The Birds

Melanie Daniels (Tippi Hedren) Just what is it you’re looking for, sir?

Mitch Brenner (Rod Taylor) Lovebirds.

Melanie Daniels Lovebirds, sir?

Mitch Brenner Yes. I understand there are different varieties. Is that true?

Melanie Daniels Oh yes, there are.

Mitch Brenner Well, uh, these are for my sister, for her birthday, see, and uh, as she’s only gonna be eleven, I, I wouldn’t want a pair of birds that were... too demonstrative.

Melanie Daniels I understand completely.

Mitch Brenner At the same time, I wouldn’t want them to be too aloof, either.

Melanie Daniels No, of course not.

Mitch Brenner Do you happen to have a pair of birds that are... just friendly?

Mitch Brenner I just thought you might like to know what it’s like to be on the other end of a gag. What do you think of that?

Melanie Daniels I think you’re a louse.

Mitch Brenner I am.

Annie Hayworth (Suzanne Pleshette) Did you drive up from San Francisco by the coast road?

Melanie Daniels Yes.

Annie Hayworth Nice drive.

Melanie Daniels It’s very beautiful.

Annie Hayworth Is that where you met Mitch?

Melanie Daniels Yes.

Annie Hayworth I guess that’s where everyone meets Mitch.

Cathy Brenner(Angela Cartwright) Mitch knows a lot of people in San Francisco. Of course, they’re mostly hoods.

Lydia Brenner (Jessica Tandy) Cathy!

Cathy Brenner Well, mom, he’s the first to admit it. He spends half his day in the detention cells at the Hall of Justice.

Lydia Brenner In a democracy, Cathy, everyone is entitled to a fair trial. Your brother’s practice—

Cathy Brenner Aw, mom, please! I know all that democracy jazz. They’re still hoods. He has a client now who shot his wife in the head six times. Six times! Can you imagine it? I mean, even twice would be overdoing it. Don’t you think?

Melanie Daniels Why did he shoot her?

Mitch Brenner He was watching a ball game on television.

Melanie Daniels What?

Mitch Brenner His wife changed the channel.

Mitch Brenner I’d like to see you. Maybe we could go swimming or something. Mother tells me you like to swim.

Melanie Daniels How does Mother know what I like to do?

Mitch Brenner I guess we read the same gossip columns.

Mitch Brenner What do you want?

Melanie Daniels I thought you knew. I want to go through life jumping into fountains naked.

Melanie Daniels On Mondays and Wednesdays I work for the Travelers Aid at the airport.

Mitch Brenner Helping travelers?

Melanie Daniels No, misdirecting them.

Mother in Diner (Doreen Lang) Why are they doing this? Why are they doing this? They said when you got here, the whole thing started. Who are you? What are you? Where did you come from? I think you’re the cause of all this. I think you’re evil! EVIL!

Cathy Brenner Mitch, can I bring the lovebirds in here?

Lydia Brenner No!

Cathy Brenner But Mom, they’re in a cage.

Lydia Brenner They’re birds, aren’t they?