Dear Diary,
We stood there for a while lost
in each other’s eyes before Renee came in and broke the spell. She said that Harm was nearly asleep so she
insisted that she would finish the dishes while we told him good night. The Admiral later walked me to my car and
said goodnight. Like usual, we didn’t
say anything as we parted but I knew that something had changed.
I drove home in a state of
shock. First, of course, was that Harm
was walking. I was thrilled for him
that he was doing so well. Just a few
months ago we all thought that he was dead and now he was fine and walking
again. Sure, he was using crutches for
right now and he may need to use a cane, but he was walking. The best thing is that we had finally
talked. We had finally resolved all the
tension between us. We were best
friends again.
The second surprise tonight
wasn’t quite as big but led to something just as important to me. Or I am hoping that it will, at least. I know that it will be difficult to get used
to a new commanding officer but I knew that things had to change. Harm was going to be gone from the office
and now the Admiral too. I wondered if
that was going to be all the changes in the office for now.
Part of me also wondered about the
changes that would be happening outside the office. I didn’t have a clue what Harm was going to be doing after he was
discharged in a few weeks. I hoped that
he would stay here in DC and not move back to California. I realized that was a distinct possibility
since Renee was in the movie business and his mother was out there also. Of course, I would never try to hold him
back from what he needs to do but I had just recently gotten my best friend
back, I didn’t want to loose him again so soon.
That small curious part of me
could not help but wonder about the Admiral.
I knew that I was one of his reasons for retiring. I wasn’t quite sure what to think of that. While I was saddened that we could never be
together with us in the service, the thought of him giving up his career for
that chance was a bit scary. I had
never really had the best luck with men before and AJ has given up so much for
this chance.
When I joined the service, I knew
that it would be best to not become too attached to any of the people that I
worked with. In all of my other
assignments, I had done rather well with this.
For some reason, JAG HQ ruined the best of intentions. The people that I met here were so friendly
and for the first time ever, I felt like I was home.
I hated to admit it even to myself
that I was afraid but it is true. I
finally found a place that I could be happy.
That is why I was so afraid of how drastically things have changed. I knew that life throws curve balls often
but this has been a lot of curve balls for me.
I knew probably better than a lot of my friends that people do move
on. I have always accepted that but I
was afraid how many people would be leaving me. And who they were.