THE WISDOM OF CREATING "SUCCESS IN LOVE" GROUPS in our HOMES
To be a friend, to be a sister, we older women should collect the stories of all the young women who waited for true love and ended up spinsters, just as a warning to those girls who think that they'll marry automatically when their career peaks and maybe they'll have the pick of the litter in their town.
They won’t because men do not want to marry career girls with huge salaries. REAL men don’t. But then you and your friends could discuss that when you host a SUCCESS IN LOVE living room group or church basement group where women learn from a psychologist who answers the audiences questions (from a basket, given anonymously.) You could do the group over dinner once a month in a home, but renting a church assembly room 7pm to 8:30pm works, then you go out for coffee later.
A controversial theme that might come up for discussion would be, is it true that men tend to want to marry young women? Discuss it at your Ladies Dinner Group. I feel that instinctively, men want breeders. It’s not rational, they don’t know it, but it’s built into the GENES. His thermometer goes up when you’re a kid. YOUTH in a woman, not necessarily a man, is what makes a good breeder.
Success, money and a Beamer (IN THEIR WOMEN) are not required by men. Just youth and perhaps an illustrious father because it proves she has good genes and the offspring will be princely. Men care about stuff like that. If you research the matter, you'll find that it’s true. I get a thousand clients a year for fifty years who have taught me that. So ladies, start kissing frogs to find your Prince Charming, and start early!
Now, as a cheery conversational theme for a living room Love Group, let's not forget to collect inspiring stories from all the older women who a.) chose really decent guys, b.) played the game right and c.) ended up happily married. Some are career girls, some aren't. 99% married young. Whatever they are, they lucked out so have 'em talk at your group so the NOT so young can keep their hopes up.
We should collect the statistics, the testimonies, the evidence, the tricks of the trade, recount them and make verbal ‘my worst mistake’ tales --- to show ladies they aren’t alone, to inspire and show clueless young women how to proceed. Cuz God love 'em, girls are dumber than ditch carps and worse than dumb, untutored by their aunties and mothers whose heads were not on their shoulders while they were raising those girls.
There are all kinds of love quandries -- as many as there are plots to soaps and movies. There are women who turn away perfectly fine men, --- men anxious to marry ... and they do so for dumb reasons, like: ‘he doesn’t light my candle.’
Collect the testimonies that show 'HIS CANDLE IS LIT, honey, that’s all it takes to have a good marriage. That fact and that he has a job, is honest, is committed to the relationship, is mad about you and wants YOU to be the mother of his kids. That is a starter kit from HEAVEN! Don’t you dare piss on that!
Benjamin Franklin said the best marriages occur when the MAN loved the woman more than the other way around. We’ve all seen those silly twits who married hot guys who lived to find themselves burned to ash by the relationship. If not, rent "PEGGY SUE GETS MARRIED"
A bad man can eat up a lot of GOOD years. As a stargazer, I’ve ministered to and seen a high, high percentage of women give away those precious young years, foolishly, to men who were only dallying with them. They were blind to the clues and there were clues, so at your group, do a ‘clue catching night,’ as the old beat up girls remember quite well what clues they missed.
In 40 years of stargazing, I can’t think of a single woman over forty who caught a hubby. Well, that’s a lie. ONE. Mary Ellen did. Totally by chance. Out of how many hundreds of women? I see women post 30 yearning, longing, but not getting. I see them played like a harmonica by brattish men, so many sad stories I’m STATISTICALLY sour.
So along comes a man who’s crazy about YOU? PLAY HIM like a harmonica! You don’t have to marry him. Just date him. Hang with him. Go to his world. his cafes, his clubs, his vacations, meet his friends and parents, host parties with him, go to fun things he likes with an escort. (When you’re not going on your own.) Even meet your next husband while you're with him.
He will probably get you OUT OF THE HOUSE more than you’re used to. That one woman I mentioned, Mary Ellen? A group had dragged her on a ski trip. Skiing wasn’t her style. She was a snow bunny, warming her heels in a lodge restaurant and he was suddenly there and never left. She was nice, sweet, not gorgeous movie star slim, but wholesome, simple, plain, not fat or wrinkled, but over forty. She was intelligent, cultured and kind and had no arrogance. That guy must have good eyesight! They just left L.A. and moved to a cottage in Idaho. (sigh)
Good men are out there, so find groups, let your friends take you skiing and everywhere else. GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. Use your friends to go to parties, or co-host them with you, join clubs, attend night school, drive to nearby vacation week-ends. In the words of Emerson ‘the greatest lord of all is use.’ In the words of Stella Adler, the great drama coach. ‘USE EVERYTHING.’ Use what happens. Surf the wave the way it's going. If something is there, it's meant to be used.
Psychologist/author Dr. PAT ALLEN (an L.A.-based shrink) has spoken for twenty years at her ‘HOW TO GET LUCKY IN LOVE’ group, one in L.A. the other in Orange County. 5$ at the door. As she says in her book 'GETTING TO I DO" a single girl should always date 3 men at the same time if it's possible and use the diversity to 'keep your powder dry'. Assured of plural admirers, you won't be tempted to get too heavily involved with any ONE of them. If you were to date three all the time, you'd find that you couldn’t be backed into caring too much for any one of them. You'd demurely let the tom cats duke it out to see who wins you. The man with the best deal, the best vows, the best promises, the best behavior. Smart women realize that healthy men do not want to get married. They're perfectly happy being sociopaths. They don't want a woman to civilize them. So a woman has to learn to make the pressure cooker COOK and the steam grow into a big head until one of them can't help himself and must run at you with a golden ring imploring 'marry me.'
Woman rarely understand the "date-three-for-power" concept because we think so diametrically differently from the way men do. If we heard a man was dating two other women, we'd be insulted, insecure, hurt, angry at him and wouldn't stop making him guilty about it. Most probably, once we realized that he was, we wouldn't see the guy twice.
Men are much more realistic and instinctively competitive. The mating frenzy sharpens their appetite. In all nature, males vie for the female. Having other men after you makes them up their ante, give more, worship you more, value you more. The classic book that tells how men feel about popular women is "The Great Gatsby." Rent the film or catch one of the t.v. versions. Paramount to the plot is that before the War, Gatsy had been one of dozens of admirers and had lusted after Daisy from a crowd of beaux. The competition really woke up his keen love quotient! The reverse would not work with women. If a lot of gals are too close to a man, all competing, it turns us off, sowe don’t understand this law of Nature.
Those are the kinds of lessons we are teaching at this website. Please read the other articles
FOUR CHAPTERS on HOW TO DO A LOVE TEACHING GROUP TRAINING for a living, using a local psychologist.
THESE articles contain live links or URLS for further reading. Easy fingerwandering, easy quick click reading. Create the LoveAholics Anonymous Group, put posters up all around town and when gals write you to your SIMPLY TO REMEMBER EMAIL ADDIE, LOVEGURU or HEARTLADY, LUVGURU, something easy to recall…then, send the files as attachments or URLS to all the girls. Ages 13 to 40 is a good market sector.
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Signed, anita sands, authoress of all the lessons
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