Day 1yr.6months

Post Matched Unrelated Donor Transplant (MUD)

It's about time for one of my status reports, but I'm finding this one difficult to put into words. Somehow I thought by this time I would be cured or dead, unfortunately I'm neither. Still living in my Little Rock bubble, immune system is marginal and the cancer continues to be active. Getting pretty tired of living with this body, almost constant nausea and fatigue. Now that I have that out of the way, I'm actually surviving suprizingly well. Drugs help with the nausea and we are actively working on strategies to control the cancer. As you know I've been involved with several Phase 1 research trials. I have had to pull out of these for one reason or another and am now following the more risky, but tried and true treatment plan. Which is the injection of pure donor cells. It's been three week since the last infusion and it seems that the cancer may be starting to level off.

It's pretty much a day to day existence hoping for the best and trying to develop acceptance for what ever may develop. I find myself reading books on high altitude mountain climbing and the mental stamina to live in the "death zone" with great physical discomfort. My other reading leans towards Buddhist and Taoist translations.

No great insights into life other that this is a difficult place to live, this body. I think the Eastern philosophies help me try to separate my mind/self from my body and at the same time imagine a body that is coming back into balance with life. We are all fragile in this world, more fragile that we can imagine. This is why holding life's ups and downs lightly can be so helpful. It seems more and more clear that our only work here should be to expand our ability to give and accept kindness. At work, in the family, at the shopping mall&ldots;. We are all in the same leaky boat whether we know it or not. Maybe this is why I love windsurfing so much

Beatrice and I had a good Christmas with all my family coming to visit. I've built up a new faster computer from parts. This is greatly enhancing my Formula 1 and airplane flying game skills. Lost a bundle on Hong Kong, the result of idle time and the illusion of understanding world economics. I'm trying to get out of my bubble once a day to a café and a cappuccino with Beatrice. It's not in Lausan overlooking the mountains and lake Geneva, but it's a start. I feel that I'm pulling out of my minor depression or just being plain tired of this body and medicine and stating to look up a bit to a more compelling future.

Hope this status finds you healthy and with a warm feeling in your heart,

Ty