Signs that you are too drunk


I think we've all been here.

    1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects
    2. You have to hold on to the lawn to keep from falling off the earth
    3. Job is interfering with your drinking
    4. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream
    5. Career won't progress beyond being a senator from Massachusetts
    6. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat
    7. Sincerely you believe alcohol to be the elusive fifth food group
    8. 24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case - a coincidence? I think not!!
    9. Two hands and just one mouth - now that's a drinking problem.
    10. You can focus better with one eye closed
    11. The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar
    12. You fall off the floor
    13. Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops
    14. Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger - screw dinner.
    15. Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you
    16. At AA meeting you begin meeting with "Hi, my name is . . . . uh . . . ."
    17. Your idea of cutting back is less salt
    18. You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom and you fell asleep fully clothed.
    19. The whole bar says "Hi" when you come in
    20. Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more attractive
    21. Roseanne looks good
    22. Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of a glass
    23. Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you
    24. You wake up in Korea in August and the last thing you remember is Fourth of July party at the Halekulani in Waikiki
    25. The shrubbery is drunk too from frequent watering.


    Return to the main menu of jokes on this site