I hate malls – but I love to shop! I am an in and out type of shopper – I know what I want and I go and get it and leave the store.  No need to linger. (For all my dirty minded friends, stop your snickering!)  But, yesterday my mall experience was way past the normal horrendous times I've had:  One it took forever to buy three items (the lines were crazy) and two I saw things that no living thing should be subject to see.  So I decided to make a list of “don’ts” for the mall goer (prepare to be offended!):

1.  If you have a gut and I mean gut not a little pudge these are two things you should not do:

- Wear pants that cover your belly button and then wear a shirt that you tie in a little bow and tuck into your bra, which in turn makes your gut separate into two sections and makes it viewable for all to see.  That’s just nasty!

- Wear low rider jeans and a baby tee that doesn’t fit.  If it something doesn’t fit you don’t try to make it fit you!  Shop in your size.  It is sooo okay not to be skinny; you can still be cute and not try to copy Britney, Christina, and/or Janet.

2.  Skinny, pudgy, or fat a bra is not a shirt!
3.  Your sneakers should not be the cleanest part of your outfit and/or body!
4.  Don’t believe the sales person who tells you that you look “fabulous” in an outfit when all the patrons are staring at you like you just been attacked by the ugly fairy.
5.  You are the parent and they are the children – you run things not the other way around.  I am not saying you got to knock your child around to get some respect, but step up and let the kid know you are the boss.  When you don’t it just embarrassing for you.
6.  If your credit card gets rejected don’t panic and have a hissy fit or worse yet start crying like a mere child.  Pull out another credit card, cash, or just move on.  Please credit card rejection happens all the time – don’t be embarrassed you are too good for it!
7.  When you pull something off the 20% off rack and throw it on the 65% off rack make sure no one sees you do it, especially a store employee – when you get to the cashiers counter and have your hissy fit to get the lower price, it isn’t pretty when you get busted.
8.  Don’t pick your nose and place the booger on a store item, use your own shirt or better a tissue!

I just had the most wonderful game of tennis (Okay, I’m lying! – Truth: I just had the best tennis lesson) and I am starting to get that high feeling I get when I am drunk (don't worry this only happens about four times a year - one for each season).  Maybe its all the endorphins that are running around through my blood right now.  All I can say is I am downright loopy or maybe I am getting early side effects from Friday the 13 th!  Only time will tell.

Okay I am bored as hell today so I am surfing the net like crazy!  Went over to the woman I aspire to be site and saw this country quiz.  So I took it!  And I am France -- for a complete description click here! Can't copy Jen all the way!

For some odd reason all I wanted for the past four hours is a “Twinkie” – But I can’t bring myself to go and get one to eat.  I remember like it was yesterday, the first “Twinkie” I ever ate…Oh, man was it good!  The best thing I had ever had in my life. It got to a point that I would eat like four a day.  Because of my intake my parents placed me on “Twinkie” prohibition!  But as all resourceful children I prevailed and still got my “Twinkie” fix everyday.  But something happened as I got older and fatter do to my “Twinkie” intake – “Twinkie” stopped tasting so good!  Maybe it was my adult taste buds coming into play, who knows why – but now when I see a “Twinkie” I don’t get that all warm and fuzzy feeling inside, I just become sad and long for my long lost “Twinkie” happiness. 

 

I wonder if the “Twinkie” crazy defense is not because of all the sugar and junk, but because those adults long for that warm and fuzzy feeling they use to get when “Twinkie” was oh so good and now that it’s not they got a little crazy.

Someone I know asked today, if I were a superhero who would I be and if I didn’t know of a superhero make up my own.  But, if I were a superhero I would totally be Wonder Woman!

 

All these thoughts of Wonder Woman made me think of when I was kid and I had the coolest Wonder Woman costume complete with bracelets, lasso and tiara as well as, the coolest children Wonder Woman undies.  I wish there was a place that sold cartoon undies for adults.  Hey if you know of a place please do inform!!!

Okay, so I got bored again and decided to revamp my crappy site.  So here is the new one but in the process of being bored for the last couple of hours I decided to go shopping and buy my mother something nice…eluxury is the best place!