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Well, I can't say this is one of my prouder days as a Marylander.
Maybe some of you non-Marylanders have seen the surreal CNN footage on the story I am about to relate.
Our state's current comptroller (and former governor and Baltimore mayor) is an 84-year-old piece of work named William
Donald Schaefer known for outlandish and insulting behavior. I would tell you his whole story -- how he was a cult hero as
Baltimore mayor, cruising the streets in his limo and calling in on his mobile phone to lop off heads when he found a large
pothole or a pile of uncollected trash; how he had half the bus-stop benches in town painted with his name; how he has insulted
everyone from people of color to women; how he had a longtime (out of wedlock) partner named Hilda Mae Snoops (seriously,
that was her name) who moved into the Governor's Mansion with him but is now deceased -- I'd tell you his entire unbelievable
story, but there isn't time or space. So let's just say that Willie Don, as folks here in Charm City like to call the man
who has settled into his later years as comptroller, is a strange critter known for strange behavior.
But this week he outdid himself. As I said, maybe you caught the footage as it ran again and again on CNN. Here is an
account from the Baltimore Sun [2/17/06]:
"During Wednesday's Board of Public Works meeting, attended by the governor and more than 100 state officials, workers
and journalists, Schaefer requested that a 24-year-old executive assistant to [Governor] Ehrlich bring him tea. After placing
the beverage on the table in front of him, she turned to leave, but he called her back. He had one more request.
"'Walk again,' he said, and as she obliged, the comptroller appeared to gawk at her as she left the room.
"Schaefer unleashed a string of harsh words at journalists who asked about the incident later. She 'ought to be damn
happy that I observed her going out the door,' Schaefer said. 'The day I don't look at pretty women is the day I die.'"
The Sun story went on to quote various infuriated onlookers and political sages as to how it is that Schaefer seems able
to get away with such pre-Neanderthal conduct. The consensus seems to be that everyone expects him to be an asshole and that
the Maryland electorate has gotten accustomed to it. Amazing, but, I believe, true. No doubt his legendary (and popular) crotchety
charisma also makes him hard to touch.
But the other factor, I think, is Marylanders' historically low expectations for their politicians. This is the state,
after all, that brought us not only Spiro Agnew (yes, I admit it) but also his felonious fellow governor Marvin Mandel, who,
unlike the "nolo contendere" Nixon henchman and tax evader, actually did time for mail fraud and racketeering.
Maryland's compost-like political cachet is further ripened by current Governor Robert Ehrlich, a beady-eyed Bush-Lite
Republican already known for his administration's Rove-inspired sleazoid tactics -- coercing state employees to toe the hard-right
Republican line; having an assistant who spawned an Internet campaign of vicious and untrue allegations of marital infidelity
regarding Ehrlich's arch-rival, Baltimore's popular Democratic Mayor Martin O'Malley; Ehrlich's issuing an edict permanently
forbidding all state employees to speak to a particular Sun reporter who had been critical of Ehrlich -- if you're not from
Maryland, trust me, Ehrlich sleeps under a rock.
In the case of Schaefer's above-mentioned public humiliation of Ehrlich's young female assistant, Ehrlich's response to
date, rather than to demand Schaefer's apology or resignation, has been to shrug and tell everyone to get over it. Local pundits
seem to think this is because Governor Ehrlich covets the favor of the conservative Democrats loyal to Comptroller Schaefer,
whose votes he will need in a tight re-election race against his challenger, the previously mentioned Mayor O'Malley. (Are
you still with me here? Drink some coffee.) How's that for a classy boss: hanging his sexually-harassed female assistant out
to dry for the sake of political calculus.
The young woman has, so far, been silent, although there are reports that her father is madder than hell.
I tell you all of this only as a way of saying that Maryland, my current home state, is a political outhouse. So if you
are wondering how it is that a state comptroller can politically survive such vile behavior, and why a sitting governor would
let him, you'll find the answer in the heavy stench hanging over the Baltimore Harbor on windless days.
But it's a nice place to visit. Truly. The blue crabs here taste great. If you don't think about what they eat.
© 2006 Bruce A. Jacobs (Posted 2/18/06)
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