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Parenting – Bedtime Woes
by You have spent all day looking after the children - feeding them, washing clothes, picking up after their mess, listening to their whining and temper tantrums, managing their various behavior problems - now the day is over, don't you deserve a bit of peace and quiet and some quality time with your partner? All you ask is that they go up to their room, go to bed, and STAY there! One out of three children just refuses to go to bed before their parents! So, if you are in that situation, here are some pointers that might help: First, you need to establish how much sleep they actually need. Most children under 12 need about 10 to 12 hours sleep (the younger they are, the more they need). However, some kids just seem to need very little. If that is the case with yours, ie, they genuinely function well on, say, 6 or 8 hours sleep, there is just no point fighting with them to go to bed 4 hours before they need to - all that will happen is they get up four hours earlier and wake you up then, instead! Once you have established a reasonably bedtime, you then need to decide that you are going to stick to it! Kids will exploit any weakness. If they see a chance to manipulate you into giving them an extra hour they will use any and every tactic they can think of to wrangle that from you: they will ask for a drink, say they are scared, need to pee, ask a question, anything, in fact, that might get you to feel guilty or sorry for them so that they can either stay up later, get more attention, or get to sleep in your bed. Don't give in. Clear about the rules? Okay, the third step is to put this into practice. Establish a bedtime routine. Again, the younger they are, the more important this is. Start well before the target bedtime and lead them through the steps: getting changed, doing teeth and bathroom, reading a story, lights out. Be willing to give them your full attention during this routine. Finally, put the lights out, whether they are asleep or not. Be firm and calm. Make it clear that you expect them to stay in bed. Some children can’t sleep in the dark room; so leave the door open or a night-light for them. If your child likes music, you could put on some gentle, soothing music too. The real challenge for parents is when the child gets out of bed after all that or calls for your attention. If the reason is genuine, attend to it without giving much attention otherwise he will use this excuse more often. Children are inventive; they will invent excuses, problems. One way to tackle this is to set a timer and tell them that you will check on them in ten minutes, if they stay in bed. The trick is to begin with a small time and then gradually increase it. Make sure you live by your promise, but don’t overstay. Just come and tuck them in, caress them and leave. If the child takes very long to sleep you may have to repeat this routine twice or thrice till he falls asleep. You can go on increasing the intervals till he is asleep. In the beginning it will involve a lot of work, but if you do this consistently then they will learn to stay in bed and it will become part of the daily routine. Remember to be positive by praising your child for staying quietly in bed. Also, be very particular about keeping your promise by going to check exactly at the time fixed. This is where the timer comes in handy. Finally, if your child gets up before your next check, you could do the following: First, be firm and send him back to bed. Don't get flustered and don’t shout; just make it clear that you are serious. Then remind him that you will be up to tuck him in again, but after the ten minutes which will start now. Having done that, just ignore him until the time for your next check. Finally, remember to reward them for success in staying nicely in bed. A star chart or similar works well for this. Dr. Noel Swanson's website provides free expert parenting tips & advice - just sign up for his newsletter and get a free chapter of his book, The GOOD CHILD Guide. Why not discuss parenting issues with other parents on a parenting forum? Feel free to grab a unique version of this article from the Unique Articles Submission Service Article Source: ArticlesNetwork.com |
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