ate a ton....over a wholesome high protein Basmati rice. Investigate BASMATI rice at neighborhood ethnic markets. A big 25 lb bag costs 12$ and it is worth its cost as it is delicious, having a popcorn aroma. Curry was invented by pre millenium Hindus and who better to know the world of POOR?

My Poorhouse Gourmet secret was to line up a healthfood store that was throwing away tons of rotten produce at days' end, and all the rice that had moths in it. I asked the store owners to save me the old produce, not to put it in the trash bins, and said I'd be there daily before 6 p.m. I was so true to my word and the clock that they began saving me the yogurt and milk, too. I lined up other families who needed food, and made deliveries for months, not so much charity as the old 'while you are up,' principle. (While the motor's running.) I did this for years until the store closed. The vegies weren't half bad. I mean some were barely dented. I couldn't afford eggplant at the super but this way I ate it all the time. I had every vegetable in abundance for those years. Of course I didn't tell my children about the rat dung and moths. I picked out visible bugs, moths. Invisible ones FLOATED out when I wet it down and a few creatures crawled out and disappeared into the woodwork. Easiest to spot were the Rat pellets which I picked out of the different grains they gave me. These were very easy to see and presented no problem. I mean, we rinsed then BOILED the rice sterile, didn't we? And it was delicious. Best of all, this wonderful food was free. I wonder if that poor man in India ever had it this good? And yours will be better as there won't be a rat pellet in sight.

CURRY. ON HAND: Vegies/basmati rice, Raisins, grated coconut, peanuts, minced cilantro/mint, eggplant, peas, tomatos, curry powder, potatoes, tofu, mushrooms, basmati rice, black mustard seed, red chile pod, l small, dried) garlic, onion. METHOD: steam basmati. While it's cooking. Cut up eggplant a half hour early. OVER salt it and set aside to bleed. Heat oil, put in mustard seeds, red chile pod, garlic, onion, cumin, hing, an Indian aromatic spice, avail. at Indian grocerires. stir quickly, then add vegies, longest cookers like potatoes first. Eggplant must be given lengthy pre-prep, by salting, waiting 1/2 hr, then rinsed, and dried, added second, with tofu & mushrooms last. When all are sauteeing but not yet cooked, add blended tomatoes, in liquid form & peas. Cover. After l minute, stir in curry powder, cook another minute. Serve over rice. Best accompaniment is the IVY'S Special Pear chutney.(below) and RAITA SALAD, recipe down in the salad section.

IVY CAFE's PEAR CHUTNEY: L.A's most posh cafe. Boil 6 pears, l cup sugar, l/4 cup raisins, l onion, l red chile, small and hot, l/3 cup vinegar, until mushy and boiling. Then, add l tsp pectin or jellwell. When it thickens, remove from fire. This recipe was duplicated by tasting chutney served at the moviestars' favorite IVY RESTAURANT in West Hollywood. The granular pear flesh is at its best in chutney. Beats the sour mangoes of India. Anyway, we can't GET sour mangos. Green mangos. Can we? Have a RHUBARB CHUTNEY recipe, ask me to send it. astrology@earthlink.net

SERVE: in side dishes, place peanuts, almonds that have been toasted, chopped mint, cilantro, coconut, each separate. A fresh fruit, chopped fine would be nice, too, like papaya, mango, oranges, especially if it's a hot curry. Get creative: Mint leaves marinated with fresh peaches would be exceptional. Raisins are always good. Toasted blanched, chopped almonds.

TOFU TERIYAKI- Teri means shiny or glazed in Japanese, yaki is broiled. This cooking method is used for meat but works wonders on tofu. Pressing the tofu removes excess moisture, allowing it to soak up sauce more fully.

INGRED: 1 lb firm tofu, 3 1/2 tbsp sake, 3 1/2 tbsp mirin rice wine, 3 1/2 tbsp tamari or soy sauce 1/2 tbsp barley malt, l tsp toasted sesame oil.

Wrap tofu in towel, set on plate, place cast iron skillet on top, press 30 min. Slice into 1" cubes. Mix sake, mirin, tamari, barley in pot, heat until barley malt dissolves. Heat oil in skillet, add tofu, cook until browned, l5 min. Remove from skillet, pour sauce into skillet, cook 1 min, stirring, add tofu. Cook until well coated, 2-3 min. Serve with skewers. (good picnic food)

TOFU in BROWN SAUCE WITH BLACK MUSHROOMS (SHITAKE)- Soak 6-8 shitake mushrooms, (dried, in cellophane pckgs in Chinese section) in 1/2 cup liquid. 30 min later, cut up, discarding any tough stems. Heat peanut oil, add an entire bunch of green onions, SLICED LENGTHWISE, cubed lb box of tofu. At last minute, add 1 tsp crushed garlic, then add gravy mixture: 1/4 cup tamari, (soy sauce and if you can find MUSHROOM SOY SAUCE at a good Chinese store, get THAT. And don't forget 3 tbsp oyster sauce, liquid from mushrooms stirred well with 1 tbsp cornstarch, stir, top with toasted sesame seeds, put on top of hot basmati rice. Serve with chinese mustard on side. If desired, China peas, regular peas, broccoli, water chestnuts can be added to recipe. Fresh shitake can be used. For 30 years, my friend Dede treated me out to a chinese retaurant to get her tarot readings. She always had several meat dishes, I had tofu in brown sauce. She could not be induced to try it. I lament to say that she developed cancer throughout her body and had to have several dozen things removed. Shitake is a known inhibitor of cancer and in its own benign way, so is tofu. But I never brought it up, later.

MUSHROOM LASAGNA - INGREDIENTS: 3/4 eggs, flour, salt, 1/4 cup butter, 1/2 onion minced, 2 cups milk, 1 bay leaf, 1 oz dried morels, 2 sprigs fresh thyme, one 15 oz jar of Mexican cream, 1 lb of fresh mushrooms, 4 cloves garlic, 2 tbsp cognac, 1 cup tomato puree, 1/2 lb mozarrella, shredded. 2 oz parmigiano Reggiano grated.

METHOD: Soak your dried mushrooms, morels or shitaki. Use 1 tbsp to 1/4 cup, depending on pocketbook. Combine 3 Eggs, 2 1/2 cups flour, l tsp salt make dough adding flour until texture is right. Leave in fridge for an hour. Place 3 tbsp butter in medium pan, add onion, saute. Add 3 tbsp flour, stirring until light golden. Add 2 cups milk, l bay leaf, cook until thick. Add water from mushrooms. (1/4 cup), fresh thyme and most of a 15 oz jar of Mexican cream. Season, stir over low heat. Melt 2 tbsp butter in lg saute pan, add a lb of mushrooms and cook 'til brown, add garlic. Chop morels and add. Pour 2 tbsp cognac over and cook until alcohol smell is gone. Add remaining part of that cup of Mexican cream, 1/2 of the cream sauce and season to taste.

ASSEMBLE: Knead dough to next to thinnest setting on pasta machine, cut in lasagna lengths (to fit your pan). Cook in boiling water until it floats. Remove each one, put in large work bowl in cold water.

Remove thyme bundle from mushroom sauce. Coat bottom of lasagna pan with 1/2 cup tomato puree. and 1/2 cup mushroom sauce. Pat 2 noodles dry, lay in pan. Distribute 1/3 of cooked mushrooms on top, a quarter of the mozzarella and Parmigiano, repeat with 2 layers more of noodles. Finish with tomato puree around edges and remaining mushroom sauce in center. Scatter dried cheeses on top. Bake 325 until dried cheese is slightly browned, about 30 min. Let cool 5 min to firm up.

STUFFED VEGIES A LA SIZZLING BUG: Take tomatos, zucchinis, leeks, onions, summer squash, or any other vegie which can be stuffed, steam it, hollow out and fill with almond, cheese, onion, cilantro mixture. Bake in a water filled pyrex dish or pan, covered with foil.

STUFFING MIXTURE: I usually fry onions, celery, parslely lightly, add blanched, chopped or ground up onions to this hot oil, stir one minute, throw tofu, ground blanched chopped or pulvurized almonds, bread crumbs, into it, stir, add grated jack cheese on top. Add fresh tomato sauce over top. Put under broiler until cheese melts.

HISTORICAL NOTE: My most vivid stuffed vegie memory was of working all morning to stuff some home-grown, organic vegetables to impress the fancy-schmancy rich boyfriend at lunch. I mustn't have had my glasses on, because when I set the flame broiled plate of three different stuffed vegies in front of him, there on top, theatrical as hell was this HUGE broiled cockroach, frozen, arms raised, sizzling, au gratin, this terrible expression of terror on the bug's face (matching Edward's as he spotted it). This King Kong of crustaceans must have been inside the broiler when I turned it on. I gave Edward my plate but he never came to lunch again, insisting we go to restaurants thereafter, proving it's an ill wind that blows NO good.

ISMAIL MERCHANT'S LEMON LENTILS- SUPERB FILM PRODUCER, GOOD RECIPE! 1/2 cup plus 2 tbsp oil. l medium onion, thinly sliced, 2 cinnamon sticks, l lb orange dal, rinsed, soaked over night. 1 1/2 tsp chopped ginger 2 1/2 cups chicken stock. water, 1/2 tsp ground red pepper, salt 1/2 lemon, 1/2 small onion, chopped. 1 small garlic clove, chopped, 1/2 serrano or jalpeno chile, chopped w. seeds, 2 bay leaves, 1 tbsp chopped cilantro. Heat 1/2 the oil, add onion stir til tender. Add cinnamon sticks, dal, ginger, stir for l0 min. Add stock, 2 cups water, red pepper, salt to taste. Boil, then simmer l0 min. Squeeze lemon in. Cook 50 min. stirring often. Add water as needed. Heat remaining 1/4 cup oil in small pan. add onion, garlic, chile, bay leaves, cook until onion is brown. Add to lentils, stir. Remove bay leaves. Sprinkle with cilantro. Each serving 500 calories, 24 grams protein, 47 grams carbs. Never met the guy. Got this out of the L.A. Times food pages. Figured that if I should trust anyone about lentils it is this great filmmaker.

KIDS EAT ANY OR EVERY VEGIE PREPARED THIS SECRET WAY: Steam vegies lightly, cover with:

BOGUS HOLLANDAISE - l pkg silken soft tofu, drained, 3 tbsp lemon juice, rind added, 6 tbsp melted butter, 1/4 cup milk or cream, 1/4 tsp tumeric, garlic, pepper to taste. Blend in food processor until creamy, then heat. Put minced parsley on top as served.

DEEPAK CHOPRA'S PARTY LENTILS-(feeds 50). 2 qt. red or split yellow lentils. Soak then simmer, skimming foam. Add 1/4 cup ground cumin, 1/8 cup tumeric, simmer. Separately, Put 3 tbsp ghee (clarified butter) in skillet, add 1/8 cup mustard seeds, 1/4 cup coriander seedds, large pinch whole funegreek, 10 whole cardomon pods, a few cinnamon sticks, 1 tbsp whole cumin. Let sizzle until seeds pop. Add large pinch asfoetida (hing) and 2 cups chopped leeks. Add 4" piece finely chopped fresh ginger, 2 cups golden raisins. Saute five minutes. Add 1/2 cup cooking water and 4 tbsp tomato paste. Continue cooking 5 min. Add spice mixture to lentils. Cover, cook l hr in pressure cooker. More coriander may be added. Garnish with cilantro.

ZUCCHINI ROUNDS- l lg autumn zucchini, that has been sliced in rings and steamed but left fairly FIRM, oil, tomatoes, garlic, onion, mozzarella, half dozen eggs, flour. Fry garlic, onion in oil, drop in blended, fresh tomatoes, saute til thick. Set aside. Dredge each zuch slice in flour lightly, then dip into egg puff,(You make this by beating whites til they peak, dropping yolks in, salt/pepper to taste.) and fry lightly on both sides, arrange in teflon lined pan, or ceramic dish, Grate mozzarella on top, pour tomato sauce over all, bake til mozzarella browns slightly.

ZUCCHINI SOUP- Steam zucchini, mash, drop into fried onions, whir up with a Braun hand blender while you add milk, salt, pepper. Top with parmesan. My own invention. Kids love it.

BROCCOLI RELLENO Broccoli, tomatoes, oil, garlic, onion, eggs. Steam or boil broccoli. Heat oil in skillet, add garlic, black pepper, stir, then crushed tomatoes. Saute. Low heat. Beat 5 egg whites til they peak, add yolks, salt, pepper beat a few seconds more. Drain broccoli. Dip in egg mixture, fry in clean skillet, turn. Brown litely only. Set in ovenproof serving dish in tomato sauce, cover with tomato sauce and slice of cheese. Repeat til all flowerettes done. Put in oven til cheese melts. Serve on bed of white rice. Tortillas must accompany.

EGGPLANT SOUP- mince GARLIC, CHILE peppers, ONION, fry with chopped eggplant, tomatoes in olive oil, then add 4 cups water, add basil, 2 TOMATOES, cook 20 minutes, then puree, salt, pepper.

CHINESE FOOD- Steam l cup BROWN BASMATI rice in 2 1/2 cups water. While it cooks, chop tofu, celery, onions, green onions, mushrooms, broccoli florettes, and other vegies to suit. Soak black mushrooms 1/2 hr before, have ready. Heat oil in thick pan, part of it spicy, red toasted sesame oil. Add chopped garlic, then above-vegies. Stir fry. Add frozen peas, washed once, drained. Add part of a can of water chestnuts. Stir fry more. Then, drop in gravy mixture (soy sauce, broth, corn starch, and 3 tbsp oyster sauce, stirred til no lumps.) Stir until gravy thickens. *add more liquid if needed. Turn off fire. On flat, thick skillet, toast 4 tbsp of sesame seeds until litely browned. Drop on top of food as you serve it for max crunch. Make mustard from powder/water. Serve on side of plate. (For gourmet touch, add walnut halves to pot when you add peas. You don't want to cook them too long. You can also toast sesame seeds and sprinkle over all. Use Chinese mustard on side.

ALSATIAN CHICKEN-Part of an attempt to use regional liqueurs in traditional, regional manners. This one intended for PRUNELLA DOLFI from Alsace Lorraine which I inherited when novelist Gwen Davis, recently widowed and leaving her mansion in Beverly Hills, had a garage sale where I read palms for the guests. Last day of the sale I worked all day. Gwen told me to take anything I wanted that hadn't sold. The 4 kids and I were dirt poor at the time and let me tell you, it was like being given a credit card at Sloan's or Neiman Marcus. She gave me all her plants, baskets, and encouraged me to clean out her liquor closet. I don't drink but the prunella attracted my eye. She also gave me all the furniture and art she didn't sell at the sale so I've been reading palms at her parties for free ever since. She always forgets how much she's given me and presses checks into my hand when I tell her I'll work for free. Along with great writing talent, the woman has too much class along with too much amnesia. She now is a food/hotel columnist for Wall St. Journal and is paid to travel full time, eat her way around the world. So you better believe GOOD KARMA brings worldly payoffs. And Jamie Lee Curtis bought and is starring in the movie of her novel, KINGDOM COME, about passions that last up into heaven.

METHOD: Litely saute a peeled, cut up chicken in clarified butter mixed with oil. (Skim butter by heating, throwing away dairy and salt that floats to top) As chicken sautes, add garlic, onion, peeled yams, parsley, green tart apples, raisins, orange rind, orange and lemon juice and prunella dolfi (or any fruity liqueur,) and a few tsps. honey. When sauted, at last moment, add pomegranate seeds, passionflower pulp or green fresh grapes, only cooking long enuf to kill enzymes in these, while still seeming raw.

TANDOORI CHICKEN. Dice 1/4 of onion, process wi. ginger, garlic. Add lemon juice, oil. Stir in yogurt, coriander, cumin, tumeric, nutmeg, cinnamon, cloves, peppers, salt. Remove skin from chicken, slit, pour marinade over. Cover, refrigerate 2 hrs-overnight. Slice rest of onion, put in roasting pan. Put chicken on rack. Roast at 400 until cooked or barbecue. Serve w. lemon slices. Serve with RAITA, recipe in SALAD SECTION.

SWEETBREADS- The thymus gland of the calf is a delicious food, appreciated only in France although a few holistic healers in California know that the gland can accelerate the Immune System because they ARE the baby cow's immune system. These are the tastiest part of the animal, although I've tried machitos (bull testicles) in Mexico and they're very similar in having that rich, fine taste. I feel sweetbreads are in fact the tastiest meat around, and SWEETBREADS also must have some good therapeutic qualities if you leave it very pink or even semi-raw. I know that they sell freeze-dried adrenals in bottles and that's supposed to have curative powers. The Thymus gland is involved with making antibodies, it's the cow's immune system. So if you eat it, can it help your immune system? The next question is, what might you get eating Einstein's brain? In the Amazon certain tribes eat their enemy's brains. And in New Guinea they do and get Mad Cow Disease. Could any of this be relevant?? Last, while we're on this subject, Mad Cow Disease makes this delicacy like eating puff fish. A delicious, dangerous crap shoot.

METHOD: Heat clarified butter, drop chopped sweetbreads in, toss lightly for a 1/2 minute, add crushed garlic, salt, pepper, chopped parsley, serve immediately with a few squeezes of fresh lemon on them. They should be litely browned on the outside, pink inside. The French would add a 1/2 cup of cream, green onions and a little white wine and serve it on rice. My vegetarian friends would have a fit but G.B Shaw ate dried liver extract all his life, saying you couldn't get B-12 any other way than the animal kingdom. Except deep rooted alfalfa which reaches down to where there's still some cobalt in the ground. When I heard about Mad-Cow, I entirely quit eating this dish.

DUCK HUNGARIENNE- First you steal a duck. Boil neck/ organs/ separately. Reserve broth. Chop or squish a LOT of garlic, an apple, place inside. Prick MANY holes in skin with fork. Slow bake at 325 covered tossing fat as it appears. Reserve the pan juices in a cup in fridge and skim fat off. When all baked, take a lot of orange marmelade with more orange rind, raisins, and rub it all over the bird. It is important when cooking a duck, to remove fat as it cooks, collect in fridge freezer. Make gravy out of skimmed juices (you take the frozen thing and clean off the brown broth part, ut it in gravy, discard hard, white fat.) When you make gravy, add the broth you made of appurtances and use that last pan scum left (if it is brown not black) but always pour fat off before you scrape at it. Pouring juices, broth, 1 tsp corn starch into pan, stirring until cooked. Add a little half and half and soy sauce if you wish. Serve with stuffing or mashed potatoes or wild rice or all three. Guava jam on the side. What, you don't have a guava tree?

SUNSHINE SOUP - dice 1/2 white onion, clove garlic, l yellow jalapeno, l yellow crookneck squash, and tear up 4 tortillas, saute in olive oil with some corn cut off an ear, add 1/2 cup water, steam until almost soft, 2 min., then mash with handmasher, add milk, chopped cilantro. Serve with paremsan cheese on top. WOW!.

II. BAKED GOODS:

HOMEMADE CRACKERS- Pour some liquid into your pile of whole grain flour and blend with hands. Use milk, water, broth and some olive oil. Leave in warm place for 2 hours. Cover with plastic. Roll thin on floured board. Sprinkle sesame seeds and salt on top. Put on a greased, floured pizza pan, bake 7 minutes in hot oven. Crack unevenly, store in sealed jar when cold. Use as dog kibble when too stale for you.

HOME MADE BREAD- Let pckg dry yeast rise in 1 tsp sugar, 1/2 cup of warm water. Make 3 cups vegie broth by simmering vegies that U-eat for dinner. Or use 3-4 cups milk. Scald, cool to body temp. Add 1/2 cup brown sugar, 1 cube butter. COOL. Throw 3-4 cups whole grain wheat/mixed w. rye flour into broth, (a little millet flour is good if U-can find) and a tsp of gluten (avail. at healthfood store) for each cup of flour. Stir so it's very soft, then add, stir in the yeast which has proven it's alive by getting a thick scum on it. Stir more flour into dough until it's mushy verging on firm. Let rise in bowl in warm spot in kitchen, FOR MINIMUM OF 2 HRS, like open oven on super low. 2-hr yeast raising period is to inactivate phytic acid.When doubled in size, turn on dusted board, and knead, as you do, adding several oz. of toasted sesame seeds and salt to taste. Put on buttered floured pizza pan, or four loaf pans, set in warm place until it doubles. Bake at 375 l0 min, then lower to 300 until brown. Cool, Cut into 4 loaves, freeze 3 to use later.

GOUGERES- 5 tbsp butter, l tsp salt, 1/4 tsp pepper, 1/4 tsp nutmet, 1 cup flour, 1 cup grated cheese, (gruyere) 5 eggs, room temperature. Boil butter, seasonings, add flour cook for 1 minute, add cheese, then eggs l at a time. reserving a little egg to add to water to brush on top of batter, which you drop by spoonfuls onto a cookie sheet. Bake 425 deg for 15 min.

III. DESSERTS: Some of these have costly or unhealthful ingredients, but you will get a week's worth of sweets out of one baking session and it's way cheaper than buying the same amount ready made at grocery store or bakery. If you don't eat protein in your meal, but eat vegies and greens, a dessert won't hurt you. I always freeze desserts, reaking one up into small packages. The theory, if not the practice, is that when you're going to binge you have time to think about it while the thing defrosts. In practice, you just gulp the thing down ice cold.

SWEET POTATO PIE- Use 1/2 to a cube butter, 2 cups or 3 cups flour (unbleached), salt. Cut ice cold butter into flour/salt mixture. Then, with fingers pinch until small like pellets. Pour 2-3 tbsp cold water in, toss with fingers until dough forms a floury ball. Handle as little as possible. Might be 2-3 tbsp water. Keep it as dry as possible. Fridge until ready to roll into pie shell. Bake empty shell 5 min at 350 then fill with potato mixture. Bake some more.Makes two pieshells. POTATO- Bake 3 yams or sweet potatos, cool a bit, then peel. Mash with 1/2 cup sugar, 1 tsp vanilla, rum or brandy flavoring, 1 tsp nutmeg, 1 tsp pumpkin pie spice, 3 eggs, 1/2 pt half and half cream/milk mix. Pour into 2 shells, bake 325 until brown, 1/2 hr maybe. Cool, Wrap in plastic, keep in fridge.

MISS GEER'S LEMON BARS:- IF LIFE HANDS YOU LEMONS (or YOU HAVE A LEMON TREE) make LEMON BARS. INGREDIENTS: 2 1/4 cup sifted flour, 1/2 cup sifted powdered sugar, 1 cup butter, 8 eggs, 3 1/2 cups sugar, 1 up lemon juice, 4 tsp lemon zest, l tsp bk powder, 1 tbsp UNsifted flour. METHOD: Sift flour, pow. sugar, cut in butter until it resembles crumbs. Pat into bottom of 13 x 9 baking pan, bake 350 deg. until brown. Beat eggs with gran. sugar, stir in juice, zest, bk powder, unsifted flour, mix well, pour over crust, bake 350 for 45 min. Cut into 32 bars. This recipe came from the daughter of Will Geer, that old man on the Walton Family, who was not only a good socialist, but who knew about Poverty and the Great Depression first hand. This one will win raves. I always take a half cup of walnuts and add it to the crust, just as I pour the lemon mix on.

CHEWY OATMEAL COOKIES-

1 stick butter, generous 1/2 cup brown sugar, 1/4 up white sugar, 1 egg, l tbsp milk, 1 tsp vanilla, little less than a cup of flour, 1/2 tsp baking soda, 1/2 tsp salt, 1 1/2 cup oats, uncooked, 1/2 cup chopped walnuts, 1/3 cup raisins. Bake at 350 for 9-13 min, depending if you want chewy or crunchy. Optional: toasted sesame seeds, grated orange peel, juice, spices. Makes my pals go nuts with joy so try it!

RICE PUDDING- Take 2 cups leftover cooked white rice or make fresh. Cover with a qt of milk, add 3 eggs, l/4 cup sugar, vanilla, almond flavoring, cut up blanched almonds, raisins, and simmer lightly for as long as you want, until thick. Cool. Serve with whipped cream.

PINATAS- These are little paper wrapped collections of sweets which you store in a jar in fridge. Each colored paper cone is filled with ribbon-chopped dried cherries, apricots, peaches, raisins, and my all time favorite, dried pears, also home-blanched almonds. You can also make peanut brittle. Make hand-dipped chocolates (use a fruit center, for instance a red whole seedless grape..) all made w. no sugar. (Use brown sugar loafs and rice bran syrup to create a high Vitamin B brittle, or rice bran syrup in your dipping chocolate) You can also stuff larger dried fruits like dates, figs with nuts or homemade marzipan, (below) set in paper cups.

HOMEMADE JUNGLE MARZIPAN-(Grind dates, walnuts, blanched almonds, lemon juice, lemon rind, coconut in blender, add almond extract.) Scoop into balls, wrap in square of plastic wrap, twist neck and tie.

BAKED APPLES- 4 red Apples, 2 Granny Smith apples. 1 cup brown sugar, 2 tbsp. sour cream, 2 egg yolks 4 tbsp melted butter, 2 tsp fresh lemon juice, 2 tsp grated lemon zest, 1 tsp allspice.

METHOD-Preheat oven to 400. Arrange cored apple halves, cut side up in baking pan, Sprinkle w. sugar. Pour 1/2 cup water into pan. Bake uncovered l0 min. In small bowl combine shredded green apple w. most of the sugar, the cream, yolk, half the butter, the juice, zest, spice. Spoon it into partially baked apple halves. Top wi. remaining sugar, butter. Bake 20 min. Serve wi. cream, hot or cold.

SESAME COOKIES- Cream l stick butter, 1/2 cup brown sugar and l egg. Add almond flavoring or vanilla, spices, pumpkin pie spice is good, and 4 tbsp of pan-toasted litely browned sesame seeds, 1 tbsp orange rind. Add 1 cup brown flour or unbleached whole wheat w. a little *NON-aluminum baking powder, (only avail at HFS) salt, stir, add little liquid, (l tbsp, can be orange juice or milk) Raisins, oatmeal, dates, nuts dried cherries or cranberries would make them even better. Bake, being careful not to burn raisins which require a coolish oven. OR, carefully poke all raisins INTO the cookie, seal dough over top! Bake, Cool totally then put in jar. MUST eat these w. Colombian  coffee. (*note: Aluminum in baking powder may cause Alzheimers)

HOBO COFFEE. This is the super magical secret method to make a deep, rich cup of coffee without using a lot of expensive beans. Firt use only COLUMBIAN coffee as the flavor is so miles ahead of any other bean, that you'll use only VERY economic amounts. Grind beans fine. The finer you do it, the more economical it is as less will be req'd. If DECAF, Use only water processed beans. Never use that blender jar for any other foods as it will flavor the coffee. Next: Bring your purified water to a simmer. Never use faucet water which has chlorine. You can't get rid of that taste. Use purified water. Just before it boils TURN FIRE OFF, throw in the coffee grounds, stri well. I cover the surface of this still, slightly simmering water with the coffee, varying amt for your taste. The trick making coffee is to cover every inch of surface of water that's about to boil. No extra, no less. Put a lid on it, let it brew. ALT METHOD is to put coffee in the water that is almost simmering, Seconds later, when it starts to move a little or foam at the edges, turn off heat. COVER. BOILING ruins the flavor of coffee. Put coffee grinds in and let them sit 1 minute. IT BREWS and tastes much richer and better. Fumble for toast, butter it, then pour coffee thru a STRAINER or brown, natural paper filter the kind that sits in a cone, and drips down into a glass pot or right into your cup which has been heated right next to burner where water was simmering. Never use electric heating element in those plug-in drip machines as it puts tungsten, a very carcinogenic material, into your coffee.

NOTE: NEVER use any metal except stainless steel to boil, stir or for repositories. Best is enamel or glass. Here is the only drip method that works. The other one where boiling water is poured thru the dry coffee in its filter, wastes coffee giving weak coffee in relationship to amount used. If you're really poor, make a second cup immediately, before the coffee grounds sour. Do it in that same filter. Even if this is real Columbian, your afternoon cup then won't keep you awake at night as when you make a second cup, it's HOME MADE water processed DE-CAF! Then, after the second use of that coffee, save the dregs once more, this time in a pot of water to use on acid loving plants.

THE BEST EVER TEA RECIPE- It apparently takes scientific knowledge to make great tea. Food authority gourmet writer, Amanda Mayer Stinchecum went to China to research tea, then wrote an amazing article for Saveur Mag in which she gives this method as the one recommended by 'tea engineers' at the Tea Institute in Hangzhou, in Zhejiang province, China. Bring spring water --never tap water --to 150 degrees, halfway between body temp and boiling or 'bath and a boil' as I put in a screenplay. Either drop tea bags/loose tea into your pot of hot water, put lid on pot and let it brew 5 min or put hot water over the bags in a pretty teapot, seal tea pot; let brew 5 min. A long way to travel to make good tea. My tip: If you're going to take several hours to drink it, wrap the teapot in any wool sweater the moths have decided to destroy. Best is your most fabulous, costly sweater that somehow got into the washing machine and shrunk to fit a pekineese. Never thrown one of those out. Always save them for tea cozies. Looks a hoot, too.

THE HAVE IT ALL CAKE- I can never decide which cake is my favorite, lemon, coconut, fruit cake or almond marzipan, so I have all FOUR COMBINED. Is this greedy or schizophrenic?

INGREDIENTS: 3 cups whole grain or unbleached flour, 2 cups Succanet sugar, 2 cubes room temp butter, or 1 cup cold clarified butter which is called ghee, 4 or 5 eggs depending on size, a can of coconut milk, extracts, spices, nuts, dried fruit.

TO START: SOAK your dried fruit in lemon juice to reconstitute. Cream 2 cubes butter, four yolks, (reserve whites to make a meringue to help 'lift' the cake.) Succanet to taste (real sugar with all the vitamins), add extracts: coconut, almond or vanilla flavoring, plus plenty of orange & lemon zest, beat until creamy.

To make a birthday type cake, I use coconut milk as liquid in the cake. To make a FRUITCAKE style, I use orange juice and milk as liquids.

SIFT DRY INGREDIENTS. We are going to slowly add them to butter, ALTERNATING with the liquid. You need 2-3 cups sifted whole grain flour (throw away the bran) or Kamut flour but mix first with 3 tsp aluminum free baking powder.

WHEN YOU put flour in, add a dose of flour followed by a dose of the liquids. You will now take back the LIQUID THAT DRIED FRUIT WAS ReCONSTITUTED IN, and add orange juice or milk or coconut milk straight out of coconut or can. Or all of the above. But when you add liquid you stir a little bit, then another 1/2 cup dry ingred, then another dose of the juice/lemon/coconut milk liquids, stirring until batter feels right. For a light cake, the minimum of flour is used. If you feel it's OK at 2 cups dry ingred, quit there.

SEPARATELY, BEAT EGGWHITES TO peaks. To do this you need them cold, in clean, cold bowl, with absolutely clean beaters. ANY grease or yolk in them, they won't lift. Fold stiff whites into the cake batter, then put a lot of pecans and dried cherries in batter using a dusting of flour on them.

THEN ADD DRIED FRUIT/NUTS: (Now, take that batter and add all dried fruit that you soaked in lemon juice several hours before but to do this, pat fruit dry, flour lightly) and fold into the batter. We used the juice they were soaked in, in the LIQUID section of the cake.

BAKE: Turn into buttered, floured or paper lined pans, put in very hot oven for the initial 4 minutes. This hits the cake with such heat that it rises BOOM and freezes in that 'high' state. It solidifies from the heat. But this is too fast an oven to cook the thing through so then you open door slightly, turn oven down to 325, finish to deep golden brown color, turn off oven, remove gently. COOL cake in kitchen to room temp then in fridge so it's slightly cold. Otherwise it will melt frosting.

FROST- with 1/2 cube butter beaten with a lot of lemon rind, then a whole box of powdered sugar added 1/3 at a time with lemon juice after each dry addition. As we want several different but clear flavors, we will put real almond paste between the layers, either the imported kind or homemade.

ALMOND PASTE: grind a 1/2 lb of blanched almonds with some boiled sugar syrup and almond extract. The third, clear flavor is coconut. Cover entire exterior frosted cake with shredded sweetened coconut. Soak more dried pineapple in lemon juice, decorate outside of cake with these pieces. Put garden flowers on top, Frangipani or gardenias are nice, make edible leaves of honey dipped kiwi slices or use scented geranium leaves.

NOTE: I never use a recipe for cakes. And I'm not proud of the fact. I do it all by feel but I got the feel in my ridiculously plump days when I had head colds all the time, baked daily after school. In those days I always used a recipe book and learned the feel of a cake so well that today I work from instinct. Using whole wheat flour is a real challenge, as it's harder to get a light, moist cake with it, but after years of practice, cakes often are light enough, but not always. I don't think a good chocolate cake can be made from whole wheat flour. On my mother's 83rd birthday my sister insisted I make a chocolate cake. I used unbleached healthfood store flour but probably added a little too much flour. The cake was heavy as cement. The waiter had a butcher knife but he wrestled that cake as if it were a lion and still couldn't get the blade through it. It tasted great though, but it taught me, always add the minimum of flour that you can get away with when you approach a chocolate batter.

Once, when I had a wheat-allergic associate, a cake for a business meeting had to be made from Kamut flour. I felt it was a magnificent success. Kamut has a verging on cornmeal texture which properly handled, can still be light. The idea is never to add too much of it. A European baker would have used the two layers for doorstops but a healthfood store person would have found it fine.

At Xmas I fill the same cake batter with unsulphured dried fruit, dates, raisins, dried pineapple, cherries, pecans, walnuts. I bake it in loaf shape, no frosting. I'm betting you could wrap it in cheesecloth soaked in brandy and mail them to China, come back in a thousand years and it would still be edible.

PUMPKIN PIE- Steam chunks of pumpkin or butternut squash. Scoop out meat, blend w. milk, brown sugar, pumpkin spice, nutmeg, vanilla, 3 eggs, orange rind, dash of salt. Bake in a partially baked shell. Pour wet o wet, it never crisps up! When you have done 5 min of baking o the shell, lay walnuts in there, bake another five min, then pour in pumpkin bake slow oven for 45 min. Serve with honey sweetened yogurt on top. I prefer cream or sour cream but can't afford it.

V. SALADS, PICKLES & DRESSINGS.

FRESH RAITA SALAD (always serve on the side of a curry)

1 cup plain yogurt
1/4 cup thinly sliced scallions
2 tsp chopped parsley
2 rsp chopped mint
2 tsp Orange juice
pepper, dash nutmeg, 1 tsp lemon rind
1 cup thinly sliced cucumber.

METHOD Mix, chill for 2 hrs. Sprinkle with paprika. If a curry is properly hot, this is the only thing that will cool the mouth.
HOMEMADE EASY TO MAKE FRESH PICKLES. This seems like a lot of work but it's broken up into two days & you really only do about 5 minutes at a time and once you know how to do it, it really is routine and easy. When your garden is choked with cucumber vines and they're all getting to look like big yellow melons, you'd damn well BETTER know how to make pickles. They don't last long, so make them every few days. They are perishable.

SHOP FOR: Pickling spices, fresh dill, salt, vinegar. Have glass jars on hand. You'll need ceramic soup tureen or enamel 4 quart bowls to hold the first brining of pickles. It's nice to save large glass jars and lids for about a YEAR before you start.

MAKE BRINE: There will be two brine soaks --the first in a tureen & taking 12 hours. The second in the jars themselves. So you do the first one at night, and finish the pickles next day. You will throw away that first brine and on second day, make a second brine to put in jars with the pickles. It is the same type of brine in both cases. For every quart of water, most cookbooks recommend 1/4 cup coarse coarse, pickling salt. I never have the coarse kind on hand, though I should have it as I have an ice cream freezer, so I use ordinary salt and considerably less than those recipes state. I feel I get away with 1/4 cup of salt to 6 quarts of brine. I am eager to lower the amounts of vinegar and salt (two unhealthy substances) to a minimum. I find this works if you PEEL the cukes. There are too many enzymes in the peel. With peels in, the pots ferment bigtime and go sour and mushy. With peels on, only huge amts of vinegar/salt can knock enzymes out. To get away with less harmful ingredients and get crisp cukes, you will peel them. We are going to add some commercial pickling spices, with your own garlic slivers, and your own dill leaves. Or you can mix mustard seeds, bay leaves, red pepper pieces, black pepper, coriander seed, white mustard seed, and celery seeds and make your own spice mix. But don't forget to add garlic/dill later.

METHOD: Boil 6 quarts water with 1/4 cup salt and 1/4 cup vinegar. In last minute of the boil add your pickling spices and four fingers of chipped garlic and some dill leaves, then COOL the brine. Place this brine in a ceramic, glass or enameled metal soup tureen or some huge 4 to 6 quart receptacle. It cannot be bare metal. The acid affects metal and the metal affects brine's color. When brine is ready, and in the tureen, not before, wash and dry pickles. Cut off ends then peel with carrot peeler. If you're going to set anything down, set it on clean paper toweling. But best is to Slice directly into brine either in long strips or in round discs. Drop into brine, let sit overnight or 12 hours in fridge, with a round bottomed dish on top that pushes cukes under surface of the brine.

NEXT DAY, USE STERILE RINSE WATER (METHOD: BOIL 4 quarts water. COOL. TAKE YOUR PICKLES, POUR OFF the BRINE, thru a colander, Shake or towel dry then dump these PICKLES IN this clear, cold, sterile WATER. Let sit in fridge for 3 hrs.

MAKE SECOND BRINE AND COOL IT. Drain PICKLES of the rinse water with the colander then, without using fingers, arrange slices in freshly boiled, sterile glass jars, and pour more freshly cooled NEW BRINE/SPICES over them. It doesn't have to be cold. Bathtub warm is OK. Just not hot enough to cook the cukes. You TOP OFF JARS so no air touches cukes. Cover with plastic, not foil, & rubber bands or if you have them, the jar's lids. AND KEEP REFRIGERATED because I don't feel these are totally sterile, like the commercial kind which are boiled in both brine and the jars. A totally boiled, 'cooked' pickle can be kept on a shelf. These are fridge pickles, much more crisp, almost like fresh and won't last more than a week. IF THAT. So GIVE them/serve them to pals when super crisp. THEY SAY, but I've never been able to accomplish the feat, that TO MAKE THEM LAST on room temperature SHELF, like farmers in early America did, I hear that you must STERILIZE THE JARS FIRST, BOIL 2nd BRINE MIXTURE, pour over cukes, airtight seal with lids and boil jars for a while, too. Adelle Davis' famous old, classic healthfood book "LET'S COOK IT RIGHT" says a tsp of Calcium Chloride (another kind of salt) added to the brine makes everything much more crisp, and is what commercial picklers use.

PIZZA BABY'S A LITTLE SOMETHING EXTRA RED PEPPERS

A friend and I once had a dressmaker who was named Pizza Baby (by us at least) an old Italian woman who fed us pizza and antipasto when we visited. Needless to say, she inspired our sartorial loyalty which proves something I've always said, if in your daily business doings, you can't have a gimmick that gives you the edge on all the competition, give clients gifts --- that little something extra. "Trade Beads" I call the concept, and I wrote it up there >>. Pizza Baby's recipe is an extravagant reworking of the glorious fried red peppers which inspired us to treasure her and overlook her very average talent as a seamstress.

BUY A LOT OF RED PEPPERS. THEN, STERILIZE A LOT OF SMALL SIZED JARS by boiling them in water for 10 min then turning them upside down to drain. Meanwhile, HEAT LARGE SKILLET. Slosh in a great deal of OLIVE OIL, and FRY the red peppers, sliced into strips, along with (my version) a lot of minced jalapenos, a lot of lengthwise halved green onions, black pepper and near the end, add a lot of Garlic slices and even some Anaheim or Puebla stuffing peppers, or jalapenos, big chunks of eggplant, onions, garlic chunks, frying peppers until slightly black around edges. SPOON into jars, cover with oil so that no pepper sticks out, PUT LIDS ON. I cannot Fridge 'em cuz the high VITAMIN C spoils them fast so I FREEZE all jars but one. I use this PEPPER MIX on eggs, in soft tortilla tacos. Give them away fast like day you make them because they go bad super fast so warn pals, freeze them or eat them NOW! I never put any of my homemade preserved vegetables or even jams on any pantry shelf. I keep them in the fridge, give them to friends from my fridge, first day! Because red peppers are high in Vit C, they will get sour in a week even in the fridge so give fast & give generously just like you do with fridge pickles.

VEGETARIAN'S BOGUS EGG SALAD

INGREDIENTS; 1 lb tofu, 1 tbsp Dijon mustard 1/2 cup finely chopped celery, 2 tbsp finely chopped scallions, chopped olives, tumeric, curry powder, paprika, sweet pickle relish, chopped onions, black pepper. METHOD: Use firm tofu or soft. Cut into 1/2 " cubes, drained well. Cream into a huge slog of mayonnaise. Season w. Salt, pepper, tumeric, curry powder to taste.But the alltime secret to making this outta sight is to toast sesame seeds til golden, drop a tbsp in, and slosh a lot of chile sesame oil in it too. Chill 2 hrs. Use as sandwich spread on sprouted grain bread, the only kind that has the negative phytic acid removed. Use dry lettuce next to bread to keep the egg salad from making toasted bread soggy.

YOU CAN tell this recipe from real egg salad when you eat it. It's l00 times more delicious. Your doctor can also tell which you're eating when he checks your arteries.

WRITER'S CO-OP HUMMOUS This is a middle eastern protein food like western types of party dip, which is inexpensive to make from scratch and VERY hearty. Served on my home-made sesame crackers, it will feed a crowd for pennies. I used it at all the meetings of the L.A. Free Screenwriters' Co-op. A 32 oz jar of tahini (always fridge remaining part) will supply you with hummous for six months, costs $5.30.

Buy garbanzos in bulk, dry, soak overnight, simmer then mash. YOU will use HUMMOUS as a sandwich spread as it's thick like chicken salad. It's very satisfying and the highest food you could find in calcium due to sesame, hence it replaces cheese & milk. It has high protein, hence it replaces meat. NOTE: All bean-based dishes sour in 4 days if you don't have a party or meeting, freeze half of the finished product, making a lot at a time as it does take a few minutes of work.

HAVE ON HAND: One jar/Can TAHINI, (a kind of peanut butter only made w. sesame seeds, avail at Israeli, Iranian, Armenian, Arab grocery stores.) You won't use the whole jar, so don't worry. You'll fridge rest. There are two kinds of tahini, raw and toasted. Both are fine. One large bag of dry raw garbanzo beans, onion, soy sauce, pckg untoasted sesame seeds which you TOAST, then cool, garlic, many lemons, 1 sml. can chopped olives, cumin, curry powder, Cilantro, Chile-Sesame oil, (oriental section.) Pickle slice garnish optional.

METHOD- SOAK whole 8 oz bag of garbanzo beans over night. Heat 2 hrs in crock pot on LOW to destroy phytic acid in beans, then simmer 2 hrs on medium setting until soft. While beans cook, toast sesame seeds in iron skillet, stirring until they pop. Cool. Reserve most of liquid in beanpot for tomorrow's soup, leave 1/2 cup remaining liquid while you mash beans into a paste. Now, eyeball your tahini dose. Add 1 part tahini to 5 parts beans, mashing with finely chopped onions, lemon juice, soy sauce to taste. Add toasted sesame seeds to the bean/tahini mix, add l0 dashes of chile sesame oil, your spices, cumin, curry, lots of crushed fresh garlic, olives, cilantro and lemon juice. Freeze what you can't eat in plastic, not foil, as there's acid in hummous and aluminum leaches out of foil. Later, hummous thaws good as new. Serve on HOME MADE CRACKERS or CORN TORTILLAS or PITA or with fat free baked all corn chips or in sandwiches w. pickle/ lettuce/tomato. Kids will take this to school quite happily.

SESAME CRACKERS- Put several cups of whole grain flour in a bowl, sprinkle with sea salt. Separately, raise 1/2 package of yeast in a little sugared or honeyed vegie broth or water that is body temp. When a foamy scum appears on the liquid, throw it in the flour, along with a 1/2 cup of toasted sesame seeds, knead, roll out flat, throw into a pizza pan and bake a few min. until golden brown. Chopped onions are optional.

VEGIE CHOPPED CHICKEN LIVERS-(or party dip) I first tried this dish at a Milk only Vegetarian Jewish Deli in NYC. Isaac Bashevis Singer, the great writer ate there, a total vegan. They didn't serve any meat products. I FLIPPED OUT, as it was delicious and identical to the real thing. Pre-soak nuts overnight to sprout them to inactivate phytic acid. Use ground or processed sprouted Walnuts and pecans, pre-soaked then simmered lentils, a little cheddar cheese, garlic, soy sauce, lemon juice all blended together. YUMMY! Makes a fine Sandwich spread, too. MORE RECIPES.

ULTIMATE SALAD - THE SUPER  VITALITY FOOD- We're talking a distinctive, unique salad that will drive your friends crazy, win you applause. THE TOP SECRET SALAD has four phases of work, the greens, the dressing, the toppings and what it's served on. THE ULTIMATE SALAD is a lot of work but it leaves every other salad behind in its smoke. Wash romaine, Belgian endive, arugula, (every garden should have some; it self-sows year after year) watercress, spinach, some head lettuce, small amt cilantro. Get all dirt out of crevices. Tear, don't cut, into bite-sized pieces. Put in colander. Fridge greens until crunchy COLD.

TOP SECRET DRESSING- This one is loaded with secret ingredients that gives it a dynamite original flavor: Olive oil, (only olive and sesame have none of the pesticides found in the marketplace) lemon juice, crushed garlic, oregano, dash Lea & Perrins Wochestshire sauce, a little dry mustard powder, 2 tbsp crushed avocado and several thin slices of onion, soy sauce for salt, anchovy paste if you're not a fanatic vegetarian because it gives the dressing a mysteriously wonderful taste which no one will ever identify as anchovies. For a change, add some mayo, too. Mix greens in large, wooden salad bowl, dress, toss.

The 2nd part of the MAGIC IS IN THE TOPPING- sunflower seeds, avocado slices, raisins or currants, mushroom slices, hulled pumpkin seeds (fresh ones are only avail. at HFS), litely toasted pignolas, (elegant but also very tasty), broccoli florets, jicama or sunchoke slices, diced green onions, fresh basil, cilantro or arugula herbs. SPROUTED Radish seeds are also terrific. You must grow a crop of radish to get clean seed as commercial seeds are sprayed with things. But this is a really tasty sprout. Always put additional raisins, sliced mushrooms and avocado crescents on top of salad in plain sight and for a change, toasted pignolas on top of THAT, then dust with parmesan.

LASTLY, SERVE TOP SECRET ULTIMATE SALAD with stacks of hot, corn tortillas in a basket. Make 'tacos' of salad. That's a meal and it combines with dessert whereas most meat meals cannot combine with a sweet dessert. Always get yellow corn tortillas from the MEX MARKET as mostly they don't put celluloise or all those chemical preservatives in their masa.

CHEAP/FREE BELGIAN ENDIVE. 4$ a lb at the market and really makes a salad seem deluxe but it's SOO easy to grow. First, grow a row of chicory in garden. In autumn, dig out the parsnip-looking roots, chop off the green top parts with scissors. Give the roots a butch haircut. Bury these roots either in black plastic 5 gallon tree containers or in the garden in holes filled in with sand with 7 inches of sand on top of them. The roots stand upright but down deep in the sand and their little "chicon" top will form during the winter. The chicory root puts out this new top, doing so under ground, where it's blanched by the earth and darkness on top and never fully opens, staying pointed just like the 5$ a pound kind that come wrapped in lavendar tissue paper from belgium. As if nobody else in the world could grow these things. Jeez louise, growin these guys is a leadpipe cinch.

THE AUTHENTIC CAESAR SALAD- Invented by the Caesar hotel in Tijuana, where my father said I should have my debutante's debut, as my mom and I liked bullfights. This is where I met my first bullfighter, my first crush. 3 medium heads Romaine, chilled, dry. DRESSING-1/3 cup garlic flavored salad oil made by marinating 4-5 large garlic cloves in 1 1/2 cups virgin olive oil and 1/2 cup pure olive oil, anchovies or anchovy paste. Cover, let sit 4-5 days. Pour this over lettuce. Salt and pepper. Toss. Break coddled egg over lettuce, add dash of Worcestershire and juice of 1 1/3 lemons. Top with grated Parmesan cheese, genuine fried bread croutons. Toss only once more.

GOOCHES BULGUR NUT PATE- Three cups cooked bulgur wheat. Always, heat bulgur wheat in water until it reaches 100 degrees then hold at that heat for an hour (a phytic acid-destroying soak before cooking) Then cook according to package instructions. Have on hand, 4 tbsp butter, 2 tbsp olive oil, 1 small onion, chopped, 1 medium celery stalk, thinly sliced, 1/4 cup chopped red bell pepper, 4 large cloves garlic, mashed, 1 tsp sea salt, 1 tsp chili powder, 1/4 tsp nutmeg, 3/4 tsp celery seed, 3 cups cooked bulgur wheat, 1 cup chopped walnuts or pecans, 2 tbsp chopped parsley or cilantro. Saute onion, celery, bell pepper garlic in oil, cool, then mash. Season, add bulgur. FOOD PROCESS until smooth. Add nuts, parsley, scallions, mix thoroughly. Garnish with parsley, paprika, lemon slices. This is another recipe for bogus chicken livers. Can't have too many of THESE.

TOFU SALAD / INGRED: oil, 2 cups rice noodles or won-ton skins sliced thin, 1 pckg tofu, 2 Japanese cukes, 2 tomatoes, radish sprouts, dried bonito flakes, dried kelp. METHOD: Heat oil, fry noodles, drain. Slice cukes, tomatoes, cube tofu. Chop off root ends of sprouts, discard. Divide tofu, cukes, tomatoes among 6-8 plates. Garnish with sprouts, fried noodles, bonito flakes. DRESSING: INGRED: 2 tbsp toasted sesame seed paste, 2/3 cup mayo, 1/3 cup rice inegar, 1/4 cup sugar, 2 tbsp sesame seasoning mix, 1 1/2 tsp grated ginger, 1 tbsp soy sauce, 1 1/2 tsp sweet rice wine, (mirin), ltbsp water, Pour dressing over salad, sprinkle with dried kelp.

NOTE: Mrs. Gooch opened her first healthfood store in the 80's. Very upscale, a fancy butcher, eye-boggling organic produce. NOT CHEAP. But CARRIAGE TRADE apparently is willing to pay for the vetty best. Soon a chain of 8 stores followed. Then Mrs Gooch sold it to WHOLE FOODS MARKET and retired rich. Everyone claims they're outta sight price wise but for slimmer purses, like me, they had the 'day old vegetable rack' where you can get organic produce reasonably until some damn food charity started taking the stuff for real, poor people. Their eggs and yogurt were cheaper than chain super markets! And their yogurt had FIVE CULTURES in it, where supermarkets have zero or one and they add gelatin which is junk.

Another wonderful thing you get at these pricey healthfood emporiums is a chance to read labels and books so always bring your glasses and study the labels of little 4$ plastic containers of vegie pates which give you an instant recipe for making the thing yourself. Next, their bookshelf is worth an hour pause. Always bring a pencil and notebook! I can't wait for the day they invent a remote hand held scanner. I'll scan pages and pages, and later download the pages into my computer. When the millenium comes, smart campers will get their hands on those wonderful books available at healthfood stores. They'll use the store's shelf as a library and their scanner and home computer as a library card, get PHD's out of their scanners and set up shop as nature healers and make 800k per year. Which is what my nature healer makes. You can earn that with no license, education as she did.  Read HOW HERE.

NOW, if you really are hungry and are reading this, my last tip is: every city has huge city gardens with endless amts of food growing there. Nobody's there during the week, just week-ends, go and pick enough food for you and your kids to have a meal. Don't bring a shopping bag. Just a large purse. You and the kids wander around, maybe some farmer will be there who'll help you. Just say "We need food." That's what it's there for.

And remember, all over the planet, the other countries go through this daily. For you it's just until Dad's check arrives or until you qualify for AID.

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