You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.

- --Frank Zappa

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

- --Ernest Hemingway

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

- --Winston Churchill

He was a wise man who invented beer.

- --Plato

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

- --Catherine Zandonella

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

- --W.C. Fields

Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.

- --Lady Astor to Winston Churchill

Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.

- --His reply

Sir, you're drunk!

- --Lady Astor to Winston Churchill

Yes, Madam, I am. But in the morning, I will be sober and you will still be

ugly.

- --His reply

If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.

- --David Daye

Work is the curse of the drinking class.

- --Oscar Wilde

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

- --Henny Youngman

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

- --Benjamin Franklin

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.

- --Deep Thought, Jack Handy

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

- --Dave Barry

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.

- --Humphrey Bogart

Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.

- --David Moulton

People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot.

- --Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.

- --Kaiser Wilhelm

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.

- --Homer Simpson

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen,

for

example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.

- --Dave Barry

I drink to make other people interesting.

- --George Jean Nathan

They who drink beer will think beer.

- --Washington Irving

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

- --For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemingway

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

- --Dean Martin

All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.

- --Homer Simpson