Dear Diary,
I am going to write this book to you so that I can explain so many
things that I don’t know how else to say.
Eventually, I will give you this book and I hope that you can understand
some of the things that I have done. I
also want you to understand just how very much I have always loved you. Thinking back on it, I believe that it all
started the day before I was supposed to get married…
We were all sitting around in
silence after getting the news that Harm’s RIO Skates was found and safely
pulled aboard the rescue helo. I could
tell that all of the gathered people were pleased that she was fine but we were
increasingly worried about Harm. The
strength of the storm was increasing and the helo had to go back and
temporarily abandon the search for him.
Things were looking rather grim both out in the stormy Atlantic and here
for the wedding that was supposed to have taken place the following day.
I watched sadly as Renee walked
away to be alone. I was surprised to
see that she was followed by Mic. I had
heard that they had spent some time together recently when Harm and I were off
on some cases. I had to wonder if Mic
went to her for the reason to help her or to not be around my grief. I am sure that Mic didn’t understand my
feelings. Harm was honestly just my
best friend. Even though I knew that
Mic wouldn’t believe me, I had long since given up on any hope of any other
type of relationship with Harm than friendship.
Before long, everyone else left
leaving me alone, even Mic. I will
never forget what he told me before he left with Renee.
“I’m sorry, Sarah. I never wanted anything to happen to Harm,
but I can’t do it anymore. I couldn’t
compete with Harm before and if he doesn’t come back, I would still have to
compete with his ghost and I can’t do that.
Good-bye, Sarah.” He walked away
without looking back.
I sat there in the darkness for a
while not really thinking before I decided to leave myself. I drove home without seeing anything not yet
believing that I lost my fiancée and possibly my best friend too all in the
same hour. I some how managed to get in
my apartment before nearly collapsing on my couch in tears. I momentarily lost track of time as my grief
overwhelmed me.
The next thing that I was aware of were strong arms surrounding me. I struggled for a moment before I heard a familiar voice softly calling my name. I looked up into eyes filled with sadness and another emotion. He gathered me back into his arms and I knew that he did not want to speak what I surprisingly read in his eyes. I said nothing as we held on to each other knowing that this was a mistake. No matter how grief stricken I was my mind kept jumping back to that emotion in his eyes. His love.