PunkSlam RED HOT CHILI PEPPER innerview

[click on the 'jumping dog'...]

P U N K S L A M

Red Hot Chili Peppers

RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS

STORY BY KIKI MORETTI

PUBLISHED BY LOUIS ELOVITZ

Start

our INNERVIEW

right now...

COULD YOUR PEPPERS PASS

THE RED - HOT - CHILI - TEST ?

WE ARE AT THE POSH LONG BEACH ARENA

WHERE TONIGHT WE HAVE SECRETLY REPLACED THEOLD R.H.C.P.'s

BAND WITH A MORE FULL-BODIED NEW AND IMPROVED

R.H.C.P.'s BAND.

LET'S BUST A RAP AND see how they are doing ...

D.H. PELIGRO and band

ANTHONY ...ORIGINAL LONG HAIR R.H.C.P.

FLEA ...WHERE ELSE WOULD HE BE BUT HERE?

JOHN FRUSCHANTE ...NEW R.H.C.P. ...L.A.'s BEST !

D.H. PELIGRO ...Dead Kennedys' DRUMMER >>>

Kiki) SO JOHN, HOWZ IT FEEL TO BE RED HOT & A PEPPER ?

J) (sic) FUCK, SHIT, PUSSY, CUNT, BITCH, FUCK MUTHFUKE !

Kiki) IS THAT HOW YOU HOOKED-UP

WITH THE GUYZ ?

J) YEAH- WE DID A THREE MAN BUTT-FUCK

WITH ME & FLEA & ANTHONY AND I WAS THE Lucky Pierre !

Kiki) ARE YOU AWARE THAT YOU CAN'T CUSS ON cable tv

J) WELL I KNOW YOU CAN CUSS IN MAGAZINES !

Kiki) O.K. WELL- I'LL PUT YOUR CUSS IN THE MAGAZINE

J) O.K.- WELL THEN THE REAL ANSWER TO THE QUESTION IS....

RHCP'SRHCP'S when along comes anthony RHCP'SRHCP'S

A) STOP ! EXCUSE ME, DO WE HAVE A PROBLEM HERE ? IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO TO SUSTAIN THE SITUATION?

Kiki) ANTHONY, IS THIS SHOW THE NEW LINE-UP DEBUT ?

A) THIS SHOW WAS PROBABLY THE BEST SHOW EVER PERFORMED BY ANY ROCK 'N ROLL FUNK BAND IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND

WITH THE EXCEPTION OF ONE SAM COOKE SHOW THAT I SAW IN THE BASEMENT OF A CLUB IN ROCHESTER, N.Y.-YEAH WE ARE THE SECOND BEST SHOW IN THE H.O.M.E.

Kiki) THIS CURRENT LINE-UP OF THE CHILI PEPPERS HAS ..

.

<anthony to john>

A) WHAT ? YOU ALREADY TOLD HER ABOUT THE LINE-UP ?

Kiki) OH, I ALREADY KNOW ABOUT THIS LINE-UP.

A) OH THAT LINE-UP ! WELL WHAT WE'VE GOT GOING ON HERE IS

A NEW LINE-UP BECAUSE WE ARE CARRYING ON WITH OUR CAREERS,

OUR LIVES AND THE JOY OF EXISTENCE.

TONIGHT -I'M GOING TO

LET YOU IN ON A

MAGICAL MOMENT

TONIGHT- IN THE MIDDLE OF A MEDLEY THAT WE DO-

JOHN MADE THE HAIRS ON MY SCROTUM RISE TO THE OCCASSION !

J) IT WAS REALLY A MAGICAL MOMENT !

Kiki) I FELT IT !

A) YOU FELT IT ? ............

<turns to John>

DID SHE FEEL IT ?

J) DID SHE FEEL IT 'CUZ I FELT HER FEELING IT !

Kiki) YES, BUT DID D.H. SPLIT ALREADY- AND HAS HE FELT IT?

A) DIRTY- DOUBLE DELICIOUS D.H. !

MASTER OF THE KINGDOM OF DILDOS ! YO- DOUBLE DELICIOUS- DIRTY MALICIOUS !

Kiki) THIS MAN NEEDS NO INTRODUCTION IF YOU'RE INTO THE D.K.'s

WELL IT'S NOT A HOLIDAY IN CAMBODIA, BUT D.H.- WELCOME

TO Xposer World Wide Mediums!HOWZ IT FEELIN' ?

D.H.) I'M FEELING HAPPY HAPPY

BLACK AND NAPPY, KINDA'

LIKE A HORSE NAMED TRIGGER !

A) D.H. YOU'RE SETTIN' YOURSELF UP FOR SOME WILD RHYMES !

D.H.) AND A BULL-ASSED NIGGA', WANNA RIDE !

Kiki) SO, D.H., WILL YOU TELL US HOW YOU COME

FROM ROTTING VEGETABLES TO BE A PEPPER ?

D.H.) <singing to the Beverly Hillbillies' Theme>

"WEEEELLL- IN 1819 WE TOOK A LITTLE TRIP, WE WENT ON DOWN TO THE MIGHTY MISSISSIPP,

WE GOT A LITTLE WIIIINNEE, NEXT THING YOU KNOW I WUZ A CHILIPEPPER-

CHILLIN' 'N COOLIN' SOOOO FIIIINNNEE ! ...

D.H., ANTHONY & JOHN IN HARMONY

...FIIIIIIINNNNNEEEE !!!

Kiki) D.H., FROM THE D.K.'s TO THE RED HOTS !

D.H.) WELL YOU KNOW IT JUST KINDA' STRIKES ME AS LIKE A
HOG GREASIN' KINDA' SLAP- WILD, SLAP- HAPPY WOOOO- WOOOO-WOOOO

KINDA' CRAZY THING THAT IT TRANSFORMS VERBALLYBUT STILL YET HAS

ALL THE PUNK ENERGY AND ALL THE ACTION, OF A, A, A, ...

A: <hugging D.H.> YOUR TALKING TO A MUSICAL MOLECULE

WHO IS CAPABLE OF A SCIENTIFIC ALTERCATION AT ANY MOMENT.

HE COULD BE PLAYIN' SKIN PICCALO BT NEXT TUESDAY.

Kiki) COULD WE GET THAT ON FILM TOO ?

HAS BEING IN THE R.H.C.P.'s INFLUENCED YOUR LIVES B'SIDES SEX, DRUGS, & PUNK 'N ROLL ?

A) IT'S TAKEN ME FROM THE POINT OF DEATH- YOU CAN'T IMAGINE HOW IT'S CHANGED OUR LIVES ! IT GIVES US SOMETHING

TO LIVE FOR- A REASON TO SPAN THE NATIONS- TO SWEAT OUR

EMOTIONS OF JOY, HAPPINESS AND SORROW IN FRONT

OF THE PUBLIC NIGHT AFTER NIGHT AFTER NIGHT !

J) WHAT A FEELIN' ! I ALSO HAVE A FEELING MY REPRODUCTIVE
ORGAN HAS GROWN AT LEAST ONE INCH IN THE LAST 3 MONTHS- YEAH !

Kiki) HEY, IT'S GIVING ME ANOTHER FEELING !

ANTHONY, D.H., & JOHN IN KEY & HARMONY:

"SHE'S GOT THE FEELIN'- GOT THE FEE-LIN'

GOT THE BONEN' IN THE BONEYARD-YEAH IT'S ALRIGHT- YEAH YEAH !"

D.H.) LET'S HEAR IT FOR THE KNUKLE-HEADS OVER HERE !

Kiki) OVER THE YEARS THE BAND HAS HAD ITS STRUGGLES SO HO...

<john, anthony>

"YOYOYOYOYEAHYEAHYESSSYESSSYESSS

YESSSYEAHYEAHYEAHAAAYAAAAAAYAAAAAA !!!!!!!!"

SUDDENLY EVERTHING IS IN CHAOS ! I'M IN THE MIDDLE

OF A R.H.C.P.'s TRAIN-UP 'N

DOWN 'N DRY HUMPED ALL AROUND ! I'M BEING GRABBED FROM BEHIND... GASP ! ...

HELP- HELP- I'M BEING ATTACKED BY TWO HANDS !!

<anthony & john>

YES, YES, YEAH, GIVE IT TO HER- GIVE IT TO HER- GIVE IT TO HER- GOGOGOGOGO !!!!!!

OH- NO ! I THINK IT MUST BE...

< r.c.h.p. chant >

GIVEITTOHERFLEAGIVETOHERFLEAGIVEIT

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NO- NO- IT'S GOTTA' BE NO-

NO- FLEA ! FLEA !
MY UNDERWEAR- NOOOOO!!!

< all 3 in harmony >

YEAHYEAHYEAHYEAH

Kiki) LISTEN HERE FLEA

<struggle struggle>

STOP- CATHOLIC SCHOOLGIRL

<struggle struggle>

<fall to floor together>

YOUR DICK

<struggle>

Kiki) FLEA GRABS & WRESTLES ME,

FIGHTING FOR THE POSSESSION OF MY PANTIES !

AND WHAT A FIGHT- MELVINS AND ALL !

I WAS PULLIN' 'EM UP & HE WAS PULLIN' 'EM DOWN !

AFTER A TIRING LONG STRUGGLE- FLEA FINALLY SURRENDERED

A) FLEA IS A BAD BOY !

Kiki) BAD BOYS GET SPANKED- HARD FLEA BOY !

<r.c.h.p. in harmony>

BADBOYBADBOYBAD

BOYBADBOYBADBOY!

Kiki) FLEA DROPS HIS SHORTS AND

WITH THEM DRAGGING AROUND HIS ANKLES,

COMES RIGHT AT ME !

GASP ! AND HEAVY BREATHING AS FLEA

AND HIS PENIS DRY-HUMPS MY VIRGINAL KNEE !

Kiki) HOT, SMOOTH & TIGHT WASN'T IT FLEA ?

Flea) IT WAS- REALLY! AND I LIKED THOSE LIGHT-BLUE

PANTIES YOU'VE GOT GOING THERE

Kiki) LIGHT- BLUE ? OH LOOK- YOU'VE CRUSHED MY QUESTIONS !

F) I'M SORRY- I DIDN'T MEAN TO- TO- TO PUT YOU ON THE SPOT !

<big grin on face>

WELL I JUST- YOU KNOW- GOTTA' JUST GO WITH THE FLOW !

Kiki) SO, NOW BEFORE OUR STRUGGLE ...

A) HAS THERE EVER BEEN A STRUGGLE, HAS LIFE BEEN A

STRUGGLE, HAS EVERYTHING BEEN A STRUGGLE ? CAN YOU

HANDLE IT FLEA ? ARE YOU GONNA FLIP OUT ? ARE YOU GONNA

KEEP STRUGGLING TILL THE DAY YOU DIE ?

OH- NO ! I THINFlea) WELL, IT'S A LONG PERPLEXING STRUGGLE !

D.H.) I HAVE SOME GIN HERE I'D LIKE TO SELL TO ANY JOCKS WHO WOULD BUY SOME !

<d.h. holds up a cloudy bottle of yellow something>

A) HEY- THAT'S CITRUS GATORADE !

Flea) STRAIGHT UP- THAT'S ANTHONY PEE & WE SELL IT FOR $10.00 A BOTTLE !

A) WHAT CAN I SAY ?

SOME BANDS DO T-SHIRTS- WE DO

BOTTLES OF PISS !

Kiki) YOU'VE BEEN WORKING WITH THE 2 SAME PRODUCERS ...

A) YES WE KEEP ALTERNATING BETWEEN

BARRY MANENUFF & BARLEY MANENUFF.

Flea) AND NORM !

Kiki) THOUGHT ABOUT PRODUCING YOUR OWN MATERIAL ?

A) WE LOVE PRODUCTION, WE PRODUCE AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE.

Kiki) FLEA, DO YOU PRODUCE ?

Flea) YES I PRODUCE ALL SORTS OF THINGS !

A) IF YOU'D LIKE PRODUCTION NOW-

I COULD PRODUCE

THINGS FROM INSIDE MY POCKET !

Kiki) SO, WHEN CAN WE EXPECT YOUR NEXT PRODUCTION ?

A) I WOULD PRODUCE AN ERECTION IMMEDIATELY

AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE- LIKE RIGHT NOW !

Kiki) THAT WOULDN'T PRODUCE MUSIC UNLESS SOMEONE WAS JAMMIN' ON IT !

A) MUSIC IS AN ERECTION & IF YOU LOSE YOUR MUSICAL ERECTION

YOU MAY AS WELL TUCK YOUR MUSICAL APPENIS

BACK IN YOUR PANTS !

Kiki) SUDDENLY I'M THROWN

INTO ANOTHER R.H.C.P. TRAIN- OWWWWW- WOWOWOW-

I'M BEING ATTACKED- AGAIN- BY EVERYONE !

ON THE FLOOR- ROLLING AROUND- ALL THE CHILI PEPPERS ON TOP OF ME- ALL OVER ME-

DRY-HUMPING

ME HERE & THERE !

IT'S ALL TOO MUCH FOR ME- DRY-HUMPING ME-CAN'T TAKE IT VERY MUCH LONGER ! OH, GOWD, I CAN'T BREATH AND I'M BEING MOLESTED ! I FEEL LIKE A RAG-DOLL !

THIS IS GONNA LOOK SO GOOD ON FILM !

<we get up & adjust our bustier>

Kiki)LISTEN I GUESS IT WASN'T VERY HARD FOR YOU TO DROP YOUR PANTS

FOR ABBEY ROAD ALBUM WAS IT ?

A) CAN I TOUCH YOUR CHEST ?

FLEA PRODUCES A USED JOCK-STRAP AND OFFERS IT TO ME ...

Kiki) IS THAT FOR ME ? YOU MEAN I GET TO KEEP IT ? REALLY ?

I'LL NEVER WASH IT EVER AGAIN- I PROMISE !!!

A) ARE YOU ROLLIN' ? ARE WE ROLLIN' IS THE TAPE ROLLIN' ?

Kiki) YOU LIKE HENDRIX AND WHO ELSE ?

A) WE LOVE HENDRIX, JAMES BROWN, STEVIE WONDER, MILES DAVIS, BOB MARLEY, FISHBONE.

WE LOVE THE BAD BRAINS & WE LOVE OUR MOTHERS !

Kiki) AND ...CATHOLIC SCHOOLGIRL ! WHO WROTE THE SONG ?

A) I WROTE THE LYRICS BECAUSE IF YOU NOTICE THE ACTUAL LIMITATIONS

AND REFLECTIONS OF THE REPRESSION

AND SUPPRESSION WITHIN A RELIGIOUS FORMAT,

& YOUNG GIRLS THAT ARE PUSHED

INTO A CORNER AND TOLD NOT TO DO THE YOU KNOW WHAT,

THEN THEY EXPLODE IN A SEXUAL FRENZY

UNABLE TO CONTAIN THE PANTIES TO THE POINT THEY ARE JUST MAD,

WILD, MALICIOUS, SEXED- FIENDS, AND...

(back) THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS TO MOST GIRLS WHO ARE CATHOLIC SCHOOL GIRLS ! (next)

Kiki) OH- IS THAT WHY THEY WEAR

A BRAAND DON'T PUT A SHIRT ON- LIKE ME ?

A) OH GOD I DON'T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT !

Kiki) I'VE BLOWN IT- I'VE SHOWN ALL OF YOU MY

PARTIALLY EXPOSED BUST !

A) LIKE BREAST ?

Kiki) I ONLY LIKE CHICKEN BREASTS.

A) IS THIS YOUR CATHOLIC SCHOOL PROJECT ?

Kiki) NO, I WANNA SAY ...

< all in harmony >

WANTS TO SAY YES SHE WANTS TO SAY ...

Kiki) THAT I GUESS YOU GUYS WANNA WALK ON DOWN- WALK ON DOWN THE ROAD- THE ROAD !

<all in harmony on my face>

BIG WET RAZZZBERRRIEZZZZ !

Kiki) HEY ! OKAY- THAT'S IT !

YOU SMEARED MY LIPSTICK &

MESSED-UP MY WHOLE INTERVIEW ! I AM A PROFESSIONAL

HERE AND NOW- NOW IT'S ALL OVER !

IT'S BEEN ALL MESSED UP

<all the peppers>

AAAAAWWWWWWW!!!!!

A) I JUST WANNA SAY ONE MORE THING- OKAY ?

Kiki) WELL, OKAY.

A) <singing in tune> WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG AND YOUR HEART WAS AN OPEN BOOK-

YOU USED TO SAY LIVE & LET LIVE !

Kiki) YOU KNOW YOU DID AND IF YOU EVER COMMIT ANY HEAVY CRIMES ...

A) AND IF I CONTINUE TO FIGHT LIKE A BRAVE AND LET YOU KNOW THAT ...

Kiki) TRUE MEN DON'T KILL COYOTES ...

A) YES- I JUST MIGHT BE AN ORGANIC ANTI BE-BOP BAND !

Kiki) NEXT TIME WE CAN GET TOGETHER,

CAN I TIE ALL OF YOU UP? ESPECIALLY YOU, FLEA!

A) I CAN'T LET YOU DO THAT !- OH YES !!

YES AND THEY HAVE PULLED IT OFF - AND OUT !!!

THEY HAVE PROVED THE CHALLENGE AND PASSED THE NEW AND IMPROVED

RED HOT CHILI PEPPER TOUR TEST !

Red Hot Chili Peppers

that was a great

Xposer INNERVIEW

... WITH MY PARTNER LOUIS ELOVITZ,

THIS HAS BEEN KIKI B.....

and of course Anthony, Flea, John & D.H.

WISHING YOU A BIG

RED HOT "c ya"CHILI PEPPERS

SO THICK YOU CAN CHILI'EM

TO THE BEAT WITH A FORK,

BUT YOU'D BETTER USE

A SPOON TO GET EVERY

RED HOT CHILI PEPPER'S BITE