Rating: PG

Spoilers: Everything

Summary: Second story after 'Nerves'

Disclaimer: These characters belong to CBS and Bellisarius Productions. I am simply borrowing them for a little fun.

Notes: Feedback is more than welcome. Please don’t archive this without my permission. Thanks for the great beta job, Janna.

I sit down in the last pew. I know that I can sit in the front but for several reasons I choose not to. The reason that I will give if anyone asks is that I was late and I didn’t want to make anyone siting in the front move. But I know that is a lie, one that will never be questioned. Unlike the truth, that will never be believed.

I purposefully came late; I have no desire to sit close to the bride and groom in their bubble of happiness. Just seeing the groom nervously smile and chat with his buddies reminds me of when I had been in his shoes. What I wouldn’t give to be in his place now.

I’ve always loved her.

But I’ve lost her.

I will always regret that.

I hear the music start up and watch as Little AJ walks up the aisle carefully carrying the rings. Soon a little flower girl proceeds up the aisle happily flinging flower petals everywhere. One petal lands in my lap, I pick it up and touch its softness with my callused fingers, imagining it is her cheek instead. I am so lost in contemplation that I don’t even see Harriet walk by.

There’s the Wedding March.

I stand along with the rest of the gathered family and friends and turn to look at the bride.

She is so beautiful.

I can tell that she is trying to hide her nervousness. She does succeed to an extent but I feel that I have always been able to see sense her moods and I think that always unnerved her. She walks up the aisle alone focusing only on her future husband. I thank God that she never thought to ask me to escort her up the aisle.

Listening to the preacher as he begins the ceremony is painful enough but I know that I would never have been able to give her up to Brumby. I wouldn’t have let her go. I see her smile nervously at her almost husband as he takes her hand in his.

I realize that I never really had a chance. So much keeps us apart. My age, my nightmares, my duty to do the right damn thing. I’m her commanding officer, for God’s sake, but I would give it all up for her. I can’t have feelings like these for an officer in my command.

But I do.

I used to have hopes that she felt the same about me but this is the ultimate proof that she feels nothing for me. I block out the words being spoken, unable to listen to her pledge her life to another man.

It’s amazing the number of things that people regret when they look back on their life. I regret many things in my life. Killing men in battle, not being there for Francesca as she grew up calling another man Papa, and stopping that kiss. I often wonder if she regrets my stopping the kiss as much as I do. Obviously not. Would she be marrying another man in a few moments if she did?

The regret nearly chokes me as I listen to the preacher ask if there are any objections.

"Speak now or forever hold your peace," penetrates my musings.

I see them softly talking at the altar. Probably joking that they hope no one objects, just like all brides and grooms do. I know it is cruel of me to tell her now but I regret all the times that I didn’t tell her what was, and still is, in my heart. If I remain silent, I know that will be my biggest regret.

I almost don’t believe it myself as I stand up. I know she hears me, I see her stiffen. It feels as if time has stopped until she finally turns around, her gaze focuses immediately on Harm. I see the surprise on her face as her eyes finally meet mine.

I watch in amazement as her nervousness melts away. She looks back at Mic, whispers something to him then I see the most beautiful sight.

She smiles at me.

Nerves         Regrets        No More 

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