Faces

Freddie (Fred Draper) By the way, Jeannie, what do you charge?

Jeannie Rapp (Gena Rowlands) Freddie... Aw, Freddie... Aw, Freddie... Aw, no, Freddie... Don't spoil it, Freddie, please.

Freddie Spoil what? Honey, I'm game for anything. I just wanna know how much you charge. It's legitimate, isn't it? I know I have to pay. I'm not too schooled in these thngs, but I know that somewhere along the line, your little hand is going to find its way into my pocket. You're shocked, aren't you, old Dickie, old pal? What do you think she is? You think she's some clean towel that's never been used? My God, Dickie, you think you don't pay? How many times a week does Maria ask you for some money? Money, child, is a necessity, and don't you think that you don't work for it and pay for it. My God, what, what is this? He thinks I'm insulting you. I'm offering you. Hell, look, what's the matter? If I went to one of those fancy restaurants, I'd probably tip the headwaiter, the waiter, the busboy, and a hundred bucks goes flying down the drain--and I couldn't have any more fun than I could with Jeannie here.

Richard Forst (John Marley) What do you want to drink?

Maria Forst (Lynn Carlin) Well, whatever it is, I want it on the rocks, straight and dirty, because I feel very very bitchy tonight.

Richard Well, I feel very very bitchy too. That makes two of us.

Maria There's a Bergman film in the neighborhood.

Richard I don't feel like getting depressed tonight.

Richard No place like home.

Maria What?

Richard I said, Have you ever been to Rome?

Richard Why did the man throw, throw the clock out of the window, huh? He wanted to see time fly.

Richard What does Dracula do every night at midnight? He takes a coffin break.

Richard What is it that, that weighs five thousand pounds and it's got a stick through it? A hippo popsicle.

Richard What is it that's black and white and red all over?

Maria A newspaper.

Richard No, a zebra's ass.

Richard I want a divorce. (Maria starts laughing) Did you hear what I said?

Maria laughing Oh, Dickie...

Richard I want a divorce! (Maria stops laughing) That's the only thing to do, isn't it? Well, why don't you laugh? It's funny!

Comedian (O. G. Dunn) I just wanted you to see my suit. Seersucker. Sears made it. You're looking at the sucker that bought it.

Comedian The postman came with a letter and, uh, told me that the Great Society was having a war on poverty. So, uh, I told him, If that is true, I want to be the first to surrender.

Jim McCarthy (Val Avery) We had a couple of bimbos with no... Actually they were, they were very nice girls. They reminded me a lot of you two.

McCarthy Do you realize that ex-convicts and jailbirds are the ones that write all the limericks?

Stella (Elizabeth Deering) Not all of them.

Joe Jackson (Gene Darfler) Aw, don't argue with Mr. McCarthy, miss.

Stella Jimmy Arno, he wrote a couple that were really funny. Didn't he, Jeannie?

Jeannie That's right. He did.

McCarthy Jimmy Arno?

Jeannie Mm-hmm.

McCarthy Jimmy Arno? Not the Jimmy Arno?

Stella Do you know him?

McCarthy Never heard of him.

McCarthy How did we get into this?

Jackson How did we get into it? How the hell do we get out of it?

Jeannie Mr. McCarthy, if you don't get out of here, I'm gonna call the vice squad.

McCarthy Hey, remember? We're the vice squad.

Jeannie Come on and take a bath.

Richard I don't want a bath!

Jeannie No bath? No bath?

Richard No bath. People drown in bathtubs.

Richard I think we were all created evil! Then some... or some wise guy, some, uh, a leftwinger, or a, a union organizer comes along and tells us that we were all created good, we were all created in His image.

Jeannie You're a son-of-a-bitch, do you know that?

Richard Why am I a son-of-a-bitch?

Jeannie Because you get to me.

Chet (Seymour Cassel) Like Christ said, you know, Help thy neighbor, man.

Billy Mae (Darlene Conley) He's the one that said that?

Louise (Joanne Moore Jordan) Billy Mae, what difference does it make who said it?

Chet What difference does it make who said it? It could've been, uh, it could've been him, it could've been Gandhi, it could've been Buddha, it could've been Spooda, it could've been your daddy, it could've been your mama, it could've been your uh-uh, it could've been your huh-huh... What difference, man?

Billy Mae They are scared of you. They are.

Chet Really?

Billy Mae They are scared of your youth and your, uh, spirit and your build. They think that they are the kings of the earth, and they do not want you taking away our place, see?

Chet Well, I don't want it.

Florence (Dorothy Gulliver) You know, these dances, these wild crazy dances--I think they've succeeded where science failed. 'Cause you know, I can go to a beauty parlor and sit there for hours having my hair done and my nails polished, but I don't feel any younger. I might look it. These dances, these wild crazy dances--they do something to me inside.

Jeannie Skinny people are not like fat people. Fat people are jolly. Right?

Richard Wrong. Skinny people are happy because they're not fat.

Richard You're not fat.

Jeannie What?

Richard You're voluptuous.

Richard Jeannie, do me a favor. Don't be silly anymore. Just be yourself.

Jeannie But I am myself. Who else would I be?

Richard I'm serious.

Jeannie Definition of serious: Blah blah blah blah...

Richard You get laid once and everything is solved! Get all the soldiers in Vietnam laid and the whole Middle East problem is solved!