Clockwise from top right:

- Strawberry, my repugnant Military Macaw. I had to send him away to live with relatives when I could no longer stand his constant demands and bitching. He charmed me into taking him home, won the hearts of my friends, then proceeded to make my life a living hell when he got too comfortable. (*Males*.)

- Dancer, the parakeet. He was donated to me by a guy I had a crush on. And that was all he ever gave me...the bird.

- Terence the Tarantula. Probably the coolest pet I ever had. Low maintenance, lived many years. I bought him from a homeless guy who was selling him to get money for food (and beer). One of the many perks of working as a waitress in a greasy dive that served the cheapest beer in town.

- Hector the Chihuahua. The cutest dog in the world besides Mr. Winkle. He just celebrated his eleventh birthday. How can something so cute be such a little shit?