handsome scoundrel
I am a handsome scoundrel, I drink, cheat. BUT YOU WILL MARRY ME cuz I'm gorgeous!

Many of the women I advise suffer from bad relationships with a man. My tragedienne clients all have done one similar thing to pull this destiny toward them. They make excuses for the rudeness of their sweethearts, the distance he chooses,  his lack of attentiveness, his drinking, cheating, forgetting dates. These Women forgive their man for the lacks he creates in their lives and yet they go on. They can't let go.

It's all very well to say 'Men are from Mars, they are boors and to be a nice girl from Venus and tolerate but we lose one very precious thing when we endure all this---time. Sometimes years. As smart women everywhere know, you can lose a lot of GOOD years on a BAD man! And the men who loved and proposed? Other women built happy lives around them.

FORGIVING is a very feminine, good trait which enables a mother to forgive children who cry or throw scenes and go on loving her KIDS but this extra dose of forgivingness was not intended by nature to extend to forgiving MEN in the courtship phase.

As an astrologer, I meet thousands of women a year who are suffering in romances or marriages. Many have suffered and endured the 'same ole behavior' from the guy for decades even in courtship when they could have gotten OUT! There are all kinds of variations: he cheats, he doesn't share his social life, or he won't marry, he doesn't seem to care.

May I be permitted to take everything I learned from all this and give you the tricks I finally learned and began telling to these babes? Stop suffering in love. If you pick a man who shows symptoms of being a boor, needing distance, needing his space, get out quit. At the first sign of a problem, LEAVE. If you think that all you can attract are uncommitted TAKERS, get a reality check. Plenty of women attract men who serve them, their children, their lives. BE PICKIER.

If you picked a man who doesn't encourage your selfhood or patronizes your dreams, you pick a man who will be off somewhere with people he respects. And those people won't be you.

If you endure a man who freezes or clams up when you show need, a man will not get up when you call urgently for help, or goes the opposite direction from the one you tell him to go in, you're probably looking at a covertly hostile, mother-hating neurotic. But what's wrong with you that you picked him? Ask yourself this. Meanwhile, un-pick him.

If you tolerate a man who needs financial bailing out, you are condemning the children you might one day have with this walking disaster... to a life of poverty, hunger, no education, no self image.

If you accept any of these bad habits, even the 'cute, ornery' masculine pecadillo- ones,  there is something wrong with your self image and self love which are damaged. That's one reason women tolerate this kind of suffering. The other is that they are desperately hungry for the love fairy tale. They've had little tastes of love on the road of life and know that it is the ultimate opium poppy. But the real SIN when women tolerate is that these female suicides, yes, these deliberately self destroying, martyring women will tie into a man who would make a terrible father to your KIDS, man who will eventually do the same perverse, uncaring, covertly hostile, passive agressive stuff to them. It's the self-fulfilling prophecy. I think that I'm nothing so I'll pick a man who agrees.

Imagine marrying this man who does not treat you right in courtship and imagine your children one day seeing this jerk. Either your daughters become man-haters or victims, and your sons become women haters or sadists like Dad. If they're mentally healthy, these children will start to prefer life when Dad's not around. Nobody likes being around a sad sack victim, so they prefer life without Mom, too.

Man-hating sons won't become men. They can't. Or, if your son makes Dad's behavior "OK" he'll go on to be an abuser just like Pops. Your man-hating daughters will never love or trust a man. They will develop their own inner man and most likely, never marry.

If a man isn't a cherishing giver to you in your courtship days, how much less will he be after he's home in an armchair? The married egotist will destroy your children's lives. He won't come up with the money they need for basics. He'll blow it on toys. Cars, fishing rods, dating girls, whatever pleases him.

DO NOT DO THIS TO YOUR CHILDREN even if they aren't born yet. Especially if they're not. Even if you don't want kids, don't set yourself up for getting mistrated for decades then abandoned when you're too old to find another husband.

What I see in suffering women is a desperate addictiveness to the idea of a man. It doesn't matter what onion truck he rode in on, as long as he wears pants. They are so desperate, they pick any unworthy fellow and because of this addictiveness, they cannot be pried off the guy.

I tell women, 'if you've got a man who's full of defects, pray to GOD for this addictiveness to leave you.' I mean this literally. On hands and knees. Say 'GOD, downscale my passion to like.'

Even if God as a caring father were not to exist, prayer works on the unconscious. You start to actually get your hands on your emotional reins and 'turn off' in a subtle way. An 'automatic pilot' goes on in your unconscious. I have seen prayer work on amazing, miraculous levels. When you pray, you are instructing your unconscious to change emotions. Daily Prayer, like water wearing down a rock, drop by drop, on a semi-hypnotic, feverishly felt, repetitive level. You can actually turn the wagon in a l80 and then ride in the other direction.

Make the decision to practice daily prayer and develop the strength to NOT FORGIVE MEN who do not do right by you.

So many women locked in sick relationships proudly tell me, 'look how soft and forgiving I am. How patient, how tolerant' as if they wanted an Oscar for Masochism, as if their decision to go down the drain were this tremendous virtue. Well, it's not a virtue and I never applaud it as such. ENDURING SUFFERING is as intelligent as going into a dark alley and volunteering to be a mugger's victim.

And make no mistake. Men all have a latent mugger hormone, testosterone, which says 'fly to many flowers, bee. Never let a sister get on top.' And women all have a soft, PAIN tolerating trait that can be exploited, not only by abusive men but by a woman's own self destructiveness.

Plenty of women unconsciously are sexually aroused by powerlessness. There is a such thing as psychic masochism. Go look the word up in a psych text book at the library. Psychological masochism is a kind of serotinin liberator. (that's the body's natural ecstasy hormone). To be in love is to be EXTRA ALIVE, no matter if it's SUFFERING love. It's like falling out of a hundred story building, which also feels great, until you HIT. Jumpers' serotinin is a kind of opiate. Its narcotic effect gets mixed in with false beliefs, hopes, dreams -- baby feelings, like 'I've finally met my ultimate love, just like Mummy was for me when I was born,' vestigal memories of it come up, emotionally juicy in the extreme. The pipedream, love haze seems so positive and pink-cloudy on the outside but, like all kinds of opium, it can addict a woman to a life destroying unreality, to an unworthy man, also to the hopes that this man will one day 'be theirs,' when there isn't a realistic CLUE that he would be, from past evidence.

In other words, the fellow is distant, doesn't call regularly, does not cherish her feelings, is not loyal or monogamous. When he's at parties, he's glancing around at other women. This man is planning on SEEING other women and lying about it. He doesn't COMMIT his soul to any woman although he may seem to obey one who pulls his strings with abuse. He never will love a woman who loves him because he figures she's dumb.

Do not tolerate a man who likes emotional distance. That is neurotic. Know where it came from? It comes from your having a distant father. Distance tolerating humans cannot have relationships. If you tolerate distance you will make an unhappy marriage. Not sharing a mutual language is a kind of distance. If all you can talk about is his kayak, his game next Sunday, his career and friends, you don't have a man. You have a CLIENT. You are an 'out of worth' psychologist with a single non-paying client who's using you as a listening post. People charge 150$ an hour for that and you're doing it for free.

There are women who will forgive a man who doesn't give generously to her. They rationalize it; well, a nice woman doesn't take from her boyfriend. Hey. If a man doesn't WANT YOU above anything else, doesn't pursue you devotedly, want to spend his money on making you happy, give you gifts on every occasion he can find, he is a.) tight as a drum and b.) does not value you and will never make a decent father to any child you two had. And he won't stay around long which may be a blessing.

But what lady ever realizes this in time, before she has spent decades on the lout? We are the fair sex. Our ego lies to us, and our 'id' (Freud termed it) i.e., our sexual /romantic nature --is damned if it's going to lose this thing which occasionally makes us feel pink cheeks and heartbeats. So selfishly, we overlook and we forgive. Hey, that's easy for us. We're women. The hormone estrogen helps us forgive, live in a pink cloud, have fantasies, love, hope. We fool ourselves blind. We steal from our own future. If we had a maid like this we'd fire her in a second.

Men are cursed with a chronically enflamed body part which sends them off on a hunt for meat. As Lenny Bruce once said, 'women don't understand. Men will ---- anything, at any time.' Sometimes a woman will think she has caught a man who doesn't really love her, who is just using her as a quenching devise for his bothersome appetites, for temporary sex. As women have a lot of psychic powers, they sometimes 'create' that man becoming so addicted to them that they marry her. Of course, he continues to use this wife as a kind of housekeeper to give him kids, while he pursues his tomcat ways. That was predictable.

Don't do this to the unborn children you will one day have. PICK BETTER. Go rent a movie called "Peggy Sue Got Married." Find those "new age" books with titles like "Good women bad men." "How to Break your addiction to a Person" by Halpern "Men Who Can't Love" (Carter & Sokol.) "Getting the Love You Want" by Hendrix. and "Getting to I Do" by Pat Allen and "THE RULES." Your Librarian can find you these titles, order them from main library, plus suggest other books on self-esteem, love, relationships.

If you're in too deep, Start a support group. Call it "L.A. (Loveaholics Anonymous). Get a local psychologist to talk for free to a paying group. You, as the ongoing seminar's producer, get 75% of the gate. This group will help you meet loads of women who have love problems. When you see all the 31 varieties of Zebra stripes that Cupid can give women, you'll start to become very wise and discriminating in your own life. It's very similar to hearing that beefsteak actually does contain fat globules that give heart attack. You wise up, you learn, you stay away from it.

Next, meet new men. To do that, attend Singles Parties. Better yet, get a few friends to help you give the parties. Charge Money, 10$ a head for men, 5$ for women. You can make a good living, have a lot of fun, meet every eligible in town, help eligible people meet one another, plus can quit your boring day job..

How to start this? Go to a nice restaurant and tell the owner what you're going to do for him: put l00 guests into his side room for a singles introduction-party on what is usually a 'slow' week night, when he's losing money---a gathering that will bring the cafe a huge bar tab. Resturant should have a second room, (or in summer, a patio) as you don't want to bother their regular diners. It must have a liquor license. The bar tab is what motivates owner to let you have the room and give you a buffet without your paying him.

You'll give your party at an early hour, 6:30 to 9:30 p.m. so owner can go home early. Out of 3 cafes you approach 2 will say yes, because they can't fill that room on a week night, no way, so you have leverage to demand they serve a free meal---vegetables on pasta (bell pepper, broccoli, garlic, parmesan and olive oil and olives on top) with green romaine salad, serving only 50 people, buffet style. This costs the cafe .30c per person. They can afford to donate that food because they are going to expose their cafe to tons of new clients, plus make beaucoup $$ on the bar tab which you tell them in front! This absolutely guarantees the cafes say YES to you.

The Next thing you do: TYPE SET or HAND PRINT a flyer, (BIG PRINT) saying "WEDNESDAY NIGHT SINGLES" Duplicate it at your local Kinkos. Hang everywhere: in hair salons, barbers,dry cleaners, markets, libraries, gyms, schools, college bulletin boards and hang a quadruple sized, hand lettered POSTER done with black marker pen) on local PHONE POLES saying "PARTY HOTLINE" And a phone number. Put places where your target group is likely to see them. If you call the group "30-Something" hang them at upscale, yuppie markets, boutiques. If older population is your target audience, hang in pharmacies, medical bldgs. Then you call it "50-something Singles". Or Susan's PERSONALIZED INTRODUCTION PARTIES. Or if you're tired of ORDINARY people, try "VEGETARIAN SINGLES" and have speakers; that way you meet New Age intellectuals. Or Socially Responsible Singles. Whatever the target group, YOU WILL BE the star & host of the party, making all introductions.

Do this lucrative party every week at the same locale. Change cafes every few months. Keep investigating different venues: fancy hotel dining rooms, foreign eateries, even country western music places---if the back room is quiet enough for singles, (as there's no dancing, only soft music at your parties as the idea is--people TALK. It's classier this way.

Get a fortuneteller from your local metaphysical book store, and let her give 5$ palm readings at a back table, as it amuses, amazes and entertains. She can be a PSYCHIC astrologer or palmreader who brings a plug-in table light so she can SEE. You can pay her l0$ to show up. Also ask your astrologer to pick the really powerful, VENUS or JUPITER nights for your shindigs. You schedule your parties ONLY for those nights. An astrologer can pick them months ahead. So every Wednesday night is not necessarily the tack to take. Pay a trusted girlfriend 10$ to sit at front door with a cigar box to collect money and hand out stick-on name tags. YOU will walk around getting acquainted with your guests, making personalized intro's, finding out who they want to meet, what qualities they want in a mate. People have to be introduced, so you can't be at the door. You will need helpers who come for free as an exchange.

Partytime, your helper sits at the table near the entry, letting no one get past her without paying. Anyone without a name tag is a crasher. But be polite, say "Oh, you need a name tag," not "you didn't pay." The desk also has a name and addresss book for people to sign in, then you write or phone them on the next party day. Or fax them your flyer for them to fax ON to their friends. Create a TELPHONE HOT LINE (Phone company will give you a voice mail box for 4$ a month. Record message: "Hi, it's the 30-Something Singles. Our regular Wednesday event is 6:30 Wednesdays at the Blue Lagoon, 10$ at the door. But don't forget our Valentine's event Saturday the 14th at the Hermitage Hotel." Leave your address for our postcard or flyer.

FLYER should state, "Call our party hotline regularly as we change days & dates all the time." Hang this on bulletin board at work. Give our phone # to your pals! You'll never sit home lonely again! After a few events, when you have a bankroll, advertise in SINGLES COLUMN in local papers. Collect phone #'s at the door in a 'GUEST BOOK," to make reminding your regular easy.

I worked for one of the big matchmakers in Los Angeles who made so much $ at her Wed nite she started a regular Sat nite party called "MUTUAL ADMIRATION, SOPHISTICATED Ladies, YOUNGER men." Widows and divorcees came out of the woodwork, but surprisingly, cute guys who actually like older women appeared too.

Another Singles group found a beach jazz club and did a Jazz Sunday and made $5,000 in one afternoon!

Creating Singles parties is one of the best things you can do for your community. Do it for money or for free, do it so you can quit your job and study something VALUABLE. Do it for money to travel, quit your job, study something better but most of all do it because you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince.

It's true. One in l00 men is perfect. So you have to learn to go slower, and see more detail. I recommend DAYTIME DATING to my clients as men think they own you if they bought you dinner. Plus broad daylight is NOT very move fast if you know what I mean. You can fall deeply into friendship but not into bed.

AND IF you MEET A GORGEOUS GUY and THEN FIND OUT HE IS NO GOOD? If it won't work, have the will power to cut it dead. If you don't have the will power, BUILD IT. How? Get abstinent in other ways: alcohol, tobacco, chocolate, and a more salads and vegies diet. And do your DAILY yoga, then pray to God to take the desire for this louse out of your heart so you can start being a good mother to your kids years BEFORE they're born! (Hopefully with ANOTHER, BETTER MAN as their father!)

Remember, she who has lost a cheating lover and a nickle---has lost a nickle.

Now, Pray for strength to work on yourself. You'll be surprised how every time you're pining and insane and sad when you pray to God for peace your mood changes to upbeat and joyous. That's the power of the universe. The only thing love-pain is good for is to teach you that God absolutely exists & he's driving the ship. God CAN give you a GOOD mate. You do not deserve less. TIED INTO A LOUSE? When your sweetheart fails you, don't blame the guy. Don't waste emotional calories in loneliness, despair, yearning or say 'what's wrong with me that he doesn't love me more?'. The simple fact is that some men are incapable of the true, committed love that other, more evolved fellows find easy and blissful. Don't be angry with yourself for the relationship. You're not stupid for having picked that person. You simply weren't seeing all the signs. Next time you will see them and you will pick better.

It is your responsibility to create better for yourself. You allowed this clown into your universe. Take responsibility. That's an important thing to do. If you can see how YOU created his being in your life, next time you'll see signs earlier and do better at testing your new pals. You'll show more backbone, dumping non-qualifiers early in the game.

If you're in a relationship with a jerk, and you know he's awful, but you love him and just can't break away, keep your energy strong by not blaming yourself. Do not be angry with yourself. Say, 'it is perfect. This is a learning experience.' Meanwhile, 'think' your way out of the relationship. Yes, actually think your way out. A few times a day, remind your unconscious of what your higher self wants. Look in a mirror and say to that person "do I want this man to do the same kind of negligent acts to the CHILD we one day might have?" Then, answer aloud: 'No, I want to protect my unborn children. I want to save them from grief, being scarred by a negligent slob. I don't want more involvement with him."

Feel how MUCH that's true, then affirm vocally: "Dear Inner higher self, help me make Joe a distant friend as I do love him, but banish any emotional longings, cravings or passionate love. I will love him from a slight distance. I will resume searching for a mature and loving man who would make a good father. I won't criticize Joe for his lacks but will look on his shortcomings with amusement, as a friend does with a quirky friend."

Don't become Joe's advisor, stay out of that terrain. Ex loves fade into friendships that can be special but don't try to be his guru right away. Let a little water run under the bridge, first.

WANT TO CHANGE THE GUY YOU'RE WITH? Remember, you can't work on a man. They won't change. Men and women always make a mistake in the mating game. He marries her thinking she'll never change. She marries him thinking he WILL change. BOTH are destined to be disappointed. So if he's a louse, say goodbye. You'll be surprised how every time you're pining and insane for the guy, and all bent out of shape because he's not with you, when you pray to God for PEACE your mood changes to upbeat and joyous. You are freed up to go do creative work that makes your life work which makes more interesting men find you interesting. You actually become attractive to higher type guys. Inner freedom gives luck. Inner obsession gives bad luck. That's the power of the universe. What you are is what you get.

 DECISIONS TO MAKE: There is a MAGICAL way to be lucky in love, and to never suffer. 1.) TAKE NO misbehavior FROM ANY MAN, from word #1. Be a princess; get treated like one. YOU ARE a GODDESS. Act, do as A GODDESS (or GOD) would do at every moment.

2.) PRE-TEST your man before getting involved. Testing means some will pass the test, some won't. It means that you are making a choice. Choosing is a very important act. Everyone CHOOSES what happens to him, or who happens. We always have a chance, when we create anything, think or feel anything, to choose to create, think or feel HARMONY instead of disharmony.

How do we test? Create situations where we ask them to do things our way. If the guy does what we ask and indulges the whim of 'a mere' woman he shows that he is a giver and not an obsessive macho slob. We continue to see that man. IF he doesn't pass the test, we break it off.

Example. Say: "I only date new friends at lunch." If he argues, demands your first date be at night, and won't back down, lose him. If he goes along with the 'lunch' idea, you get double benefits. The friendship ripens in a wholesome way. Women SHINE in the daytime, as they're unafraid. Women are cautious at night when a guy buys the girl dinner and thinks he owns you. Women are not as glorious at night.

Another thing, this man has proven he indulges your whims. VERY important. Successful marriages are where the man is inspired to be chivalrous, cherishes you, considers you HIS BABY GIRL. To see if he has this feeling, TAKE YOUR TIME! at least 3 or 4 LUNCH dates BEFORE a dinner date give us time to examine a man with a clear head.

You want to see if he has the ability to REALLY connect with the person you really are. To see if he's genuinely friendly or merely a predator. A lot of men just talk about themselves, and when you show sparks for them, leap on your bones, and never are really there for you.

Movies have shown us a lot of sexy hunks who are degenerate, funky, slobbish or theatrically rude. It's cute on the big screen but think twice: you and any children you had couldn't live with it on a day in, day out basis for the rest of your life.

Because the movies program us to enjoy weirdness, there's a tendency in sophisticated, 90'S girls to forgive a cute guy his vices: shallowness, performing, acting the big man, or the amount of DISTANCE he chooses in relationships, his careless ways.

WOMEN lose BIGTIME when they settle for this. Sometimes they lose YEARS. Remember what Alexander Pope wrote, "Vice is a creature of such frightful mien that to be hated, need but be seen, yet seen too oft, familiar with her face, we first endure, then pity, then embrace."

QUIT embracing men who exhibit symptoms of being self-involved, uninterested in YOUR INNER PERSON or who need distance, for THEN all we attract is TAKERS who would make lousy fathers for the children we will ONE DAY HAVE!

LOVE AND METAPHYSICS- Now, if you want to work on the relationship, phone him up on the astral plane and talk it over. Never PHONE the man you love. Men despise women who reach out for them or ask them for more time or love. Don't do it. Men view women who ask for time or love as contemptible. They only value what THEY have to go after, what other men want and find desirable, what they have to chase, phone, woo and win, and what's HARD to win. But, you can 'go after him' in a subtle way, on the astral plane. Do some yoga. Long, slow breathing with painful stretches. Then, when your body and brain are fully oxygenated and the third eye is open, ENVISUALIZE yourself dressed beautifully as he comes into the room. Ask 'the dream him' a simple question. HEAR his answer. "Do you really love me?" "Are you seeing someone else?" He'll answer the TRUTH as you're talking to his soul. Really, this thing works. You can find out things; ALSO you can 'get agreements,' LIKE--"Will you call me tomorrow after work?" Be specific about time. If he says yes in the astral dream, he will leave work tomorrow then somehow 'remember' that promise--and feel he has to call you. USE METAPHYSICS to make love work. And if it won't work, have the will power to cut it dead.

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