AMPUTEE SUPPORT GROUP OF
NORTHERN VIRGINIA NEWSLETTER
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Monthly Meetings: |
First Tuesday of every month, 7:30-9:00 p.m., Telestar Court Building, Gemini Room, 2990 Telestar Court, Falls Church, Virginia |
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Contacts: |
Daphne
Burroughs, 703-369-2615 Joce Graham, 703-256-0245, jocegraham@cox.net |
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Web Page: |
www.inova.org/rehabilitation/amputee_support.htm |
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Mailing Address: |
c/o
Beth Harris, 6316 Sumerduck Rd., Remington, VA 22734-2308 |
Support Group Meeting
The
Amputee Support Group of Northern Virginia (ASGNVA) met at its regularly
scheduled meeting on May 3, 2005, from 7:30 to 9:00 p.m., at the Telestar Court
Building in Falls Church, Virginia.
But it wasn’t a “regular” meeting.
About a dozen people attended; two non-amputees. Jason Bulger from Nascott (our
Librarian) came and brought lots of great handouts and other materials – even
free pens! Also, Joe Smith from Infinite
Technologies, the new vendor for Fairfax Hospital, attended the meeting. Mostly we started talking to each other and
ended up in “groups”, each talking about a different subject that related to
amputation in some way. It was not a formal meeting in any way.
But, in many, many ways, it was a perfect support group meeting; each “novice”
amputee ended up paired with a “seasoned” amputee and we all shared stories. If
that type of meeting happened every month, I would never complain again (I hear
it’s a subject of discussion).
ASGNVA also received a new amputee referral. That makes 3 new amputees
in 2 months (all legs) so, if some of you “seasoned” amputees would consider
attending a meeting occasionally, it would be helpful. The “seasoned” amputees
in attendance at the last two meetings were able to offer advice and
companion-ship to these novice amputees.
Of course, everyone has different experiences and ASGNVA would be proud
to be able to share more of our member’s expertise with our novice members. Two
of the new amputees have been provided with New Amputee Information Packets;
the third will go out soon.
Please let one of the ASGNVA contacts
know if you want to be informed of new amputees so that you can offer peer
support – even if you don’t attend meetings.
Thanks!
News and
Announcements
ASGNVA
Funds and Donations – There have
been NO donations to the ASGNVA fund (Fund 352) at the INOVA
Foundation. ASGNVA does not have any dues so please consider contributing $4.50
- one member’s (you) newsletter postage. To donate to ASGNVA by phone or to
obtain a donation form, call 703-289-2072.
To donate by mail, send a check or money order to Inova Health System
Foundation, 8110 Gatehouse Road, Falls Church, VA 22042. To donate online, go to https://connect.inova.com/j/inovanet.srt/forms/donation/donatenow.htm.
Remember to donate to Inova Foundation Fund 352.
ASGNVA Newsletter Database Update – Please remember to update your personal information with the Amputee Support Group of Northern Virginia. Contact information is Beth Harris, 6316 Sumerduck Rd, Remington, VA 22734-2308, 540-439-3656, BeTheHarris@earthlink.net or at ASGNVA@earthlink.net as soon as possible. I’ll take it any way I can get it – leave it on my voice mail if I’m not at home. Failure to return the information may result in your being dropped from the newsletter distribution list. Thank you for your cooperation.
Fairfax
County Announces the Community Emergency Alert Network - The Fairfax County Office
of Emergency Management and the Office of Public Affairs announced the creation
of the Community Emergency Alert Network, or CEAN. The CEAN will be used by
county officials to deliver important emergency alerts, notifications, and
updates to county residents during a major crisis or emergency. Messages will
be delivered to e-mail accounts, cell phones (text messaging costs may apply;
check with your service provider), text pagers, satellite phones, and wireless
PDAs registered on the system.
Persons
registered on the CEAN will be provided a personal connection to real-time
updates, instructions on where to go, protective actions that need to be taken,
and other important information.
Alerts
may include personal safety, weather, and major accidents involving utilities
or roadways, or disaster notification such as a terrorist attack. In addition,
residents may also register for any or all of the additional CEAN alert
categories: county government closings/schedule changes, severe traffic
disruptions, severe weather 24/7, and severe weather 8 a.m. - 5 p.m., Monday -
Friday.
To
register for the Community Emergency Alert Network, visit the Fairfax County
Web page, www.fairfaxcounty.gov/cean.
For additional information on the CEAN, contact the Office of Emergency
Management at 703-324-2362, TTY 711.
Services and Products
ASGNVA
Web Pages – INOVA Fairfax
Hospital hosts our official web page, which can be accessed at: www.inova.org/inovapublic.srt/rehabilitation/amputee_support.htm.
The ASGNVA
UNOFFICIAL WEB PAGE can be accessed at home.earthlink.net/~asgnva/ASGNVA.html. I will continue to add newsletters
and other information, as applicable. Let me know if you want something added
to the page.
ASGNVA
Lending Library – Come to a
meeting and borrow a book or see what new handouts are available. If you would
like to borrow materials from ASGNVA’s Lending Library, please contact Jason
Bulger at 301-680-2159 or Beth Harris at 540-439-3656 or e-mail asgnva@earthlink.net.
Member Updates
PALS Graduates – The
following members of ASGNVA were active participants of the PALS program and
successfully received graduate certificates from the Amputee Coalition of America
and Johns Hopkins University: Beth
Harris, Brian Jans, Barbara Johnson, Debbie Pearce, Andrew Ryder and George
Willis. Patrick McCardle was also a member of the PALS group but died
unexpectedly in April. Congratulations
to our graduates; hopefully they will attend support group meetings more
regularly to pass along information gleaned from PALS.
Scheduled Events
ASGNVA
Monthly Meeting – The next
monthly meeting is June 7. I will try and have a program prepared. Are you curious as to what type of program I
would do? Come and see. I double-dog dare you.
15th
National Amputee Golf Association Combo Classic Golf Tournament - Fairfax County Parks Twin Lakes Golf
Course, 6201 Union Mill Rd., Clifton, VA 20124, June 10-11, 2005, call 703-631-9099,
ext. 206 or e-mail: kirk.mason@co.fairfax.va.us. Directions: take
Beltway Exit 54A (Braddock Road) west approximately 11 miles to left on Union
Mill Road, entrance is on the left (http://www.fairfaxcounty.gov/parks/maps/twinlakesmap.htm).
ACA Annual Educational Conference &
Exposition - Don’t miss this exciting event! Mark
your calendar and make your plans today to attend the ACA 2005 Annual
Educational Conference & Exposition, August 11-13, 2005, Dallas, TX. Changing Direction: Leading the Way to
Better Care is the theme of 
the 2005 conference, and issues related
to amputation, pain control, technology, fitness, gait training, and advocacy
will be covered in 3 days of nonstop sessions, events and social activities.
Learn how the ACA is working for you in DC as we launch the largest advocacy
campaign in ACA history!
All
conference events and activities will take place at the beautiful Fairmont
Hotel in downtown Dallas. The ACA has secured a discounted room rate of
$100/night plus taxes. To reserve your room, please call the Fairmont toll-free
at 800/441-1414. If you have special needs, please book early. There are a
limited number of accessible rooms and shower chairs available, and they will
be booked on a first-come/first-serve basis.
Area Access 22nd
Anniversary Open House – Area
Access will be holding it’s 22nd Anniversary Open House at their
Headquarters location in Manassas (7131 Gateway Court, Manassas, VA 20109,
703-396-4949 or 1-800-333-AREA) with lots of great prizes, gifts and more. I
attended one year and, without buying anything, ate lunch and won a gift card
to Home Depot, not to mentioned that I looked at lots of mobility equipment and
got lots of ideas. So here’s the
information for you:
|
When |
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Where |
7131
Gateway Court, Manassas, Virginia |
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Directions |
From Route
66, take Exit 47A (Route 234 South, Business). Turn left at the light at Balls Ford Road. Drive 1.2 miles to Gateway Court and turn
right. Area Access is straight ahead. |
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Prizes,
Gifts and More!!! |
|
|
Free
Service |
Free
Scooter cleanings and free labor on all minor repairs performed during our
Open House. Our trained technicians
will check your tire pressure, adjust and lubricate your chain and belts (if
applicable), test your battery, inspect all connections and structural
components and inspect your trunk lift, if requested. |
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Parts-20%
Off |
Batteries
are specially priced at $79/each installed for most scooter batteries. |
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Refreshments |
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Results! Why, man, I have gotten a lot of results.
I know several thousand things that won't work. – Thomas Alva Edison, US
Scientist/Inventor (1847-1931)
Calendar of Events
May 2005 |
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1-31 |
Mental Health Month, National
Mental Health Association and National Council for Community Behavioral
Healthcare, 2001 North Beauregard Street, 12th Floor, Alexandria, VA 22311,
(800) 969-6642, www.nmha.org
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2 |
Happy
Birthday to Helmut Bernat!
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3 |
Amputee Support Group of
Northern Virginia (ASGNVA)
– First Tuesday of the month, 7:30-9:00 p.m., 2990 Telestar Court Building,
Gemini Room, Falls Church, VA. Contact Beth Harris, 540-439-3656,
betheharris@earthlink.net or asgnva@earthlink.net. |
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6 |
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7 |
Fredericsksburg
Area Amputee Support Team (FAAST) – Second Tuesday of the month, 7:00-9:00 p.m., The
disAbility Resource Center, 409 Progress Street, Fredericksburg, VA.
Contact Greg Wright, 540-899-2655 or 800-333-4102. |
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8 |
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12 |
Happy Birthday to Jeff Schaffer!
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13 |
Happy Birthday to Joyce Hawes! |
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15 |
Happy Birthday to
William Carter!
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17 |
Washington
Amputee Association (WAA) – Third Tuesday of
the month, 6:30-8:30 p.m., National Rehabilitation Hospital, 102 Irving
Street, NW, Washington, DC, Ground Floor Dining Room (rear section, near the
windows and behind the partition). Contact Roy Dwyer, 301-897-2816. |
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18 |
Kernan Hospital
Amputee Support Group
– Third Wednesday of the month, 6:00-8:00 p.m., SCI Gym Room G604, Kernan
Hospital, 2200 Kernan Dr., Gwynn Oak, MD. Contact Mark Senker at
410-581-7027.
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24 |
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25 |
Happy Birthday to
Patrick Dolan!
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26 |
Ability With
Mobility – Last Thursday of
the month, 6:00-8:00 p.m., 2nd floor, Adventist Rehabilitation Hospital of
Maryland, 9909 Medical Center Dr., Rockville, MD. Contact Sandy
Shehadeh, 240-864-6200. |
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30 |
Happy Birthday to Minor Twyman
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June
2005 |
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3 |
HAPPY
BIRTHDAY TO ABDELGANI HAMID! |
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6 |
HAPPY
BIRTHDAY TO ELIZABETH SEYMORE! |
|
7 |
Amputee Support Group of
Northern Virginia (ASGNVA)
– First Tuesday of the month, 7:30-9:00 p.m., 2990 Telestar Court Building,
Gemini Room, Falls Church, VA. Contact Beth Harris, 540-439-3656,
betheharris@earthlink.net or asgnva@earthlink.net. |
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8-14 |
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11 |
HAPPY
BIRTHDAY TO PAULA GOLLADAY! |
|
14 |
Fredericsksburg
Area Amputee Support Team (FAAST) – Second Tuesday of the month, 7:00-9:00 p.m., The
disAbility Resource Center, 409 Progress Street, Fredericksburg, VA.
Contact Greg Wright, 540-899-2655 or 800-333-4102. |
|
15 |
Kernan
Hospital Amputee Support Group – Third Wednesday of the month, 6:00-8:00 p.m., SCI Gym
Room G604, Kernan Hospital, 2200 Kernan Dr., Gwynn Oak, MD. Contact
Mark Senker at 410-581-7027. |
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16 |
HAPPY
BIRTHDAY TO BRENDA BLAKE! |
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19 |
HAPPY
BIRTHDAY TO CHUCK RATTMAN |
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20 |
HAPPY
BIRTHDAY TO BUD ATCHISON! |
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21 |
Washington
Amputee Association (WAA) – Third Tuesday of
the month, 6:30-8:30 p.m., National Rehabilitation Hospital, 102 Irving
Street, NW, Washington, DC, Ground Floor Dining Room (rear section, near the
windows and behind the partition). Contact Roy Dwyer, 301-897-2816. |
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26 |
HAPPY
BIRTHDAY TO JACK MYERS! |
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30 |
Ability With
Mobility – Last Thursday of
the month, 6:00-8:00 p.m., 2nd floor, Adventist Rehabilitation Hospital of
Maryland, 9909 Medical Center Dr., Rockville, MD. Contact Sandy
Shehadeh, 240-864-6200. |
"Every person is responsible for all the good within the scope of
his abilities, and for no more, and none can tell whose sphere is the
largest." – Gail Hamilton
"So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem
improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become
inevitable." – Christopher Reeves
Pain, Depression Often Travel Together
Question: For
the last several years I’ve been suffering from terrible pain. It all started,
I believe, from over 20 years of physically demanding work as an aircraft
mechanic.
I finally had to quit and have spent
the last three years of my life in and out of doctor’s offices and have had
many surgeries to relieve my pain, with little in the form of relief to show
for it.
I’m really depressed about the
possibility that this is the way that I will live the rest of my life. Is there
anything that I can do?
Answer: Chronic
pain is defined as a condition that lasts 3 months or more beyond the usual
recovery period for an illness or injury, or pain that goes on over months or
years as the result of a chronic condition. As you may have already learned,
chronic pain is a source of frustration for health care providers due to the
difficulties in meeting the needs of those afflicted. Chronic pain also has an
effect on family members, and if severe enough can undermine or threaten one’s
financial security.
Often accompanying the physical pain
is emotional distress that may be manifested as severe depression and anxiety.
The physical pain for some becomes entwined with debilitating mental illness,
increasing the complexity of management and often requiring providers with
special expertise in this area.
The intensity of the pain that you are
experiencing is sadly magnified by the fact that you are one of 86 million
Americans who are experiencing chronic pain, with a projected annual cost to
society of up to $90 billion dollars per year.
The treatment of chronic pain requires
a team approach to achieve success. The team may include a physician who is a
specialist in pain management (such as a neurologist, a physiatrist, or an
anesthesiologist). There are mental health professionals who also participate
as experts in rehabilitation. And, of course, the team members include the
individual with chronic pain and his or her family.
One goal in the process to increasing
the patient’s functionality is providing some level of relief. In addition, the
team must work to manage the expectations of patients and family. For many,
total elimination of pain might not be possible. You need to be wary of any
organization or product that promises total relief – these could result in
needless expense or unnecessary treatments and procedures that make the
situation worse.
Working with your family doctor and a
pain management specialty group remains your best alternative or relief from
your intense pain. The Froedtert & Medical College Pain
Management Center, under the direction of Robert
Kettler, MD is an excellent resource for consultation. You can
reach the pain center at 414-805-6150. You can also visit the websites of the American Academy of Pain Medicine or the American Board of Pain Medicine.
Managing
Your Emotions While Living With Chronic Pain
When
chronic pain intrudes on your life, you may feel overwhelmed by intense emotions.
Panic, grief and anger are just a sampling. Like the pain that spawns them,
these emotions can linger and transform you into a different person. A person
you don't like. A person no one likes.
When you see that your own words and
actions convey anger and bitterness, your sense of self-worth takes a plunge,
and your relationships suffer as well. Your strong, negative emotions also can
produce changes in your body that sap your energy and intensify your pain. Your
pain and unhappiness also may trigger cycles of difficult emotions and
dysfunctional behavior in those around you.
Now for the good news. There are
healthy ways to deal with your inevitable and understandable negative emotions.
If you take advantage of these techniques, you not only will improve your
relationships, but also may become more effective at managing your pain.
Admit
Your Loss - For many people, the first step
in dealing with negative feelings is to admit that the feelings exist. That's
very difficult for some people to do, especially in a culture that often
praises the optimist and criticizes the complainer.
If you're grappling with chronic
pain, one of the earliest and most wrenching emotions you experience is a deep
sense of loss. You may miss:
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The healthy person you once were
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Your independence
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Your privacy
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Job satisfaction
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An enjoyable hobby
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Sexual intimacy
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Untroubled family relationships
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Gatherings with friends
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Feelings of energy and confidence
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A sense of happiness
These are difficult losses. You may
feel as if nearly everything precious to you has vanished. Your natural
response is to grieve. Grieving can trigger various feelings. Even within a
single day you may experience several different emotions.
Many people respond to chronic pain
with the same feelings that typically accompany the loss of a loved one:
Denial. You may
deny that pain is an unavoidable part of your life. You continually seek a cure
or quick fix, even though you've been told your pain is incurable or requires a
long-term program of rehabilitation.
Anger or
frustration. You've tried numerous ways to control your pain and
nothing seems to be working. You find yourself more irritable more often. You
get upset when others don't seem to understand what you're going through.
Depression. You
become overwhelmed by feelings of sadness, worthlessness and helplessness. You
don't feel like doing anything, and you have difficulty concentrating. You
withdraw from others.
Guilt and
shame. You sense you're not the person you used to be; you feel
that you're failing those closest to you.
Acceptance. You stop
focusing on things you can't change and begin to look to the future. You accept
that your pain is a part of your life.
You may
come to terms with your pain more easily if you:
-
Recognize your losses as serious. Don't trivialize them.
-
Admit your feelings to yourself and others — to supportive
family members and friends, as well as to your doctor. Acknowledging and
talking about your feelings is the first step toward emotional health.
-
Give yourself time for emotional healing, and ask your
doctor, a counselor or a therapist for advice and help.
Manage
Your Anger - Unrelenting pain, interrupted sleep, unsuccessful
treatments, job woes and insurance battles — a lot of things can make you
angry, especially when you're in pain. But, it's unhealthy to stay angry,
bottle up your anger or express it with explosive outbursts.
Mismanaged anger can hurt you in
many ways. Whether it's short-term and intense or lingering and subdued, anger
causes your body to release chemicals that can lead to headaches, backaches,
high blood pressure, irritable bowel syndrome and other health problems. Anger
can also influence your pain. It typically produces muscle tension, making it
difficult to relax.
Here are some ideas to help you
manage your anger:
Identify
your anger triggers. If, for example, a visiting friend generally
manages to upset you, knowing this ahead of time can help you prepare for the
next visit. Think about discussion topics that spark your anger and practice
what to say to defuse the situation. For example, if your friend starts to
bring up a past dispute, you might respond by saying, "Oh, we've discussed
that before. Certainly we've got more interesting things to talk about."
Identify
symptoms of emerging anger. What do you do when you start to
get angry? Do you clench your teeth? Do your neck and shoulders begin to tense
up? Use these symptoms like a caution light—a warning that you're getting
angry.
Respond
appropriately to your symptoms. When you find yourself becoming
angry, take a short timeout. Count to 10, take a few deep breaths, look out a
window — anything to buy time so that your brain can catch up with your
emotions, and you can think before you act.
Give
yourself time to cool down. Before you confront the person
who's made you angry, find a way to release some of your emotional energy. Go
for a walk, listen to music or clean the house.
Don't
bottle up your anger. If your anger stems from what someone did or said,
talk directly to that person. Don't verbally attack the person with accusations
and a history of how this person has angered you in the past. Deal only with
this episode, and approach it from the perspective of how you feel instead of
what the person did. For example, try a statement like this: "I feel hurt
by what you said." That way, you're more likely to find a receptive
listener than if you launched a blame-offensive statement, such as: "You
insulted me for the 20th time today!"
Find
release valves. Look for creative ways to release the energy
produced by your anger. These might include listening to music, painting or
writing in your journal.
Seek
advice. If anger-provoking situations continue, confide in people
who care about you, such as family members or friends. Ask them to help you
brainstorm possible solutions. You might even try role-playing scenes that
spark your anger so that you can practice a healthy response.
You can't keep yourself from getting
angry, but you can manage your anger so that it doesn't become an ongoing
problem that aggravates your pain.
Practice
Positive Thinking - To help you cope with the
upsetting emotions that chronic pain can produce, try positive self-talk.
Self-talk is the endless stream of thoughts that run through your head every
day. Some people refer to this process as automatic thinking.
Your automatic thoughts may be
positive or negative. Some are based on logic and reason. Others may be
misconceptions that you formulate from a lack of adequate information. The goal
of positive self-talk is to weed out the misconceptions and challenge them with
rational and positive thoughts.
Here are some common forms of
irrational thinking. Try to identify and challenge these types of thoughts:
Filtering. You
magnify the negative aspects of a situation and filter out all of the positive
ones. For example, you had a great day at work. You completed your tasks ahead
of time and were complimented for doing a speedy and thorough job. But, you
forgot one minor step. That evening, you focus only on your oversight and
forget about the compliments you received.
Personalizing. When
something bad occurs, you automatically think you're to blame. For example, you
hear that a family picnic has been canceled and you start thinking that the
change is because no one wanted to be around you.
Generalizing. You see
a troubling event as the beginning of an unending cycle. When your pain fails
to go away, your thoughts may proceed as follows: "I'll never be able to
do what I used to." "I'm a burden to everyone around me."
"I'm worthless."
Catastrophizing. You
automatically anticipate the worst. You refuse to go out with friends in fear that
your pain will act up and you'll make a fool of yourself. Or, one change in
your daily routine leads you to think the day will be a disaster.
Polarizing. You see
things only as either good or bad. There's no middle ground. You feel that you
have to be perfect or you're a failure.
Emotionalizing. With
this type of distorted thinking, you allow your feelings to control your
judgment. If you feel stupid and boring, then you must be stupid and boring.
You can learn positive self-talk.
The process is simple, but it takes time and practice. Throughout the day, stop
and evaluate what you're thinking. And, find a way to put a positive spin on
your negative thoughts. Start by following one simple rule: Don't say anything
to yourself that you wouldn't say to someone else. Be gentle and encouraging.
If a negative thought enters your mind, evaluate it rationally and respond with
affirmations of what is good about yourself.
Eventually, your self-talk will
automatically contain less self-criticism and more self-acceptance. Your
spontaneous thoughts will become more positive and rational.
Challenge
Your Expectations - Some people are perfectionists,
constantly striving for excellence. These are the homemakers whose houses could
pass a military white-glove inspection, the master welders who pride themselves
on their precision work and the grandparents who never miss their grandchild's
soccer games.
This compulsive perfectionism isn't
the lifestyle for someone with chronic pain. Trying to live up to a
perfectionist's expectations can become emotionally and physically damaging.
Before pain invaded your life,
perhaps you could work 50 to 60 hours a week with no problem, clean your entire
house in two hours and play a set of tennis every Saturday. Now, even part-time
work leaves you exhausted, household chores become intimidating daylong
projects, and tennis is unimaginable.
As long as you compare yourself with
how things used to be, you'll likely feel miserable about your performance.
Your work won't be good enough, and your leisure time won't be enjoyable
enough.
There is a way to keep an upbeat
outlook — become a perfectionist at adjusting your goals. People who don't
adapt to new challenges are more likely to become discouraged and depressed;
those flexible enough to adjust their expectations generally manage to stay
active. "I can't work a full-time job and keep a perfect house," you
say to yourself, "but I can clean up the dirty dishes in the kitchen and
make sure the floors aren't littered with newspapers and clothes."
Whatever new projects you take on,
or goals you set for yourself, don't focus on only the outcome. Learn to enjoy
the process, not just the completion of the task. Look at it as an opportunity
to learn and grow.
Learn To
Assert Yourself - Responding to all of the
challenges of daily life can be difficult. And sometimes, one of the toughest
tasks is learning to say no, even when doing so is in your best interest. To
keep from disappointing others, you do things you know you shouldn't. You spend
all day on your feet shopping with a friend. You agree to stay late at work to
finish a last-minute project. This is passive behavior. You put your thoughts,
feelings and health aside for the sake of others. Passive behavior can stem
from your upbringing and your beliefs about the importance of helping others
and treating them with respect. Or it can result from low self-esteem.
Unfortunately, passive behavior and
chronic pain can be a dangerous combination. When you continually give in to
the wishes of others — at your expense — your frustration can grow, your
self-esteem erodes and your pain increases.
It's possible to stand up for
yourself without being blunt or hurtful to others. How? By behaving assertively
— that is, honestly and openly expressing your feelings, while showing concern
for the feelings of others.
Here's an example: "I miss
spending time with all of you, and I'd like to go golfing with the group. But,
instead of playing 18 holes, I'm going to bow out after nine and wait for you
to finish. I hope you can understand."
Assertive behavior is based on
"I" statements. "I" statements allow you to tell people
exactly how you feel and what you think, without placing blame or creating
feelings of guilt.
Here are some tips for communicating
more assertively:
Observe
your behavior. Honestly evaluate your behavior when speaking with
others. Are there times when you're assertive, such as when talking to a
certain co-worker or family member, or are you always passive or aggressive?
Make a mental note of times when you communicated your needs simply and
directly. When a conversation leaves you feeling unsatisfied or resentful, try
to identify what went wrong so that you can avoid it in the future.
Think
before you respond. When you want to make a statement or you're asked a
question, think briefly about the best way to get your point across
assertively, instead of simply blurting out an automatic response.
Plan for
a difficult situation. Think about a situation you're likely to encounter
in which you'll need to be assertive. Close your eyes and imagine how you'll
respond. What might the person say? What will you say in return?
Pay
attention to your body language. As you practice being more
assertive, observe how you stand or sit, along with your gestures, facial
expressions and eye contact. For example, when talking to someone, do you look
at the person? Or do you stare at the ceiling or floor or out a window?
Boost
Your Self-Esteem - Here are some ways to redirect your thoughts when
you start getting down on yourself:
Structure
your day with goals you can meet. When the day is done, you'll
feel a sense of accomplishment.
Talk with
a friend. Having someone who's willing to take time to listen to you
lets you know that you're valued.
Spend
time with others. It will make you feel more connected and less
alone.
Help
someone. It reminds you that your life makes a difference.
Treat
yourself to something you enjoy. This might be some new music, a
great book or a scoop of gourmet ice cream. Just as you buy gifts for others
who are feeling blue, you need to do the same for yourself.
Spruce up
your look. Try a new hairstyle; buy some clothes. The better
you look, the better you feel about yourself.
List
reasons people like you. It reminds you that you have
special qualities people enjoy.
List
things you do well. Then do one of them.
Living with chronic pain can take a
toll on your mood, outlook, relationships and self-image. It may take a struggle,
but if you can manage your anger, practice positive thinking, challenge your
expectations and assert yourself, you'll find renewed joy and purpose in life.
Human beings, by changing the inner
attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.
William James
(1842 - 1910)
