Dear Diary,

While I was doing better at work, for the most part, I had a rather difficult day some time later. I was prosecuting a case and while I won, there were some problems with it. Harriet and Caroline decided that they were going to take me out to cheer me up, but I knew that what I was looking for wasn't around DC. He was in Italy…

We were having a rather nice time that evening but I wanted to get home. I was glad that I wasn't alone yet but I knew that I should be expecting a phone call tonight. Harriet didn't seem to want me to leave. I knew she didn't want me to be alone after the day that I had. I finally convinced her that I was going to be okay and with one last promise that I would call if I needed her, she let me leave.

I got home around 10:00 PM and I was disappointed to see my machine flashing. I pressed the button and heard Harm's voice asking how I was doing. I smiled somewhat, Harm always did seem to know when something was bothering me. Not that he always did anything about it, but he did know. He told me to call when I got in and I was about to but then I checked the next message. It was Harm again, he was going out to dinner and would not be back until very late. My smile widened. Leave it to Harm to offer his help then not be there.

I put the phone down and sighed. There were no other messages. I didn't realize how much I had looked forward hearing his voice. I also didn't realize how shaken I would be home by myself. I wandered from room to room for a while and finally decided to just go to bed. I slipped on my favorite worn out T-shirt and then climbed into my empty bed.

I wrapped my arms around my pillow and looked longingly at the phone. I eventually let my guard down. To so many people I keep my guard up all the time but no one knows that I sometimes lose control when all alone. I have learned more recently that crying in my bed at night was much better then crying into a bottle. I have been sober for a long time now and I want to continue that.

I was crying when I heard the phone ring. I tried to regain my composure quickly as I reached for the phone.

"Hello."

"Sarah? What's wrong?" I couldn't say anything for a moment, I didn't expect the Admiral to call this late.

"Nothing," I said quietly will trying to regain my voice.

"Sarah. Talk to me. What is wrong?" he said in his Admiral voice before his voice softened. "Are you okay?"

I took a deep breath. "I'm okay. I just had a bad day today. I won the Michaelson case."

"I wasn't talking about work, Sarah. I was talking about you." I was quiet for a moment. "Sarah?"

"I'm here. I'm doing okay, I think. After Ensign Michaelson was sentenced, he threatened me."

"What?"

"He was upset that he was sentenced to 15 years in Leavenworth. He blamed me for it and he said some things before the guards took him away."

"He didn't hurt you?"

"No. I am fine. I was just a little shaken up. So many things are changing right now. Not all for the bad but I do miss Harm." I took a deep breath and for the first time, I finally admitted aloud, "And I miss you too, AJ."

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