------------------------------------------------------------------------ BIO 502 Newsgroups: alt.devilbunnies From: adm@accessone.com (Chit) Message-ID: <5dudc3$6c@kanga.accessone.com> Date: Thu, 13 Feb 1997 18:40:54 GMT Organization: hashing with chaining The professor (the honorable Dr. Khyron Busheytail (no relation [ruffle]), considered the foremost expert on the squirrelvirus by, well, himself, not that everyone else wouldn't as well if they bothered to pay any attention to his work) stepped up on the platform and faced the class, for the most part young would-be mentats (or at least scientists, since it was unlikely that SFU would begin approving squirrel application any time soon) after the free tenth of a credit they recieved for attending an optional lecture. He cleared his throat. [payattentionflick] Hey! [angryflick] Shut up! All of you shut up!!! The room went quiet. It was permitted (and not unknown) for a speaker to cancel an optional lecture at any time up until three hours after its conclusion... so it was best to at least pretend to pay attention. "I trust you're all here for the lecture on Evolutionary Microbiology? [flick] Anyone who isn't can leave now." He paused for about a second. No sense tempting fate... "Good. Close the doors and hit the lights." The room darkened, and the image of a flock of flying toasters filled the screen behind him. He jiggled the mouse and the screen went blue. "Oh dear. [chitter] Er..." He fiddled with the computer, and managed to make the screen change from blue to black. [sigh][click] "Turn the lights back on. We'll do this without visual aids." There was a low murmur that might have been a groan. "Now, before I begin, I'd like to see what kind of students we have here... how many biologists do we have? Raise a forepaw, please..." No one moved. "Any chemists?" Maybe one. No, no... he was just scratching his ear. "Er... physicists?" That got a few paws. He sighed... it would have to be one of *those* lectures again... well, at least it would be short. "Then I'll begin by explaining what Evolutionary Microbiology is. We" not *quite* an exaggeration, even if most of the microbiologists had been sucked into the weapons program "study the process of enhacing macrobiotic systems through the introduction of genetic vectors on the subcellular level... "In other words, we create viruses. [flick] or rather, we study the *process* of creating viruses, rather than specific applications -- with one exception, does anyone know what that is?" Someone raised a paw, and Khyron motions for him to speak. "The weapons project. [flick]" Khyron frowned. "No. No, not that... that's more of a standard microbiological undertaking... not so much altering genetics as destroying all life on earth." The class was silent. Several glanced at the security camera. "NO! What I'm talking about is the squirrelvirus! You all know about the squirrelvirus, right?" Someone raised a paw. "Yes?" "So.. like... I was wondering... I mean, if you invented the squirrelvirus, but you wouldn't be intelligent without the squirrelvirus, then..." "Oh, we didn't invent it altogether. It was created by modifying the existing bunnyvirus... rather heavily, yes, but much simpler than creating a virus from scratch. I don't think anyone can do *that*. [amusedflick] Does that answer your question?" "Well... OW! Hey! Stop that..." The commotion went on for several seconds as the squirrels subdued their classmate. "Very good. [grinflick] Now... where was I?" "You were about to sum up? [flick]" "No. [glower] Let me check my notes." He took a step towards the computer, which was now smoking slightly. He took a step back, and a deep breath. "I'll explain the squirrelvirus, then, since you seem to be so interested. Not that it's a particularly complex example, but it's one that I'm sure you're all familiar with, and it's probably best to start simply in any case. [flick] "The squirrelvirus is an example of what we in the field like to call the 'clipboard' method of genetic engineering... it was created by... yes, yes, what is it? [impatientwiggle]" "I thought no one knew how it was invented?" "Well, it's true that the original lab notes vanished during the revolution, and are presumed destroyed, but we've since gained a good understanding of the principles and methods behind it's design by studying the virus itself and its effects. "But to get back to the subject, rather than invent the gene sequences necessary to obtain the desired effect, the devilbunny mentats... yes, yes, what is it?" "So why haven't you given us all vorpal claws?" There were murmurs of assent from around the room. "Well... [uncomfortablewiggle] There are certain... technical considerations..." "I want vorpal claws!!!" "Me to! Me to!" "Now stop it! Be quiet!" "And fangs!" "And wings!" "And fiery breath!" "Look, in evolutionary microbiology it's best to work slowly..." "And armor plating!!!" "And x-ray vision!" "And gills!" "OUT, OUT! GET OUT! ALL OF YOU OUT!!!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Usenet Web 1.0.3 (development) / webmaster@netimages.com