HELPING THE JEALOUS CHILD to LOVE THE NEW BABY
PREVENTING SIBLING RIVALRY (cuz once you got it, it's hard to cure!)
HOW TO OPEN THE HEART OF THE JEALOUS CHILD TOWARD A NEW BABY
You're expecting a second child. OH-OH. Sibling rivalry is a reality. How many times have you felt jealous of someone who had all the looks, cutes and attention making YOU feel neglected, like a total nobody? How often have you hated someone solely because they actually were cuter. EVERY second child feels endangered, abandoned, feels that rage, jealousy when another kid arrives.
If you're expecting a second child-- QUICK! You are going to have to memorize the ways you can prevent that noxious weed starting in your children's garden of emotions! You are going to help that older sibling walk down the LOVE path, into sunlight and fragrant flowers, loving relationships & not the jealous path which leads to a permanent bog.
With a little subliminal help from MOM and DAD, the toddler will ADORE the infant. Here's what I'm proposing.
That you first ADOPT the point of view that the JEALOUS SIBLING has just to look at it and understand this BURR of a WEED fully. Acknowledge where you have or HAD some of it going cuz the then you will understand what makes one human suspend jealousy and adore another human who really SHOULD make them jealous as he/she is very pretty, cute, charming witty and fine. But somehow, against all laws of nature, THEY LOVE this terrific fellow because of all that, not INSPITE of it.
So, ever study the subtle reasons that you fall absolutely into adoration and LOVE SOMEONE? What caused you to suspend the jealousy factor and not kill them and hide the body?
1.) You and I ARE magically ALIKE. Two BRANCHES OF THE SAME TREE. OUR SIMILARITY links us. I'm betting the crush on the WONDERFUL person happened when you saw that you had all these qualities of charm, too. And/or that they'd gone thru similar experiences to your own. The fact that this inclines one to loving another is an actual reality. And it is used ruthlessly by gals who 'adopt, very quickly, I might add, the exact thing that the man is talking about and then share it.
Lemme explain. Perhaps the bachelor says 'my father was the bane of my life. He hit me, beat me up.' The smart single gal looking for a hookup will then, at some time real soon, confess that she had that the same thing happen to her, even if it didn't! She will lie like a rug if she has to but confide that her pop locked her in room until homework was finished, denied food if it wasn't. The two lovers instantly share something. He cherishes her, sympathizes with her and this jolt of intense feeling makes him love her.
Sure it seems dishonest, and I'm saying, some dishonest people 'enhance' similarities to that extent and it works. They get others hung up on em.
I know you didn't go that far but tell me, did you ever love someone as they had similars? You both love a certain kind of movies, music? You both flunked 12th grade? You were both in the Breakfast Club? You're both liberals who picket factories? You're both VEGANS who love Woody Allen? No, actually, that's an impossibility. Vegans who love INGMAR BERGMAN is more likely.
I can tell you what opened my heart recently so that I noticed this principle at work. Of all the Summer 2007 kitties, there's one whom I like best. Quick Nicky. He has Aquarius rising, a very rare, small rising sign. Never had a cat born with it. Only happens an hour every day, Aquarius as a rising, Uranus as a ruler confers instant reactions, the smarts, complete understanding of others' minds. Jesse Jackson and Karl Marx had it. It makes one quick and this kitten can move faster than you can see him --in play. No other kitten does that. He can adopt ten postures in two seconds, up in the air, paw swiping, four feet splayed, floating over his ball, kicking it like a hockey player then clawing his way up a screendoor to the ceiling in a flash of excitement like a bird, every posture different and do it all in two seconds flat. I ADORE him realizing what AQUARIUS can do to pep up everybody's life! I'm a SUN IN AQUARIUS so there's primary narcissism at work here. I flatter myself I'm like QUICK NICKY and he's like me! He's my little son, my favorite tyke. C'm'ere Nicky, give yer Ma a kiss!
The utter quirk that similarity should trigger FEELING ---create the HARD HEART UNLOCKING -- is quite human. WE LOVE folks who share our great features or who suffered what we suffered, who somehow are on 'our team', they are similar people. They are folks who went thru what YOU WENT THRU.
So make use of it. TELL the toddler that the infant is going to have his unique qualities too. Best is to wait til the infant is showing some of these features. Look how he grabs his bottle, just like you did. Look how he hates spinach, just like you did. You wouldn't eat it.
II. THE INFANT NEEDS BIG BROTHER/ SISTER.YOU ARE SOLE PROTECTOR, YOU ARE THE HERO. Another sympathy engendering 'cause' is when someone needs you, they're endangered, ill, weak, sick, and you're the sole protector. Your chest swells with pride. You're the hero, the big man. No sacrifice is too great. In fact, the more sacrifices you invest in the weak one, the more you love them and will always love that little critter cuz you took care of it, fought for it. It's alive because of YOU. IN ROMANCE, you'll note that mainly MEN feel this kind of empathy. They are inspired by a woman in danger, her pain, suffering, sadness is visible. He becomes stalwart. Protection, love and laughter is what the hero brings to the relationship.
So my point is, make use of these many sympathy-engendering MOODS when the new baby is born, swathing the older, now-in-danger-of-being-boring-to-parents-toddler in 'the new infant is just like you! (elan!) Baby has your smarts cuz he's your borther. He will grow up to have your same wonderful wit, he's your little clone. To sell that point, use a cookie-cutter to make two gingerbread men, identically. Your little brother is going to be studying you carefully even when he doesn't know that he's doing it, as he will want to learn to be like you.' You're his only hope of being somebody. What you teach him.
Next, feature or 'promote' or 'sell' the big strong hero protection gambit as being scarily NECESSARY.. 'I won't always have time or see when things go wrong, so you're the infant's sole protection.' Dangers exist in this world. When you were a baby, x happened. Nobody was there to tell me. Baby is so lucky to have you!
I need great brains like yours to tell me other things that make us fall in love, so we can use that on TODDLERS!
Sign me, Anita at astrology at earthlink dot net!
<------- BACK TO THE BABY INDEX