Spaz

The Alamo is a big building made out of mud and there are sticks hanging out of some of it. There is a bell at the top, which I like. I have never seen a building like this before, but I can tell it is historical because it has that smell....The backyard is definitely the best part of the Alamo. It is like a park with little trees and flowering bushes. The ultimate part is a miniature stream with a little stone bridge over it. This looks like an illustration from one of my storybooks.... There are giant gold fish in the stream! I can’t believe it. I never expected the Alamo would contain such wonders!

...Suddenly, I am rudely torn from the goldfish as my mother yanks my hand and yells at me for being lost. My brain is confused. Processing the giant fish miracle is slowly being superceded by decoding the rantings of my mother. What is she talking about? I wasn’t lost. I was here the whole time.

“You were here,” I tell her, “and I was looking at the fish. I didn’t go anywhere.” When this thought is finally spoken, her mouth becomes a line. “Just stay with us.” She says in an exasperated voice and pushes me on to the gift shop.

There is no special fish food for sale at the gift shop. Mom points out boring educational toys to me like she is Diane on The Price is Right. She is happy to be shopping. She is not angry about the fish anymore.

I want an Indian drum, but my parents give each other the look and say no. I can tell from their facial expressions, I will not be able to change their minds and give up.

Dad shows me a raccoon cap like Davy Crockett wore. I am interested. The cap part is fake, but the tail is real raccoon fur.

Ever since Dad got Mom her mink, I have wanted my own fur. Mom says fur is not for children, but that just seems wrong to me. Indian babies wore fur. Besides, Veruka Salt wears a fur in the Willy Wonka movie, and we all know movies do not lie.....This raccoon cap is the most promising prospect I have to own my own fur clothing.

Mom and Dad buy me the coonskin cap.... I love and want to marry the Davy Crockett from Magic Kingdom, and wearing the cap somehow makes this dream a little closer. But mostly I am happy about the real raccoon tail, my first fur.

I do have high standards, though. I don’t like grilled cheese sandwiches that have any black spots on them. That means they have been burnt, and I hate the taste of burnt food. I hate jelly, so I only want a peanut butter sandwich. No peanut butter and jelly. Of course, all crust on any sandwich must be removed and the sandwich should be cut into triangles. Triangle-shaped sandwiches are easy to eat. I don’t like sandwiches cut into rectangles because the food gets on either side of your face when you bite into the rectangle. French fries should be soft. Hard, crispy fries cut your mouth. Cheeseburgers are only good if they come from McDonalds. My mom likes Burger King. They have good paper crowns that they give to kids, but those hamburgers taste burnt. On the commercials they show them cooking over a flame, and I think that is why they are burning them all of the time.