Intro
I'm conceited enough to believe I know good poetry when I see it or hear it. What follows is not good poetry,
just a few things I've written over the years when the inspiration hit me. I also wrote a few country songs
that I wanted to include here but I'm afraid that in the course of moving umpteem times they have been lost
to the ages. I recall the refrain to one, though, and a few verses. At the time I wrote it, someone told me
it was revolutionary. Or was that "revolting?" It goes like this:
Honey, I Ain't Artistic
Refrain
I don't want to see another Van Gogh Painting.
I don't want to know who threw up on the wall.
If that's what culture is, then I'm refraining.
I guess I'm not your kinda guy at all.
Verses
Honey I ain't artistic --
I'm no deeper than a puddle of dew.
And I never knew what culture was
Till I hooked up with you.
I'm just a plain ol' country boy
With ideas all my own
I think it's best if you get dressed
And leave me here alone.
Repeat Refrain
You met me in a bar room --
I was settin' on a stool.
I think you liked the way I looked.
I know you made me drool.
You bunked with me that ev'ning.
Then brunched with me next day.
Now this ole cowboy's back on beer --
You can keep your Chardonay!
Repeat Refrain
Farewell to the museums,
Long-haired concerts, too,
Public television
And your worldly point-of-view.
You tried to make me over,
Into what, I hate to guess,
I think it's time for you to go.
Hey, wait girl, here's your dress.
Here are the lyrics to another country song. I was able to retrieve them from an old recording talented
musician Mitch MacKay made and sent me. For an insider's look at the Nashville music scene, read Mitch's
book Johnny Heartache or the
Songwriters' Guide to Music City. It's interesting, insightful, and entertaining.
The Best Part of Me
There's a hole in my heart
As deep as the ocean
Where my sweet little darlin' used to be.
And I'm falling apart
Since I got me the notion
That I was tied down and had to be free.
She cried when I told her,
Begged me to hold her,
And collapsed when I gave her my key.
And I know when I lost that little girl
I lost the best part of me.
There's a whole in my life
As big as a mountain
Since that day I walked out the door.
Now, I'm down and I'm out --
The referee's stopped his counting.
They'll have to scrape me up off of the floor.
There's no chance of forgivin'.
I just can't go on livin'.
There ain't no place that I want to be.
And I know when I lost that little girl
I lost the best part of me.
Jeez, I wrote them about twenty years ago. I wrote quite a few country gems in a three or four month span. Even
went to the studio with a couple of them. Mitch MacKay, who was playing around Nashville at the time, incorporated
a couple -- The First Drink's the Sweetest of All and Best Part of Me -- into his act and for a while a record of
First Drink was on the juke box at At The Hop, a bar then owned by Franky Poulus and Kenny Weidner, in Dover, NJ,
my home town. And there was my baseball song, What Have You Done To My Yanks, which I recorded with a bunch of
friends. It received quite a lot of attention for a week or two. Ahh, they were the halcyon days. It was great to
be in the spotlight, even if I didn't get my full 15 seconds. Anyway, as insignificant as all this stuff is, a
site about my lousy writing would be incomplete without it, so...
Metaphorically
Speaking
Don't tell me it's the color
Of a dress your sweet love wore
Or that fond memories
It rekindles at first sight.
Don't waste your time pursuing
The perfect metaphore.
Just say it straight out -
The fucking snow is white!
From the collection Swamp People
Mama's Untimely Dying
Hurry, call the ambulance
'Cause Mama's 'bout to die.
She told us all this morning,
Though she didn't let on why.
Maybe it's a stroke--
She has one of them a week.
Her doctor don't believe it,
"That dumb-ass rag-head Siek."
Or one of her diseases--
Lupus, Graves, or Crohns.
She's attacked from every angle--
Her heart, her lungs, her bones.
What? A change of plans, now?
Turn the ambulance away?
Mama says she won't be dying--
It's beauty parlor day.
For My Aunt
Upon Her Retirement
There was an employee named Nancy
Who was feeling decidedly antsy.
She said, "I'm going to retire,
So, until I expire,
I can do whatever I fancy."
Mr. Bottomley
Well, Mr. Bottomley
Your frontal lobotomy
Has been a great success.
Frontal Lobotomy?
Yes.
Frontal Lobotomy?
Yes.
Frontal Lobotomy? Yes?
Yes! Thanks to me
Mr. Bottomley
And your frontal lobotomy
You've been relieved
of all torment and stress.
Frontal lobotomy?
Yes.
Frontal lobotomy?
Yes.
Ohhh, frontallobotomyyes!
