Title: The Hurricane

Disclaimers: I don't own JAG or anything or these characters

Summary: Mac takes a little time off at the beach but a hurricane hits, in more ways than one.

Category: Angst. Character death.

Author’s notes: Somewhat of a threesome but it is more of a bonding thing not a sex thing. There is very little reference to sex in the entire story.

Rating: NC-17 for angst and some implied sex.

Feedback to astridz55@earthlink.net

“Colonel, you know I don’t like to get involved in the personal lives of my staff but how are you?”

“I’m fine, Sir,” she said somewhat surprised.

“Mac,” he said exasperated. “I know that you’ve had a heavy case load and it hasn’t help with Rabb being a pain in the six.”

“He’s just so good at it,” she smiled.

“That he is. I know you have plenty of time on the books, why don’t you take a vacation?”

“I don’t have anyplace to go.”

“You like the beach, right?” She nodded. “How about you take my beach house for the week?”

“You have a beach house?”

“Harm never told you?”

“No, he never said a word. Where is it?”

“Hilton Head. My previous Chief of Staff borrowed the house a couple of times. You are more than welcome to it.”

“Are you sure, Sir?”

“Of course. It’s not a problem. I rarely get the chance to use it myself so someone should enjoy it.”

“I’m sure I will,” she said relaxing slightly.

“It’s a bit rustic, there’s no phone or TV.”

“That’s okay. I have my cell phone and I don’t need the TV. I’ll probably just read some of the books I’ve been putting off for too long,” Mac commented.

“Not law books I hope, it’s your vacation.”

“No, I have this stack of murder mysteries I’d like to read.”

“Good. I’ll write up the directions and give you the key before the end of the day. Write up your leave request and drop it off with Tiner and I’ll make sure I sign it. You can leave at the end of the day if you would like.”

Mac finished up the few remaining things she had on her desk by the end of the day but told few people that she was leaving. She had actually debated on if she wanted to tell Harm or not. She had been sitting on the bench again for another high profile case and unfortunately Harm didn’t like that, especially since he got a guilty verdict yesterday. Mac realized though that Harm would call her every ten minutes while she was gone if she didn’t tell him.

“Harm, can I have a word with you?”

“What is it, Colonel?” he asked coolly.

“I just wanted to tell you that I’m taking leave so I’ll be unreachable for a while.”

“So the scuttlebutt was true.”

“You heard?” she was surprised but decided to yell at Tiner later.

“Yeah, and I was wondering why you hadn’t bothered to mention it to me before.”

“Because the Admiral didn’t suggest it until this afternoon.”

“He’s making you take leave?” he asked amazed.

“I have a lot of time on the books so he suggested it,” she shrugged her shoulders

“Does this have anything to do with this last case?”

“Harm you have been acting like a child about it.”

Harm sighed, “I know Mac. I’m just not used to you being behind the bench.”

“You said that before and that the next time you wouldn’t have a problem.”

“I’m sorry, Mac. It’s just different with you on the bench.”

“Well Harm, maybe you are going to have to grow up and get used to it,” she said, tired of his childish behavior.

“I promise I’ll be better about the next case,” he said with his trademark smile.

“I’m not just talking about the next case Harm,” she said before she walked out of his office leaving him watching her in surprise.

Mac walked to the Admiral’s office and after knocking, she told him that she was getting ready to leave. He handed her the directions and key to his place and dismissed her after wishing her a good time. Mac left and thought about Harm as she straightened up her apartment for her vacation. She didn’t intend to imply that his childishness was affecting her personal life also but it was true. She was tired of the tension between them and she knew that it was up to her to come up with a way to end it.

Mac put that out of her mind, as she made sure her apartment was clean and the fridge was cleared out. That evening she called Chloe and told her about going to the beach. She didn’t tell her about Harm, in fact she didn’t mention him at all. Mac didn’t feel like talking about Harm. Soon she said good-bye hoping to get a good nights sleep before her long drive in the morning.

Mac’s thoughts kept slipping to Harm on the drive but she forced him out of her thoughts. She didn’t feel like thinking about him quite yet but she knew that she had to soon. Hours later she arrived at the house please that the directions were so clear. She also noticed that the Admiral had kindly included directions to a grocery store. Mac dropped her suitcase off at the house then drove to the grocery store to stock up on some goodies.

Mac returned then after a quick dinner she read until she dozed off late that night on the couch. She woke up a few hours later and headed back to the largest of the bedrooms that she had chosen. She woke up refreshed and happy for the first time in a long time. Before she was able to get back to sleep she decided to give up on Harm.

Mac knew that she would always love him but she hoped that it would be a friendship love and not a romantic one anymore. She deserved someone who was completely in love with her and she just really didn’t think that Harm could ever totally commit to anyone. She decided to call him later in the day. Mac knew that he would probably be sleeping in and it wouldn't be a good idea to wake him up then tell him that sort of news.

Mac fixed herself a quick breakfast then decided to take a walk on the beach so she could think of exactly how she was going to tell Harm. She noticed the clouds on the horizon but had no idea what that foretold.

End part 1

Part 2

AJ wandered around his house, for some reason ill at ease.  He finally poured himself a strong shot of the scotch that he savored for special occasions and sat down.  He knew that he shouldn’t kid himself, the reason he was restless was at his beach house.  While he knew that he had gotten over his inappropriate feelings for Mac, he still cared for her.  As a friend and nothing else.  Usually he could believe that, except for an occasional dream that starred his Chief of Staff in a totally different role. 

AJ knew that what Mac had a lot of thinking to do and whatever she decided this week would change everything at JAG.  And there was nothing that he could do about it.  He hated feeling so helpless.  He also knew that he was going to lose Mac.  Even though she had a few months seniority over Harm, she would selflessly choose to be the one to leave JAG if they did get together. 

Those two had danced around their feelings for years but AJ wasn’t sure if he wanted to see that happen.  He cared for his people and he knew them all better than they realized.  When AJ first met Mac and Harm he saw the sparks fly, for Harm at least.  Then AJ watched as Harm backed off and began his string of blondes just as Mac was starting to get interested.  Mac started dating also but he never thought any of the men were good enough for her.  AJ hated to admit it, even to himself, he didn't think Harm was good enough for her either. 

Harm had his obsessions and he was known to drag anyone involved with him along regardless of the consequences.  Some of those obsessions were acceptable.  Needing to know the truth and making sure that justice was served was great in the courtroom.  Unfortunately, not everything was that cut and dry in real life.  AJ didn’t think that Mac would accept being second to his obsessions.  He doubted that she would ever say anything against them but she will eventually begin to resent him. 

And who would blame her.  That was how AJ's marriage ended, his obsession with the Teams.  Poor Marcella, she was so young, they both were and they both thought that they were doing the right thing.  AJ chuckled mirthlessly, as he realized that history did repeat itself even on a personal scale.  Here he is thinking about how Harm is obsessive and Mac will learn to resent him and run away.  That is exactly what happened to him and Marcella.  He never really thought of it that way before.

Of course, Mac might decide to remain friends with Harm.  And AJ suspected that if she did that, she would probably run away again.  She would take a TDY to the other side of the world and then decide to transfer permanently.  AJ realized that might actually be the best thing for her career but he doubted that it would be the best thing for her.  As much as Mac liked to show the tough Marine side to the world, AJ knew that she desperately needed to feel accepted and loved.  She most definitely was here at JAG.  Of course, it was never wise to get too attached to any post when in the military but it was difficult sometimes. 

AJ again smiled ruefully, he really should practice what he preached.  He treated the JAG staff as his family since he didn't have any of his own.  Deciding that he was being too morose, AJ tossed back the left over scotch and decided to check the weather reports before going to bed.  He didn't like what he saw.  The hurricane that all the meteorologists promised would miss landfall had turned.  Right toward Hilton Head.  AJ picked up his phone and dialed Mac’s cell phone pausing only to notice that the hurricane’s name was Chloe.

AJ tried her phone several times but there was no answer.  He didn’t want to simply leave a message.  He checked the estimated landfall time and decided that his only course of action was to drive down there and tell her himself.  Also that way he could board up the house.  He noticed that it was nearly midnight so he decided to try to get a little sleep before driving.  The last thing he needed was to be stopped for a DUI.  He packed a small bag, tossed it into his truck then went to bed and fell right to sleep.

“Chegwidden,” AJ growled into his phone after it woke him up five hours later.

“Admiral Chegwidden?” a soft feminine voice asked.

“Yes,” he said a little more awake now.

“My name is Deborah Bullock.  I’m calling from Bethesda.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know all the details but two of your Commanders are here in the emergency room and the one insisted that I call you and someone else named Mac.  Would you know how to reach him?”

“Her.  She is out of town right now and unreachable.  I’ll be there as soon as I can.”  AJ hung up the phone and quickly dressed.  He knew that it was Harm and Sturgis in the ER.  He just hoped it wasn't too serious.  As he walked into the ER, a young woman greeted him.

“Admiral Chegwidden?”  He nodded.  “I’m Deborah Bullock.  I spoke with you on the phone.”

“Where are my people?”

“If you would follow me, Sir,” she said knowing there was no way to dissuade him.  She lead him to a room and he was surprised to see Sturgis there hooked to a lot of different machines. 

“Dear God.  What happened?” AJ said.

“Admiral?”  Sturgis spoke in a soft raspy voice.

“I’m right here, Commander.”

“Call my dad, will you?” Sturgis asked.

“Of course.  Can you tell me what happened?”

“Harm called me from Benzingers to pick him up.  He had too much to drink.  I picked him up and he was smashed.  He kept talking about the Colonel and how he lost his chance and how he knows they can only be friends now.  I don’t really know what happened but the police said that I swerved to miss a drunk driver and lost control of the car.”

“You’re lucky to be alive.  Where’s Harm?”

“They didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?” AJ asked, worry creeping into his voice.

“Harm’s dead,” he said simply.

“Dead?” AJ asked in disbelief as he sat down in the convenient chair.

“He was dead on the scene, Sir.  That’s what the nurse told me when I woke up.  The EMT was saying that he was calling for Mac, then he died.  The nurse said she couldn’t find Mac.”

“She's at my beach house for the week.  I think her cell is off though.”

“Someone needs to tell her,” Sturgis stated the obvious.

“I was planning on driving down in the morning.  There is a hurricane headed her way.”

“That’s just the icing on the cake,” Sturgis commented, as there was a knock on the door.  “Come in.”

“Son, what happened?” Chaplin Turner asked as he walked into the room.

“I was in an accident, Dad.  With Harm.  He died on the scene.”

“Oh no.  Has his mother been called?”

“I don’t think so.  I don’t remember her number,” Sturgis explained.

“I’ll get the numbers from Tiner and call her,” AJ said sadly.

“Where is Colonel MacKenzie?” asked Chaplin Turner.

“At the beach with no cell phone in the path of a hurricane,” AJ said.  “I’ll head down there after I call Harm’s mother and get her.”

“AJ, let me do that.  You go get the Colonel,” said Chaplin Turner.

AJ nodded, “Thank you, Chaplin.  Sturgis.  Try to take care of yourself.  I’ll be back as soon as I can get Mac.”

AJ walked out of the room and caught the nurse’s attention.  “My other Commander.  Where is he?”

“Commander Turner didn’t tell you?” she asked surprised.

“He did.  But can I see him anyway?”

“Sir, it was a very bad accident.”

“I understand,” he said.

“Very well.  If you would follow me, they took him to the morgue.”

“How is Commander Turner doing?”

“He’ll be fine.  He had some broken ribs, a broken ankle, torn ligaments in his knee and a concussion.  He’ll be admitted as soon as there is a room available.  He should only be here for a couple of days.”

“That’s good to know at least.  Do you know how this happened?”

“The police said that it looks as if someone swerved into Commander Turner’s lane, he hit the brake but went into a skid.  The car lost control and was only stopped by hitting a concrete bridge support.  It hit at the passenger side door, the other Commander was crushed.”  They had arrived at the morgue and she spoke quietly to the man in charge, before turning back to AJ.  “Dr. Morris will let you see him.”

“Thank you Deborah.”

AJ walked through the door and a chill ran through him.  He suddenly remembered that last time he was here in this room.  It was to say goodbye to Laura Delaney.  He took a deep breath and turned his attention to Dr. Morris as AJ was handed some paper work to fill out.

“Admiral, you don’t have to ID the Commander.  His next of kin can.”

“No.  I would rather his mother not see him like this.  He was her only child.”

“She may want to see him anyway,” the doctor suggested.

“I know but if the accident was as bad as the nurse suggested it might be best for her not to.”

They fell silent as Dr. Morris pulled a sheet back off a slab and AJ nodded.  He didn’t want to say anything right now.  He had seen more than his share of bodies but he knew this one, he was going to remember for a long time.  AJ signed all the necessary paperwork and soon he left headed straight for Hilton Head.

AJ knew that he didn’t want to take nine hours to drive down to get Mac so he made a few calls and arranged for a flight.  He should have just enough time to get through security to make his flight.  While he was waiting in line he decided to give Harriet a quick call to at least let her know about Sturgis. 

“Hello,” said a teary voice.

“Harriet, are you okay?” he asked.

“Commander Turner just called, Sir.”

“I didn’t know he was going to call you,” he said not sure what else there was to say.

“Bud’s dropping Little AJ off at a friend’s then we’ll be going to Bethesda.  Will we see you there?” Harriet asked hopefully.

“No.  I’m at the airport waiting for my flight.  Mac’s in Hilton Head and she doesn’t seem to have her phone.”

“Oh –“

“I’m sorry, Harriet.  I need to leave, they just called my flight.”

“Have a safe flight and take care of Mac.  She’ll need you.”

“I’ll do my best.”

AJ got on his flight and close to four hours later he arrived at Hilton Head Airport.  He managed to get a rental car and he was soon on the way to his beach house.  Finally, AJ got there and knocked on the door, he didn’t want to surprise her.  He didn’t worry when there was no answer, he had seen her car in the garage so he guessed that she was on the beach.  He had to admit that he loved to watch the waves crashing on the beach during a storm. 

AJ walked around the house and glanced up to the deck, spotting her he walked up the stairs.  He was sure that he made enough noise walking up but seeing that she hadn’t moved, he realized that she had fallen asleep while sunning herself.  One eyebrow shot up when he realized that the straps of her bikini weren’t actually tied and she was topless.  AJ didn’t know what was the appropriate thing to say in this situation so he decided to slip away and call her name to wake her up.  Unfortunately, AJ stepped on a squeaky board and Mac’s eyes shot open.

“Admiral!” she cried out shocked as she nearly jumped to attention.

“Stop!” he called out realizing that she had forgotten about her bikini top.  Mac blushed deep red as she dropped back to the lounge.  AJ turned around but at first he didn’t realize that he had actually turned the wrong way.  He had a clear view of her reflected in the sliding glass doors.  He honestly tried to turn away again but he stood there wide-eyed and was mesmerized by her body as she retied the strings and then slipped on shorts and a t-shirt.  He wondered about the smile she had on her lips but he guessed that she had simply seen the humor in the situation.

“Sir, what are you doing here?”

“I tried to call but there was no answer on your cell.”

“The battery must have died and I must have forgotten to pack the charger.  What happened?” she asked.

“There are two things.  The first is that there is a hurricane headed this way.”

“I guess that’s why the beach is deserted.  Leave it to me to have a hurricane hit on my vacation,” she said with a smile.

“Mac, sit down,” he said nervously.

“What’s wrong?” she said as she sat back on the lounge.

“There was an accident last night.  Sturgis was driving, he swerved to miss a car in his lane and he lost control of the car.”

“Is he okay?” Mac asked as AJ sat down beside her.

“He’ll be fine.  Broken ribs, torn ligaments and a concussion.  Oh, and a broken ankle.”

“But he’ll be fine?” he nodded.  “They why did you come all this way to tell me this?”

“Sturgis was driving Harm home from Benzingers.”

“What happened to Harm?” she asked.  He paused reading the fear in her eyes.

“He was trapped in the car and he died on the scene,” AJ said softly.

Mac stared into his eyes in shock.  “No.  Harm can’t be dead.  I would have known about it.”

“How?” he asked before he could stop himself.

“I’ve had visions of him before, I would have had one if anything happened to him,” she insisted.

“Mac, he’s dead,” AJ said as he took her hand in his.

“No!” she jerked back her hand.  “Why would I have one vision about Harm and not another?”

“I don’t know, Mac,” he said as he watched her stand up.

“He can’t be gone,” she said dazed.

“Mac, I saw him.  It was Harm.  I ID’d him myself,” he said sadly as he noticed the first drops of rain.

“Maybe it was Palmer?” she said with some hope in her voice.

“It wasn’t Palmer, he’s still in Leavenworth.  I already called.”

“But no.  He can’t be dead.  I would have known!” she exclaimed as she ran down the steps to the beach. 

AJ knew that she needed some time to herself to accept this news so he waited a moment before he stood up.  He followed her at a distance only closing the distance when he spotted someone walking toward Mac.

End part 2

Part 3

Clayton Webb was strolling along the beach part of him simply watching the waves and thinking about life and the other part hoping to see the woman he saw earlier.  He had been walking along the beach and saw a woman walking in his direction.  Clay was a bit startled because he had thought that the beach was deserted and she suddenly appeared.  Unfortunately, before he could see whom it was she spotted him and walked away, disappearing as suddenly as she appeared.  Clay knew that he was being foolish to think she might reappear but stranger things have happened.

Clay knew that he really should be leaving and he waited just a moment longer after he felt the first raindrops.  He turned and began walking back to his mother’s beach house.  He knew that he wouldn’t be able to explain it but something drew his attention back down the beach.  At first, he thought he was imagining her running toward him but he spotted a man chasing her.  He turned and walked quickly to her more than willing to offer his protection.  Clay didn’t notice that the man sped up once he had turned around. 

Clay tried to blink the rain from his eyes because he thought that the vision running to him was Sarah MacKenzie.  But that couldn'’t be true.  Surely she was in DC with Rabb.  He walked closer and then recognized the man following her.  It was AJ Chegwidden.  Clay couldn’t help but wonder what the two of them were doing here on a deserted beach.

Clay didn’t think any longer when Sarah ran directly into his arms.  She tried to fight him but he held his own and finally calmed her by calling out her name.  Her startled eyes suddenly registered his presence. 

“Webb!  You’re back from Suriname.  Permanently or just for vacation?” she asked as if running into someone on the beach in a hurricane was the most natural thing.

“Back in DC on ‘probation’ but Mother sent me down to board up the house.  What are you doing here?”

“Vacation,” she explained.

“Hey AJ.  What are you doing here?” Clay asked curious to see how it would be answered.

“Mac’s cell phone wasn’t working and I needed to give her some bad news,” he said almost gently as he walked up behind her.

“Just my luck there would be a hurricane on my vacation,” she smiled.

“Mac that isn’t the only reason I came down here.  If it was just that, I would have called someone to drive over and tell you.”

Clay was surprised to see Mac turn around and walk back the way she came.  “What is going on?”

“Rabb and Sturgis were in an accident.  Sturgis is going to be okay but Rabb didn’t make it.”

“He’s dead?” Clay asked shocked.

“Yeah, and Mac doesn’t seem to realize that yet,” AJ said concerned as his eyes followed her slowly walking back to his house.  “I need to board up the house, can you keep an eye on her?”

“Sure, not a problem,” Clay said. 

They walked back together in silence until they spotted Mac sitting on the chaise lounge, completely mindless of the rain. 

“If she were anyone else, I’d pour her a drink,” Clay said.

“She’s a Marine.  She’s tough,” AJ said.

“Not that tough, AJ.”

“I know,” he said softly as he watched Webb walk into the house.

Mac and Clay talked about Surinam for a while, causing him to worry even more about her denial of Harm's death.  Clay himself wanted to talk about him, the man could be a pain in the ass but he was a good man.  Finally, AJ returned just in time for the lights to go out.

“Stay where you are, I’ll get some candles and flashlights,” AJ called out as he dropped his bag that he had retrieved from his truck.

“Mac, are you okay?” Clay asked gently.

“I guess so.  I like storms but I’ve never been in a hurricane before,” she replied as AJ walked in the living room with flashlights and a handful of candles.

“I think that we will be stuck here for the duration,” AJ said.  “Is your house secured?” 

“Yeah.  I had just finished up when I saw you on the beach.”

“Mac, could you do me a favor?” AJ asked.

“Of course, Sir.”

“Could you see if you can make us some sandwiches or something? I haven’t had anything to eat today.”

“Sure.  I’ll be right back,” she said as she stood up and walked into the kitchen leaving the two men alone.

“Do you think that’s wise, AJ?”

“We all need to eat and it will give her something to do.”

“True,” Clay said. “She seems to have blocked it all out.  What can we do?”

“All I can think of is to get her home as soon as we can.”

“I don’t think we should try to force her,” Clay suggested.

“I agree.  I guess the only thing we can do is be here for her when she needs us.  Thank goodness I got a real sized rental car.  We can take turns driving back up to DC.”

“I’ll arrange someone to pick up our cars then,” Clay said.

“Good idea.  If you feel like braving the rain you might want to run and get anything from your place.  I have a feeling that we will be stuck here for a while.    The road out front already had standing water in it when I came back inside.”

“Glad you bought a house on the top of a rise,” Clay said with a bit of a smile.

“Me too,” AJ smiled as Mac walked back in with a tray of sandwiches.

“I’m going to run and get my bag from the house,” Clay said.  “I’ll be back in a few.”

“Be careful,” Mac said as she sat down and calmly began eating a sandwich.

Clay walked back to his house, fighting the rain most of the way.  He was just going to grab his suitcase from the car but he decided to go back in the house and pick up some of the games his mother kept in the closet for rainy days.  He placed them in a plastic bag then made his way back to AJ’s house.  He had no idea that AJ had a house here and that it was so close.  ‘Learn something new everyday,’ he thought.

They tried to pass the time as much as possible in the darkened house.  Clay could tell that AJ was glad that he thought about the games.  He didn’t really think AJ Chegwidden was a game sort of person but the only other option was to talk and Webb knew that wouldn’t go over well.

Hours later Mac yawned and stated that she was going to bed.  She had commented that she had a great time but she needed some sleep.  Clay and AJ watched her leave with sadness.  She had still not said another word about Harm.  Both men were getting more and more concerned but neither knew what to do.

“I guess that she just isn’t ready yet,” Clay stated.

“Guess not.  I’ll sleep out here on the couch, you can take the other room,” AJ offered.

“Thanks.  See you in the morning.”

Clay knew that there was really no way he could go back to his mother’s house.  It was dark and the rain and wind had just gotten much worse.  He also knew that it was probably best that he was there.  AJ and Mac being stuck in his beach house during a hurricane might lead to some questions.  Clay liked to pester AJ but he wouldn’t purposefully do something that could hurt his career or Mac’s.

Clay was glad to finally have some time to himself.  He always mourned in private, since his father died.  He wanted to sit in the dark bedroom and remember Harm, the good and the bad.  Clay finally fell into a fitful sleep, full of dreams of Harm.  He finally woke up to a loud clap of thunder and knew that it would take a while for him to get back to sleep. 

The house was silent but Clay got up and softly padded to Mac’s door.  He peaked in and saw her thrashing around in a nightmare.  Clay stepped back and quickly walked down the hall and called for AJ.  He didn’t think it would be wise to wake the Marine without backup.  AJ walked his direction when suddenly Mac let out a heartbreaking scream.

End part 3

Part 4
Mac woke up screaming from her nightmare.  It had seemed so real but once she was awake she knew that it was just a dream.  Until she saw AJ and Clay rush into her room, she knew that it wasn’t a dream.  Her best friend was gone.  She didn’t care what either man thought, she cried.  Moments later, she felt the bed move as someone sat down and took her into his arms.  At first she didn’t even realize which one it was but soon she recognized her CO. 

Mac held him tightly not even realizing that he wasn’t wearing a shirt when she felt Clay sit down behind her.  She could tell that he seemed unsure what to do but he simply put his hand on her shoulder.  She could have told you how long she stayed in his arms but she didn’t care.  AJ eventually pulled back some before speaking softly.

“I’ll be right back, Sarah.  Let me get you some tissues.”

She simply nodded then leaned back into Clay’s arms.  Mac tried to stop crying, she hated for anyone to see her being weak but she couldn't help it. 

“I’m sorry,” she sobbed.

“For what?” Clay asked.

“For crying.”

“It’s okay.  Everyone needs to cry sometime.”

“Do you?” she asked Clay as AJ walked back into the room but she doubted that he would respond.

“Yes,” Clay said softly.  “I just don’t do it in front of anyone.  Not since my father’s funeral.  What about you?” he asked AJ.

At first, Mac thought that AJ wasn’t going to answer but he surprised her by speaking.

“I was raised to believe that men don’t cry,” he said gruffly.

“But you do?” she asked.

“Yeah, but like Clay said not in front of anyone,” he said slightly embarrassed as he handed her the tissues.

“I’m sorry,” she said again.

“Even a Marine can show emotion, especially when it’s warranted,” AJ said softly causing Mac to cry even more, this time turning into Clay’s arms.

Finally, AJ pulled her back from Clay and picked her up before laying her on the bed. He then surprised both Mac and Clay as he stretched out beside her and opened his arms for her. She gladly moved into them. She only paused to invite Clay to lay with her also. Mac didn’t think she would be able to get to sleep but with these two men offering her comfort she fell asleep quickly.

###

AJ was standing in his bedroom lightly holding Sarah MacKenzie’s hands and a bottle of aspirin.   He looked into her eyes and without meaning to he leaned toward her.  AJ was surprised when their lips actually met and he realized that this was just a dream, but it felt so real.  It felt as if he truly had her in his arms and where he wanted her that night, in his bed.

AJ opened his eyes and seeing Mac in his arms he remembered what happened the night before.  He took a deep breath as he tried to get a grip on his emotions.  Not only was he trying to control his feelings about what happened to Harm, he was fighting to keep his body from reacting to Mac’s nearness.  AJ just hoped that she was asleep and would never know his ‘problem’ but he looked down at her and saw her watching him.  There was sadness in her eyes but also desire as she reached up and kissed him. 

AJ was unable to resist returning the kiss with passion.  Some small part of his brain wondered who was going to stop this because even though this felt right, he knew this was wrong.  Mac ran her hand down his body, lightly grasping his erection through his boxers.  AJ groaned into her mouth before he suddenly pulled away.  He had forgotten Webb was there.  AJ knew immediately that Mac didn’t understand why he pulled away but she scrambled to the foot of the bed and ran out of the bedroom.  Webb moved to follow her but was stopped by AJ.

“Leave her.  She needs to be alone,’ he said softly.

Webb looked like he was going to follow her away but he stayed for a moment, sitting on the edge of the bed.  AJ was berating himself for taking advantage of her and wished that he had left her alone.  His thoughts suddenly stopped though when they both heard the back door slam shut.

###

Clay managed to catch up with Mac first, he suspected that AJ was embarrassed by what happened.  Clay grabbed her arm to stop her but she spun around and fought him.  He let her knock him down onto the sand but he held onto her pulling her on top of him.  She tried to get up but he held her tightly. 

“What’s wrong, Sarah?” he asked as she finally tired herself out and simply laid her head on his chest.

“Harm was right,” she whispered.

“About what?” he asked not believing that that was the main problem.

“He once said that all the men close to me were either dead or wished they were.”

“That’s not true, Sarah,” he said as he lifted her chin to meet her eyes.

“Yes, it is.  Mic, Dalton, Eddie.  The list goes on.”

“What about Bud?”

“What?” she asked surprised.

“What about Bud and Sturgis?  I know they both care for you.”

“It’s not like that,” she tried to explain as she turned away.

“What about AJ then?  You can’t tell me he doesn’t care.  And I know he doesn’t wish he were dead,” Clay said with a touch of jealousy.

“But nothing can ever happen with us,” she said sadly.  “He’ll probably bring me up on charges after tonight as it is.”

“I don’t think he’ll do that,” he said.

“Why can’t I ever want a guy who wants me?” she asked not seeing the pain in Clay’s eyes.

They lay there for a moment both lost in thoughts.  Clay was wondering why she never thought of him as he had thought of her.  Almost as if she read his mind she leaned up to kiss him.  It took a lot of willpower but Clay turned his head so his kiss landed on his cheek instead.

“What’s wrong with me?  Why doesn’t anyone want me?” she cried as she tried to pull away from him. 

Clay realized that she simply saw it as another man refusing her and he needed to explain to her that wasn’t really the case.  He flipped her over on her back and trapped her there with his body.  Neither paid attention to the waves that were getting closer or the rain that was still falling.

“Sarah, why did you try to kiss me?” he asked.

“Because, I thought you might respond.”

“And I would have. Do you know how hard it was for me to turn my head?” he asked as she looked at him surprised.  She looked at him confused but finally understood when he thrust his hips slightly to make sure she could feel his erection.

“I guess it was hard,” she said with a little smile causing him to laugh.

“Sarah, one of these days I will take you up on your offer.  I promise.’  He laid a finger over her lips as she tried to speak.  “I just refuse to be the guy to get you over Rabb.  God knows I would do almost anything for you but I wouldn’t be able to do that, and then let you go.  You need to get over him on your own.”

“But Clay-“ Mac tried to explain.

“No, Sarah.  When I make love with you, you will screaming my name, not Rabb’s.”

They didn’t move for a while until AJ walked up and suggested that they get back inside.  Clay noticed that Mac would not meet AJ’s eyes and realized that she was embarrassed by what had happened in the bedroom.  He didn’t know what to say to get her past that.  He figured that he would leave that up to Mac and AJ.

End part 4

Part 5

They all walked back into the house and Mac finally released Clay’s hand as she walked to her room.  She wanted to shower and change clothes.  A short time later, she was finished and decided that she didn’t want to be alone.  She decided that the living room was more neutral territory.  She was looking down and nearly ran into AJ as he walked out of the other bedroom having just finished his shower.   

“I’m sorry, Sir.”

“About what?”

“About what happened when I woke up.  I didn’t mean for that to happen.”

“I know.  It’s okay, Mac.”

“How is it okay?  I practically assaulted you.  Thank goodness you stopped me when you did.  I just really don’t know what came over me.”

“Let’s sit down,” he suggested.  “Sometimes people want to reaffirm that they are still alive after someone close to them dies, there’s nothing wrong with it.”

“Except if you don’t want me,” she whispered.

“Sarah, I thought you could tell that wasn’t the case,” he said ruefully.  “Trust me, I understand exactly why you were doing that.  I was too, that’s the only reason I let it go as far as it did.”

“Then why did you stop?”

“I opened my eyes to watch you and I saw Webb staring over your shoulder in shock.  Rather put a damper on things,” he smiled as he put his arm along the back of the couch.
Mac looked up at his face and smiled, then they fell quiet for a while.

“You said you were doing the same thing I was.  Why?”

“How do I say this without sounding heartless?” he asked himself as he cupped her face in his hand.  “You weren’t the only one to lose a friend.”

“I’m so sorry.  I’ve been so selfish,” she said as her tears returned.  She had never meant to hurt AJ or Clay and she now realized that she had.  She wrapped her arms around him, hoping that she was giving him as much comfort he had given her.  She saw Clay finally walk back into the room when she felt AJ’s breathing catch.  Clay looked very sad, and she regretfully realized that he had since AJ told him about Harm.  She had been so deep in her denial and grief that she didn’t think of anyone else.

Mac heard AJ breathing deeply, trying to control his emotions, but it seemed to be a loosing battle.  AJ buried his head against her neck and clutched her to him tightly.  Mac looked at Clay, unsure if she should speak or not.  She didn’t think that AJ would want anyone else to see him breakdown.  Clay seemed to read her mind as he slipped back down the hall only to reappear with the box of tissues.  He handed them to Mac then slipped into the kitchen.

“I’m sorry, Mac,” AJ finally spoke.  “I didn’t mean-“

“Like you said there is nothing wrong with showing emotion especially when warranted.”

Mac saw his smile and was glad that she was there for him when so many times he was there for her. Clay walked up, lightly touched AJ on the shoulder and handed him a glass of ice water.

“Thank you,” AJ said as Clay sat down on the other side of Mac.

Mac took both men’s hands into hers and they sat there and were silent for a while. Clay finally spoke and mentioned the time that Clay had convinced Harm to pay for his mother’s lunch. Mac smiled and commented about the look of shock on Harm’s face when he realized how expensive the lunch was. For the next few hours, they all spoke of their memories of Harm eventually falling asleep where they were.

###

Finally, Mac fell asleep against AJ’s shoulder leaving the men to continue to talk softly.  They soon fell asleep also even though AJ had intended on carrying Mac into her bedroom. AJ woke in the morning somewhat surprised that he was still on the couch and that Mac was asleep with her head in his lap. He realized that he had his hand on her shoulder and Clay had his hand on her hip.

Shortly after he woke she did also and AJ knew she was startled. She grasped his knee then very carefully she slipped off the couch without looking back at them. AJ listened to her walk over to the door. Both men turned to watch her slip out the door to watch the sun rise.

“Didn’t know you were awake,” AJ said.

“Sarah woke up and her foot nearly hit a tender spot. That tends to wake me up.”

“I bet,” AJ said with a smile.

“So, do you think she’ll be okay, AJ?”

“After a while. Last night was tough but I’ll think she’ll pull through in the long run.” AJ paused a moment not sure if Clay would answer him or not. “What did you say to her on the beach last night?”

“I just told her that if she got past Rabb and she wanted to offer again, I would take her up on it.”

“I swear Webb, if you ever hurt her…”

“I don’t even know if she’ll ask again. I doubt it, but I have to hope,” Clay said as he saw AJ’s eyebrow raised up. “I’ve always hoped, I just never thought I would ever have a chance. If anything ever happens it is only her decision. I’ll never talk to her about this again unless she brings it up first.”

“Do you think she will?”

“No. God knows I want her too but I am not expecting it to happen. And I shouldn’t hope it will either.”

“Why’s that?” AJ asked.

“Because it would hurt too damn much to lose her,” Clay said as he stood up and followed her to the deck.

AJ watched Clay as he walked up to Mac and saw her take his hand. AJ was a little concerned at first but the longer he watched them on the deck, the more he realized that they did compliment each other. AJ knew that Mac was strong enough to deal with Clay disappearing for missions as long as he came back. Clay also seemed accepting enough to let Mac be herself.

AJ watched Mac closely, she was no longer crying and she didn’t seem to be denying what happened any more. He had to wonder if she would ever take Clay up on his offer and thought that she actually would. He knew that if he were anyone except her CO, he would have accepted and encouraged her advances. But AJ knew that Mac needed some time to heal before she got involved with anyone else and hoped that she would take that time.

End part 5

Part 6 – Epilogue

Clayton Webb’s Townhouse

Christmas Eve 2003

Clay climbed into the cab from the airport as he came home from a mission in a non-disclosed location, happy that he was finally home. He had been called away just three weeks after Harm’s funeral, about five months ago now. He had hated to leave Mac by herself but he knew that AJ was there in case she really needed someone. She had been so strong at the funeral. She had sat between him and AJ and no one said anything about it.

The cab finally stopped at his townhouse, Clay paid the man, grabbed his bags then turned to his door. He was surprised by what he saw. Sitting on his doorstep was the woman he was thinking about.

“Sarah?”

“Welcome home, Clay.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I heard that you were coming home today and I wanted to see you,” she said as she stood up.

“Why?”

“I wanted to talk to you.”

Clay looked at her intently for a moment, then opened the door and said, “Come on in.” He set his briefcase down as he walked in then turned to look at Mac. “Do you mind if I shower and change?”

“Not at all. If you would prefer, I’ll come back later,” she suggested.

“No. Please don’t leave. Make yourself at home. I won’t be long.”

Clay showered then changed and the whole time he had to wonder just why Sarah MacKenzie was waiting for him on his doorstep. He was realistic enough to know that she wasn’t here to express any feelings for him. He slipped on his designer Façonnable jeans and pulled on the bright green sweater his mother gave him last year. She had picked out that sweater saying that it brought out the green in his eyes.

Clay walked back downstairs to see Mac sitting on his couch.

“So, Mac. What brings you over here?”

“I wanted to talk to you,” she said a touch shyly.

“About what, Mac?” he asked as he leaned against the mantle of the fireplace.

“First of all why are you calling me Mac? A few months ago you were calling me ‘Sarah’.”

“Do you want me to keep calling you that?”

“If you would like to, yes.”

“Good,” he smiled. “What did you want to talk about, Sarah?”

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.”

“About?” he asked.

“About Harm. I’ll always regret that I lost my best friend but I’m not going to regret that we were never lovers anymore.”

“You weren’t?” he asked rather surprised.

“No. It just wasn’t ever the right time. I’ve seen a couple of guys since June. But there was no chemistry. The last time I’ve felt any chemistry was with two men that helped me through a hurricane.”

“So you think of ‘him’ that way?” he asked not wanting to actually say the name aloud.

“No.  Not anymore.  There was some attraction there, I won’t ever deny that but he is with someone now and he is happy.  Of course, she is a little ditzy sometimes,” she said with a smile.  “But she is a good person and if that makes him happy, that is all that matters.”

“Do you regret that nothing can happen?”

She thought a moment not realizing the pain it caused Clay before she spoke.  “No, I don’t.  I think that a part of me will always wonder and be curious but I know it isn’t possible.  The one thing that is possible is the other man from that night.”

“Are you saying that only because I was there?  It could have been anyone then?”

“No, I’m not and I didn’t mean to imply that,” she said honestly. “I’ve been seeing other men but there is just nothing there.  Usually I see them once and that’s it.”

“So you actually haven’t been in a relationship with anyone then?”

“I haven’t slept with anyone but I did see James several times.  I finally broke it off when he picked me up at work one day.”

“Why?” he asked as he took a step closer.

“Because Harriet commented that he reminded her of Harm.  I thought about it and it was true, James resembled Harm and he even had a similar attitude.  Once she pointed that out, I realized that all the guys I had dated were like Harm.  I loved Harm, I will always love him but I don’t think that I was ever in love with him.”

“So why didn’t it work out with James?”

“Because I kept thinking of James as a friend not anything else. And do you know why?”

“Why?”

“Because the night before the hurricane, I had decided that friendship is all that I could have with Harm.”

Clay looked at her shocked.  “You did?”

“Yes and I think subconsciously, I was trying to find another Harm so I could actually tell him that.”

He simply nodded.  “What am I supposed to say about that?”

“I don’t know, Clay.”

“Why are you telling me this, Sarah?” he asked surprised with himself for walking closer to her.

“Because you deserve to know,” she said with a small smile.

“Why, Sarah?”

“I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately.”

“Missing Harm?” he said unable to completely hide his jealously.

“I’ll always miss my friend, but I was missing you too, Clay.”

“You were?” he was surprised.

“Yes,” she said as she took a chance and held her hand out to him. He took it and sat down beside her. “It took me a long time to get over the regret that Harm and I were never lovers. I can’t honestly say I know where this will go but I don’t want to regret passing up this chance with you too.”

“What are you saying, Sarah?”

“I’m saying that if you were serious about your feelings, I want to see where this will take us.”

“Sarah, I can’t.”

“What?” she asked her voice full of hurt.

“I don’t just want to see where this goes. I want more than that.”

“I do too, Clay. I know it will be difficult with our jobs but I want to take that chance.”

“Sarah, I can’t guarantee that I’ll always come home,” he said as he lightly touched her cheek.

“I know Clay but I think that the time we have together will be worth it, even if something ever happened.”

“Are you sure, Sarah?”

“Clay, if I can have you for a few months or until we are both old and gray, I think that’s worth it.”

“Come on. Let’s go,” he said spontaneously. “Grab your jacket.”

“Where are we going?” she asked curious.

“To start our first Christmas tradition,” he said mysteriously as he helped her into her jacket.

They climbed into Clay’s little sports car and they soon were headed into DC. Sarah was kind of surprised when he stopped at the Vietnam Veteran’s Memorial. They got out then headed for Harm’s father’s name. They didn’t speak as they both lightly traced the name, Sarah shedding a few tears. Moments later they were back in the car and driving away. Clay turned in a different direction than Sarah expected but he knew part of her wasn’t surprised that he pulled into Arlington National Cemetery.

Clay went directly to Harm’s grave, located along the road under a tree. Clay knew that AJ had to fight to get Harm buried here. Harm was too young to automatically qualify for a plot. Maybe that story Clay heard about this being AJ’s plot was true. Clay looked over to Sarah and saw a few more tears falling. He stepped up behind her and put his arms around her.

“He was a good man,” she said after a while of silence.

“He was a good friend,” he whispered with a catch in his voice.

Sarah turned in his arms and wrapped her around his neck.

“Thank you for bringing me here. I think this will be a wonderful tradition.” He just nodded at her and squeezed her a little tighter. “Are you okay, Clay?”

“Yeah,” he said a bit shortly.

“You know something I like the most about you? The fact that you let me be myself around you and you trust me to take care of myself. You don’t judge me. I won’t judge you either.”

“I know, Sarah. Thank you,” he pulled her close to him as one lone tear escaped. Sarah reached up, brushed the tear away and kept her hand on his cheek until he met her eyes. Clay stood there for a moment, still holding her close and he thought about what she had said earlier. He realized that she was right he needed to take a chance otherwise he would always wonder.

“What are you doing tomorrow, Sarah?”

“I didn’t have any plans really.”

“Will you join me over at Mother’s for dinner?”

“She won’t mind?”

“She’ll probably be so thrilled I found someone to bring home. Would you like me to pick you up in the morning?”

“Or you could stay over at my place,” she suggested.

“That’s very tempting but I really want this to work and I don’t want to push this too fast. Is that okay?”

“That’s fine Clay. This is a big step for the both of us, but as long as we keep taking little steps, I think this will work out the way we both want it.”

Clay pulled her even closer and gently kissed her. “Who would have ever thought that such a good thing could come from a hurricane?”

The End

Apartment in Waynesboro

540-943-5774

Keith Smith