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THIS SITE has been up for a number of years, and from time to time I have received emails from people who have survived psychiatric therapy. Recently, I have begun asking those who send me their stories for permisison to publish them here. The stories below are unedited from the original emails except as noted.
IF YOU WOULD LIKE to see your story here, please email me.
THIS STORY was received by me in 2002 and is published on condition of anonymity.
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... I was a psych major and I went
shortly after to work at a nursing home. What I didn't understand was why
older patients were on prozac and so called cocktails when they were in
there last years of life. The next thing that I noticed is the high rate
of alzheimers in this country and when I read about other cultures in
different times and places in the world, there was very little proof that
alzheimer's was not a man made disease. In other cultures, especially in
primitive so called primitive cultures, the older members were functioning
members of the community and not put to rest somewhere out of the picture
so the new generation can come in and take all the work. So I noticed
that the way that people were treated was as invalueable members of
society that were housed until they died. What I als o noticed was that
the staff themselves were so apathetic to the needs of the "patient" that
it suggested to me a kind of attitude of "what's the use anyway." This
kind of environment called in young people with a lot of energy, freshly
graduated to do the work of people who seemed to me drained and apathetic.
Nextly I would like to say that many of the residents in the nursing home
were always trying to escape. And I wondered about this why were they
trying to leave? And to me it was very obvious, they were imprisoned
without key or hope of ever living again, and they still wanted to live
and I wondered who was anyone to tell them that just because they were
"retired" they are expired. And so to utter a word about this to anyone
there would be immediate expulsion. For I saw with my own eyes that this
system was based on economic exploitation that needed customers. And the
people who were paying for it were family members who could not afford the
time to be with their pa rents at the ends of their lives. Very sad
indeed. So I left because I got another job and this one was even more
shocking. I was told that I had an opportunity to work with schizophrenic
patients. And also I do want to add that I feel that many of the people
who put their folks in nursing homes are not fully aware of the
unconscious motivations behind their actions. And so in the "mental
health system" I found human right violations at every turn. Firstly, I
noticed that there was no justifiable proof that such a disorder exists
and that it is not societally invented. And the question haunted me, why
would society do this to its individuals and the answer that I arrived at
was to avoid one's own inner self. When I was put in the position to
administer medications, I suddenly had the feeling that I was no better
than a war criminal punishing people for being who they are. And so as I
became more aware of this. I stopped complying with the program. As I
stopped comply ing with the program, I ofcourse became targeted as an
outsider and as a troublemaker. I thought that I was studying psychology
to help others. The truth of the matter is that I was studying psychology
for the same reason everyone does, insecurity within oneself and external
pressures to survive economically. And so when I realized this where I
was working, the reactions that I got were less than favorable to say the
least. For I was in a position where I felt the responsiblity, another
myth imposed on me, to educate the masses. And so I was attacked and
discriminated against for identifying with the "ill people."
Subsequently, I was forced to leave the system and my job and felt that I
did not help anyone, nor did I help myself in anyway. Since the outer
perception of someone who is openly disobeying is met with hostility and
suspician, I became the proverblial scapegoat. And so my own family sided
with a psychiatric community that has infiltrated the media and the sch
ools and just about everyone's life that I know. And so the pressures
mounted and all the people around me including family who themselves were
addicted to psychiatric medications tried to forcefully impose their
opinions on me in the guise of helping. And so thus I myself was without
a job, without money, without friends who also viewed me as ill because I
quit my job and had this point of view from my life experience itself.
And so I was shunned by all the people that I knew and was perceived as a
threat to them and their way of life. And so I decided to leave the
country and in my decision I was met with the psychiatric community again.
My family had called on "supportive" people they knew and they came to
take me away. And they came with police officers and a social worker, to
try to get me to confess who I feel. And put in that situation, without
the help of a friend, I felt threatened and I regrettably submitted to
"treatment." For my mind was incapable of process ing what had happened
to me. And so I was taken to a psychiatric hospital where the doors were
closed and people were not allowed to have contact with another and were
"educated" in their "conditions." And so a label was quickly given me,
"Bipolar" which seems to me that everyone has two poles and that
personally finding someone who exhibits the same behaviors that they are
prone to and can't accept is labelled, stigmatized, judged, feared and
forced to live a life of a second class citizen. And then observed, like
an animal in an experiment to watch every abnormal movement and to dissect
it and to analyze it and ultimately to destroy the individual and his
basic freedoms. To make the individual himself question his own inner
self and then create conflict in himself which were never there in the
first place. And all of this because of intolerance and self denial, and
insecurity within oneself. And so when the medications failed, for I knew
they would because I had already
figured out that the medications were nothing but tranquilizers in
different dosages. And I read about all the medications and found that
basically there was no justifiable proof that any medication did anything
and it's causes and claims were that they were working on different
receptors in the brain, that was scientifically unknown. And so thus I
realized that this was a question of belief and faith and had nothing to
do with any kind of science at all. That this was religion at its worse.
And so thus being in a fragile state of mind and having everything taken
away from me that I worked for and deserved, I fell into a deep
depression and then the helpers came around again and my friends left and
all the people who kept on fighting for psychiatry because of their own
needs to be on these medications and prove that they work by observable
fact, for I realize that each of needs to prove something to ourselves
that our inner realities are in deed valid. And so the God squa
d determined that I needed ECT. And I vehemtly said no and the pressure
got worse, until day and night psychiatrist were frightening my parents to
tell them that I would die without ECT. And so my parents being
protective of their offspring, urged and cried for me to get ECT to quell
their anxieties. And if that wasn't enough, they made contacts with
members of support groups who promoted someone's view. And thus in the
support groups it was just people trying to prove that their medications
worked and to me seemed like more religion, rather than accepting who they
were outside of all these complexes they internalized. And so not being a
member of any healthy activity or group I was one against everyone. And
so I got ECT and lost memory and lost my will to live. Now and only now
do I realize that my own financial insecurity led to this crisis. And
when I look back at my whole life, I see that all that ever mattered was
doing what I loved to do and being with people I l iked being with. But
as a child raised in this type of society, where only a few people are
supposed to be doing what they love and the rest have to work. And so I
see that my whole life with the exception of a few moments was based on
living a life that everyone around me told me was going to happen. ...
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