LOSING
THE
ROSEBUSH
Bruce D. Ario
1994
Rosebush, Ario - 2
Looking Away
The rosebush was planted in the spring
quixotic flower protected by thorns.
In my narrowed garden I sing
replacing grief with a physical thing.
I am a dog without a tail, ox without horns;
the rosebush was planted in the spring.
I cared for it and watched its fling.
The flower is life and my awkwardness scorns;
in my narrowed garden I sing.
A delicate plant with zing.
The flower looks at me and hears my mourns.
The rosebush was planted in the spring,
a gentle emotion pretty thing.
My heart remembers a child and forlorns,
in my narrowed garden I sing.
The flower stands to take me under its wing
over my body and feet with corns.
The rosebush was planted in the spring;
in my narrowed garden I sing.
Rosebush, Ario - 3
Untitled
A brook runs in silence through the woods
moving ever slowly, curvously.
It's pretty in its diminutive state.
Somewhere and sometime
the brook will encounter a larger stream
losing its separateness to a broader power.
I am sad for the brook, and sad for me
we are microscopic to the whole.
But the direction of life leads me toward more,
Becoming a grander scheme of life.
Rosebush, Ario - 4
Untitled
Unmitigated rain swells...
Water is all that can be seen
For miles and miles...
All that the moisture
Brought to life at first
Is now drowned.
My tears flow in a stream down my
Face into the ocean.
The problem. A contributor.
I'll remain in sorrow.
Rosebush, Ario - 5
A Kind of Connection
Your eyes held a different truth
Than the one in my mind.
Your eyes wide and alert
Determined and full of questions.
We could not even find compromise
Nor could we find relief.
Your eyes were summoning me
But too cautiously.
I could not penetrate them.
Your eyes were restrained
Yet held a good vigor.
You reached out for my hand
But your eyes stunned me.
I had to temporarily turn away.
Your eyes were strong.
Rosebush, Ario - 6
So You've Been to the Cross
So you've been to the cross have you?
And you saw my Lord up there too
His pain and anguished screams.
What did you gather up there my friend?
Moments? Lifetimes?
When you were done you closed your eyes
Didn't you?
You could see no way to go on,
Remember
He died for us.
Rosebush, Ario - 7
Promise
I didn't keep a promise I made to you.
Things got tough.
I would like to say it doesn't matter
Perhaps you'll never know.
I tore it all up in my heart;
It's too late.
Changes already felt.
Truly I waited a long time
Biting my lip.
I'll make a new promise;
A new committment is in my hand.
It was mostly hype anyway,
A lot of hard looks.
Don't look away!
A solution is...
Rosebush, Ario - 8
A Taste of Honey and a Taste of Vinegar
After you were there I got a signal
Which eased painful retreat.
I wasn't interested in the fight anymore
Because the harshness of battle had distorted my eye.
It wasn't you I was fighting anyway was it?
I tasted honey.
Four sleepless nights I scattered
Thoughts recklessly around the world I had come to know.
You - out from all else that I could see,
I wanted you to know that I cared.
There was the other, the unfinished business -
Clearing my eye torn apart by pride.
A taste of vinegar soothed the throat.
A taste of honey and a taste of vinegar almost like out of a
brochure.
Rosebush, Ario - 9
Again Dylan
I had to go out and get a needle for my stereo
Because I hadn't listened to Dylan for a couple of weeks
Because my stereo had broken down from playing Dylan too much.
Dylan Thomas?
No, Bob Dylan.
You have to know my life..
He was there when nearly all else fell
He sang my mind
He knew the blow to my heart
So again Dylan and again and again.
Rosebush, Ario - 10
Dusk
The evening sun kisses the sky goodnight
With a farewell of rose colored brilliance.
The bus I'm riding heads east away from the display
So I must look over my shoulder
And back towards the West
As I think about the earth rotating.
The darkness moves in over the streetlights
Suspended somewhere between here and the moon
While children quickly ride their bikes home.
It's Friday night and another week passes.
Rosebush, Ario - 11
Floor
I've been working on floors
After I took that fall
From the sky.
I've been shining them
While I was there
And since I had the time.
I know what it means
To be on
The bottom -
To touch cold ground.
Rosebush, Ario - 12
Grandma
I talked to you last Friday night
And then you were gone.
The snow looks so white;
It's chilly outside.
No more phone calls...
]
No more
admonitions, stories, or worries...secrets.
All of my thoughts trail off
From a loving memory.
You were there when I needed you
You are where you need to be now.
It isn't goodbye
Because death turns to a new relationship...
You are 98 years old and growing
upward.
touch
light
your
trace
I
Your gentle ways pass on...
Rosebush, Ario - 13
Memory: Grandfather
Cantankerous yes. Stubborn yes. Proud yes
You held me in abeyance
While I drifted down time's course
In the recesses of your mind.
I needed your signature in my life
Because we were flesh and blood
I wasn't sure...
So many things...
I had something to say;
You cautioned me against saying it.
Now you are gone
Except in my memory.
Did you learn from me, or did I ever help you
Over that hill which I was climbing?
Silently you went that night in the hospital
Like a sea lion swimming out to sea.
Rosebush, Ario - 14
I'm Lodged In
Roof overhead, carpet underfoot -
No more free wandering.
The river is a
Tap water stream.
The poison of shelterless ideas
Dissipated - stray glances into the air.
Comfortably
Like a hundred-ringed tree.
The only thing is...
I can't forget open skys or endless highways.
Rosebush, Ario - 15
In Brief
The brevity of life
Ticks in my watch
Slapped on my left wrist
And I pick up the pace
Then slow down
To see the Phillips screws on the machines.
Somewhere a cat meows
Longing for attention.
I stand unadorned
Ashamed and half-broken-hearted.
Before I die I must go back,
Back to a spot which may never have been.
Clearly it is a time of warning
For me who dreamed endlessly.
The rosebushes are covered;
It's winter out there.
Someone's telling me,
"Live for today."
I must collect, always collect
Myself who spins like everyone else.
Rosebush, Ario - 16
In the Palm of God's Hand
Through fields of grass and water
Over meadows, streams, and floods,
I have come.
Reading texts, singing hymns, and reciting prayers
Walking down lonely streets under the glow of a light
Rest in the palm.
I've searched, sought, swept clean
And still fought battles
Until I really heard
God's hand.
Rosebush, Ario - 17
It's Over
The way it ends
It sears through skin and bones
LIke they're paper.
It enters the realm of the soul
Where demons
Could pervert my natural way.
Then like golden droplets,
There is a new beginning.
If it goes somewhere
It's all O.K.
Rosebush, Ario - 18
It was You
The way you look at me it's like spikes
Going through my eyes.
No not you...
Someone that looked like you,
Who fell down, fell under, fell over.
The way you look at me it's like spikes
Going through my eyes.
No not you...
Someone who cared, someone who dared,
Someone with whom I shared.
The way you look at me it's like spikes
Going through my eyes.
Not not you...
Someone I made love to.
It was you wasn't it?
Rosebush, Ario - 19
I've been a Word
I've been a word in a poem
A song in the air
And a whisper at night.
The thinness of my soul at times
Has caused me to look
Enviously at handrails or trees.
Don't bump me
While I dissolve;
Give me more time...
Another way to last.
Rosebush, Ario - 20
Just as I Looked
As I looked out on trees,
Sunshine, grass,
And everything else
Outside my hospital window,
I knew I released
The Spirit
To a far better fate
Than to be trapped
Painfully
Inside this confined body.
Why then did I cry such bitter tears?
I kept my mouth shut.
I had let go a gentle friend
And released a kind voyageur
Who had proven too strong
For any fleshy incarceration.
It must really have been God
Who I was witnessing
In that religious experience
Prior to this moment at the window
Because He left me so softly
Like a tear.
Then I knew He wasn't leaving me at all,
A loving Spirit, He was showing me a new way.
Rosebush, Ario - 21
Lofting it into Friendship
I may have had designs, I don't really know.
It's all unimportant now
Because she just wants to be friends.
I've heard the words before -
The sound of a yellow light blinking
Its warning.
Friendship, though, that's not bad.
It could have taken worse turns.
I could be thankful.
Friends is where it ends.
Rosebush, Ario - 22
Looking Inward
I've gotten a sanctuary
Still as the night
Which precedes the dawn.
I am found there
About fifteen minutes before work
In a philospohical twirl
Between sleep and the day
In a building sanctuary room.
With a can of Coke
I unwind and wind.
Hollow walls, hollow lights
You are a pal;
Keep me in your sights.
...knowing I have a place.
Rosebush, Ario - 23
My Coffee and I
At five o'clock I'm off work,
And by five-thirty
I meet my cup of coffee downtown.
I'm on the skyway sipping
From my cup -
So warm and good.
The people I watch below from above
Look like they're part way -
More than nothing, but less than full.
My cup and I finish with a heavy gulp.
Rosebush, Ario - 24
No Sleep
They were up with me last night -
Those who line up in their cars on the highway this morning
With their black-ringed eyes and uneven smiles.
These people have eyes as big as the moon
That they were howling at
Like a fenced in junkyard dog.
People this morning who last night
Stayed awake in their dreams
Staring madly at the ceiling
Until it fell down with the ringing alarm clock.
Rosebush, Ario - 25
Past and Over
I'm just glimpsing at the sights
Out of either corner of my eyes
As I walk through.
It's distinctly buried -
What I tried to bring to the surface -
Like a treasure in heaven.
I'd like to escape if you would
To a new picture...
A ring of life
That's sharp like a surgeon's knife.
Rosebush, Ario - 26
Putting on the Brakes
I saw men twisted turning,
Women looking up
But seeing no sun.
I saw myself on a mountain
Of power
With no top on my head
So I put on the brakes
And saw men smile,
Women breathing relief
The time I put on the brakes.
Rosebush, Ario - 27
Remorseful
Shedding tears over it all
As if to drink
By raining down on the parade.
Marshmellow man realizing somehow
To pay dues
Must mean you have to say you're sorry.
His haircut looks like a bowl
And white sox.
It's a release to believe
Something so evident could fall.
Rosebush, Ario - 28
Sweet Release
I'm looking for sweet release
Like the pitcher's hand
Releasing the ball to the batter.
Alone and stymied
With a mural of sadness
I can barely see the sun and moon.
Flight from my shadow
And beyond the view of the window
Is where I'd like to fly -
Somewhere I'll never ever die.
Rosebush, Ario - 29
The Pink Closet
Walking home I see
The bent branch on the tree -
Looks like a pitcher's arm
About to release a curve.
Waiting for the bus -
The building downtown
Walks up eight or ten floors...
And I am gone.
I think back to my youth
And my secret secrets
Of my younger age
With my sensitivities invested
In rich riches and sweet sweets...
And how I tried to void the pink closet
When I grew older, wiser, sterner.
Then I lay grasping for the pitcher's branch...
I gasped my way through strange buildings.
Just like the pitcher's strike -
As tall as any ten story building -
The pink fell out of my eyes like sand,
And I walked on as a man.
Rosebush, Ario - 30
The Tightrope
High above the artist walks
The thin path over the rope
Miles above the crowd.
Impressive the view,
But dangerous the height,
Still clasping a bar for balance.
Just the purpose
Is as far from his mind
As cats and water
Because he finds himself lost.
Rosebush, Ario - 31
Trickle of Ice in July
There still is a trickle of ice in my bones
Even though it's way past winter and into July.
It just hasn't stopped raining for so long
That I haven't gotten a chance to warm up and enjoy summer.
Winter left a trickle of ice in my life
Causing me to shiver and my soul to quake.
I'm not uneasy or panicky -
Just a little cold because of winter and all.
Rosebush, Ario - 32
You
You, you, you,
I want to say you.
Seems so hard not to say me
Or mine or I got...
I want to say you!
Rosebush, Ario - 33
Gone Away
Beyond a grasp I could contain,
A feeling of greatness and snap.
Too many roses on the bush
Now a single bud.
Rosebush, Ario - 34
My Soul
Wonderment at the roots of life;
To find the eternal flame
What a joy and surprise.
I am exasperated by the search
Especially because it is just begun.
What is found there must be sorted out
Like a pile of laundry ruffled but clean
To be separated individually
And folded or put neatly on hangers
In compartments of my dresser or closet
Like the shelves or rooms of my soul.
I walk through life showing just so much
Of what my life is about
Mostly because there is so much I don't know myself
I go on faith and courage.
Peaceful be my journey
Taking the thorns off the path
Before venturing a walk
Out into the light and open areas.
Rosebush, Ario - 35
The Dog in Heaven
Confronting the contradictions in the Bible
Was quite a proposition
For me - a wannabe Christian.
I didn't like to see
Anything left out of something
So beautiful.
I'm referring to Revelations.
I was O.K. with leaving out
Murderers, idolaters, even the sexually immoral,
But somehow I just couldn't agree with leaving out the
dogs.