Path: madeline.INS.CWRU.Edu!usenet.ins.cwru.edu!b62535.STUDENT.CWRU.Edu!adm4 From: adm4@po.cwru.edu (Teral Acorn) Newsgroups: alt.devilbunnies Subject: Trouble at Teral's Place Date: Thu, 18 Jan 1996 06:06:14 GMT Organization: CWRU Lines: 92 Message-ID: NNTP-Posting-Host: b62535.student.cwru.edu "What do you mean we're out of SPAM? [chitter] We bought two cases yesterday..." "Yes...." the quartermaster chittered meekly, "And that'd last at least a week, but the science division requested half --" "What now?" Teral ground the tip of his spear into the cement in frustration. It was one of the new ones, so it made a small hole instead of splintering, which was much more satifsfying. "You'd have to ask them, Teral, they don't tell me *why* they want it. [flick] Bad as it ever was in UCirc. But the fact is --" "I know, I know. We need more SPAM to feed the bunnies. [flick] Can't they eat carrots or something?" Teral waved off a reply, "I know, I know. Do it, and next time science comes your way tell her to talk to me *first*." The squirrel nodded and ran off to do... whatever. "Damn bunnies," he muttered to himself, "eating us out of house and hole, should've killed them all. Should kill them all now." But there were several reasons why that wasn't an option. Well, it was an *option*... Damn Loren. He'd been sure a couple hundred bunny test subjects would patch things over, make him forget about all this silly 'treason' and 'theft' nonsense. Sure, but wrong. The transports limped back, scarred with scorch marks from lasers and explosives, all the bunnies still in their cages, perfectly intact. And hungry. Don't forget hungry. Teral wished *he* could. Squirrels got hungry, too, but *squirrels* could eat algae. *Squirrels* could forage for acorns or grass or whatever the scouts are. But nooooo... the bunnies wanted SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, carrots, and SPAM, and refused to eat anything else. He'd tried to starve them into submission, but then they'd look at you with those ky00t little eyes and wiggle a pink little nose... and the next thing you know the guards are smuggling in bottles of snapple. And after they'd been put on 'recycling' duty it took a whole week for the next group to be subverted. So finally he just told them to go to supply and give the bunnies what they wanted -- after all, there was plenty of SPAM in the storerooms. Had been, anyway. Damn bunnies. Not useless, not quite -- they'd dug out the new wing twice as fast as a construction team could've, even if they'd had the equipment, and they were cooperative enough when asked about bunny ops in the city (not that they knew much) -- but not worth the trouble. But what was he going to do with them? He couldn't kill them off -- not if he wanted to stay in charge. The new generation of squirrels was distressingly susceptible to ky00tness. He couldn't keep feeding them -- even with carrots and other veggies they'd drain the last of his embezzled funds before another month was out, and they *couldn't* eat the algea. He couldn't just let them go... Teral wandered out into the hallway with the vague idea of checking with science, but stopped in shock as he saw a squirrel walking down the hallway with a bunny kit. Not that the guards didn't take the kits on walks around the warren all the time, to visit their parents (mothers, mostly -- the troopers had brought their families, and the female troopers apparently didn't breed, much) or just for exercise. Usually, though, they didn't let them play with their lasers. Teral scurried over to see what was up. "Bang!" the bunny said, pointing the laser at him and pushing the button, "You're dead!" Teral scrambled for his laser and managed to fumble his spear and send it sailing down the tunnel... then noticed that the guard was laughing at him. "I took out the battery, [flick]" she said, "But you should've seen the look on your face..." Teral took several quick gasps to catch his breath, then yanked the laser out of the bunny's paws and handed it to the guard. "So instead of actually arming the enemy, you're just letting him disarm you, is that what you're saying?" "Disarm me?" the squirrel chittered, looking hurt, "What am I gonna do, shoot a poor helpless little kit?" Helpless? "You're a meeeean skworreel," the kit said, glaring at him and wiggling his whiskers just so, "You bad!" Teral had to concentrate to keep from feeling like a jerk, and while he was shaking off the Cutons... "Look, now you got him upset! [chitter] That's okay, Zippy, I won't let the mean squirrel hurt you..." The guard gave the laser back to the bunny and glared back at Teral as they scurried/hopped off. What was the warren coming to? =-------------------------------------------------- Teral Acorn Warren leader, Gaia help me