Phil's Little Blog on the Prairie

Here's an e-mail I received from a congregation that I'll be preaching at next month. It's pretty representative of the kind of response I get when I talk about raising lifelong Unitarian Universalists:

Hello Rev. Lund,
I am so pleased that you will be speaking to our Fellowship.... Thank you for accepting our invitation.... Our Fellowship has several new families with children who have joined recently so the topic of "Raising kids to be life-long UU's" will be very relevant. You may be interested in a comment by one of our program committee members when I shared this topic. In true UU spirit he asked rhetorically, "Should we?" So I expect there will be some lively discussion following your presentation.

Hmmm. Lively discussion following a presenation. At a UU Fellowship? Nothing too surprising there. And truth is, I can totally understand the hesitation. After all, ours is a free faith--free in the sense that one has the right to use one's own reason when deciding whether or not to accept a religious tradition, any tradition, even our own. This is how Thich Nhat Hanh puts it in the third of the fourteen mindfulness trainings of the Order of Interbeing called "Freedom of Thought":

Do not force others, including children, by any means whatsoever, to adopt your views, whether by authority, threat, money, propaganda, or even education. However, through compassionate dialogue, help others renounce fanaticism and narrowness.

Not forcing children to adopt our views, even through education, does seem to be one of the underlying values of our religious education programs. And I wholeheartedly agree with it. But when I'm talking about raising lifelong UUs, I'm not talking about radically changing the content or the underlying values of our religious education programs, I'm talking about changing the way our congregations support families. And part of that support is encouraging them to have real conversations about what matters most in our lives, such as the values we choose to live by.

So here's my formula for raising lifelong UUs. Parents should: one, teach their children the values we share as a liberal religious people of faith; and two, teach them that being part of a multigenerational community of faith can be a positive force in their lives. And how do parents teach these things? According to the Youth & Family Institute, there are four keys for nurturing faith at home:

Caring Conversation
Family Devotions
Family Service
Family Rituals and Traditions

I'll be writing more about each of these in the coming weeks. Something to think about in the meantime: How can congregations help families with each of these keys?
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I've mentioned Roland Martinson's eight key faith factors for keeping youth in a faith tradition several times in the past (Tuesday, August 31, 2004, Tuesday, September 14, 2004, Wednesday, March 9, 2005, Wednesday, May 11, 2005, and my sermon The Future of Our Faith: A 50/50 Chance), and I've generally emphasized how important it is for youth to be mentored by adults of mature faith other than their parents. And while good mentoring programs should be a high priority for congregations interested in retaining youth as lifelong Unitarian Universalists, parents still play a primary role. Here, for example, is the abstract for an article by Carol E. Lytch published in the Spring 2005 issue of Family Ministry: Empowering Through Faith. (Though the title, "The Role of Parents in Anchoring Teens in Christian Faith," makes it clear that the research was conducted on Christian congregations, I think the basic premises apply to Unitarian Universalism.) Lytch says that

Certain factors in religious socialization predict that teens will embrace the faith of their congregation and parents. Based on a year-long ethnographic study of high school seniors in three congregations (Catholic, evangelical megachurch, Methodist) in Louisville, Kentucky, research confirms what national surveys have shown: while teens are heavily influenced by their peers, popular culture, the advertising industry, and music, parents remain the key influence. Parents anchor their teens in Christian faith by 1) maintaining a rule, "Our family attends church every weekend," 2) establishing a youth group participation rule--especially for younger teens--and facilitating their attendence, 3) supporting their teens as they try to maintain a Christian identity across more public institutional settings, especially high school, and 4) building social capital by establishing a network of their teens' church friends' parents. Teens may be old enough to make a religious commitment, but most are not mature enough to establish the habits that will sustain that choice. They need adults to help them become skilled and disciplined in the religious practices that will cultivate a mature Christian faith that will sustain their adult lives.

I can't help but wonder why we UUs are continually bewildered by our inability to retain youth in our denomination when so many studies like this make one thing abundantly clear: youth "need adults to help them become skilled and disciplined in the religious practices that will cultivate a mature...faith that will sustain their adult lives." So, rather than spending too much time following the recommendations of the Commission on Appraisal ("The Commission recommends that the UUA commission a thorough study of why the church loses so many of its young people"), or expending too many resources on the upcoming Consultation on Ministry to and with Youth, let's really look at what our fellow faith communities have already discovered to be true, that youth need people of mature faith (parents and congregational members) to help them develop the kind of faith that will stay with them for their whole lives.
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In an essay published in the Journal of Liberal Religion entitled "Preliminary Conclusions in the Search of Philosophical Grounds for Contemporary Unitarian Identity,"* Neville Buch tells the story of being "approached by the Professor of Systematic Theology at the Joint Faculty of Theology affiliated with [his] university, and [being] asked 'I would like to understand what the chief contemporary basis of Unitarianism is, as distinct from the historical developments.'" What is the chief contemporary basis of Unitarian

Universalism? I've been thinking about this question ever since my first post about this essay.

And ever since I saw Richard Grigg's book To Re-Enchant the World A Philosophy of Unitarian Universalism mentioned in the May/June 2005 issue of the UU World, I've wanted to check it out, hoping that it might point toward an answer. Well, I haven't read it yet, but Clyde Grubbs has, and his review (Read This Book!) makes me think that Grigg may be on to something. Grubbs says that Grigg

argues convincingly that Unitarian Universalist congregations accomplish the unique task of bringing members into inter-subjective relationship with many different spiritualities, and this interaction helps deepen those members own understanding and practice.

Now that does sound like contemporary Unitarian Universalism at its best. And it's something you probably won't find in any other religious organization. I'm definitely going to check out Grigg's book now, especially as I prepare for a sermon I've tentatively entitled "What's Your Excuse?"

I plan on starting the sermon with this quote from Henry Wilder Foote's "The Unitarian Movement in North America,"

Because Unitarianism calls for a fairly high level of intelligence and a spirit of independence, and, when sincerely accepted, requires ethical relations of a high order, both among individuals and in society, the Unitarian movement has always been small....

Then I'll ask the rhetorical question, "What's your excuse for contemporary Unitarian Universalism being so small?" Because most folk aren't... Smart enough? Rich enough? Independent enough? Ethical enough?

Seems to me that any excuse for our small numbers is bound to be elitist (as Foote's is, in my opinion)...except for one: our practice of "inclusive pluralism." After all, it's "the inherent worth and dignity of every person." There just aren't many religions around these days who say that with no strings attached. We do, or at least we aspire to. And if that's the reason we're small, so be it.

*JLR's archives are being updated, do if you'd like a copy of Buch's essay, e-mail at psdlund@earthlink.net and I'll send you a pdf of it.
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When it comes to making visiting families feel at home in a new congregation, it takes more than sprucing up the building and grounds, providing adequate parking, and training greeters to give guests a special welcome. According to Charles Sell, professor of religious education at Trinity Evangelical Divinity School and author of the book Family Ministry, “the heart of family ministry is the nature of the church…the atmosphere that is felt, the way people relate, the kind of examples the leaders show.” In short: “Family ministry is best done in” congregations that are “family-like.”

What makes a congregation family-like? Sell believes that “to be effective in family ministry,” congregations must share some of the same qualities as “healthy families,” qualities like: commitment to one another, appreciation for one another, clear communication, desire to spend time together, concern for everyone’s spiritual wellness, and the ability to cope with stress and crisis. One of the best ways to develop these qualities in a congregation is through covenant groups, small groups of 8-12 people who meet regularly for the express purpose of: forming deeper, more intimate relationships; sharing spiritual struggles and growth; deepening religious commitment; ministering to each other, learning from each other, and supporting each other. A great resource for developing covenant groups is Robert L. Hill’s The Complete Guide to Small Group Ministry. And a terrific online resource for all things small group is the Small Group Ministry Network. I especially like Peter Bowden's essay "Toward a True Lifespan Ministry." Helen Zidowecki also has a wonderful small group ministry section on her website.

Supporting small group ministry is a sure way to create the kind of congregational atmosphere that helps families flourish.
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The very first item I posted on this blog was the Vision Statement of the UUA's Lifespan Faith Development Staff Group. The statement comes in two parts: a list of the "four strands" that go into a faith development program; and seven characteristics of a child, youth, or adult whose life has been shaped by such a program. Usually when I mention the statement, I go straight to those seven characteristics, not because the four strands aren't important, but because the characteristics are thoroughly described and relatively easy to understand. But it seems there still needs to be some explication of the four strands--Ethical Development, Spiritual Development, Unitarian Universalist Identity, and Faith Development. Fortunately, Judith Frediani, Director of the Lifespan Faith Develompent Staff Group, has come up with some bullet points that really give a sense of what these four strand mean. So with her kind permission, I give you the elements of the Four Strands of Lifespan Faith Development that will be woven through the UUA's new Tapestry of Faith curricula.

UU Identity: Sharing the Living Tradition

Universalist Heritage: love, faith, hope
Unitarian Heritage: freedom, reason, tolerance
UU History
Principles and Sources
Grounded in religious community
UU Identity personal, communal, traditional

Spiritual Development: The Longing of the Soul

Feelings of wonder, awe, mystery, holy
Connection to God, ultimate, transcendence
Sense of being part of something larger
Spiritual mindfulness, spiritual practices
Worship, rituals, sacred texts
I and Thou

Ethical Development: Becoming Our Best Selves

Live out our values and Principles
Moral agency: make the world a better place
Right Relationship
Good citizens of wider communities
Good stewards of religious community
Good stewards of the earth

Faith Development: Growing in Faith Together

Making meaning and finding purpose
Acting on values, reflecting on action
"The Big Questions"
Exploring, articulating one's thelogy, philosophy, beliefs
Knowing what I set my heart to
Finding a sustaining faith in UUism

I really do like this way of looking at faith development because it gives us all plenty to work on as we become mature persons of faith (an unending process if there ever was one).
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