Title: The End
Disclaimers: I don't own these characters.
Summary:  How many bad things can happen to a person before it is too much?
Categories: not sure.  It's not romance though. Character death.
Rating:  At least R for violence and adult situations.

Feedback to astridz55@earthlink.net

Harmon Rabb and Tracy Manetti slowly walked arm in arm up an aisle of the small church. He had thought that they would be the first ones at the funeral but he spotted Sarah MacKenzie sitting in the front pew already. The lost look on her face saddened him terribly but he knew that there was really nothing that he could do to help ease her pain. Harm would be there for her if she ever needed anything. Unfortunately, he knew that she would never ask for any help and would stubbornly insist that she was fine.

Not sure what to say to her, he just patted her on the shoulder of her dress uniform and silently sat behind her, lost in his own thoughts. He knew that Mac had a terrible time these past few months. Hell, the past few years had been bad for her, and for everyone at JAG. Baby Sarah's death was just the beginning for them. The world had gone insane, they all lost a lot of friends that day. So many things had happened since then that was just too much for a lot of people. To make it worse, three months ago, Mac received a letter from her mother. It was bad news.

Harm still remembered the look of pain on her face when she opened that letter. He shut her door as she nearly collapsed in her chair. Harm rushed to her side, gently taking the letter she clutched in her hand. He didn’t think that her mother meant to be so blunt as she was. She probably thought that Mac already knew about her Uncle Matt’s terminal cancer. He went with her to the Admiral’s office for her to get immediate leave then called ahead to Leavenworth so she would be able to see her uncle. Harm told her about that call he made, he just didn’t tell her about the flight he arranged for her and her uncle’s conditional release to a hospice type program.

Mac was gone a few days only returning more upset. She told Harm that her uncle was being stubborn and refused any form of treatment. Mathew O’Hara insisted that he would not die hooked to a bunch of machines. Harm’s thoughts were interrupted as he watched Harriet crying as she walked up to her friend and embraced Mac. After Harriet pulled way, Bud simply said in a voice that nearly broke, “Ma'am?”

“I know, Bud. Thank you.” Her voice was soft as she took his offered hand and squeezed it. She was grateful for Bud not saying too much. Harriet’s tears were nearly enough to start her own, but Bud’s simplicity made her eyes mist. She pulled herself back up and tried to blink away the dampness as a few more people came into the church. The church never did fill up before the Chaplin began the service.

This death had been a shock to everyone, many people were out of town and unable to get back in time for the funeral. She knew that some people would have done anything to be there for her if they only knew and were able to be there. Mac didn't waste too many thoughts on those not here, her memories were focused on the man whose flag draped coffin before her. She was almost startled when six men stood up and walking to the front of the church, lifted the casket and carried it to the waiting hearse. Soon she was sitting next to a grave on that terribly cold and blustery day. It was a shame that not many wanted to brave the bad weather to honor a man who had braved so much more. She sat there suddenly realized that everyone was there with someone, except for herself.

She was alone.

She had always been a bit apart from many people but now, she felt truly alone. So many important people in her life were gone, Dalton, Chris, her father. Even though she never got to say good-bye to her father she was able to make peace with him at least. Now she was truly alone but she was strong and didn’t cry. She did not want to blemish the memory of the man they were burying today. She knew that he had admired her strength and she was going to do what she could to show it today when it was the hardest.

She sat in the front row of seats and numbly waited for the short gravesite service to begin. She was so numb that she did not realize that her friends all came to stand behind her in a silent show of support. They all knew that even though she was taking this surprisingly well, she was alone and saddened. She shivered with the cold; she didn’t even realize that she didn’t have a jacket on. Before the cold could seep into her bones, it was already in her heart, she felt a light weight on her shoulders.

Mac looked up and saw the Gunny putting his hand on her shoulder over his jacket he just placed there. She was surprised, she didn’t realize that he would come back home for this. She was glad that he remained silent, just letting her read his concern in his eyes. He seemed to realize that she did not want to make a scene and if he were overly solicitous to her she was afraid that would. After gently squeezing her shoulder, he stepped aside but remained close if she needed him.

####

He had arrived to the graveside service late. He was upset with himself that he missed the church service. He had wanted to be there for Mac. He knew that she was going to be there alone and he didn’t like that. He spotted her and saw her erect posture and dry eyes. He immediately knew that she was trying to be strong and it was just a front. Her friends might believe her but he suspected that this was the hardest thing she had ever done. He saw her surrounded by her friends from JAG and he was glad that she had friends to be with her at least. The JAG staff was her family now that she had no other.

He watched as the Gunny removed his coat and without unnecessary tenderness, placed it on her shoulders. His heart nearly broke with the sadness he could see in her eyes even from this distance. She turned back to stare at the coffin and by chance met his eyes.

####

Mac could see the compassion in his eyes from where she sat and she was a bit surprised by it. She had never read his feeling that easily before. Regardless, she was glad that he was there, even is the main reason he was there was to show support for her.

She was touched that he would do that for her. Part of her wished that he had arrived earlier so he could have sat beside her. Mac was proud of being a Marine; she was strong enough to do anything on her own, but she wasn’t sure about this. She didn't care about protocol or what anyone said, she just didn't want to be alone. With that thought in her mind, she lowered her head, knowing that she always will be alone. She stubbornly raised her chin and she watched as the flag was precisely folded by the color guard.

####

From across the way, the lone man watched Mac carefully as the flag was presented. He wished that he could go to her to comfort her but knew that she would not accept it from him, at least not in public. His eyes were drawn to the side and the 21-gun salute. Even though he knew that she was used to the sound of gunfire, she started at the first volley. Standing behind her still, Harm and Gunny both placed one hand lightly on her shoulders. He noticed ruefully that even though the majority of the people at gravesite were military, she was not the only one who flinched.

Taps was played and, with one final salute people began to disperse. Mac stood and after giving the Gunny back his coat, she stood there empty handed. He waited until most of the people left before he walked over to offer his condolences. Clayton Webb quietly spoke then turned to Mac as she watched Francesca Peretti clutching the flag and her father's trident pin.

The Admiral was dead.

Two Weeks Earlier

AJ wondered how he managed to get suckered into one of Webb’s operations. Well, not really. Webb had simply told him that by doing this there was a good chance to help Rabb’s brother and possibly stop some terrorists. The SecNav approved this mission but he wasn’t given any details about it. AJ knew that this wasn’t an official mission so he led people to believe that he was simply going on vacation. AJ had plenty of time on the books so he knew that would not be any problem. He did think that people might wonder about him taking leave without being forced to so he told a few people he was visiting Francesca.

AJ really did want to see her for several reasons. He hadn’t seen her for a while and he also had a bad feeling about this op. AJ kept feeling that this was his last mission and he was unsure why. He had always felt these premonitions before his missions just never before this strongly. Or this negatively.

AJ make sure that all of his affairs were in order and he even changed his will. This time how ever he used a civilian firm to do the work instead of having Harm do it. Once he was finished everything, he took a cab to Dullas and got on his flight to Naples. Francesca was happy to see her father and they had an uneventful visit. AJ left, feeling guilty about not telling her the truth about what was going to happen soon.

AJ met Webb in Naples after leaving Francesca’s apartment. Once there, they discussed the final details about the mission. AJ handed over his wallet and dog tags, which he had put on instinctively.

“So do you have anything else that you need to do before you leave?”

“Just one more thing. If anything happens to me, make sure that these get to where they need to go.”

“Nothing’s going to happen AJ,” Webb insisted.

“That’s when something usually does.” To his credit, Webb didn’t even bat an eye as he looked at the two letters AJ handed him.

“I’ll make sure these are delivered. Here is your cover,” Webb said as he handed AJ a thin file.

AJ reviewed the file thoroughly before handing it back to Webb. Just before AJ’s plane was ready to leave, Webb told him one final thing.

“If anything happens there is a place for you to stay at Kempinski Hotel Airport in Munich Germany. Just give them my name and tell them you are my friend from Louisiana. They’ll take care of you.”

AJ soon arrived at his location and met his contact, Mikal Petrov. They drove to a camp that AJ suspected was actually the hub of all the chaos locally. AJ was accepted by the terrorists with the name of David Morton and everything seemed to be going well. Until they went to the prisons. AJ had wanted to see if he could spot Sergei but he didn’t expect it to be as easy as it was.

“Admiral?” Sergei exclaimed effectively blowing his cover.

“Admiral? I knew you looked familiar!” Petrov exclaimed.

“What?”

“Admiral Chegwidden,” he said as he pulled a gun training it on AJ as he opened the cell. With the gun he gestured for AJ to enter the cell. Knowing that he had not other choice, AJ walked in. He wasn’t really surprised when Petrov hit him with the butt of his gun, knocking him out.

When AJ awoke he was still in the cell but this time alone. He thought briefly about Mac and wished that he had her gift for time. A while later, Sergei was practically thrown back into the cell having been badly beaten. AJ did what he could to make sure that Sergei would survive. Over the next 10 days AJ was beaten often, more than usual as he attempted to take some of the other prisoners beatings.

AJ managed to focus on more pleasant thoughts during his beatings. Ironically, he usually thought about a bottle of aspirin. And about the woman that had held that bottle. He wondered what Sarah MacKenzie would say why she gets his last letter from Webb. AJ held no illusions that he was going to survive, he knew that his letters would be delivered soon, if it already hadn’t been.

AJ thought about Francesca briefly. He knew that she would be upset but he also knew that she hadn’t been as close to him as her stepfather. For some reason, he thought Mac would take his death much worse. The fact that she would be hearing about his death and then receiving that letter he wrote in a moment of weakness was sure to make her upset. He had to wonder thought if she would be more upset by his death or that he finally confessed his feelings for her.

AJ knew that if there was any way for him to escape he had to try. He needed to complete the mission if nothing else. Trying to look more injured that he really was, AJ managed to break away from a guard after one of his beatings. He was almost out of the camp, crossing the final bridge when he heard the gunfire. He knew then that they set this escape up. AJ reached down to his side as he felt a pain there. Pulling his hand away he saw the blood that covered it. He was shot, and in his pain, he tripped. Lying on the bridge for a moment trying to regain his strength, he knew that he was an easy target so he did the only thing he could think of. He rolled off the bridge and into the rushing current of the river below.

####

Mac sat in her apartment thinking about her life and staring at a bottle of vodka. It was a year ago today that she found out that the Admiral was killed. To say that the JAG staff was shocked was an understatement. No one had a clue that his 'vacation' was actually a black op organized by none other than Clayton Webb. Harm was particularly surprised when Webb revealed that AJ was killed trying to save Sergei. No one knew that he had some how gotten involved in a smuggling ring.

Mac tried to cope for a while after the Admiral's death but she then got the word about her uncle's death. She took leave to take care of his affairs. The day she was supposed to be back she called into JAG and extended her leave. She spoke to Harm since he was acting JAG and she implied that she was unsure if she would ever be back. She knew Harm was upset with hearing that but she didn't give him enough time to say anything before she hung up the phone then turned it off. Needing to be close to her uncle she headed to the mountains where he helped her dry out.

She did come back to JAG about a week later. They were all happy to see her. Harm actually hugged her but she suspected that he was just checking to see if she had been drinking. She wasn't sure if she should be touched or offended, she decided to be nice. Work had fallen back into a routine and for a while she thought she could continue on but then she would be reminded of her losses. Then she would feel guilty. She wasn’t the only one who lost a friend and mentor in the Admiral.

This wasn’t more obvious when the will was finally read. Poor Harriet had been so upset after the will was read that her doctor ordered her to bed. Harm had been upset at first when he had heard that the Admiral had written a new will and had someone else do it. Once the will was read though he understood. As he had expected he was the executor of the estate but the surprise was that the Admiral had left his house and bulk of his estate to the Robert's family. Harm and Mac were both left some mementos, as were Francesca and Marcella. The Admiral didn't forget the rest of the JAG either. All of them were remembered and touched.

No one understood why he left Mac what he did. Among other things he left her a bottle of aspirin. Mac almost broke down then. She had been strong and didn't cry but it was difficult. It got worse with the news that they received three months after the Admiral’s death. Webb arrived at JAG HQ and had to break some bad to news to Harm. He found him and Mac in the Admiral office.

“Webb, what are you doing here? You aren’t too popular here now a days.”

“I know that Rabb but I have some news for you.”

“About what?” he snapped trying to finish up some files.

“About your brother?”

“What about Sergei?” he said finally looking up.

“I told you before that AJ was going to try to get him out but AJ was killed.”

“I already know this Webb,” he said harshly.

“I know that but did you know that we finally got to you brother and took down some of the smuggling ring?” Webb asked with his hands on his hips.

“So you have my brother, where is he when can I see him?”

“Rabb, you can’t. He was beaten.”

“What do you mean ‘was’ beaten?” he asked standing up, fully intending to throttle Webb if he didn’t tell everything and soon.

“We found him badly beaten, he confirmed what Petrov said about killing AJ. It seems that AJ was trying to escape and he was shot and his body fell into a river. They didn’t find the body.”

“Could he still be alive?” Mac asked with a little hope.

“I’m sorry, Mac, no. Sergei said he was beaten badly for about 2 weeks, he had even taken beatings that were intended for Sergei and others. Even then he wouldn’t let anyone hurt someone weaker than him.”

“That’s all fine and good Webb but what about my brother?” Rabb insisted not noticing the shocked look on Mac’s face at his betrayal of the Admiral.

“Sergei was shot just before we got there, he lived long enough to tell us what happened but then he died.”

“What?” Rabb said as he sat back down. Mac looked at Harm sad for him even though he has been acting like an ass lately. “How could he do that?”

“Who?” asked Mac unsure what he was talking about.

“The Admiral? How could he escape by himself without my brother?”

“Harm he was beaten badly, both of them. AJ was trying to get help,” Webb said unsure why Harm was acting that way. “Anyway, if AJ tried to get Sergei out with him they both would have died then and we wouldn’t have brought down most of the smugglers.”

“Think about it Webb, the man was a SeAL, he could have come up with something. As far as I’m concerned, Chegwidden killed my brother,” Harm said as he walked out of the office.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with him,” Mac said shocked by Harm’s actions.

“He’s just upset, Mac. He’ll come around,” Webb said as he looked at the door. “Mac, I have something for you. From AJ.”

She looked at him confused but took the letter. “He wrote this for me?”

“He wrote two letters. One for Francesca and one for you.”

Mac stood there shocked as she looked at his letter, not even noticing that Webb left her alone. She wanted to read the letter but she knew that it would be best to wait until she was at home alone. When Mac got home though she couldn’t bring herself to read his last words to her. She decided to put it away for a while until she thought she was ready for it.

Unfortunately she didn’t have time to think of that because Harm didn’t come around. He still blamed the Admiral for his brother’s death. His attitude only succeeded in alienating him from everyone else at JAG. Mac was busy with her new job that she took a short time after speaking to Webb and so she had actually forgotten about the letter until the one-year anniversary of the Admiral’s death. In a moment of weakness, she went to a liquor store and bought a bottle of vodka and then drove back home. She sat there staring at the vodka, his letter and that damn bottle of aspirin. Finally, getting the courage, she picked up the letter and opened it.

She almost imagined his scent wafting up to her. She closed her eyes and thought back to the time she was close enough to learn his scent. In his bedroom, hands clasped over a bottle of aspirin, when they almost kissed. How many nights did she dream that he never said that he thought they were making a mistake? Far too many nights for her to remember. She knew that deep down she always had feelings for him, that's it took her so long to say yes to Mic. Finally, she unfolded the letter and saw the few words he wrote for her eyes alone.

Dear Sarah,

If Webb gave this to you then I didn’t come back. I just hope that I was able to complete the mission that I was on. I’m sure you know about the SeAL tradition of writing a letter, if not you can ask Harm, he knows. I hope that you are probably going to be strong, I don’t expect any less from you. You are a very strong person but please remember your friends at JAG. They are there for you.

I hope you can forgive me for what I am going to say next. I never was able to say this to you, for so many reasons. Duty was probably the main reason. I know that you probably think that it is cruel of me to tell you now of my feelings for you. But I need to. I know that years ago I said that almost kiss was a mistake. I think the mistake was stopping it. I always wanted to know the feel of your lips on mine and I regret that I never was able to. I realize that you don’t have feelings for me. I never thought you would. Not with Rabb around. I hope he realizes how lucky he is to have your heart. You are a special woman Sarah MacKenzie. I hope you never forget that. I wish you all that happiness that you deserve, Sarah.

All my love,

AJ

Mac sat there with tears in her eyes, once again regretting stopping that kiss. She had thought about it occasionally over the years but she never thought that he did. Mac was upset that he had waited until it was too late to say anything, but she knew why. He had been her commanding officer. They never could have acted on their feelings, even if one of them left JAG or the service. Well, maybe a few years later if one of the left the service but she still didn’t think that would have worked.

Mac looked at the letter again and thought how ironic it was that AJ told her to remember her friends at JAG, especially Harm. Everyone was gone from JAG. The Admiral was a stabilizing influence. Harriet left the service to be a full time mom, Bud was still at JAG but he was the only one. Tiner had gone off to law school, Sturgis transferred to the Seahawk as their JAG, Harm had even left. He transferred to JAG Pacific. He never told her that he was leaving, he was just gone.

Finally, she received something from him. A post card. She couldn’t help but think how ironic that was all she got was a post card. Mac remembered how she had gotten a post card from Mic and Harm had gotten one from Renee. Harm didn’t say too much, but he did say that he didn’t blame the Admiral anymore but he didn’t think that he could forget what happened. Mac shook her head thinking about Harm. How was he thinking that he would forget what happened? The Admiral had given his life trying to save Sergei. A mission that shouldn’t have even been his.

Mac took a deep breath as she looked once more at the vodka. She knew that she was throwing a lot away if she drink that first drink but she almost didn’t care anymore. She had no one who cared any more; she was totally alone in the world. She picked up the glass just wanting to forget this past year. Just as she pulled it to her lips, there was a knock on the door. She put the shot glass down and with tears in her eyes she answered the door, thinking it might have been Bud or Sturgis, they had both been concerned for her lately. The tall man in her door was not who she expected though.

####

He stood at her door for a moment suddenly unsure if he wanted to knock. Finally he did. Her door was flung open a moment later, he could tell she was upset about something.

“Sarah?”

“But you’re…” she said as she lost her balance. He swept her quickly into his arms, shut the door then laid her on the couch. He was surprised that she passed out but he knew that his return from the dead had to be a shock. He stood there for a few moments watching her. He saw that she had lost some weight and she had a tired look about her. AJ sat on the edge of the coffee table when he noticed the vodka. He also noticed that letter he wrote her impulsively before he left.

“AJ?” she mumbled as she began to wake up.

“Yes, it’s me,” he said holding the letter in his hands now forgotten.

“You’re reading my letter.”

“Did he just give this to you?” he asked wondering why Webb would have waited so long to give it to her.

“No, I just couldn’t bring myself to read it before now,” she looked down breaking eye contact before sitting up.

“Is that why the vodka is sitting there?”

“The vodka was there before but that is one of the reasons.” She didn’t notice the pained look cross his face. He never wanted to hurt her and he had inadvertently pushed her back to the bottle.

“Do you want to explain?”

“I’m all alone. My family is all gone, Chloe is away, Harm’s gone, JAG is gone. You are gone.” The way she said that made him realize that she thought he was just an illusion.

“But I’m not, Sarah. I’m right here.”

“For how long? You’re always gone when I wake up.”

“Not this time, Sarah. I promise,” he said taking her hand in his. He then moved to sit next to her on the couch and pulled her into his arms. “Do your dreams ever do this?”

“No,” she said honestly.

“That’s because I’m not a dream, Sarah.”

“But you have to be. Webb wouldn’t have lied to me. I’d kill him”

“Trust me, he was just about as shocked as you are,” AJ chuckled. “I had to promise him that I wouldn’t break his nose then he about shot himself in the foot.”

“It is you. Oh my god it really is you!” she exclaimed as she flung herself into his arms. He smiled at her enthusiasm as he held her just as tightly, one hand stroking her back and the other her hair.

“Sarah?” he asked gently when he realized that she was crying.

“You don’t know how upset I was when Webb told us what happened.”

“I know, Sarah. I wish I could take that pain away but there isn’t anything I can do about that.” He pulled back, looked at her tear stained face. “You read my letter, I hope you know that I never wanted to cause you any pain.”

“I know,” she smiled slightly at him. “Can you tell me what happened? How did you escape? Why did you wait so long to come back to me?”

“One question at a time, darlin’,” he said as he got more comfortable on the couch, her still in his arms. He quickly told her the story of how he was captured and then how he managed to escape. What no one had known was that AJ over heard one of his captors talking about a group of American soldiers close to the camp. He knew that if he could get to them, they could help him since he was in no condition to fight.

“After I fell into the rive, I thought that I was dead. I tried swim but I was too weak. The next thing I knew some old lady was poking me with a stick.”

“Poking you with a stick?”

“She wasn’t sure if I was dead or not. Somehow Svetlana got me back to her cabin then she took care of me. By the time, I was well enough to leave it had been a few months since I left JAG. I knew that I had probably been reported killed by then but I tried to leave as soon as I could. Unfortunately, I reopened my wound and was back in bed for another month.”

“So she, Svetlana, took care of you?”

“Yes. Svetlana patched me up again and when I was finally able to leave winter hit early. She lives in a small cottage in a valley and once the snows hit there was no way to get out. It was a hard winter so I couldn’t leave until about a week ago.”

Flashback

Svetlana found AJ and helped put him back in one piece. AJ was more than glad for her help but was slightly disappointed to learn that she had no phone or anyway to get help. By the time AJ was healed enough a second time to attempt to leave, winter was on the way. AJ knew that since she had spent so much time caring for him, she didn’t have the wood or even game to last her through the winter. The snows came early and closed the pass so AJ was trapped until they cleared.

AJ spent his days gathering and splitting wood and trapping animals. He spent his nights talking with Svetlana and hearing her stories. Her husband of many years had died in the spring and she had been alone since then. She was glad of having company and someone to listen to her.

Finally, the spring thaws arrived in the middle of April. AJ took extreme caution to get out of the country and finally managed to get to a hotel in Germany that Webb had told him about a year ago.  He asked if they had a room reserved under Webb's name and was surprised to find it still there.  AJ, with long beard and hair, made it up to the room and didn't know what to do first, sleep, bathe, or call room service.  He decided to call room service, shower and shave while waiting, then eat while he hunted down Webb.  Once he talked to him he would sleep. 

Unfortunately, AJ fell asleep before he did anything.  He sat down on the bed to call room service and before he knew it, he was asleep.  The hotel called Webb as soon as AJ checked in but Webb didn't believe that it was AJ calling him but he hopped a plane and went to see who it was.  He pulled his gun before knocking on the door.  AJ opened the door cautiously and stepped back when he saw the gun pointing at him.  Webb told him to step back as he walked in and shut the door behind him. 

"Who are you and how did you know about this room?"

"You told me about it."

"I only told one person and he's dead."

"I'm not that easy to kill off, Webb."

"Who are you?" he insisted.

"Oh for Gods sake Webb, do I need to break you nose again?" he said knowing that Webb didn't recognize him with the beard and hair.

"Oh my god.  AJ?"

"It's me."

"What happened?"

"Long story.  Order me some more food while I clean up then I'll tell you the whole thing.  And put that gun away before you shoot yourself in the foot."

Webb flushed slightly when he realized his gun was indeed pointing directly to his foot, so he quickly clicked the safety and put it away.

Webb ordered food as AJ showered before returning to begin the story to tell Webb.
Webb also called the boutique downstairs and had some mens clothes brought up for AJ.
They talked about the smuggling ring.  It turns out that AJ was considered by many a hero.  Webb knew that he had been taking other prisoners beating so they were able to revolt the day after AJ was 'killed.'  All the prisoners, especially Sergei, told of how brave he had been then they told everything they knew about the terrorists which lead to their capture. Sadly, Sergei didn’t survive.

Once AJ tells Webb everything he stops for a while.

"How are things at JAG?"

"Different.  Most everyone has moved on."

"What?"

"Harm transferred to JAG Pacific about 10 months ago.  Don't  know anything else, he hasn't spoken to me since the day I told him about Sergei.  Bud is still there, Harriet left to raise the kids.  She had another boy, named him something MacKenzie. Admiral Peters is the new JAG.  Rarely see him, I have no reason to go to JAG anymore.  Not sure about anyone else."

"What about Sarah?" he asked not realizing he used her real name.

"I saw Harriet a few weeks ago and she told me that Mac is doing better.  I'm not sure what that means, Harriet must have assumed that I knew whatever."

"And I'm sure that you hunted down the information as soon as you could.  How is she?"

"Her uncle died about a week or two after your funeral.  She took extended leave and then a month after she returned she left the service.  She's still in the DC area working for a law firm."

"I need to see her."

"AJ, you can't."

"What the hell do you mean I can't?  She thinks I'm dead.  I'm not!"

"But you will be."

"What do you mean?"

"The terrorists knew that they had captured a Navy Admiral Chegwidden and that he was killed.  We never did catch Petrov, if you resurface, he will probably hear about it and try to kill you for real this time."

"So what am I supposed to do?"

"I'll get the Company to set you up with a new identity but you can't tell anyone."

"Like hell I can't!"

"Damn it AJ, do you really think that they won't find out?  If you let anyone know you are back, you'll put them in danger."

"I'll take a new identity but I have to tell them I'm alive."

"I still don't think you should, but I doubt that I'll be able to stop you."

"You won't."

"Fine.  I'll see what I can do about getting you a new identity.  Oh and I'll do this through personal channels not company ones."

"Why?"

"To be on the safe side.  Here.  Take my credit card and go shopping.  Get what you need.  And don't buy stuff like AJ would.  AJ is gone, you are someone else now.  I'll see you back here in about 2 hours."

"Okay."

"And AJ. Don't call anyone.  It can wait a few more hours."

####

“Oh AJ, the things you’ve gone through. You’ve come back from the dead.”

“No I haven’t. AJ Chegwidden has to stay buried. Webb said that the ringleader escaped and he knows me. If he heard that I was alive he would try to kill me or anyone close to me.”

“I can take care of myself,” she insisted.

“I know you can, Sarah. But I know Francesca can’t. I don’t want anything to happen to her. Have you seen her?” he asked casually.

“No, I haven’t. She did call last month. She’s doing well. She misses you but she seems to be handling it well.”

“Good. I would love to see her but I don’t know if she would be safe.”

“Maybe in a few years you can see her.”

“That’s what I’ve been hoping.”

“Do you want to see anyone else?”

“I was going to see Rabb and maybe the Roberts but I’m not so sure if I should.”

“Harm won’t want to see you,” she said sadly.

“What do you mean?”

“Webb told you that Sergei died, right?” she asked as she held his hand a bit tighter. He nodded. “Harm seems to blame you for that. I know he was just hurt and upset but he was a total ass about it. He pushed everyone at JAG away then finally he transferred to JAG Pacific. I haven’t spoken to him since.”

“So you’ve done all this on your own?” he asked amazed.

“I had to. I didn’t have anyone else to turn to. But I didn’t think I could be strong anymore.”

“Well, Sarah. I’m here if you need a shoulder.”

“You don’t know how much that means to me,” she said looking into his eyes.

“Probably as much as your offer of a shoulder meant to me that time,” he spoke softly as he wiped a tear from her cheek. He sighed to himself knowing that he needed to leave but not wanting to. Before he could say anything there was a knock on the door.

“Where’s your weapon?” he asked.

“My nightstand top drawer,” she said as AJ quickly stood up and with a final squeeze to her hand slipped into her bedroom.

She peeked out her door and saw Harriet standing there with her boys. Glancing over to her bedroom, she smiled at AJ, letting him know it was safe.

“Harriet,” she said a little bit too loudly.

"Aunt Sawah," said Little AJ as he rushed to hug her.

"Hello, AJ, Harriet.  What brings you here today?"

"Mac.  I just thought we might drop by to see how you were doing.  Thought you might like to see the boys."

"I always like seeing my boys, Harriet.  You know that."

"I know.  It's just that today is..."

"I remember.  And if you were an hour earlier you would have seen me crying," she said truthfully thinking about the tears of joy when she realized it really was AJ at her door.

"Are you going to be okay?" Harriet asked.

"I'll be fine Harriet.  I actually had a visitor that made today bearable."

"Who?" she asked curious.

"Let me get him a glass of water," Mac said to Harriet before turning to Little AJ.  "Want to get something to drink?"

"Okay," he said arms up in the air to be picked up. 

Once the child was in her arms, she called out, "AJ."

"I'm right here Aunt Sawah."

"Yes, you are," she said with a smile.

Mac turned at the kitchen door to see AJ walk up to Harriet.  She smiled when Harriet introduced herself.

"I know who you are, Harriet."

"You must be Admiral Chegwidden's brother," she said noticing the resemblance.

"I don't have a brother Harriet."

"No.  The Admiral is dead."  He leaned down and pointed to a scar slightly visible in his longer hair.  "Oh my god.  It is you!"

Mac smiled as they embraced before turning away and getting the child his drink.  AJ told her that he wanted to tell Bud and Harriet but he was unsure how Little AJ would take it.  Mac tried to keep him in the kitchen but he heard his mom crying and slipped by her suddenly.  The little boy stopped in his tracks when he saw a man who wasn't his dad holding his mother.

"Leave my mommy alone," he cried before he got a good look at his face.  "Are you my Admiral?"

"You have an Admiral?" Big AJ asked.

"I used to, but he died a long time ago.  You look like him though."

"Really?  My name is Adam."

"I'm AJ.  I was named after my Admiral."

"That's nice.  He must have been a good friend for your parents to name you after him."

"How do you know Mommy?" he changed the subject.

"I was a friend of you mom and dads years ago."

"And Aunt Sawah?"

"Yes," he smiled at the boy before smiling at her.  "And your Aunt Sawah."

"Sorry, he slipped by me."

"That's okay, Sarah.  I wanted to see them both anyway.  Who is this one?" he said gesturing to the baby in his stroller.

"That's my brother Sean," AJ piped up.

"Sean MacKenzie Roberts.  He's almost 9 months old now," Harriet said as she picked him up to hand to Adam.

"He looks just like Bud," he said commenting on his darker coloring.  "Where is Bud?"

"He's on a case on the Seahawk.  Commander Sturgis is there now and he needed Bud's help with a case so he requested him."

"Bud always has been a great researcher."

"Unfortunately, he's had other offers to transfer to different places but I don’t want to move again though.  I'm happy where I am."

"Where are you now?" he asked as Mac sat down beside him.

"We actually moved to McLean.  When AJ's Admiral died he left us his house.  So we sold the other house and moved there.  It's better for Bud without the steps anyway."

"How is that going?"

"Wonderfully.  There are some times that I think that we all forget that it ever happened.  And other times, it's just not an issue that he doesn't have a leg."

"That's good.  I thought about you all this past year."

"You still can't believe it's true, can you Sarah?"  Harriet said commenting on her hand on his knee.

"No, I can't.  I keep thinking I'm going to wake up."

"I don't blame you.  Feel free to call me in the morning and I'll tell you it is true.  Can you tell us what happened?" asked Harriet.

"Not too much," he said looking at AJ.  "Something went bad, they kept me there until I could leave.  I can tell you a little more later."

"Okay.  I hate to do this but I need to be getting back home.  I just wanted to check up on you and make sure you were doing okay today."

"I'm doing a lot better than I thought I would be.  Thanks for thinking of me Harriet."

"I can see why," Harriet said as she took Sean from AJ causing her to blush slightly.  "It's very good to see you again, Ad- Adam.  I'll give Sarah a call when I find out when Bud is coming back if you want to see him too."

"I'd like that," he said as Harriet finished gathering up her children.

“See you at the Smithsonian on Sunday, Sarah,” called out Harriet.

“See you then. Bye AJ.”

“Bye, Aunt Sawah!”

Sarah shut the door after waving one final time, locked it and went to sit back on the couch.

“Going to the museum this weekend?”

“Yep. AJ decided he wants to see the dinosaurs. It should be interesting.”

“What is so special about today’s date?” he asked after a moment of silence.

"Today is a year from the day we heard you were killed."

"I had no idea. I'm surprised Webb didn't tell me.  Of course, he didn't like the idea of finding you."

"But you did it anyway?"

"You needed to know,” he said as he put his arm across the back of the couch. “And I needed to see you.  You were the reason I survived all I did.  I kept thinking of you and how I wanted to come back to you."

"Oh, AJ."

"Adam," he insisted as he slipped his arm to her shoulders.

"Adam," she whispered bringing a smile to his lips.

They sat there for a while, softly speaking at times and others just sitting in silence. Much too soon, Adam spoke again.

"Sarah.  I'm sorry, I think I need to leave."

"No!  You just got here."

"I'm just going to my hotel, I'll see you soon.  I promise," he said as he caresses her cheek.

"Where?"

"I'll find you."

"You don't have to leave."

"Yes I do.  I need to meet you somewhere as Adam.  Then we can get to know each other."

"But I already know you," she stubbornly insisted.

"No, you don't.  You knew the Admiral, you never knew me, not really.  Just like I knew Mac but not Sarah."

"But-"

"Please Sarah.  It has to be this way."

She knew he was right, she sighed and turned her head spotting the bottle of aspirin.

"You said in your letter you regre-" she stopped suddenly as his lips covered her in a passionate kiss.  Finally he pulled back fighting against himself, part of him wanting to stay and the other part knowing he couldn't.

"I have to go.  I'll see you soon Sarah.  I promise."

Before she could say anything he disappeared out of her door.

The next morning, Sarah did call Harriet, just to be sure. She was reassured that it wasn’t a dream but she now waited, wondering when he would return. Part of her was tempted to try and hunt down Clayton Webb and get the information she wanted from him but she knew it wouldn’t work. Sarah forced herself to do her usual chores that Saturday thinking that Adam might find her somewhere.

She finally made it back home and soon went to bed alone again but she was awakened by her phone.

“Hello?” she asked.

“Soon, Sarah. Soon,” the familiar voice said before hanging up.

The next morning dawned brightly and for the first time in a long time, she felt hope. She trusted AJ, Adam, enough to believe him when he said he would find her soon. She decided to try and not think about when he would and to just be surprised when he did. Sarah got ready for the day and made it to the museum with plenty of time to spare. Soon Harriet and AJ arrived and she was soon busy answering the little boy’s questions, then Harriet’s.

“So, Sarah. Do you want to tell me more about Adam?”

“What more is to tell?”

“The fact that you seemed very happy to see him. A lot happier than I was.”

“Harriet, it’s been a long time since I’ve seen him,” Sarah said mindful of AJ in her arms.

“Just as long as it’s been since I’ve seen him,” Harriet smiled.

“I’ve always been attracted to him but I was never able to act on it,” Sarah revealed.

“Why?”

“Why I was attracted to him or why I didn’t act on it?”

“Yes,” Harriet smiled.

“He’s a good man, a good person. Adam’s wife recently passed away,” she said hoping that Harriet would understand that this was part of Adam’s new identity. “We had both noticed an attraction years ago but since he was married, it was impossible to act on.”

“But you might act on it now?”

“I’m not sure. I certainly won’t mind but it depends on how Adam feels,” Sarah said honestly.

“Sarah, I don’t think you have to worry about that,” Harriet said looking over to the next exhibit.

“Why say that?”

“Because Adam has been standing over there for a while and he hasn’t taken his eyes off you yet.”

Sarah turned around to see him standing there watching her just as Harriet said.

“Maybe something will work out then. We both have such different lives now, this is almost like a new beginning.”

The End

“Adam?” asked Sarah. She knew that she was going to have to learn all about Adam and understood why he was treating her as if he hadn’t seen her in such a long time. “How have you been?”

“Still working the ranch in Texas,” he explained some of his new history to Sarah and Harriet.

“You have a ranch?” asked AJ.

“Sure do.”

“Can I come see it?” he asked excited.

“Maybe sometime. It’s all the way in Texas though.”

“Well, AJ, we need to see about getting back home,” said Harriet.

“Do we hafta?”

“Yes, AJ we do. Adam it was great to see you again. Hopefully, it won’t be so long the next time.”

“I hope so too Harriet. Have Sarah give me a call when you know about Bud coming back.”

“I will. Talk to you soon. Sarah can I ask you something?” Harriet asked.

“I’ll be right back,” she said to Adam before she followed Harriet a few steps away.

“So, Sarah. Do you want to explain?”

“I’ve always cared for him but we could never act on it before. Now, who knows?” Sarah looked over to Adam and saw him watching her. She smiled at him before speaking again. “It’s like a new beginning.”