CREATING THE SUPER CHILD
I. PREVENTION of KID WARP
The big ISSUE in child raising appears to the parent to be the achievment of an obedient child. To accomplish this, parents unfortunately seek to manifest that THEY as parent, clearly are entitled by divine right to total control.
Well, that's all very well for France in the l700's and it's great for the parent who's Hitler in his own home but if you're involved in that DIVINE CONTROL terrain, your KID is not having a good time. He is at war. He is losing that war daily and he is learning to feel like a loser. With the residual resentment that that implies.
Let's not buy into the appearance of LOSS OF CONTROL OVER THE KID. That is a big error in adult black and white thinking, which promotes even your more flawed decisions being 'written in granite' law, thusly creating permanently scarred, wounded and potentially INSANE CHILDREN. If you're struggling with obedience and control issues, you already lost the war, a long time ago and are heading into problem teen/ adult terrain sure as shoot.
The best battles are won subtley --- so that there never was a fight, there never was a discussion. The war is won when there is no confrontation. Peace is achieved when the subject doesn't come up. Close down the Pentagon parents. Avoid all pentagon strategies. Come from behind, and MOVE ahead.
II. MASTERY OPPORTUNITIES
One of the main battlegrounds which we're going to look at as an example of a choice parents make that isn't a good one, which the child fights and which becomes endangering to the child occurs in infancy. This is potentially a frontier 'for peace' so let's look at it.
BEDTIME and all related activities, involves the child learning to 'run' his body, his vehicle, his machine correctly. He has to do something that's against the grain. Hit the sheets when he's strung out, in high hilarity and interested in the night time fun with the group all around. Or It's similar to potty time, when he has to FORCED to unclothe and run to bathroom just because you say so. Or like mealtime which seems unnecessarily static, sitting in a chair and all, when he can just run around snacking. But the big one is BEDTIME.
A child who wants to go to bed, looks forward to it, lies down and goes to sleep promptly and does so automatically eveyr night runs his body perfectly. That child has had the right habits introduced effectively . His parents introduced the bedtime routine and habit on the fun level. Hey bedtime story TIME! That's introducing it on the neural pleasure level, not the MENTAL level. He never fought it as it was fun. That child is unaware there is a big bedtime struggle going on ---with other kids, on this planet. He's jumping in that bed to hear his story!
He's much better off than the POST-war-with-his parent- casualty kid who has lost a lot of battles and been FORCED to run his body according to HOYLE, or go to sleep in his crib like a good little kid at a given hour, and do it Mom's way or the Highway. That kid will have permanent issues. Permanent craziness. Permanent warp and Rebellion along with a lifetime of going to bed at weird hours, not enough sleep or insomnia. And that child will be a permanent dweeb because he lost all those battles! Organized patriarchial countries create nazis. Nazis don't create those countries.
SUBTLY Introducing body habits on the neural level so that they become automatic is better than having a war where the kid insists on going his own way and where you say it's the wrong way and there's a fight and you beat him into submission and he's pouting all the time. That creates the maverick who's chomping at the bit. You create 'triggers' in him that will lay in the child for the years he's under your 'control' but which will surface later as BODY DYSFUNCTIONS, as uncooperative manias, an urge not to go to sleep at anything approximating a 'right' time. SO seek to instill self mastery in the child, not master-ship for you, the parent.
Parents might want to discover ways to introduce good body habits by seeking to make it fun, so the child's tropism moves him to repeat it, next time. Seek to introduce good habits by osmosis, by routine, by habit and not by force or 'laying trips' on the child's mind.
Parents should not suggest a moral obligation, an ethical tilt to the universe, that 'one way is good, the other bad'. This would get the child into good/bad thinking, the fruit of which is Guilt.
Parents frequently steer children into the "LONGING TO CONTROL, HATING TO OBEY" terrain. Not a good place. Obedience is the worst tyrant. SHUN it. He's a false friend. If you are creating an obedient kid, you are creating a kid who will be victimized by others for the rest of his days.
In the last decade much attention has been paid to the food issues that guilt can steer young people into, Compulsions about what is eaten, when one eats and the conflicts, guilts, fights that arise in this arena. Overeating, craming, binging, anorexia, fasting, starving, schizophrenia induced by starving, all the food issues. Food is on our minds but nobody thinks of the huge amount of sleep-related psychosis created in infancy that pave the way for dysfunctional adult insomnia, fatigue, aging, loss of mental health.
A GROWN UP, SLEEP IMPAIRED PERSON can't punch out his own lights. He's groggy in the daytime. His life decisions are impaired. He drives cars badly. He never has the energy to create his own success.You want to prevent sleep psychosis from day one.
FOR AN INFANT, separation from the parent by the dark bedroom is a looming misery each and every night. EASY SLEEP must be achieved without that occurring. The infant should welcome the crib event at day's end. The falling onto his soft bedding and having the covers pulled up should be the crowning frosting on the cake of his day, not the END OF THE GOOD times and an abhorred HORROR but a GOOD TIME IN ITSELF.
It's incumbent upon the parent to come up with some wonderful ways to make the going-to sleep period enchanting. STUPID TIRED, CRASS, CROSS impatient parents are abrupt. They want the kid asleep so they can go on with their lives and the kid sees it, and this throws him into pain. He cries. But that doesn't stop the impatient for bedtime parent. That parent is goal oriented. He / She will throw a bottle into the baby's mouth (which by the way, will rot his budding teeth. What a lousy habit THAT is). This parent will also throw the baby into a dark room and coo him into shutting up then fool him by sneaking out and then when the baby cries, yell him into submission or leave him alone weeping until he shuts up. Or run the vacuum cleaner or the radio until he stops weeping.
That baby has a right to be injured, wounded, hurt, betrayed and to yell about the defecting, abandoning parent, scurrying out, leaving Binky to a dark room and terrifying solitude. So don't do it. And also, don't beat that fight out of him when he complains because a.) you'd be dead wrong and b.) you're teaching him to be an obedient loser.
The REMEDY? After that dinner, the toddler wants a substantial play period. Give him that physical play in a soft way, so he doesn't get his heart pumping, Quiet play. Some people blitz the kid with food so he'll sleep. It isn't a good idea to show a young person that FOOD is sleep. Or that food is to zone out. That's not a good lesson and a lot of people learn it too well and use food as an anodyne and stuff at bedtime to make certain they'll sleep.
Dinner is a social hour, and the time after it is conversational. Interacting is done. Our body's fed, it has energy, it wants to interact. Food isn't intended as a sleeping pill. It gives energy. Use that energy up.
If we engrave on the body's neural mind that food turns off our lights, and that it's a good way to GO BLANK... you're teaching an adult to EAT to go to sleep which will produce a fat adult. What you're teaching a child when you let him SUCK himself to sleep, or eat himself to sleep is to zone out with food.
Not only are you rotting his teeth, you're rotting his SPIRIT MIND connection, because you're NOT using that bedtime story time for some imaginative 'radio' show time. You're also making him a candidate for fat, heart disease and diabetes and you're saying goodbye to any possibility of developing the PSYCHIC abilities of the MIND which can be awakened by having good energy in the body at bedtime, and being in the dark, peaceful happy, hearing Mommy or Daddy tell a bedtime story with lots of images so baby can do some envisioning.
Parents want to stage manage a period of baby being in the social phase after dinner. Then there is this new rite that YOU might do your for 'super child in the marking' --- psychic envisioning after lights-out, with the parent encouraging the infant to use his inner eye, his envisualization faculties, as you tell bedtime stories. I am reminded of a Radio fan who said he didn't like television as much because one was limited in what you could SEE. In radio dramas, he saw it better.
We would much rather teach the super baby how to use an inner eye, than teach him how to go blotto on food and satisfy the impatient parent's need to get on with his EVENING.
You HAD the darn kid, you brought him to this karmic plane, now, for God's sake, don't just slam him on a mattress and turn off the light and say fatuously, 'sleep with the angels' because he can't and won't. If you want him to sleep with angels, then be an angel. Tell him bedtime stories.
Teach him to enjoy all the marvelous buttons he has on his mental dashboard. There is a wonderful button there that works for 'dark room inner eye imagery.' A fantastic pineal button. An actual vestigal eye, rods and cones material left over from our days as a light-clocking, sea-anenome type organism that needed to know when days got longer and it was summer and time to make offspring.
You may not have used it in your lifetime but just because your parents were asleep and hence you are, doesn't mean this new babe, the flowering of two billlion years of cellular evolution has to stagger around in the same low, no-third- eye state. He is the flowering bud on the final branch and twig of a billion year evolution. He can do things you cannot. Or he will when WE get finished with him. It may be that our generation is not even fit to teach our children as we are so limited, but it's time to have faith that even a cripple can teach ballet, and give it a try.
After Binky has his bottle, he can do some social interacting with the people in the living room, his toys, his friends. That separates the FOOD thing from the SLEEP thing. You don't want them any blurred link there as it produces people who zone out with food, practically a national habit in America.
When the LIVING room interacting comes to an end, we start a peaceful session of Parent and Baby chilling out together in the DRESS FOR SLEEP phase. This involves undressing, putting on PJ's and a new diaper. Do the complete mouth rinse with water. Always teach a toothless infant how to rinse the oral cavity and spit. OR if teeth are budding, you might brush the little tooth buds, absolutely avoiding flouride or aspartame!! Now, into the sheets, while parent gives some gentle spinework. Not on the vertabrae but on the fillet mignon on both sides. Soft upward strokes, very soft, relaxing.
Then, Baby's in the crib, light's off. you are seated next to him, and now comes the 'LET'S INTERACT IN THE DARK and use your third eye as a pre-sleep toy' phase. The parent talks or tells stories, or makes animal sounds into a story, 'meow meow goes the cat, Ruff Ruff goes the dog. Pssss Psss goes the bird, GRRRR goes Daddy. EEEOWW goes MOMMY.' The child is enjoying the joke, laughing. Your fingers graze the hand or forehead or forearm and gives sounds or words that have IMAGES attached and does so until the little feller drops off into sleep.
No slamming him on a mattress and leaving. No abandonment. The 'happy bedtime baby' is envisualizing while the parent is suggesting. Dog images. Parent images. He's tripping. It's a fantastic new habit. The only way to go to sleep. ENVISUALIZING.
If baby went to the ocean that day, you might do ocean noises. If he went to super market, you'll remind him of the melons, the oranges, if he went to the neighborhood communal garden, he might have a better view of melons and oranges. You remind him of those words. Perhaps food images aren't as good as the zoo. You took him to the zoo that day. The smell of animals, the names of the MONKEY, Akka Akka Akka. The BULL. MOOOO.
You might play the sound box. You plug it in, the thing does rain, waterfalls, ocean, car traffic. Wonderful idea. You can tell stories to that, changing the settings as you go.
NOW, if you already have a TODDLER, and this article hit you too late, then CONTROL, OBEDIENCE issues related to the hour of sleep are probably already in place. While we can't be sure he's headed for a lifetime of sleep problems, he has not yet used that vacant space in the mind for fun envisualizing. He's sort of missing a chance of making an early spirit/mind link.
But all you can see now is that this toddler does not want to go to bed. He knows he's going to experience BOREDOM as well as separation. He knows he lost a battle with a tyrant parent. So with older children, simply retrace, re-pattern, telling your own stories in the dark.
A whole range of mental talents will have opened up for any toddler who, as an infant, was taken on the DARK ROOM CRIB STORY adventure. But if we're starting with a toddler who's already stuck in bad habits, we need to reprogram or repattern neural nexuses. Start the new light turn off session with YOU being in the room with him. He'll go HUH? As he's prepared to go to sleep. But try to reawaken those third eye abilities anyway.
We need to get him up to speed by doing soft voice story telling, verbally conducted tours on imagery trips with gentle strokes on the third eye, forehead area, (your electrical fingers will actually re-awaken a dormant third eye). And combine the story telling with thing she saw that day. If he was at Nursery School he knows words like blocks, Mrs. Jones, Mrs. Smith. Teacher, so we incorporate those people in his visuals. And, we need to do it for several weeks or months to create a habit. No books with reading lights that might make him start watching you, the parent, in the flashlight's glow.
After forty days of dark story telling, when he knows how to use the imagination, you can use a dim light, if you can read by a l0 watt bulb and even then, only occasionally. We are seeking to encourage the inner eye. So parent, tell the story in the dark. That means it has to come from your HEAD. If you're no Mark Twain or Dr. Seuss, it means you have to make stories out of what the child did that day or read children's books, memorize them. Won't it be a thrill when that kid later encounters the BOOK with illustrations of a story he's been hearing by 'radio.' He's suddenly reading, seeing the pictures involved with the story you gave him in his infancy and now he sees a book on it! Trippy.
After a long day, you are not at your freshest so keep a lounger chair in that room so you can be semi-reclining, feet up, small of back supported, and go 'timeless' on the kid, and not be in a mommy-daddy adult-sized hurry!
Lounging will enable you to take time when you tell a story and make certain he falls asleep envisualizing it, and doesn't have to fall asleep alone, after you've left the room, as then he starts to realize that story telling will be followed by separation, a very painful thing.
There are two things we're seeking to prevent here. One is separation anxiety, the second is preventing 'I'm Ready to sleep when I'm Goddamn ready," syndrome. You don't want children to learn to fall asleep only when BEATEN DOWN to a pulp, or when physically exhausted, or so crammed with food they're soporific.
The thinking patterns of exhausted children are too nutsy. They feel insulted, wounded, not wanted. We don't want to go there. Also, ending the day thinking, 'she didn't want to be with me, she was anxious to get out, I'm probably a big drag, she doesn't really like me or find me interesting' is not a good thought to put into the unconscious' suggestion box.
And in an age of so many angry, truant children appearing, You obviously don't want the child to learn to battle you or submerge their urge and be angry, which is what happens when YOU TELL THEM they are tired, when they're "clearly not feeling tired yet" because they start to feel you're a lying, inaccurate, oppressive monster who just doesn't want them around.
You're telling them stuff that's patently untrue, and that's their last thought every night. No good. Nor do you want to go NEAR that classic struggle that occurs when the PARENT says that a certain hour is the RIGHT time to 'turn off the light time' and they don't feel it yet. Right and wrong Good and bad issues frequently become a polluted area of the mind. What Freud called the primal separation between the ID, Unconscious and the SUPER EGO, a primal split-off which can never mend which will always create duality and where there's duality, there's the devil.
I know many children who are now adults who have horrendous amounts of activity issues. They're guilty because they feel what they're doing isn't right: their use of time, all sorts of time use issues: I'm wasting time. I'm not using my time. This isn't the right way to do something. Did I do it right? Fear, anxiety, judgement of right/wrong has been instilled in infancy. We've all seen adults with 'food morality' issues. A certain food isn't right. It's immoral. It's not PC. I shouldn't eat it but I love it. That kind of thing. They starve, fast, go without, deny themselves and/or feel entitled to indulge then they eat like a ravenous hyena.
What that is....is --- there's a MORAL quotient being sought thru action or FOOD. They are seeking right and goodness. Seeking to discard sin. They have guilt. And we all know that people with guilt grow up to be suppressive, repressive, even to wage wars on the unholy. They become seekers of unholy people. They waste huge amounts of energy 'catching' bad people. They become cop mentality people. A lot of that can start with action guilt or food guilt. It tends to create aberrant habits like pride, ego, hate, all in the name of purity. Others binge and sin as a reaffirmation of their own helplessness in the grip of their demons. Both are crazy as coots.
Recently, 000 people in Uganda were just found in another mass, cult suicide or murder. 500 people had given up their will, had been taught to give over their control to a parent figure who taught them to do what is right. This cult was called 'the Group to Put back the Ten Commandments." Of course, murder is a commandment so maybe they were concerned with only NINE commandments. But they were doing whatever the parent figure thought was right. And oddly enough, this parent was lining them up, having them sign insurance policies, then killing them, in groups of twenty. One of the weirdest crimes for profit in the history of humanity. But the point is, you don't want to create obedient children. It's just too dangerous with all the weirdos out there who want to take over their life decisions.
And a third aberration formed by the morality/ guilt trip is those people who enjoy doing wrong, who require sin for excitement, who enjoy and seek to be in the grip of a passion, giving themselves over to toxic, destructive relationships where they are totally without will power. Where another is free to mistreat them, even. This is masochism. Much of this very toxic mental habit starts with good/bad issues. We teach the child that it is GOOD to let another control him, and do as he wishes. We are helpless to argue with that person or change them. We can only be 'good little children' and accede, go along, obey.
The child taught that will learn to live with and even LOVE a person who is controlling, cold, distant. The child that is pre-conditioned by a distant controlling parent will seek and find that kind of mate. They're programmed for it. They will toss away kind people to get a sexy sadist who keeps them in that sexual suspense, endorphins flowing, masochism thrilled. We've all seen it happen.
The child pre-conditioned this way will even become sexually aroused by, interested in such cold, distant, controlling people. That means that this entire tendency will become 'energized.' Those circuits will become 'lit up like a Xmas tree light' and become sexualized when they start to have romances with cruel controlling distance-choosing sweethearts.
A parent should never reward a child with love for being obedient or for being without will power. A much larger number of people than you would imagine has developed the yin or female side of their nature, the 'obedient' side and combined it with the hormone estrogen, (they either have it as they're women or manufacture it as men to become feminized) and then they start to get a hormonal thrill of 'delight' in being commandeered by another person. If that isn't true, why would the rape fantasy be so common and sexual to women? And men, for that matter.
We're adults. We know that there are people who are aberrated and get delight from being the long suffering victim of a cruel person they love. You've heard of it. Thousands of people have these aberrations of pleasure in domination. True, they're the end of the spectrum but the masochism and sadism impulses are fed by the everday hormones secreted by the body. The aberration rides in on the flow of these hormones. Also the resulting romantic exhileration may be caused by mind pictures entangling with actual hormone flow, but here's a thought. may even CAUSE the flow of these hormones so that certain people become enthralled with distant, unloving, judgemental love choices.
While Mother Nature started this trend, and the hormones were put in all bodies by evolution to predispose humans toward yin or yang behavior (which creates a magnetic attraction between opposites, and causes people to hitch up, get married, or live together, which is nature's imperative). Nature created a basic submissiveness of the estrogen female and a basic aggressiveness of the testosterone male energy to get the mating game accomplished. Nature didn't mean for those two hormones to lend themselves to aberrant life patterns involving choosing pain and toxic people for partners.
The basic mating-dance hormones can accidentally be commandeered, used, summoned by chronic, aberrant child- raising practices to accidentally create twisted, masochistic people who not only CHOOSE to be helpless in the grip of dominating authority/love figures but helpless in the grip of food /drug addictions, helpless in their romance lives, and in their careers.
This 'helplessness' can be carried over into every other department of their lives. We've all seen people who become permanently passive recipients of 'help,' entertainment, guidance, permanently unambitious, requiring wealthier more self-determined people to carry them through life.
According to Freud, the masochistic child (or later adult) may even sexualize the passive state he's in, -- the state of being mistreated, hurt, abandoned, the state of being alone, having no sweetheart. They almost enjoy these masochistic states to the point that they literally have exquisite pangs of delight when they're mistreated or when people are leaving the house, and leaving them alone, (enabling them to relive 'old' and painful events).
Some people glamorize their aloneness, infuse it with 'mystic attributes' and spiritual dimensions. 'I am the ultimate Taoist,' the ultimate forgiving Christian, the ultimate hermit. I'm better than the rest of you." But basically they're just sick campers, aroused and overjoyed at being totally abandoned, hurt, mistreated, controlled by sick, distant, unloving, cold, nasty people and pleasured in being left alone by their peers.
So stay away from requiring your child's obedience. Stay away from 'do as I say' without questioning me, and 'moral/immoral' evaluations and 'good/bad' issues. Don't go there. Avoid giving orders. You hate it when it's done to you and so do children. Engage the child's mind to solve the problem. I.e. 'what is your plan on getting this room clean?' Instead of "clean the room now."*
Humans instinctively want orderly rooms if the idea is presented reasonably. Children evolve and become gracious without sternly molding them into a quasi-gracious mold. They learn good body habits without steam rolling out the bad ones by labeling them 'BAD.' Don't catch your children being bad. Catch them being GOOD.
Children learn they are loveable by being praised for being good by being loved. They learn they are worthy by being socially enjoyed at playtime as a 'playmate' and an equal, ( not abandoned as a boring, lower case person). You are the president but they are the vice president and asking them to structure the bath or room cleaning, asking them for their view on it, is making them vice presidential material.
We grow up to be light seeking, not dark seeking, because life is tropistic and love-seeking. By its own, natural self, left alone like a weed, life will grow in a healthy way. Your child will pick nice people, not control freaks. All warping influences come to the infant from the parent who means well but hasn't looked at his actions from the heart.
If Nicole Simpson had a heart centered childhood, she'd have never picked a jealous control freak husband or endured him any longer than a few dates. A healthy adolescent is attracted only to healthy friendships and can spot a psycho on a control trip. Your child will not bond with an egomaniac who wants an audience, or who wants a 'trophy mate'. If your child is joyful and intuitive and has learned to enjoy right use of his/her own will, he'll exercise self-determination without fear or inhibition. He will dump nasty people. So in essence, we are ensuring that our children survive, are happy and pick good mates when we launch them correctly. So when we instill habits gently, we are affecting the destiny of our grandchildren and hundreds of great great grandchildren and thousands of great great great grandchildren. In other words, we are changing the tempo of the planet. We can cause evolution to leap forward. We can forward the 'action' down here with intelligent parenting.
You want your child to learn to have enough self-image, receptivity and reasonableness, intuition, the gift of evaluating, enough faith in self to discard useless people. You want him to have enough faith in his ability to sense warped people, and know that he has to learn to step back from them. You want your child to have faith in his ability to act without fear. You want that child to have a healthy, relaxed flow and even psychic abilities and through this last ability, have frequent hunches, intuitive evaluation, intuitive judgement so that he can procure a well thought out, harmonious life.
Through a thing as tiny as sleep practices at bedtime, a parent can open up magical dimensions in the infant that will affect his entire life. That child will learn to spend some time each day in third eye reflection. A lot of us pay a guru money to teach us to open this 'inner eye' in adulthood when it's hard to jump start our visualization abilities. This meditation or reflection or envisualization is natural to children, but frequently left to wither, as parents have no clue on how to develop it.
The tutored imagination, or 'third eye' faculty, will be new to the human race but it is a sure path to a happy, well-rounded, safe adulthood. Help the baby get there, from word one.
For similar themes of thought, you might read book (USED, 2$ at http://www.abebooks.com,) or take the course " BREAKTHROUGH PARENTING" by Jane Major PHD. Author of 6 books on parenting. See her website at http://www.breakthroughparenting.com